Plague

He/him. 21. ao3: unfortunatelystillstuckin200 Currently mostly active on @loa-thoughts

[plaguewormart]

The last chapter of my Conclave fic ‘Oh good God, let me give you my life’ is out now!!

Read it 📿here📿 !!!

There will be a sequel, with the first chapter out either this weekend or Monday!

Thanks to everyone who has been through this journey with me and for staying around until the very end❤️

(Also this is my first time actually finishing a fic and no one told me about post-fic depression so my life feels empty now, even with a sequel on the way😔)

[internetusercucumber]

Resignation

[vanshoundd]

Beneath the Fisher's man ring.

[sulkybender-retired04042026]

Your comments mean something even when the author never replies.

Sometimes your comments mean something especially when the author never replies.

[plaguewormart]

Actually very fun to be (at least researching for) writing a conclave fic after having been to Rome/the Vatican, it’s so much easier to figure out logistics and distance etc when I’ve seen the things I’m writing about.

[plaguewormart]

Has anyone written a fic about Vincent having a panic attack because of new year fireworks yet or do I have to return to the conclave fandom and do it myself?

[internetusercucumber]

I love my pope that definitely needs a hug <3

[plaguewormart]

I fear the conclave obsession went too far

Also, if you happen to also be a Legends of Avantris fan, you can find me on @loa-thoughts

[plaguewormart]

I got this comment from @greygulfh

and while I was replying to it I realized how interesting the Tedesco/Benitez parallels are so I had to make an entire post instead!

In the book, it is mentioned that Tedesco eats in a peculiar way - Quote from the book: “Tedesco hasd a curious way of eating. He would hold his plate in his left hand and empty it with great rapidity using a fork in his right. At the same time, he would glance frequently from side to side, as if fearful that someone might be about to steal his food. Lomeli presumes it was the result of coming from a very large and hungry family.”

This is obviously a result of food insecurity from his childhood. We know Tedesco grew up in a large and poor family. - Quote from book: “He came from a peasant family and Basilicata, right down in the south, the youngest of twelve children (…) His nose had been broken in his youth and was bulbous and slightly bent.”

It’s interesting that his broken nose is mentioned. We don’t know what happened to him, but he obviously faced some kind of violence in his youth. As his nose never healed correctly, we can assume that he never received proper treatment, perhaps because of the financial situation he grew up in.

The way Tedesco eats is a well known example of how some people act after growing up without proper access to food.

However, it is then noted that Tedesco has managed to educate himself very well. Two degrees, five languages. He must have put a lot of effort into becoming so well educated.

Quote from book: “He had two degrees in theology, spoke five languages fluently, and had been a protege of Ratzinger’s at the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, where he had been known as the Panzer Cardinal’s enforcer.”

Now, in the movie, Tedesco is portrayed as a man who cares very much about his appearance. He is the only one who wears the ferraiolo (cape), most likely to further emphasize his importance and the power he has.

He also wears his pectoral cross, which is large and golden

The artist who made it says this:

Which makes it clear that Tedesco is very proud of his work and his church. (I also found the engraving interesting, and I know it most likely is just another reference to Venice itself, but I couldn’t help but to think that this story:

Fits Tedesco very well. I wonder if this is what he would’ve wanted to do- save his own family through his studies and faith?)

Now, as Patriarch of Venice, one would assume that Tedesco did indeed manage to get the money he so obviously longed for during his childhood. But we see later, that Tedesco is one of the cardinals with the least amount of money.

Quote from book: “Tedesco’s was a mere €2,821, and Benítez seemingly didn’t have an account at all - but others were rich men.”

I wonder why this is?

I don’t actually have an answer to this. Perhaps he sends money to his family, or perhaps his childhood made him more prone to spending money because he was never able to do it before? Maybe he has most of his money as cash or in stocks or something?

The only thing we do know is that from what we are told, Tedesco is not a rich man. Yet he chooses (in the movie) to present himself as such. Most likely because he thinks that it will earn him the attention and respect he lacked growing up.

I did also find Tedesco’s language rant interesting, quote from book: “Yet vhen you and I were boys, Dean, and the Tridentine Mass was still the liturgy of the entire world, the cardinals at a Conclave were able to converse with one another in Latin. But then in 1962, the liberals insisted we should get rid of a dead language in order to make communication easier, and now what do we see? They have only succeeded in making communication harder!” Quote 2: “But how can a thing be considered universal if it speaks fifty different languages?”

Yet, we also know that Latin is not one of the languages Tedesco is fluent in. Quote from book: “Yes, well, I confess that my Latin is poor, but I would inflict it on you all nonetheless, simply to make a point.”

Despite preaching about communication in the church, and despite obviously being very good at languages - Tedesco has not become fluent in Latin. Obviously he uses the excuse of wanting to understand others as a way to argue for the reinstatement of the Latin mass.

