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Inez & Vinoodh - Kate Moss (Harper’s Bazaar 1999)

Iman Lili by Antonio Dicorato for Vogue Arabia , Nov 2021

"How to Put Her In the Friend Zone" by Lothario

I know, this is not your average how-to. It may be hard for some to fathom, but men have to deal with desirable women who just don't make the cut. Sometimes it's their personality, other times you're just more interested in someone else. Whatever it is, it's making for an interesting problem. Since plenty want them, they assume that you do as well. Now, you're treading a fine line with their ego, trying your hardest to avoid a spontaneous "BF" (see Mean Girls). If you're one of those guys dealing with this, we feel your pain. Grab a seat and listen up.

Treat Her Like One of the Guys

If at all costs, the goal is not to make the girl hate you. Obviously, you have spent some time for them to become attracted to you, and you may actually enjoy their company. Here are some subtle ways to let her know that you are still looking.

Stop paying for things - To these girls, this will be like cold water on a light sleeper. If she keeps asking you for lunch and making dinner plans reinforce how "friendly" things are by going...Dutch.

Dress down around her - When you are around people you are trying to impress; you take things up a notch, am I right? Well, the reverse is true as well. Even if you're going out, dress a little more comfortably than is expected.

Talk about other people - Ask her opinion about girls you are interested in and suggest guys you think she should get to know. Only a dick would embarrass her by flaunting other women in her face, so it should not be one-sided. Let her know that you are thinking of what she may want as well.

When She Gets Touchy

Nothing is more unnerving to men than unwanted PDA. Not only does it make us uncomfortable, it makes us look like the bad guy when we decline it. Below are some tricks of the trade to get out of some sticky situations

Holding Hands - The best thing is "The Abrupt Phone Call". Stop, pretend to be very concerned with the imaginary caller's situation, motion for her to keep going, and then walk back to her with the phone in hand. The hand closest to her should always have the phone in it. And yes, if you have to switch hands, do it.

Unwanted Grinding - Unlike us, women aren't accustomed to being turned down on the dance floor; stopping while they're attempting to back it up on you will most likely crush her. Take control. Deny her the grind but dance playfully with her face-to-face. This is crucial if the girl you are trying to dance with is in the room. Do just enough to keep her happy, but also not enough for anyone to read into.

When She Doesn't Get the Hint

Most of the time, the above tactics are enough to keep women at bay; however, there are rare cases when they might actually fuel the fire. Women of this caliber are very aware of their assets, and when they really want a guy, they know just what to do to drop our guard. Whatever you do, don't sleep with her. Your moral credibility up to this point will be erased, and a whole other psychological battle begins. Skip all that and just stick to these two rules. Don't get drunk around her, and never stay the night. Sound simple? Well, these are the last lines of defense with these types of girls.

We all know it's pretty much over if you stay the night for whatever reason because we know at a certain time of night the man downstairs is down for just about anything, the same goes for when we are plastered. Keep your wits about you, and you'll make it out, reputation intact.

#dating #relationships

Defining Willpower With William Everett

Some say leaders are born and others believe that leaders are made, but in my short thirty-one years on this Earth, I’ve come to realize that there is a bit of truth on both sides. We often point to the intangibles that charismatic leaders exude almost as naturally as they breathe, but the real test comes in moments of adversity where their true character is tested. What happens when eloquent words and pep talks can’t cover for you? Thankfully for us, there are people like Will Everett, who know how to motivate with sharpened oratory skills and respond when situations get dire. I met Will a little over two years ago as I was serving as the Communications Director for the DFW Chapter of the Morehouse College Alumni Association. We were in the midst of re-elections and I was looking for talented men who were committed to keeping our momentum going. Those who are familiar with Morehouse Men, know we are all opinionated leaders in our own right, so leading a group of us can be… challenging, to say the least.

I campaigned to be Vice-President, and once elected I made sure to recruit Will to be a part of the executive board as he quickly developed a reputation as a dependable force in our ninety-member association, comprising of four generations. He immediately took on the role of Parliamentarian and the Vice-Chair of Communications, staying late with me on many occasions to knock out the by-laws, learn the various communication accounts, and go over the run-of-show for our annual events. Not only that he had just started a new role at Goldman Sachs and was on the cusp of starting his own non-profit.

High-capacity, solution-oriented, and focus were Will’s calling cards as he routinely did what was inconvenient but necessary to support our initiatives, and I often bounced ideas off of him on how we could innovate for the future.

Then COVID hit.

Like many organizations, we had to adjust on the fly as we were still tasked with creating awareness for historically black colleges and universities in a time where African-American males, in particular, needed it more than ever. In addition to this, I knew my time in Dallas was coming to a close as my business school applications all had California on them.

One by one I began reaching out to active members asking them if they were interested in taking the next step in leadership, and one by one I received respectful declines. Will had let me know that he was in a busy season, so the president and I went into our transition meeting not knowing who would take the reigns. Sure enough, the presidential seat sat noticeably unclaimed after all others were quickly voted on. The lack of enthusiasm was justified as there couldn’t have been a more unstable time to assume the role.

But then there was Will.

Sensing the need for decisiveness, Will stepped up and put his name in the hat despite having numerous obligations. Given his visibility and work ethic, he was unanimously voted president, and six months later he’s rallied the DFW Chapter to bring in the most dues to date, all while retaining member engagement and cohesiveness. Did I mention he’s assumed even more responsibility on his job and since become a chair on another non-profit board? When it comes to impact, grit, and execution many aren’t able and even then few are willing, so it was my pleasure reconnecting with a true brother who’s done great things but is dead set on doing so much more.

It is my hope that you listen to the gems he shares in our conversation because he is wise beyond his years. Gentlemen, I introduce to you Will Everett.

Connect with Will and the causes he’s passionate about below

#plutocrat talks #money

"Promiscuous Girls And The Guys Saving Them" by Lothario

You see them on TV, you see them at home. They'll be here tomorrow, and they've been here since Rome. What is it with these women of the night that entrances men and sometimes other women? Why is it that more and more men find themselves wanting or testing them out? Well, today, we will break down the 304 code and see what's the real root.

They're Accessible

Let's face it; women are elusive creatures. The more beautiful and attractive they are, the harder it is to catch them. For lazy men or men who aren't normally accustomed to that level of beauty they quickly find themselves in a game they are not equipped with or willing to play. Strippers, prostitutes, and pornstars often have that same level of physical unattainability that men desire so badly but can be obtained by anyone... with money. For some, it's easier to earn money than to get swag. These men figure they can skip spending the money they would on a date, expensive clothes, and the whole courting process and pay upfront for what they really want. These girls recognize this and actually make a very lucrative living off of them. They often say they are just the same as regular "bougie" girls, just more honest about the transaction. This is, in some cases, true but is far from the rule because the real difference is self-worth.

