spoilers for z.a.t.o. thoughts on ira and her connections with asya
it kinda puzzled me why ira actually cared about asya in the first place. why she dropped the aggressive facade while talking to her, even if for a little bit, why did asya's poem wake her up from her comatose state at the end.. i felt it in the air, but couldn't put into words
from the [jammed signal] parts we know that ira resents pity and has great trouble trusting people at all. she's always searching for signs of disgust, judgement, mockery, and she barely receives help and kindness from anyone, so when she does - it causes confusion and anxiety. what's behind that kindness? when will come the inevitable blow, when i get weak and vulnerable?
for ira the world is about survival of the fittest. it's a contest and who comes on top gets to choose, they get all the benefits and leave the crumbs to the rest.
"doesn't she know that looking at someone so weak is meant to make her feel superior?"
while marina was kind, helpful and understanding, she was still superior in a lot of senses. she has the same experience, yes, but now she's "normal" and successful in her social life, she doesn't have the episodes anymore. marina isn't resented by her peers, she isn't ostracized. anxious, unequal, dependant (because of the meds) - a very unstable and vulnerable position, especially for someone with trust issues.
and here's asya. an outcast, bullied by her classmates, lonely, looked down upon by everyone around her. she's awkward and weird, she doesn't fit in in the slightest and barely even tries to. and she spends all her free time just roaming the streets by herself.
that... sounds familiar, huh.
it also seems like.. like ira got an upper hand here. she's higher on the foodchain. she's the one deciding someone's fate.
looking up is the opposite of pity, so it probably felt very new and weird to ira. yes, the care in asya's eyes and awkward words mattered, but her seeing ira as someone superior in the most positive sense... not a drag, not a burden, but someone who's wanted and sought out, respected without fear. that's.. something every anxious teenage outcast can only dream of.
ira and asya are at least on the same level in a lot of ways, something that made trusting marina more difficult. their struggles are a lot alike, even if ira and asya cope differently. and even in that..
asya is all about freeze and fawn. she's a daydreamer, not doing anything to change her situation, just emptily living through life, and she always goes along with whatever boys say just to feel some connection.
ira is, obviously, a fight type. her insecurities and fear of rejection turn into anger, you don't wanna get attacked - well, attack first.
and they both flight. avoidance, running from people as fast as they can, avoiding contact where it's possible... anything to not get hurt again.
ira also thought of her life as something with predetermined destination, something that can't physically be changed and therefore there's no point in trying in the first place. pretty much asya's thoughts, even if painted in different emotional shades. they both given up, but still struggled to make some change once pushed by someone else - it was marina for ira, and it was both of them for asya.
that's quite a common ground to have
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