Now, Vincent on the other hand:

We don’t know much about his childhood. In the book he is Filipino, but we don’t know what part of the Philippines he comes from, or what his family’s financial or social status was.

We do know that he worked in Manila, the capital city, quote from book: “I am so proud. We are proud. The whole country will be proud when it hears of your elevation. Dean, you do know that this man is a legend to us in the diocese of Manila? You know what he did?' He turned back to Benítez. 'How long ago must it be now? Twenty years?' Benítez said, 'More like thirty, Your Eminence.”

Quote 2: “'Thirty!' Mendoza began to reminisce: Tondo and San Andres, Bahala Na and Kuratong Baleleng, Payatas and Bagong Silangan . . . Initially the names meant nothing to Lomeli. But gradually he gathered they were either slum districts where Benitez had served as a priest, or street gangs he had confronted while building rescue missions for their victims, mostly child prostitutes and drug addicts. The missions still existed, and people still spoke of 'the priest with the gentle voice'”

Now, I’m going to be very honest and say that as a Swede, I’m not very familiar with the history of the Philippines, so I apologize if any of my facts are wrong, and would greatly appreciate if anyone with more knowledge would correct me in that case or add further information if they feel like it!

The Philippines were colonised for a long time, first by New Spain, and later by the US after the Spanish war. When the first Philippine Republic was promulgated, it led to the Philippine-American war which caused the deaths of up to 1 million civilians. Many Filipinos were put in concentration camps by American forces.

During WW2, Japan invaded the Philippines, and horrible war crimes and atrocities such as the Bataan death march, women being forced into sexual slavery, and human experimentation on civilians.

A large resistance movement operated underground, but by the end of the occupation, more than half a million Filipinos had died.

This is obviously an EXTREME simplification of the events, but it's needed to understand how the Philippines was doing during the post war era, when we can assume that Vincent was born.

I would assume that Vincent's family was not spared from the post-war difficulties, such as food insecurity, financial stuggles etc.

Now, having established that Vincent, just like Tedesco, very likely grew up in poverty, we can start thinking about the different ways the go about their lives.

While Tedesco copes with his background by trying to gain the power and security he lacked as a child, Vincent instead moves in the other direction. Like Tedesco, he also educates himself, but instead of using his education to rise through the ranks and get power and fame, he instead seeks out the places where he can be of most help.

Quote from book: “Well known for his work in the poorest areas of Manila, he established eight shelters for homeless girls, the Project of the Blessed Santa Margherita de Cortona. In 1996, following the assassination of the former Archbishop of Bukavu, Christopher Munzihirwa, Fr Benitez, at his own request, was transferred to the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where he undertook missionary work. He subsequently set up a Catholic hospital in Bukavu to assist female victims of the genocidal sexual violence perpetrated during the First and Second Congo Wars.”

About the communication aspect: Tedesco uses communication as a tool to argue for the latin mass, but does not actually want a better communication in the church, as seen by the fact that he has not become fluent in Latin. We don't know which languages Vincent speaks, but we do know that he practices actual communication by travelling around the world to help where he is needed.

Tedesco dresses nicely and wears clothes that he believes will grant him respect, while Vincent comes to the conclave in his normal clothes, showing that he does not care for that kind of thing. Instead of trying to become someone else after leaving his home, Vincent embraces the trauma of his background, and uses it to help others.

I find these parallels very interesting, how two men come from similar backgrounds and use their experiences in completely different ways. Tedesco by trying to become someone new, someone who is given respect and who has left the poverty behind. Vincent by embracing it and using it to his advantage, to help and soothe those who are in similar situations.

[papayamela]

Can I add something for Benitez if that's alright? My credentials are that I'm born and raised in the Philippines with a deep interest in history.

While the simplification of the history of the Philippines was written well enough. There is just a part of Filipino history (and a very important one) that would definitely explain Benitez's upbringing.

In 1972, Ferdinand Marcos Sr., the president of the Philippines at the time, declared martial law under the guise of protecting the country from communism. This marked the 14-year period of dictatorship until Marcos was exiled from the country in 1986.

I am not sure what year Benitez was born, but he definitely grew up during the martial law was in place. He would grow up in an overly cautious household, fearing the police and military. He might have witnessed his neighbors being brutally dragged by men in uniforms, never to be seen again. He would have lived through this moment in life in fear.

Despite this, Vincent would grow up to serve the people through God. Despite the brutal consequences and aftermath of dictatorship, he still found the strength to continue and to remain compassionate to the people around him.

[plaguewormart]

Thank you so much!

(Also apologies, i accidentally reblogged this on my ouaw blog first..)

But this is genuinely such a good and important addition to the conversation, I really appreciate it and I think everyone should read it!