Down-to Earth Personalities

It's weird, but girls that get around are... kinda cool. I don't mean cool as in hip, but cool as in very low maintenance and easy to be around. Obviously, this comes from being around many men and the cats already out the bag, so to speak. Men can say just about anything under or above the sun to a stripper. The same goes for any girl that is already known for sexual favors. The acts that these women perform frequently almost force a humility that is still very foreign to most men, especially in women of that physical caliber. Sometimes this is a welcome change after dealing with some of their female counterparts, who are just as attractive but not nearly as easy to talk to. They are frequent in celebrity circles because they are also some of the few people not bewitched by fame since they will do just the same thing for an unknown person with money. Sadly, frequent viewers of this type begin to think that only these women are that "real." Unbenounced to them, a plethora of gorgeous career women exist with the same personalities but much higher self-esteem.

Their Story

Almost 100% of the extremely sexually active women have some story that gives reason to their behavior (but usually doesn't excuse it). Rather it is lack of finances to survive or sexual abuse from an early age, these stories can warm some of the coldest hearts to at the very least understand where they are coming from. Here, almost any man can fall victim depending on her sincerity (and physical desire for her). Here is where the big decision is made.

There are two schools of thought on this one:

The first says that experienced women make the best housewives because they have already seen the world and select few girls who actually know exactly what they want.

The second school (The Old School) is simply don't turn a "hoe" into a housewife. This school recognizes that everyone has a past, but her past will continue to haunt you two for as long as you live; plus, at the end of the day, she CHOSE to continue making bad decisions.

It takes a pretty big ego to shoulder the weight of being with a girl that would get with anyone, but even more to shoulder the possibility that she may continue her tendencies. At the end of the day, a man has to look himself in the mirror and know his threshold. Personally, a girl who has slept with dramatically more people than I have is more than I can handle. I can deal with a few more or a few less (definitely a lot less is preferred), but I know that we all have our periods of exploration. This is also why rock stars and porn stars get together so often because their body count is oftentimes very similar.

Men and women both have desires, but it seems that those who fall into this category all want a shortcut. Short is the perfect word to describe it because once that moment of bliss is over, things can start getting pretty ugly. Personally, there are too many other women that don’t bring so much drama into the picture to date, but if you don’t mind at least you know what you’re getting into.

#dating #relationships

"Four Girls Men Need to Let Go" by Lothario

It's a new year, but have you found yourself hanging on to the same relationship baggage from the past? When it's time to clear your mental and emotional capacity, there are usually four types of women at the root of the problem, and here's our guide to getting past them.

The Unattainable Long-shot

Oh, we've been there. Spending weeks engaged in an Instagram cat-and-mouse game can be quite annoying after a while. The details aren't really important, but it all boils down to an embarrassingly large amount of consideration spent for someone who is literally hundreds of miles away. Being reduced to "random" likes and "peacocking" (gallivanting on social media to show that you are in fact desirable and have other options) aren't man's proudest moments, but direct methods have already been tried and failed.

Out of sight and out of mind seem to be the name of the game, and you are passively refusing to join her ever-growing fan club. But your tactics don't seem to be working. The only reason why you vaguely held out any hope is due to the genuine chemistry you witnessed when you initially met. But even now, it seems more like a distant memory. You could have come to terms with this if it wasn't for the thirst machine known as social media. For some strange tortuous reason, Facebook loves attaching her name to all notifications. Somehow all new friends, all wall posts, and suggestions have friends with *name that shall not be mentioned*.

You're interested, but you are getting tired of seeing them every day, but not seeing them every day. Like I said earlier, we've been there. The only thing you can do is to ignore that pretty face constantly flashing on your timeline and go about your business. Nowadays, the lives of acquaintances unfold before our very eyes, but it's actually an illusion of closeness. Don't fall for the mirage, and stay the course until you see the real thing.

The Yamp(s)

We briefly discussed this subject on the (PYT article) once before, but this seemingly endless well can leave you out to dry if you're negligent. This cycle is unlike the carbon or water ones; it does nothing to help those around them. It's just a dance that steps on the toes of every attempted relationship afterward. The reality of messing around with promiscuous young girls is they just aren't enough of a challenge. A man with options can easily have them do his bidding, and it doesn't take long for things to get... well... boring. Have you ever played Madden with someone who's just fundamentally inept? You've been playing football games since NFL Quarterback Club (a true classic), so your knowledge of the game is on another level. They, on the other hand, are just mashing the buttons. As fun as it is to skunk noobs for the first few games, it gets rather annoying after a while. Of course, you are making them better, but the wins for you soon become very unsatisfying.

Now imagine if those are the only opponents you've faced for years. When someone who can actually play comes around, you take them lightly, and now you down big... early. The best of the best can pull out the A-game and save themselves in a last-minute nail-biter, but most suffer the embarrassment of losing a game they should have won. We get it; you want your ego stroked, but be careful. Some rookies have beginner's luck and might beat you at your own game.

The Side-Chick(s)

Oh Side-Chick, how we like you so. If we didn't have a main, we could possibly entertain the thought of loving you... but... Nah. Truthfully, that's as good as it gets for the side-chick. Many think the side-chick is just a booty-call, but they are reliable emotional comfort too. They could have been a viable candidate at one time, but you chose another girl for some reason. Regardless of what caused it, if you actually care about them, let them go. We all like to have our cake and eat it, but if you cared about them, as you say, you should let them pursue another relationship like you have.

We often know that we would never date them, but we hold on to them because of their personality and loyalty to us (among other things). At the same time, it's doing major damage to their reputation and image. No guy wants another guy's sloppy seconds, and wifing someone's else known side chick is one of the most emasculating things a man can do to himself. Meanwhile, she is getting ridiculed as a home-wrecker in girls' circles, and everyone in her camp is probably telling her how stupid she looks. She's setting herself for a world of hurt when you are forced to choose between her and the girl you're actually with. So once again, if you care for her half as much as you say you do, let her off easy so that both can enjoy healthy relationships.

The Ex

Psychologists say that it takes at least 4-6 months to get over someone you were deeply involved with fully. We aren't going to sit and pretend that you can do this overnight, but we can give you some suggestions.

Don't try to be immediate friends. It's impossible, it's painful, and it always does more harm than good. Give each other space, and let things develop naturally.

Be respectful. In all dealings, treat her with respect even if you feel she is going overboard. Suck it up and take the high road. Nasty break-ups can only be nasty if two parties are involved. Hate is just as strong as love, and showing one is just as good as the other in break-ups. Leave all that on the table.

