Is it for Real? @plurialsingleform - Tumblr Blog

It's another night where I can't sleep.

I'm in my bed, fixing the ceiling and my mind is wondering.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

I'm touching the veil but cannot see through.

I did everything as expected, followed the rules.

But when I stop myself, I feel the madness, the unhappiness, the void.

Why am I here?

Why are you here?

#the veil is lifting

I'm there. Right there.

In this Dark place.

Waiting to see the Light.

#depressed

I will tell you Life's secrets.

It take a long life well lived to trully understand it and most of us just got it on our deathbed.

It's All about Love and Making a difference in other people's life.

It's All that matters.

#lifewelllived

One of the hardest part for me, right now, is to accept and move on.

I'm trying to make sense of something senseless.

#grieving

Without Love, there would be no grief.

#grieving

I would have liked to say goodbye.

To tell you how much I love you and sorry for my wrong doings.

To hug you for the last time. To thank you for everything you did for us.

But I didn't see it coming. You were gone in a blink of the eye.

And I'm still here, behind, trying to figure it out how I would make it without you.

Alone with my regrets, my sufferings, my love for you, my questions.

It's just too hard to go through all this alone.

How am I supposed to live with this big hole in my chest? How am I supposed to help others going through your departure when I am devastated?

I need your strenght to go through this, and time.

I'm dead inside.

#grieving

I need you so much.

I like to think that you are with me all the time, now.

That you are the wind who blows in my hair.

That you are the ray of sunshine that caresses my cheek.

That you are this angel who keeps my heart beating even if it's broken in thousand pieces.

I miss you so much, it's hard to breathe.

I love you.

#grieving

Today, I'm paralyzed.

I cannot do anything.

I just get these waves of sadness that are washing over me, again and again.

They left me empty, totally drained.

I'm in surviving mode.

I don't know you and I do, in a certain way.

I feel you deeply inside of me.

I don't know what it is or why is it like this.

This deep connection.

No words are required.

Even your silences speak to me.

I feel you in a way I thought was impossible.

It's not love.

It's something more fundamental than this.

It's made of steel & eternity.

It's a spark of the Universe.

I was thinking that I figured it out what my life was about, that I get my shit together.

I was so wrong.

The shit hits the fan.

I'm confused, I'm lost, I'm hopeless, I'm defeated and every thing between.

I'm also at peace sometimes. And I got gratitudes for this hard time which confuse me! I know my life is changed forever. There is no returning back possible. Like a washing machine is cleaning the dirt on my clothes, this hard time is cleaning my life. The cleaning cycle is pretty rough this time and honestly, I'm not sure how I'll come out of it: clean or in thousand pieces?

I'm trying so hard to be wised, meaningful, grounded that I avoid to breathe and feel the overwhelming pain. This pain needs to be acknowledged, to be felt and to be accepted for what it is. Acceptation is really hard. Fear is also omnipresent. Fear of what my life will become now. Am I strong enough to face life alone ?

Being in the dark, I have been seeded. So, I'll grow, improved and thrived.