[plaguewormart]

1300s AU: two priests working in a parish. People dying all around them. Other clergy has fled to the countryside. Their graveyard is overflowing. They no longer get called to give last rites. The smell of death hangs in the air, bodies lay on the streets, their faces disfigured by boubous.

The church is empty on Sundays. Vincent and Thomas give mass to an eerie silence. In the distance the faint cry of a dying child can be heard. Doors are marked with white crosses. Not even the priests can enter those houses.

Vincent is the first to fall sick. He finds a weak child, cast out from her home in fear of the plague. He can’t stop himself from scooping her up in his arms. From making the sign of the cross on her feverish forehead. He digs her grave himself.

It starts with a cough. He locks himself in the sacristy. Doesn’t allow Thomas to enter. He spends his days praying until he’s too weak to kneel. His coughs are wet with blood, it stains the white fabric of the altar.

Thomas breaks down the door. He cradles Vincent’s shaking body against his own. He presses his lips against Vincent’s locks. His tears mix with the blood that Vincent’s lungs expel.

It doesn’t take long for Thomas to contract the illness. They lay side by side, bloodied hands joined in prayer.

The church falls silent. The parishioners walk by the quiet building, they know what has happened. A white cross is painted on the large wooden door. They wonder if this is the final curse. If God has finally left them.

Two men lay on the stone floor, unmoving. Their hands are still clasped. Their blood has mixed into one. They’re together in death as they were in life.

[dreamofless]

thinking about how Vincent basically babytrapped Thomas with the pontificate.

[owl-nerd-13]

Pope Innocent: Thomas, you want to join a monastery? Oh, but what about the babies?

Lawrence: Babies, what babies?

Pope Innocent: (points at the world's 1.2 billion catholics)

[plaguewormart]

Tw child death

Vincent is a good liar.

No one thinks the pope would be a good liar. No one excepts the vicar of Christ on earth to be able to twist his words and mask his expressions. A lying pope? Even the idea is sacrilegious.

Vincent uses this to his advantage. He’s not proud of it. He kneels until his scarred knees ache and prays until the rosary makes his fingers bleed. He asks for forgiveness. He repents in bruises and scratches from where his fingers dig into his own skin. He might not be forgiven, but he will be punished - even if he has to do it himself.

Lying is second nature to Vincent. He lies about his past, he omits details and reconfigures stories. He speaks of children in his parishes, the way they played or sang, their smiles and excitement. He tells people that he isn’t sure what they’re up to now.

Lie. Vincent lies. The bodies of children lay 6 feet under the ground. Sometimes he sees their blood on his hands. He hears their cries.

He tells himself that he’s fine. It’s a lie. He sees broken bodies behind his eyelids. Nights are spent repeating names of the ones he failed to save.

Sometimes he isn’t sure wether the blood staining his white cassock is real or not. It’s the truth. He’s asked about the stains. He says he doesn’t know where they come from. It’s a lie.

Thomas asks why he isn’t eating. Vincent blames a stomachache. It’s another lie. The truth is that he doesn’t deserve the food. The large amounts of fresh vegetables and meats disgust him. Living in excess when others have nothing. He hates it.

God, he wishes he knew how to tell the truth. To receive the support and love he knows would be so easily shared. He imagines it sometimes - falling into Thomas’ arms, being hugged after a sleepless night, his tears being gently wiped from his face.

He can’t bring himself to do it. He’s always been strong. He can manage it. He doesn’t need help.

He lies to everyone, but none more so than himself.

[sparkleshakes]

I’M TIRED OF SMUT, I WANT TOOTH ACHING FLUFF AND HEART SHATTERING ANGST.

[plaguewormart]

Vincent, a man who has spent his entire life being independent yet surrounded by love. Vincent who has seen how love can persevere even in places where God’s presence feels distant.

Vincent who has seen children smile as they play in the rubble of houses. Who has seen mothers sing for their children to distract them from explosions.

It isn’t until he becomes pope that he’s truly lonely.

He’s constantly watched. He is public property. Every word he says is broadcast to the world, every decision he makes scrutinized. He’s surrounded by people, by the faithful, by guards, by ones he dares to call friends in private.

Yet, no one refers to him as their friend. No one tells him jokes or invites him to dinner. He is holy. He is sacred. He is a relic, not to be touched.

Once, he musters up the courage to ask Thomas to refer to him as Vincent, even if only in private. He’s met with a laugh. Sacrilege, he’s told.

He cries himself to sleep. Vincent is gone. Innocent remains.

[plaguewormart]

Listening to Les Mis in the therapists waiting room and hhhh thinking about

“The very words that they had sung

Became their last communion”

And

“Oh my friends, my friends, forgive me

That I live and you are gone,

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken

There’s a pain goes on and on”

It’s so Vincent after the deaths of Thomas and Aldo I feel sick

[owl-nerd-13]

Vincent, after living in warzones for decades of his life is obviously very good, and completely natural in crisis and it is very interesting to think about.