Write down why you broke up. Trust us; things can get a little foggy when you're alone pining for the good ol days. You broke up for a reason; stick to it.

Stop getting intimate. Break-up sex is the absolute worst thing you can do to yourself. Sure one last time feels awesome, but the passion of that last time will be an overwhelming fantasy that will haunt you for months to come. No prospective girl can compete with that. Chances for relapse are highly probable. Avoid at all costs.

We know all of this is a process because we understand for most no company is a good as a female company. Sometimes as men, we'll take toxicity over nothing, and that can put us in some precarious positions. We know you're strong enough to move on, and these are four women that you definitely need to leave in the dust.

#relationships #dating

"The Gentleman's Guide to Lending Money" by William S

Isn't having money grand? Being in a position to help someone out is truly a blessing, especially in these economic times... right? Well sorta. Sometimes being too free with your money can put you in the same position as the people you are lending it to. You don't want to be heartless like some of the banks, so what are the rules for the Plutocrat with a generous spirit? There are some unwritten laws that Men have to follow, and here's a guide to making sure you don't become a Scrouge.

Family

Do: Specify whether it is a gift, loan, or investment. All three of these things are very different and can determine whether you're going to court or going to business together.

A gift is obvious and something you are doing without any repayment.

A loan is money that you are lending BUT expect to be returned. It's usually no interest added with family, but regardless, it's important to write down the amount and terms. This is easy when the request is made via text, but if they ask in person, send a confirmation text anyway. Most times, we are cash apping or wiring the money anyway, so let them know that the money is sent and that it's no problem spotting them until the specified date of repayment.

An investment is money given with the expectation to do further business with that individual. There is plenty of leeway with all of these options, but it's important to know where the lines stop.

Do: Make a schedule of repayment. True, you have money, but that doesn't mean you are rich. Even if you are, you might have somethings coming up that may need liquid assets. One slow or non-payment can quickly turn bad if you do not make sure the other party knows just much "grace" is under their grace period.

Do: Alert other family members if you are unable to help. If you can't tackle the whole sum by yourself, don't put yourself at risk by taking on a burden you aren't ready for. Regardless of your family dynamic, you are not the sole person responsible for their well-being. Family is there for these reasons, and there is a lot more power in numbers

Don't: Assume that they will do the same for you. Just because you put up money for someone doesn't mean that they will return the favor. People are different, and even though you would like to think that they would honor your initial aid, it is foolish to expect that they will do the same. Guilting families into this only puts a strain on relationships, so avoid it at all costs.

Don't: Give money if you are in a financial crisis of your own. This happens when people are too proud and caught up in appearances, to be honest with one another. If you need that money badly, quit the act. You might not be viewed as the rich cousins anymore, but that's better than the cousin who took them on Judge Joe Brown over $200. Don't embarrass yourself, and don't embarrass your family. If you don't have it, you don't have it.

Friends

For friends, all of the rules for family apply, but there are some additional things that's you need to consider. Unlike family, they aren't stuck with you, you have limited personal information about them, and you have less people to hold them accountable.

Do: Use tact and respect for the borrower. Don't joke or hold lending them money over their head as a tool to rank them or show them as inferior. You never know how things can turn around, and you could easily be in their situation. In addition, You also shouldn't involve anyone else in the matter. This is only between the consenting parties and has nothing to do with the mutual friends you share. Even if things go sour, don't ruin relationships by making friends choose sides over something that does not concern them.

Do: Use your best judgment in terms of the credibility of what the funds are going to. Yes, people lie, friends and family alike, but if you have a shady friend, it's probably not a good idea to give them $1,000 for his new-age medicine business. If they are resistant to questions, just let them know that you aren't trying to go jail, that's all. Funding illegal activity will not only bring you down, but it will cost you a lot more money than you ever envisioned gaining from the venture. Just don't do it, you're smarter and better than that.

Don't: Give it to them if you can't deal with it never returning. Things happen, people have great intentions, and sometimes things fall through. As a friend, you, of all people, know the person you lent to. Of course, you want to be re-payed, but if they can't get it to you, just chalk it up as a loss. Of course, you never let them borrow from you again, or at least until it's repaid (and even then very small sums). You're not a chump, but sometimes that's just a hump that real friendships get over. Don't throw it in their face or demean them, but don't forget it either. If they pester you about why you won't give them extra cash, be honest. You have a legitimate reason, and that will be enough.

Don't: Be blackmailed or coerced to give friends money. Anytime people say they "lend me this or I'll tell...." immediately dismiss them. Let them know that you will never respond to that or have your hand forced by it. If you made a mistake in the past, you would rather deal with the consequences than bend to an underhanded trick like that. At the end of the day, it's your money, and you chose what you desire to do with it. Just like America, Plutocrats don't negotiate with terrorists. People using these tactics aren't your friends and will not stop after getting what they want. Don't be terrorized by them, be a man, accept responsibility and move on... without them.

#money

"Your Perception Personality Test" by William S.

Do you know what type of person you are? We feel like we know, but how can we be certain? Sure, friends are the best way of getting a good idea, but even then, there is a limit to how real they can get with you. Well, luckily for you, we've got your back. We did our research and supplied you with an official personality test, often administered by several Human Relations Departments in major corporations.

Tests like these help employers see what type of employees they have and which ones they wish to employ. After taking it (honestly), we guarantee that it will reveal the personality that you project toward others. Lucky for you, it's only ten simple questions, so grab something to keep track of your letter answers. Try to answer as quickly as possible, and go with your first thoughts. Ready. Set. Go.

1. When do you feel your best?

(a) in the morning

(b) during the afternoon & early evening

2. You usually walk

(a) fairly fast, with long steps

(b) fairly fast, with short, quick steps

(d) less fast, head down

(e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you

(a) stand with your arms folded

(b) have your hands clasped

(d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

(e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with

(a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

(b) your legs crossed

(d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with

(a) a big, appreciative laugh

(b) a laugh, but not a loud one

(d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you..

(a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

(b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted. Do you..

(a) welcome the break

(b) feel extremely irritated

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

(a) red or orange

(b) black

(d) green

(e) dark blue or purple

(f) white

(g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie

(a) stretched out on your back

(b) stretched out face down on your stomach

(d) with your head on one arm

(e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are

(a) falling

(b) fighting or struggling

(d) flying or floating

(e) you usually have dreamless sleep

(f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS:

People view you as someone they should "handle with care" You're seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS:

Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS:

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who's constantly in the center of attention but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS:

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest... Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS:

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS:

People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

#career #money

"Airport Etiquette" by Aiko

For the busy man, an airport strategy is absolutely necessary. Whether it be for business or vacation, it is essential for a man to know how to navigate and board efficiently. Poor planning at the airport can land you in the poor box before you even take off, so pay close attention to the following steps.

