simplethoughts

Alexander.Grad Student. New Yorker turned SoCal Boy. Critical Care Nurse. 

[pittakosha]

Hi tumblr wow its been a while,

I have been writing for 15 years. When I first moved to america, i used this place as a solace of feeling alone, lonely. I used this space to let all my heart aches, sadness be a space to let it out. I cant believe I was in high school when I started writing.

Lately, I am starting to take a second look of my life , my purpose. I feel like I am in this rat race and with no specific goal. I hope my businesses flourish, I hope I get to get control in my life.

Anyways. this song slow fade reminded me of my past relationship.I can still clearly remember when my ex told me, maybe I lost feelings for you. And that hurt me deeply. It was a time I was giving my all.

I question myself sometimes. I have never had this kind of connection with someone ever and even upto this day. I feel like I have not had that. Will it ever be like that?

I used to know your heart beat.

[pittakosha]

It's my 15 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[pittakosha]

hi I know it’s been a long time.

but I was thinking last night

I haven’t cried in a long time

That’s good sign right?

Life has been so so good

The things I used to pray for are now here

The wishes I used to want are here

But yet here I am wanting more

Dreaming big

No self limiting belief because I can expand from that idea that I can.

Create a system, follow my dream

[remanence-of-love]

[pittakosha]

I’m always in awe of how much patience my partner has brought onto me.

how much selflessness he gives even when I don’t give sometimes it feels so undeserving

that when we’re failing he’s trying

When he feels distance he tries to get closer

When he thinks we’re not okay he tries to ask me to talk about it

I have never felt so held and secure by someone in a way that I know I will be taken care of and tend to

This is what it should feel like

[pittakosha]

I wanna prove myself I can do this

[pittakosha]

sometimes I wonder where things could be

[pittakosha]

to human is error.

this will not stop happening. We all make mistakes. What we need to do is learn from it. And not repeat the history over again.

As I try transition to this new role the most thing I am afraid of is making a mistake. While I know it’s preventable it can happen. I promise to do my best on this new position. Absorb, and be competent in any possible way.

[pittakosha]

financial wellness

over the past year, i elevated my financial education

i listened to over than 100+ podcast regarding wealth, business, millionaire mindset and more. after investing in crypto, i am finally paying off my car tomorrow. T_T this is such a big deal to me!!!!

[pittakosha]

[pittakosha]

manifesting

visualizing my goals and putting them in the world that it will happen. I am committed to doing the work. Analysis paralysis is my enemy. Doing the work is what matters the most. Showing up. Sometimes there are days I can rot, lay in bed. But what matters most is showing up from time to time.

I have the protein brand

I started the navy

I finished my orientation and leading the unit

I passed the ODS training

visualization of my goals

to onwards and upwards!

[pittakosha]

it kinda sucks that even when things are better I feel off like something is behind me

a crippling feeling

a shadow on my head

head above the clouds

I’ve learned so many techniques over the years to overcome this but I can’t help think that it gets worse and worse every year

Even when life is so good

Even when my goals achieved

The part of the show beef I watched recently and there was something that resonated with me

Everything fades Amy

And it seems like I have this ethereal feeling that what’s good is going to end

[pittakosha]

Read this in your next class:

Walk Slowly

It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in you settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and you remember again that life isn’t a relay race; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as you forget, catch yourself charging forward, that many times you can make the choice to stop, to breathe, to be, and to walk slowly into the mystery.

[pittakosha]

we’ll there it is.

it happened.

again.

I never learn do i?

[pittakosha]

scared to say the least is how I feel

This big changes in my life

New career

New housing situation

New year

New beginning

There’s been many moments in my life where I started. I clearly remember the day I first started as a nurse and my ex broke up with me. I felt helpless hopeless. I remember my teeth broken, crying in the parking lot. Those days went by and these days also shall passby.

I need to be focused and at the same time knowing how to take care of my body.

I am. Manifest.

[pittakosha]

Who am i?

I am alex, i am highly passionate about wellness. I am passionate about resetting nervous systems, remove people from a fight or flight feeling, long hikes, nature walks, great concerts, wholeness of food, alternative recipes that reduces sugar intake, working out as a way of mental clarity, thirst seeker for learning something new, good friends, good food, yoga asana and more as an acesss to highest consciousness.

[pittakosha]

I am not my parents nor do i choose to recreate their illness

its time to finally write this down.

When I first this affirmation it sounded so wrong to me, it felt so wrong

it felt like some gutted me through the back of my heart space. it felt like whoever said it knew that it was one of the deep buried pain dwelling in my heart.

a heart to heart conversation with my brother last week, he talked about how much he used to blame our parents for the mishaps that happened in our lives. I myself have had this too. We use it as an excuse, as a reasonign maybe why things don't work the way they are.

When I think of this affirmation, I think of the word potential. That we are not anyone's illness, We are not re-creators of an illness, we do not born again what we do not want still.