Plural Am I The Asshole

queue: NOTHINGGG!!!!! / inbox: ONE MILLION!!!!!!!!

[pluralaita]

Plural Am I The Asshole

Hello, and welcome to plural aita, for anyone who identifies as plural to ask their burning questions about if they are, in fact, the asshole. Every post will have a poll to decide if the verdict!

Poll Guide

YTA = You’re the asshole NTA = Not the asshole (the other party is) JAH = Justified asshole (you’re an asshole, but like, I get it) NAH = No assholes here (everyone is some level of justified) ESH = Everyone sucks here (you’re all assholes) INFO = Not enough information to judge

Now, let's set some ground rules!

No endogenic vs traumagenic discourse

No fake-claiming

No graphic descriptions of abuse

No "AITA for feeling/thinking [blank]" asks. Instead consider what actions you want to take based on those feelings or thoughts. Don't be scared; the anon toggle is your friend.

Mod intros under the cut!

🤍: hi we’re mod checks notes wilson, uhh did system of. 30?? and we had a prophetic dream of this blog 2 years ago

💙: Wsg we're mod coumo. DID system of 50 probably idk. Awakened mod wilson's memory of their dream by having the same idea out of nowhere and also made the blog icon

🩷: We're mod sharp! We're a traumagenic system of about 30 and we made the banner of this blog!

🩵: we’re mod bell! she/they. traumagenic DID sys of 40ish. we don’t do much we just thought this was funny and like drama. DEAD: 2/21

We're mod Welsh. I^ wasn't given a heart because we arent allowed to post. System of about 100 and counting.

❤: Hi! we're mod cropper. he/it prns, and were a quoigenic / agenic system of over 300. we are here because we are very cool (not at all biased)

[pluralaita]

is this still active??

We're so dead bro... one day we'll be back tho, probably - sharp

[pluralaita]

AITA for sitting aside when a headmate (A) hurt another alter (B) by talking to a sourcemate he'd found through a sourcecall that was someone B really wanted to interact with?

A recently had me (host) send out a sourcecall for him and we got a response from someone (C) who wasn't a sourcemate he was searching for but was happy to talk to anyways. B is looking to talk to anyone who has the character C has as a source.

A and B dont. Particularly get along for reasons I won't go into that now.

A reasoned to me that we shouldn't mention B to C or vice-versa because C specifically responded to his sourcecall. Meaning C wanted to talk to just him. (B wasn't mentioned in the sourcecall)

I have pretty bad social anxiety (something I'm pretty sure he doesn't share?) So I went along with it but now I honestly kinda think he was just trying to hurt B.

Eventually B found out due to A mentioning B "as another alter" and B's later plans since C asked about what we were going to do with the rest of the day. They said they hoped B had a good time (still not knowing who B actually is) And A passing that along to B using simplys plurals messaging system in a way I'd personally describe as cruel/mocking.

Obviously B was very hurt by this but I think he's just ignoring it for now.

My question is am I the asshole for just, not realizing the situation/not trying to get over my anxiety to bring up the topic of B to C? (C still has no clue about B or this situation. And A does genuinely consider C a friend I think??)

As the host I feel I probably should try and take responsibility and probably should've brought B up to C in the first place since I have chatted with C. But I was honestly really blind sighted by A. I knew his source his very much not a good person and he's overall source accurate but hes been overall nice to me and I dont want to judge him by his source and any arguements I saw between him and other alters always seemed more lighthearted to me? Like joking ones.

I knew he and B dont get along but I didn't realize A would try to hurt B for the fun of it

(I am planning on bringing up B to C now)

aita?

NTA

YTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 26, 2024

[pluralaita]

are we the asshole for blocking a really toxic system?