Pack Light

For anything shorter than four days, there is no need for checked baggage. A carry-on and personal item should be more than enough storage for any weekend trip for a man. An extra shirt and pair of shoes will get you through just about any fashion emergency. Anything else can be bought at your destination if need be.

Think Time, Then Convenience

Yes, in that order. When picking out clothes or your route to the airport, think about what will save you the most time and then what will be most comfortable. It should already be understood that you should plan to leave the house at least two hours early. While in line to get your boarding pass checked, start putting all your accessories in your personal item. I've never left anything at the airport and don't plan because my wallet, watch, any change, and my phone are zipped away BEFORE I get in line to be searched. The only thing in my hand is my boarding pass and I.D., both of which I keep in my pocket since I will be using them often.

I recommend taking an "elevated business-casual" approach to your airport uniform. There's nothing wrong with sweat pants, per se, but if you want to be treated a little better than the average Joe by airport staff, dress the part. If I choose to wear a belt by the time I receive my tray, it's off, and my shoes are soon after. This isn't the time to bring your triple-laced boots or tightly strapped gym shoes. Something that you can easily slip on and off is perfection, and soon you will be done in a matter of seconds as opposed to the guy holding up everyone because his whole life is in his pockets.

I typically wear a sweater under my blazer every time I fly because it's also about comfort. You can have the lightest bag and quickest check-in, but if you are freezing in the airport or plane, you are going to be miserable. Nothing is worse than a dark, cold and constantly vibrating airplane when you are underdressed. Sleeping and reading are nearly impossible because you are agitated by too many stimuli that you cannot control.

Find an Outlet

During any downtime you have, you need to be charging your phone or laptop. Even if they are fully charged, you should plug them up while you can so they do not have to rely on reserve power. It's no secret sometimes there are turf wars over outlets because there seriously may not be a change to charge your electronics for hours. If you have someone picking you up, money you need to wire quickly, or flight information you need to look up a dead battery can make any normal situation an expensive one. Phone chargers at airports are outrageously priced, and everyone isn't happy when you dial down the center. Do add to your expenses, be prepared. Bring your charger and use it as much as possible.

Airport Cuisine

When it comes to airports, food inflation runs ramped. A sandwich that couldn't have fed four hungry ants will probably cost around $5.99, and we are assuming that you aren't going to go drink from the water fountain, right? But you have to eat, so this is an area where it is okay to spend some of your best bucks. Don't ever experiment at the airport. Stick with what you know you like and grab. The result of a terrible food choice isn't hunger at first, but anger. Airports don't mind charging five-star prices for novelty food, and if you fall into the hype, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

Your best bet is to get something new and something for later. Don't just go to the deli and get a sandwich when you have a 4-hour flight with a 2-hour layover in the middle. Who knows what can happen during that time, and if there's one thing worse than missing a connecting flight, it's missing a connection while starving. Grab some Chex Mix, a bag of mixed nuts, or some fruit that you can munch on in your downtime, but you can't finish in one sitting. This will carry you over until you reach your destination.

#lifestyle #auto

"What Inspires You?" by David Pailin Jr.

What is inspiration anyways? It feels like motivation, but not quite... it seems less defined by our circumstances. The feeling's so fleeting, but when we grasp it, it's exhilarating! There are plenty of things that move us emotionally and physically, but this is a bit more intense. It's our dreams, our goals, but somehow it's not that at all. It's like the bridge between us and our dreams. It's that momentary awareness of the talent it takes to get where we want to be and the realization that we possess it. Maybe everything is inspiration. But if that's true, why don't more people have it, where do we find it, and why is it so important? Those three questions will be the focus of this article as we look to ascertain some of the mystery that is inspiration.

The Uninspired

Admittedly, it's very hard to avoid being self-righteous when you speak about what inspires you, but what about when you aren't inspired by anything? In an effort to gather some perspective, I decided to ask several people what inspired them. Below are some quotes of individuals I interviewed (men and women).

"Contributing to the greater good of humanity and leaving the works a better place if I can help it :)"

"Being surrounded by people who are constantly on the move to better themselves professionally, physically, and personally. I'm competitive and like to measure myself against the best of others. They keep me in check."

"When people know and work towards accomplishing their 'purpose' is the biggest for me. There's something about someone deciding, 'ok, this is what I way to do with my life and then doing it. Nothing is more inspirational than that to me."

"My Family, my kids."

"In so many words, Fulfillment, the ability to look back and say it was done by me. Of course, the first thing that played in my head was "girls and bottles!" lmao. The hood in me is always trying to outshine the calm."

"All the people who did me wrong lol make them regret every screwing u over because all your writings and blog posts can get u closer to you dreams."

"What inspires me is being in a relationship where you are each other's BFF, #1 fan, and dream keepers. Also, what inspires me is making a difference with people and having them be empowered and inspired :-)"

"The most inspiring thing to me is the way the music I truly love...like Michael Jackson or something like that makes me feel...I want to make other people feel like that. Also, the fact that anything is possible... I want to be one of the people that is a testament to that… you know."

"Nothing inspires but myself."

"Idk anymore, man, my drive is gone"

I definitely agreed with some answers more than others, but the last two took made me physically shiver. At first, I had the audacity to think, "how can people feel this?", but thankfully I came to my senses and pondered over. I realized at some point everyone feels this way if they're honest with themselves (if not just keep living). When things are going wrong, and people are hurting, the things that normally inspire become frequent reminders of how far they have fallen. You don't have to be immersed in self-loathing to lose inspiration; sometimes, it's just as simple as giving up. There are times when pure exhaustion and routine sap all the inspiration out of us. Soon the refreshing feeling of creative juices just seems harder to draw out than usual, and sometimes it really is. Without proper grounding, these feelings can spiral out of control, and words similar to the quotes I mentioned above can leave our own mouths.

In my research, I crossed Kurt Cobain's suicide note. In it, I saw a man who had completely loss his passion for what he once loved. He was so earnest that he felt like a fraud every time he took the stage because he was just going through motions with the audience. He explains that he tried everything to get that feeling back (including drugs & alcohol), but in the end, even his wife and daughter were not enough to draw from. His tragic case certainly isn't the first and sadly won't be the last. This lost inspiration for life isn't a remote as you think, as a staggering amount of American's (11%) rely on anti-depressants to function.

The Ingredients

Isn't it strange that the things that innately inspire us seem almost heavenly? Often times they are the best of man, but even then, it seems... superhuman. Dictionaries define it as a divine influence, but what does that translate to? At the Plutocrats Club, we believe three elements catalyze inspiration.

