remus @pmlupinn - Tumblr Blog

Ashes to Ashes ; Dust to Dust

Remus had remembered this area to be a lot less foggy than the mess he was trekking through now. The ground just a few miles north of here was definitely not as muddy and saturated. Though it might have just felt harder to lift his legs since he'd been walking so long. He had been traveling for at least a week now with only a map and compass to navigate. He was completely on his own. He had taken Glenda's advice and decided to not use any magic on the journey either. They had no idea how Voldemort's Death Eaters were monitoring them, but they were. Of that they were sure. The Order couldn't take any chances after recent events.

The past week's journey hadn't been easy. So, when he smelt the salty air and heard the waves against the rocks Remus was ecstatic. He picked up his pace and most likely would have broken out into a run, had he not been so tired. A grin did split his face though, as he finally saw the ocean and open sky for the first time in days. The sun was rising over the horizon, making the sea sparkle, and Remus couldn't have been happier with his decision to travel at night. The heavy fog only reached up to his ankles and Remus closed his eyes for a moment to bask in the warm sun. For the first time in months Remus thought things might work out. Or, at the least, this place would do well for them in the meantime.

He took a minute and sat on the edge of the cliff, feet dangling over the side, watching the sun rise. This was a new beginning; for him and for The Order... Even though they had lost friends, and they would likely lose more, things didn't seem as bleak anymore. Not with the sun warming him up just right and the morning birds chirping on the trees behind him.

That all changed the farther he walked down the rocky embankment, towards the cottages along the beach front. He assumed they were leftover from when the town had a decent fishing population. It seemed he was right, the closer he got. It didn't matter that they were rundown though. That only meant they were farther off the beaten track; perfect for The Order. The only problem was that his surroundings grew more and more desolate as he got closer. The fog had risen far above his head by the time he'd made it to the beach. Everything for a hundred foot radius (for that was as far as he could see) looked drained, replaced with shades of gray.

Remus frowned. At least the fog would provide some protection until he was able to start putting up wards. He kicked open one of the cabin doors, wand at the ready just in case. Disappointed, Remus only found it cluttered with fishing equipment, dust, and a strong smell of mold. His frown deepened. This place would need a lot of work if it was to become Order Headquarters in just a few weeks. At least he had something to do, even if he was on his own for the entire job. The Order members who he'd left back home were still fumbling. So, he was just glad he'd finally found something to do that would help them all. He and Glenda's Project PM was finally coming to fruit after months of labor. One of his ideas had finally helped. Albeit he was all alone again, but this time he had a purpose. He wasn't just roaming the countryside anymore.

Pushing up his sleeves, Remus got to work. There was no way he could rest in such an offending cabin. He forced his tired body to push and wipe until the area was clean enough for him to lay down. He would set up the wards in a few hours but for now, he needed a rest. There would be plenty of work to do when he woke up, but the cot he'd found while cleaning was calling his name.

Laying down, Remus looked out the window at the ocean and decided to change his mind about Port Montrose once again. It might not have been the paradise he thought at first and it might not be the desolate prison he had come to look at the closer he got. Instead, Remus realized, it was a solid in-between. Purgatory, if you will. It was a place to sit and wait; to devise a strategy. Until they had come up with something and made it to heaven or hell, it would work just fine.

#sample

r. j. lupin moodboard: ft. the marauders

I get by with a little help from my friends...

#mb**

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pmlupinn

[ Drew, Peter, Robert & Cousin Mikey by free bliss on Flickr ]

#photo

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pmlupinn

[ untitled by free bliss on Flickr ]

#photo

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pmlupinn

L I L Y . E V A N S ;

Remus has been keeping an eye on Lily lately. He knows they're not close now that she's broken things off with James but he still worries. While it's kind of his duty to be mad at her over breaking his best friend's heart, he still looks out for Lily and makes sure nothing would ever happen to her.

He sees how things are going with her and James and wishes he could fix it. Of course, there's no talking to Lily and James is just as stubborn. He just hopes she gets her head out of her arse and realizes you can't keep people at a distance because you're scared to lose them. That's only a reason to hold them closer while they're still around.

[ she by Natia Rekhviashvili on Flickr ]

#ppl

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pmlupinn

J A M E S . P O T T E R ;

Just like Sirius, Remus has been worrying about James as well. He seems angry nearly all the time and there are hours where no matter how hard he tries, Remus can't account for him. He never raises alarms though, and gives James time to run off some steam but there's always the fear that he won't come back and they'll find his friend dead.

