Genre: Angst, Fluff, Idol AU
Summary: You used to envy people who know how to love. They way they hold hands, the way they look at each other’s eyes, the way the kiss. You never hoped for any of that in this relationship. It was after all, fake.
A/N: One day I kept writing about Jimin and it became too long for a one shot. So this is probably gonna be two parts? Three parts? Tell me what you think. I love feedbacks. 💕
You weren’t that kind of lovers. Star-crossed, feeling electricity and sparks all the time, head over heels for each other. It is a little too easy to spot that kind of couples in public. You see it in their eyes, the way they look at each other like others don’t exist. You see it in their actions, the way they hug or hold hands like two papers glued together, impossible to separate. Or the way they kiss like they want to savor every moment even if it’s the end of the world. You used to be jealous of them, how can they be so happy, so content? They shine so brightly like the most vibrant colors, and it makes the rest of the people look dull and grey, melting into the background in an instant.
Sometimes you wondered, would it feel so different if you are in a relationship like that? You too, wanted someone to look at you like they he has the entire world in his hands, that he doesn’t have to care about others at all. Like his life won’t be complete without you.
These were your thoughts when a young couple passed by dressing in uniforms. They are probably high school students, you guessed. The boy has one arm slung lazily across her shoulder, two backpacks hanging on his back. He looked down at her mischievously and squished her cheek, causing the girl to give him a playful shove and an annoyed stare. The boy then took out a chocolate milk from behind his back to her and ruffled her hair.
All you could see was love. Innocent, beautiful love that surrounds them in absolute bliss. Your mind wandered back to when you were in high school, complaining about wearing the same uniform all three years, being scolded by the teachers for rankings, skipping afterschool academy with your friends to watch street busking, and fantasizing about being an idol. Although you were often jealous of friends and classmates who had boyfriends, You didn’t date in high school. You knew although young love is beautiful, it’s short and often ends in tragedy.
But here you are. Already in the industry for three years, and dating someone you really should be happy with.
“Umm, Y/N?” Jimin asked tentatively.
You reacted to his gentle voice almost immediately. Turning your attention back, you sat up straighter and composed your feelings. You really shouldn’t be thinking about the past now. A small smile replaced the indifferent stretch of your lips, “Sorry. I…was a little distracted.”
He put down the tray and pushed your coffee closer to you. Jimin was quick to hide his feelings, concealing the momentary disappointment in his eyes. His lips trembled, as if he’s about to say something, but then he sighed soundlessly and pursed his lips. You looked down and took a long sip of your coffee, pretending that you didn’t see any of that.
It’s the little moments that reminded you. The unspoken words, the almost non-existent real communication, and the signal-like body languages, they are all pieces of evidence of the gaps between you and him. Empty spaces that cannot be filled. You’ve heard different interpretations of your relationship from others, mostly your friends and his friends who don’t know anything. They say you two were cuter, that you respect each other more, but you knew they weren’t true.
Oddly even by your standard, it was you who broke the silence first, “Sorry, I…some good memories popped when some high schoolers passed by.”
It was a good decision because you could tell that his eyes suddenly looked brighter, and he wasn’t sitting rigidly like being locked up in an imaginary cell anymore. Normally you wouldn’t be the icebreaker, usually waiting until he says something or simply hope for a distraction. You didn’t take the time to try in the past, neither did he. Both of you were very busy people, even when you meet up for a date, it’s usually for coffee or a quick snack when both of you are free from practice.
You realized just then that you had never gone to eat in a restaurant with him or have a few drinks together. A little sigh escaped your mouth, that’s what normal couples would do, right?
“High school was the worst part for me though.” Jimin, who chose to look out the window as well, commented and sipped his coffee.
“Ah…you began training under Big Hit then, right?” He nodded.
“I started way later, the August before Freshman year in uni.” Words that you don’t tend to speak spilled out of your mouth before you tried to stop them. It surprised not only you but Jimin too. His posture changed, becoming more jittery like he’s been shot with adrenaline all of a sudden. Jimin fumbled with his straw for a bit with his mouth before taking the plastic between his lips. He noticed your stare, and somehow his cheeks seemed slightly pinker.
“Have you listened to Shinhwa sunbaes’ recent comeback?” You cocked your head to one side and waved a waiter over. A young guy, probably two or three years younger than you, walked over with a tray in front of his chest.
“Excuse me?” You looked up, and suddenly his eyes widened in recognition. You sighed internally, he has recognized you. You just hope he doesn’t hate you, because you weren’t exactly in the mood to hear someone bad mouthing you, especially since Jimin’s here.
Giving him a slight smile, you made your request. “Hi, can I have a mango bingsu, please?”
The boy’s ear turned pink at your smile, and he stuttered, “O..Oh my god, youu..are Y/N, right?”
