A young girl who became suicidal @pleasehandmethebottle - Tumblr Blog

So which is it?

So mad at myself for not doing more.

I don't know what more to say. I'm gonna try to nap and then get up and at least be up even if all I do is play the game or edit. Goodnight

People don't know

I wish I could get up early every day and feel great and be happy and get a lot accomplished and feel good about myself and enjoy being by myself, but unfortunately, that's not me.

riotd

i’m very self aware. which unfortunately hasn’t solved anything

I completely understand you need to make a safe place for people in toxic relationships or addiction, but its also okay to walk away after trying to save them because you can't take yourself down with them.

I washed my hair and got a few things dine so I can take a nap and then try to get stuff done today. If I can't fall asleep, I'll just get up but I'm not gonna lay around all day and feel bad about myself I'm actually gonna get stuff done.

I just wanna looked and feel good, get stuff done and get my spark back. I'm trying dude.

I have so many transition videos on tik tok waiting for me to cut all my hair off. I'm so scared but excited at the same time. I made doubles of some because I wanna cut my hair off and then turn it into a pixe and dye it blonde later.

oversorted

Trying to think of things i need to get but everything is so expensive its annoying I hate this economy I wish I could win the lottery.

I'm so torn because I know i looked better with long dark hair but I WANT short blonde hair.

Don't get me wrong, I felt like a badass when I had a pixie cut. It felt like ME, and I never regretted it. But I haven't had one in 5 years, and I'm so scared it won't look as good or feel the same as before. What others think of me means too much, and I like to hide behind my hair when I don't feel pretty. I hate my ears, my face, my chin, my forehead, my neck, etc, and short hair really shows all of that. The problem is ever since I was on the last medication I was my hair is not the same, it's fragile, a werid mixed texure of curly and straight, no matter what I do it doesn't look right and I hate it. So I keep it pulled back 99% of the time anyway. So why have the extra hair to wash and take care of when you don't see it anyway? I like my long hair and when I like it, yes I love it. BUT that's 1% of the time, that's after spending HOURS working with it, using heat on it, etc, and it just don't wanna have to do that.

It's just hard because people tell me not to cut it, and I worry I'll look so ugly, but 99% I feel ugly now, so I don't know how it could get much worse. I am just scared of not having it to hide behind or not feeling free and confident and badass like I did last time. I don't know. I'm scared it won't help because nothing has, and then I'll feel like everyone was right. I just want free of the memories my hair holds and sto start fresh and have easy hair for a bit.

So i just wanna chance feeling like me again and getting my spark back after so long of feeling weighed down.

I wanna feel like me again

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A young girl who became suicidal