He's also scared James wont be able to grow up fast enough to deal with the horrors of war. But then again, he's also scared that he will. James had always been full of passion and drive, but lately he's been acting more and more like a grumpy old man and Remus can see the James he knew at Hogwarts slowly slipping through his fingers.

Remus has always felt like he needs to take care of James. There's always been something about him that made Remus feel like he needed protecting. He was an innocent, fighting a war Remus had never wanted him to be a part of. All Remus wants is to keep James' youthful energy intact, but it doesn't look like he's doing a very good job.

[ micaela mclucas untitled by micaela mclucas on Flickr. ]

#ppl

S I R I U S . B L A C K ;

Remus is incredibly worried about Sirius, possibly even more so than everyone else at Port Montrose. He's been thinking Sirius has recently been regressing back to being a third year all over again. He's playing pranks and doing things that are incredibly dumb, even for him, and Remus is worried it's from the stress of being in hiding.

He's also just a little bit worried Sirius might be depressed with the way he's been acting lately... Or there's something off, at least. So Remus has been trying to keep an eye on him.

The secret bar is another thing Remus isn't happy about but he's not about to spoil Sirius' fun. He's just glad he's found something to be happy about. Not to mention he knows it'll start something between the two if he confronts Sirius about one of the only things keeping him from obviously going mad.

#ppl

r. j. lupin moodboard: ft. a summary

Beginning t o d a y, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be d e a d by [midnight] Extend to them all the kindness, care, and understanding you can muster. Do it without any thought of r e w a r d.

#mb**

Panromantic Demisexual ;

Panromantic: When a gender doesn't limit your romantic feelings for someone else. Demisexual: When you need an emotional attachment to feel sexual attraction.

Remus has never really let himself be in a relationship. He's too self-conscious and he knows he'll always be worried about whether or not he's good enough for them or if they even want him in the first place. Who he's interested in has never really been something that he's felt he needed to publicize though. Even if it's the one thing about himself he's not necessarily ashamed of. He has no qualms having crushes on anyone, at least he doesn't to himself, but because they're usually his friends it does make things a little messy. He's questioned whether or not he's had a crush on nearly every single one of the people he's been arund but the only two he ever had real feelings for were Lily and Sirius. Sirius was his first crush all the way back in second year. It might have just been because Sirius saved him from being lonely and made him feel accepted, but he crushed on the boy hard for nearly a year. He finally snapped out of it, but Sirius had chipped away a special place in his heart. Even when he found his wolfsbane and Remus had nearly lost him, he still considered the boy his best friend.

Lily came nearly three years later and by then he'd questioned his feelings for both James and Mary Macdonald, but neither of them had been anything real. James was only because they had grown closer after they all had found his wolfsbane and Mary had mostly been because he related to her. He felt sorry for how she was treated and nearly reached out to her every time he saw her hurt, but he had left it alone. The last thing she had needed was to become friends with a werewolf. Lily was different than those two. They had gotten closer and closer over the years and now that she was pursuing James she spent a lot more time around their group of friends. Remus found a great companion in Lily, which eventually turned into something he couldn't control. While she was there for him, as a friend, he spent all of sixth year fantasizing about dating her. Of course, that never came about and Remus was left watching her be in love with James until he eventually got over his crush.

#lupinsexuality

g r y f f i n d o r ; where dwell the brave at heart

Remus never understood why he had been chosen for Gryffindor. He felt he would have belonged much better in Ravenclaw where a lot of them would spend hours studying and probably wouldn't bother him at all if he didn't want to be. Over the years, he was glad he didn't get sorted there. Especially after second year when Sirius had found him and dragged him into his gang of idiots before Remus had even realized what had happened. While Remus never understood why he was sorted into his house (he felt he wasn't brave or daring enough) he was definitely a Gryffindor at heart. He was never found far from a hurt student and he would never turn down somebody asking for help. He was chivalrous and never left anyone he saw struggling alone until their problem had been sorted. Remus was also brave, in his own right. While he might not have been brave and courageous around others much, he's fought the past fifteen years against his lycanthropy and hasn't given up on himself yet. He's kept fighting for himself and now for the cause he believes in, even if he thinks they're probably all dead eventually anyway. Remus might have a weak moment every now and again, but there's no questioning that he's definitely a G r y f f i n d o r.

#lupingryff

How does this character contribute to the rebuilding of the Order? What role do they play in Port Montrose?

