PlagueM0th

She/They     Just writing some thoughts

[plaguem0th]

Missing things that were never yours

Its weird you miss the things you never had.

Like a mother to snuggle with, and love you.

Or a friend, to go shopping with, 

or braid your hair, and share the deepest depths of your soul. 

But while missing these things

Ive grown to notice that these things 

were never promised

even if you did somehow find them

Its the potential thats theres,

that makes you grow with longing.

[plaguem0th]

Carousal

Around the carousal,

Round and round again,

our Highs and lows we always ride.

We know this is a cycle we cant bear to break,

we cant bear to let go of.

Our potential is too ripe,

so much so,

that it rots.

[plaguem0th]

Rot

It always smells rotten when you walk into our house.

Maybe it's the trash cans

that haven't been dumped in a few days.

Or the toilets that haven't been washed in weeks.

Or maybe it's us.

Rotting from the inside out

Anger, hatred, resentment

smelling up every room in the house

The smell stuck in the walls

Stained into our sheets

And etched into every fiber of our flesh.

Wound around every limb like a tight thread.

Choking us into submission,

until we know no other

[plaguem0th]

Im good at making myself cry.

I look at girls who follow your page, and see if any are prettier than me.

If you liked their posts.

Maybe its insecurity telling me i need to have more faith in myself.

Or that im Too attached to the idea of not being enough,

[plaguem0th]

rest

I want to peel the flesh off my bones,

with a peeler or my finger nails.

I want to scrape by bones,  and scratch the marrow 

I want to hang my skin to rest

Like a well worn coat.

To be free and Not to be me anymore,

not to be anybody or anything

[02nd]

y'all talk about sex as if it exists lmao

[plaguem0th]

Cant compare

You make me feel so small next to you.

I have a friend, and you have dozens.

I have B’s and A’s and you manage to outdo me.

Maybe its my fault for making our relationship a comparison.

But I cant help see everything Im not in you.

Maybe the truth is that You cant compare and neither can I, 

for we are not the same.

[plaguem0th]

Human Sacrifice

I dont know which way these sides go.

Left and right,

But merely an existence that mends it broken self together.

Needle and thread at hand.

But blood seems to drip, and drip.

Even when youre bringing yourself together,

Closing open wounds. 

A few cut too deep.

Meaty flesh, and bone,

Im just a Human sacrifice.

[plaguem0th]

Beginning of good things

The beginning of good things,

between me and you.

I want to drench myself in you,

and stuff you into every nook and cranny of my life. 

But what happens when things end?

Will there be songs that I cant listen to, 

till the very end?

Or movies that remind me of your laughter,

Will there be scents I can no longer bear to smell,

because they are all reminders of you?

[plaguem0th]

Flesh off bones

I want to fold into myself and disappear,

let go of this hostility against myself,

that keeps me here.

I want to rip the flesh off my bones,

bloody and torn ligaments,

to wrap around my neck

like a medal won

fair and square. 

my skin is just another reminder of 

the imperfections that appear.

[plaguem0th]

Apart of your reality

You want me to be apart of your reality,

And I want to too.

So very desperately I do.

But then i don't,

Because you don't deserve this sadness,

This sad girl,

Who is nothing.

Who weighs down our conversations,

With her heartbreak and shitty experiences.

I know you dont blame me,

But the rotten bits of me

Seem to trail,

And ruin everything that crosses my path.

I just don't want it to ruin you,

I don't want it to ruin us.

Don't let this be a foretelling.

please.

[plaguem0th]

Always landing right side up

You say I always land on my feet.

But happens when i don't

This one time

And I fall flat on my face.

Will you laugh and call me a disgrace, 

Or will you be there to pick me up 

And wipe the dirt off my shoulders?

And send me on my merry way?

Thinking you saved the day.

All of this hand holding you think you do.

It Doesn't help me,

But it makes me afraid.

Afraid to be ok without you.

Is that too much to say?

[plaguem0th]

Like to lie

I like to lie to you.

I like to tell stories,

that make you look like a fool

when you believe them.

I like to lie,

about parts of me that changed.

So ill remain a stranger,

to you.

So you wont know the pieces of me,

that you're so undeserving of.

[plaguem0th]

The kind of girl

Shes the kind of girl that’s only good at breaking down.

And shutting down,

and crying herself to sleep.

Over the things she lost.

But she has no one to blame,

besides herself

[plaguem0th]

Girl I used to be

I miss the girl I used to be.

She loved daffodils and daisies,

and she believed in love and was willing to 

love unconditionally.

I missed the way she used to do that. 

I miss her blissful ignorance,

because back then she was happy.

And theres something innocent in that.

But that Innocence was stripped away 

by this damned world.

[plaguem0th]

Anxiety trip

High anxiety.

I want to speak my thoughts,

but theyre wrapped around my throat.

Tight and unyielding

fearing to be heard,

because my words were always weaponized

against me.

[smp-writes-deactivated20220916]

Too many questions

leave me feeling uneasy

unsure where I stand

- "Questions" Haiku, SMP 💚