I imagine he's developed a very accurate sixth sense for danger, like he's out in Saint Peter's square and there's someone with a weapon, and he absolutely picks up on it before the Swiss Guards who are assigned to him. Which leads to the pope tackling the man assigned to protect him, who has a good head of height on him, before the would be assassin can get a shot off. (We can discuss how Vincent would feel about the 20 to 30 year olds who are swore to give their lives for him, when he has buried many many young soldiers before coming to the Vatican)

Like, he knows how to disarm someone who's holding a gun on him. He know how to safely handle the firearm. He knows how to disarm it. Knows how to talk someone down when they're determined to commit violence against you or others. Knows how to stall, how to delay. Probably can lie pretty damn well, if the situation calls for it.

And with so much of his ministry health focussed, I have to assume he knows a lot about medical care. He knows how to triage, how to determine who can be saved, and who should be made comfortable, he can splint limbs, and stitch wounds, and calculate doses of morphine in his head. He knows how to comfort those in pain, and those in mourning, and those who are going to die. If need be, he knows how to deliver a baby. (I don't know how that particular one would come up after his election, but I really want to think of a scenario where it does).

If he is injured, he probably knows exactly how bad it is, and what steps should be taken, and whether he's able to continue on for a bit before seeking help (not that people would let him). He probably has a very high pain tolerance, and can grit his teeth, and carry on.

He is so good, arguably at his best in a crisis. And I sometimes imagine sometime into his papacy, he is faced with one- not a diplomatic crisis, or a political crisis, but a real on the ground disaster, and and after jumping into the thick of it, despite the warnings of his guards, and officials, he realizes he finally, once again, know exactly what he's doing.

[offwegointothewildblueyonder]

hey. ‘if you bet on a losing dog’ readers. Aldo fans. @sburbling. consider this.

Aldo Bellini has a father who works for close to nothing repairing the shoes of rich ladies. he works in a cramped room. he smells of glue and shoe polish. his hands ache. he resents these women, and by extension everything soft and feminine. his son likes to read, likes to draw, and he hates him for it. no son of his will grow up a pampered little soft boy. Aldo Bellini retreats into books, into his own brilliance. Aldo Bellini learns to look down on men like his father. Aldo has soft hands and he’s very, very proud of it. his father would have him be an entirely different man, a man of no elegance, a man of brute cruelty.

a new man comes to the Holy See. he sees Aldo’s soft hands and thinks - oh. here is a man who has never worked a day in his life. here is a man who doesn’t get his hands dirty. he will not have my vote.

a man who was a stranger only three days before is Pope. his hands are rough and callused when he presses them against Aldo’s. there is no comfort, no blessing, in his touch. only memory

[plaguewormart]

This + the HIV/AIDS trope🙏

Vincent seeing Aldo’s soft hands.

This is a man who hasn’t worked a day in his life, he thinks. A man who sees himself as too good to get his hands dirty.

Vincent doesn’t like judging others, but after a lifetime spent bandaging wounds and burying the bodies of innocent children, a part of him cannot forgive those who spend their lives in comfort.

Vincent’s hands are calloused. Hardened from the wood of a shovel. Digging graves is hard work. They are scarred. Rummaging through rubble and broken glass to find survivors, often only pulling out lifeless bodies.

Aldo had been so short with him when he arrived to the Vatican. Vincent assumes the man sees him as competition. As the man who stole both Thomas and the papacy.

Vincent finds Aldo kneeling in one of the chapels. He’s crying. Silent sobs wreck his body as his clasped hands rest on his knees. His joints ache as he kneels down next to the crying man.

A calloused hand covers a smooth one.

Aldo speaks.

He speaks about friends dying in masses. Of wiping tears from cheeks of men whose families refuse to see them. He talks about praying in the mornings, visiting the sick during the afternoons, and attending funerals at night.

He recalls some of their names.

He has to close his eyes in shame as he thinks of the men who were forgotten, not only by him, but by the world. The ones whose obituaries were changed to protect their families social standing. The ones who were never given one. The funerals of young men where he was the only one in attendance.

Vincent can’t tell if it’s Aldo’s hands or his own that are trembling. The distance between them is somehow gone. Their joined hands are a lifeline.

Vincent speaks of the women and girls who contracted the disease as they worked in brothels. The ones who had blood transfusions meant to save their lives - the way they died a slow and painful death.

He talks of the babies born with the illness already in their blood. Of mothers passing away with their children in their arms. Of the children joining them not long after.

He’s also unable to remember all of their names. Some of them didn’t get the chance to have one.

Vincent looks at Aldo’s smooth hands.

He sees the callouses in Aldo’s heart.