Remus seems to always be sticking his neck into as many different jobs as he can. He'll volunteer for night patrol and then in the morning he'll be up in the infirmary helping take care of anyone who had been injured. He also tries be involved in the communications and search team sections. He feels as though he was the one to come up with Port Montrose so he should also make sure as many people make it there as quickly and as safely as they can. If that means not sleeping a couple nights in a row then so be it. He was also just recently welcomed into the strategy meetings. While he had a good idea with Port Montrose and set up a lot of what makes the place work so well, it took him a while to truly become a part of The Order. They still didn't think he was someone worth listening to--- and Remus thinks a part of it might be his affliction. That was for the first month or two though. Now they're at least letting him sit in on their meetings. He's devising strategies on his own time anyway and Remus has realized The Order is getting just desperate enough to listen to the twenty year old werewolf who had abandoned the cause once before.

#order

How did they react when they first heard of Port Montrose?

Remus came up with the idea to find another location during one of his first Order Meetings. Nobody really listened to him though, as he was new to the team and was too young to be taken seriously by anyone of importance. Except, Glenda Chittock. She had been sitting next to him as he faintly mumbled his idea for the twenty-third time that week. He was stunned when somebody had finally taken him seriously and was quick to help push the idea along in any way he could. He knew, and so did Glenda, that finding a new location was crucial if they wanted to win against Voldemort. They couldn't do it from a location that was both not secure and obvious to anyone who knew even the smallest thing about any of them. If they wanted to do this right, they would have to make sure the place they picked didn't have any ties to any of them. They needed to make sure it was remote enough to give them enough time to come up with a plan and Remus had just the location.

What is this character’s current state of mind? How are they functioning in Port Montrose now?

Remus is currently all over the place. He's been trying to do way too much for just one man and in return his health is beginning to deteriorate. He's driving himself mad as he spends hours thinking about their next move or writing in his journal. He's become so consumed with the war that he's become nearly the shut in he was when he first started at Hogwarts. On top of getting little sleep over all the worrying, not having access to his wolfsbane potion isn't helping either. He's reverted back to biting and scratching himself during full moons again and he's unable to keep control of himself during the months he can't send out any communication. He's had to rely on his friends to keep him from hurting people, which has only caused him more and more stress. He's worried he'll hurt his friends or they'll get tired of having to run after him every month and give up all together. He's scared that when that happens he'll end up hurting somebody in the village or one of The Order members and get thrown out. There's so much he's scared of it's eating him alive, but he's trying to come across as if he's normal and totally fine. It seems to be working on most of them and Remus only hopes he can keep it together long enough to win this war. Except, that prospect doesn't look so bright on that front either.

#pm

How did the Attack on Britain effect this character? What did they do after the battle?

*this is a drabble/short para*

Remus held the letter in his shaking hands and bit down on his lip. His father's handwriting looked almost foreign to him as he read through, learning about the death of his friends and the takeover of Wizarding Britain. He hadn't been there. Why hadn't he been there? James and Sirius had been. Lily too, he'd imagine. They had all been there when Benji went missing and for Amelia and Sturgis' deaths. He blinked several times to clear his vision before he read on, his father talking about how they were sure there would be another attack, probably on Order Headquarters. How they were slaughtering muggles in the streets. His hands shook harder.

All of his friends were there and what had he done after school? He'd fled like the coward he was.

Balling up the parchment in his first, he threw it into the roaring fire. He could have prevented this. If only he'd been there maybe he could have saved Amelia or Sturgis or Benji. Of course, his father had noted how he was glad Remus wasn't in the middle of all that. How he and his mother were so relieved he had decided to go on holiday instead of stay and fight in this nasty war. Pulling at his hair, Remus stumbled backwards to sit on his bed, elbows pressed hard into his knees as his scalp started to hurt.

He took a few deep breaths and then stood back up, almost abruptly, and started throwing his things into his tattered trunk. The same trunk that had boarded the train with him every year, since his first, to Hogwarts. It was the only thing he'd brought with him, other than a photograph or two, to remind him of home and his friends. Even just having that around made him feel guilty for abandoning them. Especially now that some of them were dead.

His mother would get on him about not folding his clothes properly when he got home, but he wasn't bothered. The only thing on his mind right now was getting back in time for the funerals. It must have already been a day or two since his father had sent the letter. Remus could have missed them, for all he knew.

