em

i hate my country i love my wife | 18+ | they/she

[emhatesshakespeare]

hello! i’m em (they/she)

some stuff about me:

i’m a married lesbian, mid 20s

late(ish)-diagnosed auDHD

i am, unfortunately, american

now some important statements:

fuck ICE

fuck AI (fuck it to death!)

fuck the US government generally

free palestine

free sudan

free the congo

this blog is about 99.6% heated rivalry

now that we’re acquainted, enjoy the feral queerness below :)

[ilyasmole]

myilya cries a lot. especially once him and shane are in a relationship and he can be fully himself in front of him. and especially once he's been in therapy for a little while. i think he cries A Lot and shane holds him and soothes him.

[ilya-rozanova]

Connor Storrie as Lance Kingston | Criminal Minds: s19 e4

[argillaforma]

i don’t know if there’s a specific name for this but that thing where one person uses their finger to ‘draw’ on the other person’s back and the other person has to guess what they drew and i’m just thinking about ilya laying flat on his stomach and shane sitting on the back of his thighs tracing his finger along ilya’s back and ilya guesses them all because shane draws like a house, a dog, a hockey stick, a heart and shane can never guess what ilya is drawing because no you are wrong again shane, is me and you swimming at the cottage, no this is me scoring ten goals on hayden pike while he cries…yes i know he is not goalie but i still score on him, this is clearly me fucking you on the hood of my car, shane you are so bad at this

[xostrawberrymlk]

I see alot of fics where Shane “isn’t good w kids” bc he’s “awkward” but tbhhhh my biggest headcanon is that actually (before meeting uncle Ilya, whom would be the fun uncle, Shane is still a fav however) uncle Shane is the Pike kids fav uncle, but Shane doesn’t baby talk kids. he speaks to children of any and all ages like they are adults (which is better for their development - which is why he does it) and Shane is actually REALLY good w kids.

[argillaforma]

ilya hanging out with The GuysTM and they get a little drunk and start talking about girls and sex and they make a game out of who has done the craziest thing in the bedroom and the guys say stuff like in high school i fucked my gf while her dad was home and yeah jessie wanted to tie me up the other day and ilya will say things like one time shane couldn’t sleep so i edged him the whole night and then made him cum so hard he passed out and slept for seven hours and shane bought this book with 100 different sex positions and we tried them all over three days and he made a spreadsheet and the guys just pat him on the back like sure roz, keep telling yourself that, there’s no way hollander wants anything but regular missionary for 8 minutes and no matter what ilya says they never believe him

[eightyonextwentyfour]

[blacksvgar]

heated rivalry + text posts 1/?

[fractally]

I do think the dynamics of having a two NHL salary household changing contract logic for married players would be an insanely annoying discourse in-universe though. Like after the second Hollanov cup the NHLPA gets involved and they have to have a league wide vote on how to handle it and Shane and Ilya are just out here like "they hate us because we're us"

[charminglygrouped]

smut that is NOT tasteful. smut that IS like other smut. smut that does NOT exist to be an exploration of character. smut that IS designed to titillate. for that matter let's start calling it "pornography." I am tired of half-hearted defences of some types of pornographic writing in only some contexts. pornography is not inherently morally suspect because of its sexual nature.

[sundancekidallie]

Let's all think about Shane driving Ilya to the cottage and he's reversing out of their spot in the airport parking garage so he does the thing where he puts his hand on the back of Ilya's headrest and twists

[emhatesshakespeare]

op there’s literally a line about this in my current wip . our brains are connected

[meebles]

In love with the concept of Ilya pretending he doesn’t understand English when someone asks him some fuckass question that he doesn’t want to answer. Especially post-TLG.

Ilya gets pulled for a live post-game media scrum, and instead of being asked about the two goals he scored or how cohesively their team played that day, he gets asked the umpteenth question by some smarmy sports reporter about his and Shane’s relationship, with thinly-veiled jabs about how having two married queer players on their team must be bad for their locker room.

And Ilya loves being able to openly talk about Shane and their relationship, but he’s so sick of this offensive line of questioning. So instead he just makes his innocent-confused-puppydog face and replies in rapid-fire Russian. The reporter is thrown off and repeats his question, but Ilya just replies in Russian again, going on and on until the reporter gets flustered and gives up.

Later when the internet translates what he said, it’s something along the lines of, “I don’t understand such idiotic English questions, but if the sports reporter wants to ask questions about the sport he’s paid to report, I can answer those,” and then it’s just him praising his teammates on how well they’ve been playing.

Harris is also sick of the invasive questions, so he doesn’t throttle Ilya over it. Shane thinks it’s absolutely hilarious. He’s later asked about his husband’s “behavior” by some reporter in the states. He also plays dumb and does the same thing as Ilya, but in French.

[rozriver]

the tampa hotel scene is so insane like talk about #mybraveshane…. ilya is being so fucking meannnn here.. for him to look shane in the face and say “it’s simple for me” implying “idk about you but yeah this whole thing between us is so not a big deal to me and i definitely am not deeply invested in it like you but best of luck” I WOULD BE MOOOOORTIFIED and then die but shane is like. “☝️Bullshit. Also i like you way too much and ik you feel the same. do u wanna be something with me” HES CRAAAAAZY I LOVE YOU MY SHANE BOY

[caralikesgay]

hard launch this, soft launch that...has anyone written hollanov going full gaslighting with their coming out? just straight up going "we've been together for years? why are you acting like this is news?"

double points if they don't even plan to do it. they decide to soft launch via no longer actively hiding their relationship, just slowly acting more like a couple around other people. they're both at some event and ilya finds shane and just wraps his arm across his shoulders, which maybe that could just be ilya being ilya, but then shane just leans into it? like this is fine and normal? and when someone questions it shane panics and is just like "why wouldn't i? he's my boyfriend" and whoever they're talking to is like "what? since when?" and ilya is immediately onboard with this game "since 2017."

they just keep doubling down "you don't remember me sneaking out to go visit him every time we played in boston? you were all chirping me about it."

"wait, did you two drive here together?" "why would we take separate cars, we live together?" "you WHAT?"

when someone thinks they're joking they bring up the group chat with shane's parents, ilya scrolls back to a text where yuna calls him her favorite son. they bring up a video clip jackie sent of the twins saying "we love you uncle ilya!" shane brings up his thread with svetlana where she sends him russian words and phrases she thinks he should know.

they quickly enlist everyone who already knew, get them all onboard to pretend like their relationship wasn't ever top secret information. shane posts a picture of him with anya, when someone comments "that looks just like ilya rozanov's dog?" he just replies "yeah, we adopted her several months ago" and ilya replies "love our daughter ❤️"

the more people act like this is revelatory news the more they inisist that it's not. "we started a charity together!" "i moved to canada for him!" meanwhile everyone else is slowly losing their minds.

[gaynehollander]

I think Shane coming hands free the first time he was fucked genuinely made Ilya feel insane. Like, here is your league-mandated rival, he skates like a god, he has the media eating out of the palm of his hand, he commands the room without even seeming to realise his power, he is fucking gorgeous, he drops to his knees at the slightest prompting, he moans like a whore, and, oh! he also fucking spurts all over himself just from having your dick in his ass. Have fun trying to content yourself with fucking literally anyone else for the rest of your life!

[russianblush]

#ilya with a mouthful = shane locked in on the sight of it

[cakepopsandcoffee]

Shane chasing Ilya's lips.