Do you need any help?

This is a blog for my OC, a magic computer program named PixLR. It's a part of a project called the Monster Office. He's free to interactions from either anons or any OC within the same project, or anybody else with permission from me!

[parhelics]

ppl on facebook sarcastically saying “well why don’t we do 40 year background checks on EVERYONE in congress?? there’d be nobody left!1!!”

…..that’s a great idea, let’s do that!!

[eowyn-targaryen]

Yeah, like, if we got rid of all the pedophiles and rapists and racists and replaced them with good people, how does anyone have a problem with it?

[tiltingslightlybitchward]

I legit had someone unfriend me after they shared that post and I was like yeah, let’s do that!

[flootzavut]

Seriously though. If you did a forty year background check on me, you’d find lots of immaturity and stupidity, but you wouldn’t find any sexual assaults or attempted rapes because I’m a decent fucking human being.

Like, this is… not a hot take? This is seriously just keeping abusers out of positions of power. How does anyone have a problem with that??!?

[operationtixandtricks]

@pixlrtheprogrambeast Tix had gotten hold of a new phone after the incident where she accidentally broke the old one. She was still getting used to this one, and although she had installed her own ring tone, it still managed to startle her a little. Nobody ever called her. She looked at the screen to see a familiar name on the caller ID. She instantly picked up and were greeted by PixLR’s chipper voice.

,she exclaimed, beaming. It was so good to talk to PixLR again! “Ahh, don’t worry about that, PixLR! I.. I’m sure you’ve had a lot to tend to!” Tix wondered if PixLR was really alright. Maybe he needed to talk face to face with somebody about whatever he had been so busy with…. “I’m doing fine,” she assured the other monster, “I’ve been working and reading, as always.” She chuckled. “So what, uhh, what have you been up to lately?”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Nothing much, my friend. I’m glad to hear that you are doing well.” PixLR spoke in their usual chipper tone, with that ever small hint of a robotic speech pattern. “Though with that said, I am in a bit of a predicament at my home. If you have the time, could you come here? I am…”

They took a bit of time to figure out what to say next, but eventually found the word to use. “stuck, I suppose. It will require very little effort on your part, I assure you. What do you say?”

[operationtixandtricks]

“Oh my!” Tix gasped, when PixLR revealed just what kind of issue he was struggling with at the moment, already having a ton of worst case scenarios flying through her mind. “I – I’ll be right over! Uhh, do, do I need to bring any tools?”  Still on the phone, Tix was frantically searching her apartment for anything that could possibly be useful for helping the pixelated green orb.

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“No, no tools necessary. Just come over here at your earliest convenience.” Despite the seemingly-desperate situation the being found themselves in, PixLR still used his usual, stress-free tone. “As soon as you hang up, I’ll send you the address and quickest directions to your destination. And thank you for taking the time to do this, friend.”

[operationtixandtricks]

@pixlrtheprogrambeast Tix had gotten hold of a new phone after the incident where she accidentally broke the old one. She was still getting used to this one, and although she had installed her own ring tone, it still managed to startle her a little. Nobody ever called her. She looked at the screen to see a familiar name on the caller ID. She instantly picked up and were greeted by PixLR’s chipper voice.

,she exclaimed, beaming. It was so good to talk to PixLR again! “Ahh, don’t worry about that, PixLR! I.. I’m sure you’ve had a lot to tend to!” Tix wondered if PixLR was really alright. Maybe he needed to talk face to face with somebody about whatever he had been so busy with…. “I’m doing fine,” she assured the other monster, “I’ve been working and reading, as always.” She chuckled. “So what, uhh, what have you been up to lately?”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Nothing much, my friend. I’m glad to hear that you are doing well.” PixLR spoke in their usual chipper tone, with that ever small hint of a robotic speech pattern. “Though with that said, I am in a bit of a predicament at my home. If you have the time, could you come here? I am...”

They took a bit of time to figure out what to say next, but eventually found the word to use. “stuck, I suppose. It will require very little effort on your part, I assure you. What do you say?”

[magicalwritings]

Writing Commissions

Hello everybody! My name is Al, and I’m offering my services for anybody that wishes to have writing done for them!

I will be charging at a rate of $0.02 per word. This means…

$2/100 words

$10/500 words

$20/1000 words

And so on!

Additionally, there are (of course) some things that I will and will not write!