Lack of Knowledge. Put simply, you can't get inspired by something you know absolutely everything about. Even masters are constantly learning; as the craft itself continues to evolve, the more time they spend with it. Time and innovation make sure that all things progress. This progression fosters doubt, and doubt leads to curiosity, and determined curiosity leads to epiphanies.

Passion. Though you can have epiphanies about subjects that you aren't interested in, it's impossible to get inspiration from them. Here genuine interest is critical to finding inspiration. Inspiration resonates with our very spirit, and if there is no soul in what we are trying to draw inspiration from, we will find ourselves empty-handed.

Wonder. The feeling of admiration, awe, or marvel. Wonder is probably best exemplified when a child goes to Disney World for the first time. Unfortunately, as we get older, it takes more and more to make us wonder. Reality creeps upon us, and we start to lose the wide-eyed view of the world that we had in adolescence. As hard as it is, it's important for us to seek wonder. It encompasses doubt, passion and then adds surprise. Admittedly, it's also the hardest of the three to ascertain because there are few things that adults can categorize as truly wondrous; even fewer stay this way.

It's Importance

Sure we shared who doesn't have inspiration, what it takes to construct it, but why is it important? The truth is so that we can enjoy life. There are "Existors" all around us. You see them at home, at work, and on the subway. They speak only because their job requires it, they have a job only because they need food, they eat only because it's required to live. Just typing that, I felt the monotonous redundancy of that lifestyle weighing in on me. No joy or enjoyment is in anything they do, just basic, logical goal after basic, logical goal. What happens after all goals are achieved? Death? The goal of inspiration is to provoke creation. The creations of men and women at their best are truly emotional experiences.

After watching your favorite movie, take a serious look at just how many people it took to make it become a reality. At one point, that was just one person's vision! As much as we try to restrain ourselves, we aren't robots. We are full of thoughts, emotions, and illogical mechanisms that need to be explored. Not just for the sake of exploration, but so that our fellow man can use them to the best of their abilities. So I'll ask, what inspires you?

Photography by Demetrius Baker

#soul #spirituality

"The Complete Guide to The First Date" by Lothario

So you've got her number and mustered up the courage to ask her out. Now what? It's well known that a terrible first date spells the end of your interaction with her, but what if you desire to go beyond the usual status quo? This is a problem many men find themselves in when they find someone actually special to them. We all have spots that we take our usual flings, but sometimes you have to up the ante. Something... different.

Revisit Past Conversations

If you two spent a lot of time texting before your first outing, this step may come easier for you.t shouldn't be that hard to recall some of the main interests that you all revealed to each other. Often people forget about the "getting-to-know-you" banter that was done to get the first date, but in reality, it can supply some of the best material for shaping it. If she revealed that she's an avid rock climber, show her you're game by challenging her to a climb off at a local spot. Not only will this grow the relationship by showing that you align with her interests, but it also shows that you are paying attention to what she's saying (all women want to be listened to).

Do Some Research

Do you know why most guys can only think of dinner and a movie for date ideas? It starts and ends with ignorance. They are not aware of the events going on in their city, so they rely on things that stay constant and will always be there. Don't be that lazy; if you actually have a good time, it will exude from you and take a tremendous amount of pressure off of you. There are plenty of wine tastings, beer festivals, concerts, and other special events that cities hold to beef up the surrounding nightlife. All it takes is a little effort on your part to seek them out.

Don't Be Cliche'

I hate that I even had to put this up here, but nothing says "average joe" like taking a girl somewhere she's already been before, doing the same thing she's already done. If you think it'll be different with you because your just that funny, and you look so much better than everyone else, you might be right. But most likely you're wrong, so why risk it? Half the battle is showing that you are at least willing to try something different. Even if it's not something out of a Disney movie, she will appreciate that you aren't the hapless guy that sticks to the formula. It may work for the basic girl, but Dinner + alcohol + your place = not good enough for any woman with real options. Here is a list of great first-date ideas that you will actually enjoy as well.

First Date Homeruns

Go-Karting

Hookah Bar

Paintball

Laser Tag

Glow in the Dark Bowling

Fondue Bar

Beer / Wine / Music Festival

Aquarium

Improv / Comedy Show

Top Golf / Putt Putt Golf / Batting Cages

Art Exhibition

Karaoke

Pretend Tourists

Amusement Park/ Water park

A Themed Dance Club (Salsa/Reggae/Rave)

A Sporting event

Rock Climbing

Outdoor Mall

Now that you’re all set to make some magic.

#relationships #dating

"Vehicular Knowledge Non-Negotiables" by David Pailin Jr.

We get it-you're a professional, and you didn't have time to read the entire owner's manual. We're not saying that you have to get your mechanic's certification, but you have to understand how to do these things at the very least. Passed down from father to son and son to grandson, a man must know these are just essential things. Nothing can be more emasculating than having to pay another man or woman to do work that should have taken you all of five minutes.

Preparation

Before we begin with each rule, the number one rule is to be prepared. You have heard us say it before, a man with no plan, in reality, is a man that is planning to fail. No one knows when accidents happen, but you have to think ahead of time. Essential things that should be in a man's car at all times are; a jack and crowbar, flashlight, spare tire, jumper cables, and a copy of the owner's manual. Some wise things to keep are extra brake fluid, fix-a-flat, and antifreeze. They are not necessary like the first five, but they are certainly good to have around.

Change a Tire

This is probably the number one thing a man has to know how to do, BY HIMSELF. There are few guarantees in life, but we promise that you will experience a flat tire at some point in your life. We also promise that you don't want to be forced to call AAA miles away from town while all the equipment is sitting right behind you. To make matters worse, your date has seen her brothers do it hundreds of times and is politely asking if she can take a crack at it. Don't be that guy. Sure, you might have to get your hands dirty, but it's a task that men gladly tackle. Handling situations like these show that you can protect her and that you're in control. Women like control, but they love men that are IN control. Not sure about your skills? Click the link below if you need a refresher.

Jump a Car

Late one night, some friends and I went out for a night swim. Afterward, one of my friends, who was on the school's volleyball team, discovered that the dome light to her SUV had been left on the whole time. She could not start her car and was starting to freak-out. She quickly asked one of the basketball players if he could help, and he reluctantly accepted. He took out his jumper cables and quickly put them on both cars. He turned his car on and then proceeded to step out. To his dismay, the prongs on her car began sparking up. Also, to his dismay, the girl became incensed as she thought her car was about to blow up. She threw a barrage of punches to his face and furiously yanked off the jumper cables. It turns out the basketball player had no clue what he was doing and had decided to "wing-it" on her car. After stopping what was soon to be a slug-fest, I correctly put the cables on the appropriate ends of the battery and attached them to my car's; gave it a few revs, and sent her on her way. Don't be that guy who lets down friends in need, and don't be the one to let someone else ruin your car. Even though it is really simple, done incorrectly, jumping someone's car can be very dangerous. If you aren't comfortable doing it now, check out the link below to make sure you know what you're doing.