He was being louder than you wanted him to be. The young waiter frantically patted his body and pulled out a pen and a piece of paper. He held the items hesitantly, “Could-could I get an autograph?” A few people were turning their heads already, you didn’t want more attention, so you signed quickly and pushed the paper back to him. He clutched the paper in his hand and bowed, “Oh my god, thank you so-so much! One bingsu coming right up!” You watched him scutter away and gesturing wildly to his companion behind the counter.
Jimin grumbled under his breath, “I should have brought masks.” He thought that since you were going to meet at a small cafe in the middle of the morning on a Tuesday, there wouldn’t be many people. Plus, he’s too tired to fuss around disguises in public, it makes him hard to see or even breathe. Jimin didn’t know why but that male fan of yours irked him. He looked down on his lap, his right hand already tightened into a fist. Staring at his whitened knuckles, Jimin felt confused. Shouldn’t he have stopped caring by now?
“Jimin, what’s wrong?” He didn’t know it himself, but right now Jimin looked like he wanted to punch someone. You thought about it confusedly, what could he possibly to angry about? Is it because of the guy? You quickly pushed that possibility away. It can’t be. It shouldn’t. Jimin shouldn’t care about who talks to you or who likes you, because it’s all fake. Because you two were never a real item.
It was a fake relationship to start with. That’s why you never expect him to call you at midnight or arrive with flowers on your doorstep for a date. That’s why Jimin never expects you to call him Oppa cutely and lean your head on his shoulder during a movie. You had a fabricated relationship from the start, framed by terms on a contract. You two would set up a time and date to appear in public casually just for the paparazzi and news agencies to catch occasional whiffs of your dates to keep up the appearance.
“Nothing.” He answered curtly and turned his attention to his phone.
It drew you back to when you and Jimin first met. You were nervous at first, but it turned out not as awkward as you imagined it to be. He wasn’t too nice about the situation, but at least he was polite. You never understood why your companies would choose you and Jimin, but it’s probably because you are both dancers and idols. You were about to have a solo comeback, and Jimin was stepping into the acting circle. It worked well in public, although fans were extremely harsh on you at the beginning, you didn’t have a lot of history with others and were seen as a hard-working girl in a popular group. Eventually, his fans accepted it, although you still receive occasional threatening comments.
You aren’t the kind to do small talks, neither is Jimin. But somehow you got comfortable around each other and found more topics to talk about in dates. You genuinely wanted to be friends with him, because you didn’t want to stare at a person you have no idea about for who knows how long the contract lasts and be awkward all the time. You had no other intention besides that. He warmed up slowly, and you would talk about music, dance, food, everything. He would wave or smile at you in award shows, or visit you briefly during music bank when you were an MC. At first, you didn’t overthink about it. They were all friendly gestures from one friend to another, right?
The weird thing happened after you appeared on a variety. Of course, you knew the hosts would ask about your ideal type. Of course, you would describe someone different than Jimin and lead the topic back to your relationship and joke about it. But somehow when one of the hosts threw the question at you, and all the mics and cameras were zoomed in on your face, all you could think about is him.
The fresh whiff of his cologne every time he comes closer, the ever changing color of his hair that never fails to amaze you, and the happy glint in his eyes whenever he takes a bite of chocolate flavored ice cream. Frames of Jimin were like films, stuck in your head. After the show aired, you and Jimin became trending hashtags all over social media. It was the first time you talked about the relationship in public after all.
The next time you saw him was at the AAA awards. You sat in a row behind him and found yourself glancing in his way all the time. You blamed it on his newly dyed blond hair. However, every time you were about to look away Jimin would somehow find your eyes with his own.
The weirder thing is what’s in his eyes. You didn’t know how to explain it. It was almost unreadable, like there’s a veil in front, hiding his true intentions. However, you were sure that whatever was in Jimin’s eyes, was not pure recognition between friends. You just didn’t know if it was something more or something less.
“What did you want to tell me, Jimin?” You opened your mouth to speak, the question he wanted to avoid hung heavily in the air. Jimin pushed his hands together and rubbed one palm against the other, suddenly looking unsure.
“Y/N, I’ve…actually wanted to talk about us, for a while actually. I want to…”
Jimin said the words out loud in his head, but he was staring into your eyes, and suddenly his mouth lost its function to speak.
You looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish. What is it, Jimin? Say it. Say it doesn’t work, say there’s no use doing it anymore since you are both extremely successful now. Say you two don’t need publicity anymore.
You had an intuition where he was going, so you figured if he has a hard time doing it, you could. Jimin never really liked you from the start anyway. He was always too distant, too far away for you to reach. Even if now every time you look at him you wondered if you and Jimin could be more, much more.
You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it.
“Can we date? For real? I want us to try.”
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