What I will not write:

Gratuitous violence (depictions of extreme blood/gore and self-harm are included)

Certain kinks (this is on a case-by-case basis, though this includes hard vore, DD/LG, incest, and non-consenting sex)

Hate fics (Writing about a certain person(s) in a negative light)

Homework (I’m serious. I’ve had this happen. Do your own work, scrubs.)

What I will write:

Romance

Sex

Other kinks

Horror

Fanfics

Etc.!

And of course, I reserve the right to deny somebody a commission due to any personal obligation on my end.

If you would like a commission or have any questions, please message me! I look forward to the writing!

The image above (which is also my icon) can be attributed to the amazing artist over at @princessmagpie If you would like a commission from her, please stop on over and check her out!

[magicalwritings]

Writing Commissions

Hello everybody! My name is Al, and I’m offering my services for anybody that wishes to have writing done for them!

I will be charging at a rate of $0.02 per word. This means…

$2/100 words

$10/500 words

$20/1000 words

And so on!

Additionally, there are (of course) some things that I will and will not write!

What I will not write:

Gratuitous violence (depictions of extreme blood/gore and self-harm are included)

Certain kinks (this is on a case-by-case basis, though this includes hard vore, DD/LG, incest, and non-consenting sex)

Hate fics (Writing about a certain person(s) in a negative light)

Homework (I’m serious. I’ve had this happen. Do your own work, scrubs.)

What I will write:

Romance

Sex

Other kinks

Horror

Fanfics

Etc.!

And of course, I reserve the right to deny somebody a commission due to any personal obligation on my end.

If you would like a commission or have any questions, please message me! I look forward to the writing!

The image above (which is also my icon) can be attributed to the amazing artist over at @princessmagpie If you would like a commission from her, please stop on over and check her out!

[magicalwritings]

Writing Commissions

Hello everybody! My name is Al, and I’m offering my services for anybody that wishes to have writing done for them!

I will be charging at a rate of $0.02 per word. This means…

$2/100 words

$10/500 words

$20/1000 words

And so on!

Additionally, there are (of course) some things that I will and will not write!

What I will not write:

Gratuitous violence (depictions of extreme blood/gore and self-harm are included)

Certain kinks (this is on a case-by-case basis, though this includes hard vore, DD/LG, incest, and non-consenting sex)

Hate fics (Writing about a certain person(s) in a negative light)

Homework (I’m serious. I’ve had this happen. Do your own work, scrubs.)

What I will write:

Everything else!

Romance

Sex

Other kinks

Horror

Fanfics

Etc.!

And of course, I reserve the right to deny somebody a commission due to any personal obligation on my end.

If you would like a commission or have any questions, please message me! I look forward to the writing!

The image above (which is also my icon) can be attributed to the amazing artist over at @princessmagpie If you would like a commission from her, please stop on over and check her out!

[bluemage-al-deactivated20200511]

Hey everybody! I’m starting up my own writing blog as well as writing commissions! To anybody that wants to check it out, here’s the commissions page!

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Hello everybody! I am not sure how many of you remember me, but I have returned! I was on leave due to personal circumstance, and have now returned. I hope to be of service!”

PixLR has returned! Come say hi if you wish!

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

(Alright, I’ll be working on a comeback post shortly!)

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

(Hey...Who here wouldn’t mind me makin’ a comeback? :0)

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

@ray-coming-at-ya

It wasn’t long until the bar filled all the way up, and disappeared with a small ding. For a little while longer, there was no action from the computer, nor any sign that Pix was inside of it. Only the hum of the computer and the soft bluish shade of the computer.

Suddenly, the pixelated being popped out of the computer system, appearing in his simulated three-dimensional form. “And that is a job well-done.” He looked over at Ray, levitating toward her somewhat. “I do apologize if what I was droning on about was boring to you. Regardless, I have given you time to consider. Would you like me to ‘clean’ your laptop for you?”

[big-gay-ray-blog]

“Oh please! I was thoroughly entertained!” Her eyes went wide in a vacant stare, twinging, fighting the urge to roll them in the presence of the polite program. 

“But I’d be very happy for you to. I’ll pay as many premiums as you want, I just need you to fix my baby.” Her tone was almost pleading, the thought of torrenting films in peace again was a welcome one.

