piss

me trying to sound profound and failing miserably [ but not stopping because it makes me feel like a person with thoughts that go deeper than ]

[primulaceas]

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Poor Folk (translated by C. J. Hogarth)

[crystalfountain]

[pissthinking]

my cat, my boy, my best friend was supposed to be with me for the rest of our lives and now he’s gone and i still can’t accept it

i miss him everyday, i cry for him every night, i want to see him again and always.

i feel like a failure every time i look at a picture of him and think of all the ways i let him down

i hope he felt how much love for him i hold inside of my bones, how much i tried for him and how much grief he has left in me, i hope he knew one way or another how much his existence matters and always will.

thinking about how i will never get to hold him again makes me weep, i feel like a child who doesn’t understand why life is this way, why why why why why why

i miss him and i will miss him for the rest of my life

zuko i love you

[pissthinking]

losing my cat has taught me many things

the main one is that i don’t think i’m ready. i’m not ready to face loss again, i’m not ready to see my loved ones go away one after another, i’m not ready to change, i’m not ready for my little brother’s voice to drop and be so unrecognizable it feels like it’s not real, i’m not ready for my friends to get engaged, start families, have babies.

i’m not ready and the worst part is i don’t think i ever will be

sometimes i just want to sit outside and stare at nothing until my eyes dry out, until i become someone new, until the world changes by itself and i don’t have to be around to see it.

[mysterieuxclairdelune]

{Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar/ Veronica Roth, Allegiant (Divergent, #3)/ Horace Annesley Vachell, The Romance of Judge Ketchum/ C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Chronicles of Narnia, #1)/ Ada Limón, After the Fire/ Katie McGarry, Pushing the Limits (Pushing the Limits, #1)/ Sarah Ockler, Twenty Boy Summer/ Audre Lorde, from "Zami: A New Spelling of my Name," published c. 1982/ George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings (A Song of Ice and Fire, #2)/ Cassandra Clare, City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments, #3)/ Marina Tsvetaeva (1892-1941), from "Poem Of The End" (1924), translated from the Russian by Mary Jane White}

[pissthinking]

“I had come to believe that if I really wanted something badly enough, the very act of my wanting it was an assurance that I would not get it”

[weltenwellen]

Stephanie Garber, Once Upon a Broken Heart

[old-school-romantics]

-JmStorm

[feelingsoftheday]

I wanna get so drunk till I forget everything.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

“Come love, make me better than I was. Come teach me a kinder way to say my own name.”

- Andrea Gibson, from "Good Light," Lord of the Butterflies

[pissthinking]

“it’ll come when you least expect it” but i am always expecting it i am in a constant state of waiting. i have been alone all of my life. is it a crime for me to yearn? is it a crime for me to hope that someone will want me soon? it feels like i’m doing it wrong. i know i’m doing it wrong.

how to i turn it off? i don’t want to be sad all of the time just because i am lonely. i wish i was happy being single i wish i could feel free but i don’t

i feel like i am constantly floating i just want someone to pull me back down.

can it be him please i want it to be him .

or can it at least be someone who likes my smile

[pissthinking]

i am so lonely i am touch starved i just want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be okay i want someone to want to be with me to want to talk to me i want to be someone’s first choice and for them to be mine

i want

i yearn

i wish

i hope

maybe that’s not good enough

[pissthinking]

i wish i could tear my skin off and lose all the fat and rolls and bumps

i want to be desirable in the effortless way pretty girls are

i want to be someone else entirely

i am so tired of myself

i want to tattoo all of my skin with new designs that will hide all of me

i want to be loved

[podencos]

[pissthinking]

i like him so much i just want to stare at his face. so much that i would even let him stare at mine. see all of my flaws and scars and pray he’s not judging them but trying to memorize them. i want him to like me like that. it’s probably too much to ask for though.

[pissthinking]

i lie every day, i lie about things that don’t even matter, all my life is a lie, everything i tell my friends is distorted, my life is so tangled i wouldn’t even know where to begin even if i wanted to tell the truth

my mom taught me how to lie, she asks me to lie every day, to my dad, to my brothers, to my friends. and i can’t even blame her, i think it makes sense, it’s not her fault. i’m just dramatic, this is life, everyone lies, everyone starts lying at 7 years old, probably younger. everyone lies to their friends, about how you go out at 3 am to. it doesn’t matter, everyone does it, everyone lies.

i’m not special, i just like self pity.

not important.

[chloeinletters]

To love life even when you have no stomach for it as they say!

[thehopefulquotes]

“Please be patient with me. Sometimes when I’m quiet it’s because I need to figure myself out. It’s not because I don’t want to talk. Sometimes there are no words for my thoughts.”

— Kamla Bolanos