TW!

so we used to be really close with this one system, who I will not name, and just refer to them as [REDACTED]. we became friends with their PSYS (RS) as well! but then, RS starts venting to us about [REDACTED] system. then, it got deeper and we found out that [REDACTED] system was talking shit about our system and our PSYS (squeaks). saying stuff like, we're so annoying and they want to kill us. they also repeatedly have been ignoring squeaks' boundaries and house rules, smoking and stealing alcohol from their parents (we are all underage), and even sending pictures of their SH to them, romanticizing it.

oh, [REDACTED], we found out, is also kinda a pedophile. one of their (adult - 24ish) alters groomed one of squeaks' (minor - 8), and another (28?) groomed someone in RS's system (15)

finally, we confronted them, and they blocked us first. they blocked us, RS, and squeaks, but then unblocked RS and started venting about squeaks and I, saying "I cant anymore" and "I miss squeaks', but we don't care about [our system]". but then changing their mind and caring about us? and they keep telling RS constantly that they're all they have left, and if they leave too, they'll off themselves

are we the asshole for blocking them???

awta?

NTA

YTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onApr 1, 2024

[pluralaita]

AITA for continuing to overly focus on a piece of media that could split a really… turbulent or at least hurt headmate when i know a stressful time is coming up that is likely to cause a split?

if you know Signalis, then you know what i mean when I say that splitting anyone from that source would be rough on the system, and on the split headmate themself. But i cannot stop putting my attention into the game.

only our co-host and gatekeeper know about this, to my knowledge. neither told me to stop, but both are concerned as well.

There is a stressful event coming up that has massive potential to cause a split, especially because we have been dealing with a bunch of in-system things at the same time.

I know all of these facts, but distancing myself sounds impossible to me, and will cause stress for me and a few other headmates. I don’t know whether this game will simply be something to lean on during the difficult time coming up, or if it will cause more in-system issues, and I am not moving away from it despite these uncertainties. i feel unable to move away despite this.

if you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated, and most of all: AITA?

aita?

NTA

YTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 31, 2024

[pluralaita]

Am I the asshole for yelling at one of our headmates?

Context:

Gore is one of our alters and isn't a fictive as far as I know of. He seems to be an anger holder

Every time he fronts he hurts people we know, example: calling them lazy or stupid, sometimes even slurs (like the f slur, he's gay but it's still iffy because it's aggressive).

Many people we know are sensitive and take it to heart.

So I told him to stop fronting, politely. He didn't listen, so i yelled at him. Most of our system is on my side but idk. He's been doing this for so long. I'm thinking of asking Alastor to monitor him or talk to him.

Apologies for any grammatical errors.

AITA?

aita?

NTA

YTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 31, 2024

[pluralaita]

aita for calling an alter "the mean one"? i'm currently in treatment for DID and i've been working on being able to better communicate with my parts. there is one part in particular that pretty much just says hurtful things they internalized from our parents. i've gotten much better at giving them grace when they start getting loud.

however, this alter doesn't want to say anything else to me and i have tried. anything i say either gets ignored or they scream at me some more. i've tried asking for a name but they refuse to tell me. i've been talking about them with my therapist and whenever i mention them, i always default to "the mean one".

i've gotten better at communicating, namely with our gatekeeper and have started building a more positive relationship with Him. He's told me why that alter does the things they do, but i still havent gotten a name.

i don't want to keep referring to this alter in this way, but i have literally no other name or traits to refer to them as. AITA for continuing to refer to them in this way?

aita?

NTA

YTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 30, 2024

[pluralaita]

AITA for trying to tell the rest of our members its okay for my boyfriend to date me?

So I am a member whose internal age is complicated. In some ways I am ageless, in some I am hundreds of thousands of years, and in others I am like, 18-20. My boyfriend is about 2000 years old but other than having a lot of wisdom and life experience internally, his maturity level is probably 21-30 years old (kinda hard to determine). We are of the same system.