“Hell, I’ve had a piece of tape stuck on the front camera for weeks now.” She leaned into the green creature’s personal bubble, whispering “You can never know who’s watching.”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Oh yes, of course. Though cleaning your laptop will not stop that,” PixLR said in his usual, serious tone. “The government is always watching you, Ray. They may say otherwise, but you should know as well as anybody that the government lies to us on a regular basis. You never escape from them watching you.

There was a small pause.

“I am joking, of course. Mostly. Though your fears are understandable, and probably have a good foundation. Regardless, would you like me to come in and do this another day, or today? Do you have it with you?”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

@ray-coming-at-ya

It wasn’t long until the bar filled all the way up, and disappeared with a small ding. For a little while longer, there was no action from the computer, nor any sign that Pix was inside of it. Only the hum of the computer and the soft bluish shade of the computer.

Suddenly, the pixelated being popped out of the computer system, appearing in his simulated three-dimensional form. “And that is a job well-done.” He looked over at Ray, levitating toward her somewhat. “I do apologize if what I was droning on about was boring to you. Regardless, I have given you time to consider. Would you like me to ‘clean’ your laptop for you?”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

@ray-coming-at-ya

“Alright then! Now, all I have to do is…”

Trailing off, Pix neared the computer box rather than the screen itself. Then, after practically touching it, he began to get absorbed into the box. Slowly but surely, the small, round figure grew smaller and smaller as he went in like a towel going into a vacuum cleaner. And then, after a few short moments, the pixelated beast was completely gone in the computer.

There was silence for another few moments from the computer. However, it didn’t take long for the computer monitor to light up with Pix’s familiar shade of green, as well as two lines that make up the beast’s eyes. He then appeared to back up from the screen, now a smaller, circular being in the middle of the home screen.

Then, a speech bubble appeared above Pix, with zero words being said out loud by the being. “Are you still there, Ray?” It asked, with a little text box appearing below PixLR afterwords. It had the familiar flashing, vertical line, indicating that one could type in the box.

[big-gay-ray-blog]

‘Jesus feckin–’, her fingers hovered over the keyboard, her eyes glancing back and forth from the screen to the desk ‘…I dont like this much’. Though despite her reservations, she started typing.

“Yeah?_”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

The text box above Pix disappeared for a moment before another text box appeared in the same place, with different words this time around.

“Excellent. I had a small feeling that you were going to run off, as many have done before when they would see me do that. I apologize if that offends you.”

After saying that, a window appeared in the upper-right of the computer screen, inside of which was a bar, slowly filling up.

“I have now started the process of examining this computer for any viruses, unintentionally-downloaded programs, et cetra. While I’m doing this, do you have any questions?”

And once again, the same text box allowing for a response appeared underneath the green program.

[big-gay-ray-blog]

“Put me on the spot why don’t you?_”, she leant back, thinking for a moment or two. ‘What the hell kind of questions do i ask to a computer?’

“So like, when you’re examining a computer. Is it an automatic thing? Or do you have to decide on what happens?_”, ‘that was a crap question.’ She thought to herself ‘hopefully this’ll lead somewhere.’

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Oh, good question! In some ways, it is both.” As the green being began going into detail, large sums of text would come up for a long enough time to read and comprehend before moving along. “You see, I take all of the files that are stored onto the computer and copy them. That is what that bar up there is indicating. Then, once they are all copied, I load them into the personal system that exists within my programming, where I can sort it all out in a matter of seconds. And then from there, I choose which ones should not be there and delete them from the computer I am inside of. Once that entire process is finished, I delete all of the information inside of me and move on. Is that a satisfactory answer, Ray?”

[big-gay-ray-blog]

“Wow! How exciting!_” she was so unfathomably uninterested in the subject, it was almost like a physical strain on her very being. But a thought suddenly clicked.

“I guess you can do this on any computer then? Not just company ones? My laptop’s been awful slow these days, and you don’t seem like the judgemental type!_” She hoped to every god above they weren’t the judgemental type. 

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Yes, I can do a personal seminar if you would like. However, just so you know what you will be getting into, I will be asking you for a fee based on how much I have to sift through, how much I have to delete, and a baseline price, of course.” At this point in the conversation, the bar was almost filled. “Ah, it looks like my task here is almost done. I will dip out for just a little bit. Please take this into consideration. Just know that I will do a better job than anybody else out there!” Upon saying that, the text boxes disappeared, and even Pix himself disappeared to seemingly nowhere as the green bar, still remaining, was only a few moments from filling up.