Your Fluids

There are few sounds worse than a car trying to parallel park without any power steering fluid. Unless you are trying an experimental workout routine, there is no need to put yourself and others through all that pain and suffering. Just go to the store and replace it, man. Steering, windshield wiper, brake, and antifreeze fluid are everyday things that the lazy male refuses to monitor. It's easy to ignore, but the thing about cars is that small problems usually become big ones if left unattended. Every once in a while, lift the hood, and see how everything is doing. It might take all of 3 minutes, but that's nothing compared to the cost of a new steering shaft after it cracks from undue pressure and friction.

#lifestyle #auto

excerpt from “Humble Beginnings And You by @davidpailinjr ” available on @plutocratsmag & @linkedin • • • • • • #career #money #job #work #mensmagazine #men #encouragement #magazine #lifestyle https://www.instagram.com/p/CJbT-kHAd3-/?igshid=2vkm1isvk0pb

#career #money #job #work #mensmagazine #men #encouragement #magazine #lifestyle

"Humble Beginnings And You" by David Pailin Jr.

In the not so recent past, I was an employee at a local Best Buy. As a fresh college grad, I was doing what I could to pay the bills while avidly looking to start my ideal career. One day I was helping a father and his son select a new computer. The father and I engaged in a little small talk during the sale, and I was asked about my schooling and extracurricular interests. Speaking candidly, I let him know of my accomplishments in college and my field of study. After I finished, his son looked me dead in the eye and snickered, "all of that just to work at Best Buy." I was stunned. Not only with anger, but with humiliation because I thought his words had truth in them. The dad quickly tried to do some damage control, but the words had already taken their toll. Life sure has a way of kicking you while you're down, huh? Luckily for you and me, jobs don't dictate our self-worth. We do.

The Bottom to Top Theory

Sure I knew I graduated with honors, and that was just a temporary job, but the reality of not being where I wanted hurt. Badly. These feelings are shared by many laborers who seem to be at the very bottom of their organization and at a mental crossroads. The truth is, that story is the best thing that ever happened to me. Have you ever met someone that has been given everything they have ever wanted? Whether it be from parents or some other donor, life to them is a blurred existence where needs and wants are almost indistinguishable. This might not be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that they are actually cripplingly inept. How would you know the true value of food if you were never hungry? How could you appreciate joy if you never cried? How can you be of worth if you never had to develop any skills? The understanding and humility that the road to success brings cannot be replaced or duplicated by any other means. Even though the media likes to promote that anyone can be rich and famous at any given second (just get a reality show about your life). They also like to detail the painful decline of stars that lost their shine. Think about it for a second. The people at the lowest levels of a company; 1. are purely evaluated by their craft 2. are most familiar with the goods and services, and interact with the customer on a daily basis (3.) Gone are the theories and the corporate rhetoric; only the people in the trenches fully know what needs to be sold, what isn't being sold, and what's not going to sell. No matter how brilliant or lucky you are, your effectiveness will always be limited if you don't have this experience. This is also why people who prey on others and cheat their way to the top never reach the same level of success as those who did it legitimately.

Consider the bald eagle. If any outside source helps or aids the eagle chick break out of its shell, it will never be able to fly, and it will eventually die. The baby eagle has to develop the strength on its own to break out of its shell, and only with that strength will they be able to fly. If you are starting off at the blue-collar level soak in your surroundings, you are enduring the very essence of business. The flaws, errors, and unmet desires that you see are the ideas that CEOs spend millions to alleviate. After you master the things around you, you will be able to soar to the career of your dreams.

The Grind

If one thing is understood in entry-level, everything you do can be traced directly back to you. You're not the manager, so you can't point the finger to your subordinates. You aren't apart of a board so that others can share the blame if something goes wrong. You alone are solely responsible for the assigned work, and there is a never-ending supply of peers for your work to be compared to. Even if you hate your job, your work is reflective of yourself. There are those that get the job done but aren't worried about the fine details. There are those who care about the details too much to ever get the job done. Even still, there are others who have to have it perfect every time, and finally, there are slackers who don't care at all. It's easy to see who is destined for better things and who is destined for mediocrity. If you don't work, you don't eat, that's life. There are parts of every job that no one wants to do, and if you want to get to a place where you have less and less undesirable parts, your work will have to speak for itself. Most promotions and references start and end behind closed doors. Your customers, peers, and supervisors will be letting the world know far more about your work ethic than you ever could by yourself. It will speak for you regardless if you want it or not, but you dictate what it will say.

The Prominence Perspective

As much as I felt bad about that kid's slick remarks, the truth was he didn't know me. He didn't know what I'm capable of, nor the people that I knew. I had plenty of things going for me before that time and many more afterward. Someone who hasn't known you for more than 5 minutes can never compartmentalize your future. Even if they have known you your whole life, all it takes is one opportunity (when preparation meets favor), and your life can be changed. Forever. Your life is a myriad of courses, filled with quizzes, tests, and cumulative examinations. Just because you might start at a lower class than someone doesn't mean you're off track. You may not need the harder lessons they have to endure, and they probably aren't built to handle the ones you are facing.

We are all uniquely and immaculately fashioned. Although it's hard to stay in your own lane and not get frustrated, you have to sacrifice for the success you strive for. Are you fine with irregular hours? Can you handle getting paid exclusively at the whim of any stranger you service? Could you hold your ego intact after being told you're not good enough time and time again? Well, actors/actresses can, and for years this is their existence. They go through many people's hell before they see the fruits of their labor, but the results are indescribably sweet for those who are committed.

Life has a funny way of taking the ones most likely to be looked over and making them the overseers. The person you didn't even want to tip last week might be tomorrow's leaders in a blockbuster film. People who have never seen the bottom won't stay on top long, and those with ambition will always get recognition. I encourage you to celebrate your hardships. They are the beginnings of your E! True Hollywood Story, the one you are shaping every day.

#career #money

"Introvert Problems" by David Pailin Jr.

Have you ever been stuck in a rut? You wake up, look around, and everything around you just seems uninspiring. Nothing is particularly wrong, but then again, nothing is particularly right. Meh... huh?... and whatever pretty much describes the last ten text messages that you've sent, and you're hoping that they catch the hint. "I don't want to talk to you today." better yet ever. Well, if you only feel like this on the 3rd blue moon during a leap year that has had two solar eclipses, chances are you don't need this article. But for those who found themselves in a social hibernation for no apparent reason, this is for you. You might want to take a shower before you read any further.