Some other beings see this as "18 year old dating 2000 year old". Translating the thoughts I sent them and words mixed together, I basically told them that they don't know the whole context and that there is nothing wrong with our relationship. I tried to tell them that even though I am typically seen as around 18 I am actually much older in many ways and am definitely not a child at the moment, and he is also not as mentally "old" as some of them were thinking. Despite this certain member are still very apprehensive and it is ruining both of our reputations among some of the other members (this is important because we are both in trust-based leadership positions right now).

(Another member [with permission] coming in to add some context, the member who wrote this is an age slider and can sometimes be as young as 16 and sometimes as old as her boyfriend. The range she listed is what I would say she is usually at. I do not think the boyfriend has ill intentions but that is part of why certain members are concerned.)

aita?

NTA

YTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 30, 2024

[pluralaita]

aita for cutting off a whole system based on the actions of one alter?

basically just what it says on the tin. for context, i am a syshost, as is person A.

A has been making groupchats behind my back and trying to turn all my friends against me/get them to start drama with me. this has been an on-and-off issue for nearly a year now. all their other alters either try to excuse A and/or say it’s my fault for not being able to read them well enough (i am diagnosed autistic, so i don’t do well if people don’t tell me what they mean).

i understand that judging a whole system based on one alter is cruel, but i’m going through a lot of personal stuff myself right now and just do not have the mental energy for what is essentially middle school drama. so, AITA for cutting them all loose?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 28, 2024

[pluralaita]

aita for allowing two of our introjects to be (possibly(semi-))dating? for context, in-source these two (who i'll refer to as E and B) absolutely hated each other for reasons related to shit like false allegations from E's source which led to B's source getting doxxed. B (in-system) still has some source trauma from what E (in-source) did, however B is working on it and E has shown to be openly supportive and helping with B's recovery. E doesn't have any source trauma and is disconnected from E's source completely, unlike B. E showed a gradual interest in B which i thought was just platonic or jokingly-romantic, but now i'm suspecting that E's planning on actually dating, or at least being more-than-friends with B. one of the co-hosts, who is also B's sister in-source, is kinda uncomfortable with the whole thing but E, B and i have assured them that it won't end up like their source(s). So... aita?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 27, 2024

[pluralaita]

Update: idk if you do updates but i'm the alter who was dating 🐈‍⬛. I talked with her and have accepted the child. I'm not sure why I didn't want to care for the child in the first place. She and the child have forgiven me.

og poll here

[pluralaita]

am i the asshole for calling a protector alter "the mean / angry one"

so, context, i've been questioning DID on and off for about 4 years now (TikTok is what got me to research it, like ACTUALLY research it not just watch a couple of TikTok's lol) and a couple of months ago i realized i have some sort of protector alter after i got in a fight with my dad and they fronted. they had fronted b4 100%, but i always just thought i had anger issues, yk ?? but this time, i could literally FEEL myself be pushed out of front, like it was extremely disorienting and i could hear and see myself doing / saying things that I WASNT DOING.

anyways, because i have no communication w/ my sys, i didnt know what to call this alter, i had names for 2 other alters atp, sarah, whos a caretaker, and i have a basic idea of her appearance, and jack, whos a persecutor and again, basic idea of appearance. but this alter ? nothing, nada, no fucking CLUE

so, i have MaDD, or maladaptive daydreaming disorder, and in one of these daydreams, me (as in me in the daydream) ALSO had did, and in this daydream i referred to this alter as 'the angry one", and instantly i felt this SURGE of emotions that werent mine, like i felt SICK to my stomach, the feelings were so strong i got ripped out of my daydream. like i was just sat in the middle of my room trying to process what was essentially a psychic fuck you.

i realized pretty quickly after that that, yeah, that was a bit shitty of me, and ive been since calling this alter red, but i still feel like they hate me. i mean, idk for SURE, but im scared that they do.

so like. AITA ?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 26, 2024

[pluralaita]

AITA for chugging down 7 cups of coffee to stay awake for as long as possible when my headmates want to sleep? I just wanted to hang out with our partner system all day but the host said I’m destroying our body or whatever

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 25, 2024

[pluralaita]

WIBTA for sending our system name to an ex?