[cursedmouthgall]

"Excuse me, you are Gall, are you not? I have been doing my nightly computer check-ups, and your computer has always been clean of viruses. However, I have also taken notice of several games on your computer. While I have no problem with this, and find it important to alleviate stress from time to time, I request that you do not let this get in the way of your work. Alright?"

Gall gets a nervous look on his face as he stared at the green…thing as he tries to act calm about having his secret stash of games discovered“Uhh alright sir, I promise I’ll try not to let this get in the way of his work.” He says as he tries to hide the times of those games most of which showed him playing for a majority of his shift

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Excellent. Although, on the topic of those games, if I may confide in you for a brief moment.” The green orb levitates himself down a little bit to a more comfortable, eye-to-eye level. “The selection of games that you have is quite similar to what my programmer liked to play. As weird as this may sound to you, this brings me a certain amount of happiness.”

[cursedmouthgall]

Gall blinks softly in confusion as he stares at the orb “Uhh thanks? Do you…do you want to play some of the games? I don’t mind letting you play a few rounds.” He says not quite sure what to say to this strange green orb. “Also your programmer? Did one of the bosses program you or something?”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“No thank you, Gall. Video games are not for me, personally. And no, none of the bosses programmed me. It was a man named Al that programmed me. I am sure the two of you would get along if he was…” PixLR trailed off for a bit, almost forlornly, before getting back on track. “If he was still around. But alas, he will be back soon, I’m sure.

“On a different note though, how have you been? Has life been treating you well?”

[cursedmouthgall]

“Uhh I’ve been good thank you.” He says reluctantly as he looks around in confusion silently wondering how this green ball knew about him and why they seemed so chummy with him “Uhh sorry if this seems rude but uh maybe can give you a name, it’s sorta creeping me out how you know so much about me and I don’t even know your name”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Oh! Yes, I do apologize. My name is PixLR! My job here is to help with computer problems, make sure that every computer is virus-free, et cetra. Of course, this leads me to know a lot about what people have on their computers, but I am under contractual obligation to never speak of what one individual has on their computer to a different individual. And once again, I apologize for not introducing myself. I typically do not feel I have the need to.”

[cursedmouthgall]

"Excuse me, you are Gall, are you not? I have been doing my nightly computer check-ups, and your computer has always been clean of viruses. However, I have also taken notice of several games on your computer. While I have no problem with this, and find it important to alleviate stress from time to time, I request that you do not let this get in the way of your work. Alright?"

Gall gets a nervous look on his face as he stared at the green…thing as he tries to act calm about having his secret stash of games discovered“Uhh alright sir, I promise I’ll try not to let this get in the way of his work.” He says as he tries to hide the times of those games most of which showed him playing for a majority of his shift

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Excellent. Although, on the topic of those games, if I may confide in you for a brief moment.” The green orb levitates himself down a little bit to a more comfortable, eye-to-eye level. “The selection of games that you have is quite similar to what my programmer liked to play. As weird as this may sound to you, this brings me a certain amount of happiness.”

[cursedmouthgall]

Gall blinks softly in confusion as he stares at the orb “Uhh thanks? Do you…do you want to play some of the games? I don’t mind letting you play a few rounds.” He says not quite sure what to say to this strange green orb. “Also your programmer? Did one of the bosses program you or something?”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“No thank you, Gall. Video games are not for me, personally. And no, none of the bosses programmed me. It was a man named Al that programmed me. I am sure the two of you would get along if he was...” PixLR trailed off for a bit, almost forlornly, before getting back on track. “If he was still around. But alas, he will be back soon, I’m sure.

“On a different note though, how have you been? Has life been treating you well?”

[cursedmouthgall]

"Excuse me, you are Gall, are you not? I have been doing my nightly computer check-ups, and your computer has always been clean of viruses. However, I have also taken notice of several games on your computer. While I have no problem with this, and find it important to alleviate stress from time to time, I request that you do not let this get in the way of your work. Alright?"