At the Office

So you hate your job, and guess what? You have just been informed that it hates you back. Terrible hours and an active-aggressive boss (opposite of passive-aggressive) keeps reminding you that you are no closer to your dream job than Mitt Romney is (actually, you may be closer than he is at this point). So there you are, at your desk. You've taken as many bathroom breaks as you possibly could, without drawing any unwanted suspicion. Now what? Truth be told, we suggest that you look around. If you look hard enough, I promise at least one person in the office feels exactly the way you do. Whether you both are planning your inevitable escape or just need someone to vent your frustrations with, someone will be there. Most likely, they're just trying to keep a low profile so that they can get by without any hassles, much like you. Besides, no one wants to go to the office Christmas party, and have no one to talk to.

Eating lunch by yourself for five years plus isn't only weird, but it's stifling. Co-workers are sometimes the best places to make new friends, especially for those who have problems with small talk. There is seriously an endless supply of material, and let's face it, you guys are stuck together....for awhile. There are holidays, birthdays, baby showers, and even funerals in which you are forced to acknowledge those around you. There is no use being a stick in the mud, especially when good work relationships can put your career on escalator mode instead of climbing the ladder. Relocation can be difficult for anybody, but often it's great co-workers that can give you awesome advice. I don't know what it is, but I don't necessarily like people knowing my full year's salary when I'm planning activities and checking for quotes.

In some cases, this hampers things because I may waste valuable time and money on things I can't really afford. This is an area where co-workers shine the most. They already have a great idea of your salary, and can give you some of the best advice you can get on housing, food, and nightlife. Covering for you on "sick" days and reminding you about upcoming projects are just some of the perks that those with work buddies have. Buds at work have the most fun, and it would behoove you to join them.

5, 4, 3

For you, advanced introverts here is a way to begin warming up to people in general and actually start feeling better about the day. Every day, there are times and places where you notice people, and they notice you as well. All I challenge you to do is to speak during five of those moments, for four days, for three weeks. It doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl, or if you say the same thing to each of them. It makes a difference. It seems like people do everything possible to avoid eye contact and talking to those riding along with them in elevators. However, as soon as one person opens up, it seems humanity momentarily rears its head, and positive responses always follow. Now, of course, I'm not instructing you to say something profane and ignorant, but something as small a commenting on the weather suffices just fine.

It's kind of a secret, but people like having their existence acknowledged. Who would have thought? Even a light compliment like "nice shoes" or "I like your hair" can really change the whole atmosphere around you. Giving people credit for things well done or unassuming services is also a great way to tackle this challenge. For instance, if I'm ever somewhere that requires a DJ and the music is good (usually a cause for a celebration), I always make a point to let them know so. There may be a security guard, receptionist, or even concierge that one "hey man, I just wanted to say you're doing a great job" can change everything.

By now, you're probably thinking, this sounds like it's helping others more than me. But try it and see. If their faces and demeanor afterward aren't enough, the sudden influx of compliments you start receiving will make you a believer. Fostering an environment of approachability and openness makes people gravitate to you. Soon you won't have to use contrite intros because by then, you would have mastered taking a genuine interest in people. When you go out of your home, you won't be a regular shmo glued to your cellphone in an obvious attempt to be left alone. You will be a citizen of the world, enjoying it, taking it in, and giving it back. Happy trails.

#relationships

"Why You Need To Date Yourself" by Lothario

We aren't cavemen anymore. There was a time when a man would see a woman he liked, bonk her over the head, and when she woke up, she was married. Thankfully for everyone, clubbing means something far more enjoyable in modern times. Unfortunately for all of us, the contemporary dating pool isn't only shallow, but contemporary Neanderthals keep peeing in it. If you're single in the 20th century, congrats, you're still alive, but here's what you should do to see your love life thrive.

The Theory

I have found that human relationships are made of two fundamental yet proportional desires.

Physical traits we find attractive

Personalities we can stand to live with.

Hypothetically, let's say that the highest number that any ideal mate could have is 100% on the physical side and 100% on the personality side.

Personality entails our desired brand of humor, class, intellect, tidiness, parenting skill, etc. Physical includes characterize such as height, weight, skin color, etc.

There are two extremes, those who are so bent on physical that they only want 100% and could care less about personality, and the man who doesn't care at all about physical and is 100% for personality. Most men fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. An average man might determine that he wants a girl with at least %75 physical and a 60% personality. However, he is willing to take a girl who is a %85 physical and % 50 personality because he may feel her physical attractiveness makes up for her lack of character. The reverse is true, as well.

What's Your Standard?

Naturally, you should be wondering what your desired numbers would be if you quantified them. Before that, though, there is something you have to do that is not so fun. Determine what an objective person would say about you in each of those same categories.

It's natural for us to want someone who is "out of our league," but what about the people in our league that we exclude out of hypocrisy? Most guys agree with me when I say I really want a girl who stays in shape because I stay in shape but stop the press and all cosign when I reveal that I'd date a girl who's has slept with just as many people as I have.

Of course, as a man, I want the number to be the closest to zero as possible, but my body count certainly isn't that. So, if she has that exact amount, who am I to judge? If I don't want a girl with my number, all other things held constant, why would a girl with a lesser number want me? Women and men like to be ticky-tacky when it comes to when and where they want a "two-way street" and often wouldn't take a second look at the opposite sex version of themselves.

Take it Personal

If you want to start making deal breakers, start with the very worst you've done in every category. Strive for better if you want better or accept people who are doing just as badly as you at the very least. Could you date a woman as clean as you are, as honest as you are, and as funny as you are? If the answer is no, then that means that you either have to align your standards or elevate yourself to meet them.

I know some guys that skip showers from time to time, and they vehemently deride girls with similar habits. I always laugh because what would make someone who showers twice a day want to be with someone who doesn't even have the decency to take bird-baths? When you can use yourself as the standard for what you are looking for in a significant other, you will not only see immense personal growth, but your discernment for what is right and wrong for you will be much higher.

If you don't think you can give yourself an honest appraisal, ask a close friend or, better yet, an enemy. It's really simple when you get down to it. You want someone with a fantastic body right, well workout so that your amazing physique attracts them to you. Be the characteristics that you want to see, and the person meant for you will materialize. Until then, happy hunting!

#relationships #dating #lothario

"She’s Not Posting You (How Other Men View It)" by Lothario

Forget what she "said" was the reason why she doesn't feel the need to add you to the vast array of everything else she meticulously photographs over and over again; this is what every heterosexual male that isn't you thinks when they see her living her best life on social media without you.

I don't think I can describe it any simpler than that, so let's jump right in.

You Don't Exist

This is what 100% of the strangers and acquaintances who happen to interact with your girl digitally think.