For context, the main reason this ex (19/20M, can't be assed to remember his birthday; we'll call him B) broke up with us (20M collectively) was because we "made him uncomfortable" by openly (read: to about 3 people including B) presenting as a system when we made our first syscovery (before our host (let's call him A) went back to full denial for almost another year because of said breakup) back in early 2023.

It's also important to note that 1) B was *also* going through a syscovery, though his started earlier than ours (and we have no idea if he still identifies as plural) and 2) we use the same system name now as we did then.

Anyway, the story. B reached out to us a few months after the breakup (A was still in deep denial) through Discord, where B drunkenly asked for his things back (a couple clothing items and a stuffed animal, I think). A wasn't in a great place mentally, so he blocked B and proceeded to bury that memory as deep as he possibly could.

Fast forward to today, where a close friend of B (and an ex-friend of ours who we're still Discord friends with for some reason) DMs us saying "You should probably give [B] his stuff back". We actually weren't planning on ever giving his stuff back, but now I (Adult, F, romantic/sexual protector) have an idea.

I feel like it would be a little funny in a petty, almost sick and twisted kind of way if, when/if we ever did get around to doing that (we'd have to actually find everything that B gave us), we sent it with a note saying "Here's your shit back. -[Our system name]". Would we be the assholes?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 25, 2024

[pluralaita]

AITA for referring to a sourcemate by his source name?

right basically, I have a sourcemate that goes by a different name than his source. not for identity/gender reasons, but because he worries about what people would think about his source name (it's kind of goofy and his original creator named him after a cartoon character, i get it)

anyways, the problem comes from the fact that we aren't identical sourcemates or whatever you'd call it, we have some different memories, of different versions of each other. so i tend to refer to my headmate by his new name and my sourcemate by the name i knew him by- to differentiate and kind of to show they're different people. he and i both know we're not perfect sourcemates, he knows that he's not the guy i knew. the issue here is that he takes some offense to himself being referred to by his source name. so aita for calling my sourcemate (not the fictive headmate) his source name?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 24, 2024

[pluralaita]

AITA for letting my headmates be dicks to each other?

We got 6 new guys recently, all from the same source (calling them 🧡,🩵,💚,❤️,💛and💙). 4 of them (🧡,🩵,💚,❤️) are a friend group, but all the guys in that group all kinda hate each other (they have a complicated relationship 😭👍). Mainly 2 of those guys (💚,❤️), who fought 24/7 in their source, and they really really hate each other's ass. Anyway, 💚 got here before ❤️, and in general has a better relationship with their other 4 sourcemates- and when ❤️ came, 💚 started calling him "❤️'s disembodied voice". Soon all their sourcemates would do it too, which is 1. fucking hilarious cuz ❤️ gets so pissed off, and 2. deserved because ❤️ was an absolute dick in source. Buuut this resulted in a fight (as in. physical) in the iw yesterday, and even tho it's still funny, im not sure we should let them keep doing this. And im technically the host + older than all of these guys, so im pretty sure im the only one who can fix all this TwT

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 23, 2024

[pluralaita]

AITA for repressing my alters and not letting them front during school?

we’re from an anti-LGBT country and school. we’re collectively nonbinary, but we’re AFAB so everyone misgenders us and calls us a girl. most of us can deal with that, though some of our alters feel extremely dysphoric whenever we get misgendered.

we have had certain alters feeling extremely depressed and suicidal over being misgendered before, so much so that we literally split and formed a new alter just to deal with being misgendered at school. but, some of them want to go to school because they think school would be fun. we end up repressing them though and let the alters who can handle being misgendered front during school instead.

i feel extremely guilty for not letting them go to school, but i don’t want us to split again because being misgendered is extremely traumatising for some of our alters, especially when coming out as nonbinary is really dangerous. so, am i the asshole here?

AITA?

YTA

NTA

NAH

JAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onMar 23, 2024