Gall gets a nervous look on his face as he stared at the green…thing as he tries to act calm about having his secret stash of games discovered“Uhh alright sir, I promise I’ll try not to let this get in the way of his work.” He says as he tries to hide the times of those games most of which showed him playing for a majority of his shift

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Excellent. Although, on the topic of those games, if I may confide in you for a brief moment.” The green orb levitates himself down a little bit to a more comfortable, eye-to-eye level. “The selection of games that you have is quite similar to what my programmer liked to play. As weird as this may sound to you, this brings me a certain amount of happiness.”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

@ray-coming-at-ya

“Alright then! Now, all I have to do is…”

Trailing off, Pix neared the computer box rather than the screen itself. Then, after practically touching it, he began to get absorbed into the box. Slowly but surely, the small, round figure grew smaller and smaller as he went in like a towel going into a vacuum cleaner. And then, after a few short moments, the pixelated beast was completely gone in the computer.

There was silence for another few moments from the computer. However, it didn’t take long for the computer monitor to light up with Pix’s familiar shade of green, as well as two lines that make up the beast’s eyes. He then appeared to back up from the screen, now a smaller, circular being in the middle of the home screen.

Then, a speech bubble appeared above Pix, with zero words being said out loud by the being. “Are you still there, Ray?” It asked, with a little text box appearing below PixLR afterwords. It had the familiar flashing, vertical line, indicating that one could type in the box.

[big-gay-ray-blog]

‘Jesus feckin–’, her fingers hovered over the keyboard, her eyes glancing back and forth from the screen to the desk ‘…I dont like this much’. Though despite her reservations, she started typing.

“Yeah?_”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

The text box above Pix disappeared for a moment before another text box appeared in the same place, with different words this time around.

“Excellent. I had a small feeling that you were going to run off, as many have done before when they would see me do that. I apologize if that offends you.”

After saying that, a window appeared in the upper-right of the computer screen, inside of which was a bar, slowly filling up.

“I have now started the process of examining this computer for any viruses, unintentionally-downloaded programs, et cetra. While I’m doing this, do you have any questions?”

And once again, the same text box allowing for a response appeared underneath the green program.

[big-gay-ray-blog]

“Put me on the spot why don’t you?_”, she leant back, thinking for a moment or two. ‘What the hell kind of questions do i ask to a computer?’

“So like, when you’re examining a computer. Is it an automatic thing? Or do you have to decide on what happens?_”, 'that was a crap question.’ She thought to herself 'hopefully this’ll lead somewhere.’

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

“Oh, good question! In some ways, it is both.” As the green being began going into detail, large sums of text would come up for a long enough time to read and comprehend before moving along. “You see, I take all of the files that are stored onto the computer and copy them. That is what that bar up there is indicating. Then, once they are all copied, I load them into the personal system that exists within my programming, where I can sort it all out in a matter of seconds. And then from there, I choose which ones should not be there and delete them from the computer I am inside of. Once that entire process is finished, I delete all of the information inside of me and move on. Is that a satisfactory answer, Ray?”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

@ray-coming-at-ya

“Alright then! Now, all I have to do is…”

Trailing off, Pix neared the computer box rather than the screen itself. Then, after practically touching it, he began to get absorbed into the box. Slowly but surely, the small, round figure grew smaller and smaller as he went in like a towel going into a vacuum cleaner. And then, after a few short moments, the pixelated beast was completely gone in the computer.

There was silence for another few moments from the computer. However, it didn’t take long for the computer monitor to light up with Pix’s familiar shade of green, as well as two lines that make up the beast’s eyes. He then appeared to back up from the screen, now a smaller, circular being in the middle of the home screen.

Then, a speech bubble appeared above Pix, with zero words being said out loud by the being. “Are you still there, Ray?” It asked, with a little text box appearing below PixLR afterwords. It had the familiar flashing, vertical line, indicating that one could type in the box.

[big-gay-ray-blog]

‘Jesus feckin–’, her fingers hovered over the keyboard, her eyes glancing back and forth from the screen to the desk ‘…I dont like this much’. Though despite her reservations, she started typing.

“Yeah?_”

[pixlrtheprogrambeast-blog]

The text box above Pix disappeared for a moment before another text box appeared in the same place, with different words this time around.

“Excellent. I had a small feeling that you were going to run off, as many have done before when they would see me do that. I apologize if that offends you.”

After saying that, a window appeared in the upper-right of the computer screen, inside of which was a bar, slowly filling up.

“I have now started the process of examining this computer for any viruses, unintentionally-downloaded programs, et cetra. While I’m doing this, do you have any questions?”

And once again, the same text box allowing for a response appeared underneath the green program.