This is also what up to a good 60% - 80% of the men in her life who are "friends" without benefits think if they haven't been introduced to you but may or may not have been told about you.

Neither will stop shooting their shot for a dude they've never seen. For a large number of men, we use visual cues to determine who is off-limits with female interactions, and even though it may be an innocent coffee study session, after work assignment, or social media post on her end, if your girl is attractive, all of the men above will try her, openly and directly, as any man should for a woman he is interested in.

If there is no wedding ring, what is there to stop them? Believe it or not, men do virtual checks just as much and sometimes more than women do, and that includes the people we know are in relationships. The easiest way to see if a couple has broken up is if they've stopped posting and unfollowed each other. Your absence is a go-ahead not just to the "savages" among us, but the regular dudes who normally wouldn't go for someone who is taken.

She doesn't have to go crazy, but being there matters because that makes your relationship less of a target.

You're Weak

But let's talk about the people who do know, your bros by blood and selection. Don't pretend like they haven't visited her page to see if she's doing right by you as any good friend/sibling would do. Her wiling out on the gram affects you, and if it affects you, it should affect them at some level.

So come around your birthday, Valentine's Day, holidays, or any special events, and the photos that you all took together are noticeably missing. The men's delegation will immediately assume trouble is afoot. Mainly because they also know that other men who aren't your friends are also taking excellent notes.

Trust us; we have heard every justification under the sun:

"I like to keep my private life private"

"I don't want people in my business"

"I'm not on social media like that"

"I use my IG for business not personal"

"I don't want to be fake for all these people"

"I don't want other girls hopping in your DM"

The list goes on and on, and to be fair, most of them have legitimacy. She may completely wholeheartedly believe and live by them. Still, the problem is, the only thing worse than a man unknowingly hitting on your girl is one who is hitting on her because he thinks you are less than a man than he is.

It's important to share this with women you are seriously dating who genuinely haven't thought about it like that because if you two lived in a vacuum, it would be meaningless (just like a wedding ring). However, living in a society means that there are social norms. If a man does have this conversation with his girl and still doesn't post him, his status as a beta male is solidified. Now her ignorance moves to passive consent.

The majority of heterosexual men assume women are aware that not posting someone translates to their DMs being wide open, mostly because women normally want their men to post them too. Any woman with a boyfriend who isn't represented on their page is still considered fair game; to be taken by a strong enough man command that level of sacrifice and thoughtfulness. Ultimately, her decision to "buck the system," so to speak, is viewed as a lack of respect, which is still her choice to make. But if you don't think it's a red flag, your boys are, and it's definitely not a good look to the greater population.

You're A Phase / Not Serious

Still, some men won't believe that she is hiding you from the world out of the goodness of her heart, no matter what feminist cause she exhorts. That's because, at a very basic level, people post what they care about and what they think other people are going to like.

You not being up to the standard of her family, friend group, or her past exes are more logical reasons not to get posted. Guys will quickly form this opinion if you are nowhere in sight after she posted her ex almost every second. You can still see some of their oldies but goodies on her page.

We've had plenty of talks with women who expressed their embarrassment about posting and deleting photos of men they have been with. They've confided that they've just decided to play it safe for two reasons:

Not look like they are running through men like a pair of J's

Keep their options open because they know these next situationships aren't going anywhere

Let me give you a Big Sean verse to put how her ex's feel into a better perspective.

"I'm that n***a, I'm that n***a, that's yo n***a, even when you got a n***a, that you make love with, fill the tub with"

It's course, but very true for many men who have strong connections with their exes. We all listen to the same songs about taking girls away from other dudes, and depending on how bad she is, the level of savagery can and will escalate with an ex who has no real evidence that he's been replaced, so the name of the game is territory. No, she's not your possession, but there are boundaries within your relationship, and that includes signs that one exists to trespassers. Yes, if your girl is attractive, guys will hit on her regardless of what she posts and what you do, but the frequency, amount, and type of guys who do increase dramatically if they connect the dots that you are only an emotional stepping stool to her next relationship.

If that's not what it is, add some social proof. If it is what it is, you need to make some moves, my boy. No shame it happens to the best of us, but don't let yourself be used by a baddie just because the sex is amazing. You're going to miss it more than ever when it's suddenly and permanently taken away in humiliating fashion by the one she really cares for.

You're On Your Way Out

There is one case where the reason she's not posting you is totally your fault but is also a smoke signal for the wolves to start circling your camp.

If early in the relationship, she posted you heavy, even catching you off guard with candid Snaps, and she suddenly stops... for like months. This is not a drill. You need to do some major reassessing because you did something or stopped doing something that has changed the relationship's trajectory.

We may never be able to read women's minds like Mel Gibson. Still, you can certainly read their actions like the latest installment of Harry Potter. As mentioned before, posting is social capital to you and her, don't think she doesn't get anything out of it. In bold letters, it's also saying, "stay away from my man" to any woman that follows her. So if she's exposed you to her audience in a pretty recurring fashion and given you the stamp of approval by association, she has skin in the game.

If she's creating a time gap and diminishing your presence suddenly, it's more than likely because she's unhappy with you. Even girls with side-dudes often keep up appearances because women are smart, and they know that would draw our attention. So her not posting you is meant to draw your attention that something is wrong, so it's probably a good idea to show her that you received the message.

This is also where the definitely not-gay emotional-support-guy-friend is lying in wait, ready to pounce. There's no shame in their game because we've all seen a dude messing up and uttered the famous lines.

"I'm just saying I could do better."

Some do and live happily ever after; some don't and continue the cycle. Regardless, if you've noticed a sharp decline in your camera time, it's an opportunity to say

"I've noticed we been drifting apart, and I want to do something about it before it's too late. Do you want to talk about it?"

Don't just ask her what's wrong or call her out for not posting you because, in her heart of hearts, she wants you to know what is wrong even if she hasn't exactly told you. Make it easier for her to give you better hints by opening it up to discussing where your head has been the last few months, and you know that you haven't been all the way there. Ask where her head is at, and if she's still interested in a relationship, those are better questions because she will either show that she still wants it or start listing the reasons she wants out.

Don't let the negativity shock you if she wants out because the talk alone means you have a chance. If you're listening, there should be some immediate steps you can take to boost her confidence in the relationship. The most important thing to communicate is that you are willing to try, and you noticed something was up. Things didn't have to blow up to get to that point. Connecting emotionally will not only help you, but it will also take away the appeal of the other dudes who are trying to creep in by being "sensitive" and "listening."

At the end of the day, appearances aren't everything. You should always prioritize the uniqueness of your relationship over anything that other men think. However, as men, we must put up fences, as it's never wise to have anything you care for look defenseless.

#relationships #dating #lothario

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