Levitating his trunk, Remus took the stares down two at a time and was quick to settle his bill with the Inn Keeper. He had never been one for apparating, the feeling making him feel sick to his stomach, but now wasn't the time for a several day broom ride and the floo network didn't reach out this far. So he headed straight for the designated apparation point and tried to remember the three D's as he turned on his feet, his mother's kitchen freshly pictured in his mind right before all the air left his lungs and he was sucked through the vortex.

#attackonbritain #para samples

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#inspo

List three weaknesses and three strengths

(+) compassionate

Remus has always enjoyed helping people, even when he was little. His favorite game as a child was dressing up as a Healer and making his parents play patient with him. As he grew up, that compassion for others didn't fade. In fact, it grew stronger and it wasn't just him pretending to patch people up anymore. Instead, he spent hours in Madame Pomfrey's office learning from her. He became something of an apprentice to her up until the war broke out. After that he graduated, packed his bags, and set off for what was suppose to be an adventure but what actually turned into just running away.

Now that he's back, so is his compassion; even if it's mostly a product of guilt. He practices some of what he was taught at Hogwarts in the cottage six infirmary, but he doesn't spend too much time there as they have a couple competent healers already. He works on finding a way out of this mess instead, worrying every day about the well being of not only the members at Port Montrose, but the people out there who don't have any defenses against Voldemort at all.

(+) witty/funny

Sirius: "Did you like question ten, Moony?" Lupin: "Loved it, name five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question." James: "Do you think you managed to get all the signs?" Lupin: "I think so. One — he's sitting in my chair. Two — he's wearing my clothes. Three — His name's Remus Lupin."

Before the bite, Remus was one of the most outgoing and optimistic children you could have ever met. Even at such a young age, he was clever and witty and cracked jokes that made everyone in the room crack at least a smile. After he was bitten, that all changed though and he became withdrawn and shy around other people. Even his parents had a hard time getting him to smile, or even come out of his room. He boxed away the rambunctious personality and forced it down inside himself to make room for books and the quiet, tight space between his bed and the wall where he liked to study.

When he was excepted into Hogwarts he withdrew into himself even more over the first year. While he wasn't cold towards others, he didn't make any effort to gain any friends. The last thing he wanted to do was for them to find out about his lycanthropy and reject him or for them to get hurt during a full moon. Except Sirius Black wasn't one to take no for an answer and dragged him out of his shell by sheer force of will. Eventually, Remus' humor came back the longer he spent time with Sirius and his friends. Except now it was dry and callous and the three other boys loved every second of it. His started opening up and smiling again. Sirius' friends quickly became his own and Remus couldn't have been happier throughout his school days.

(+) intelligent

Even as a child, Remus always had a thirst for knowledge. Knowing it wasn't likely Hogwarts was in his cards, he ordered books on all the subjects his parents told him about and would spend entire nights reading about Wendelin the Weird, merpeople, charms and spells. By the time his parents surprised him with his acceptance letter he already had at least a fourth year education. Of course, he had to start from the beginning with the rest of his classmates on September 1st but he was glad he did. That's where he met the marauders and regained some of the child-like confidence he'd been missing since he'd been bitten.

While at Hogwarts his favorite subject was Charms. even if it was considered a softer alternative to Transfiguration. That is until his fifth year when they learned a tickling charm Sirius insisted on using against him every time he got "that look on his face." After that, he always leaned more towards Defense Against the Dark Arts, though Professor Flitwick always held a special place in his heart as one of his favorite teachers.

(-) people-pleasing

Remus' fatal flaw is that he worries too much about what other people think of him. He's always liked being liked, almost to a fault. He's been known to let people get away with things he knew were wrong, or kept the truth from others, for fear of being disliked or hated even more than he already is. So, instead of standing up to most people and starting fights, he goes out of his way to keep people from outwardly disliking or judging him.

Over the years, and after witnessing James and Sirius stick up for themselves more times than he could count, he's gotten a bit better at it. He's learned to stand up for a few things he absolutely wont bend on. The only problem is he still lets his friends get away with whatever they want. Mostly because the last thing he wants to do is lose them after he's already lost so many others.

(-) cowardly

There are more than just a few times Remus has acted cowardly in order to self-serve. He never told Dumbledore about his friends becoming Animagi, even though they were in danger running around with a werewolf all night, once a month. He never told Sirius and James off for picking on others; especially Snape. Remus never told Lily how he felt about her in their sixth year because James held a torch for her. He ran away to the countryside after graduation. There were, and are, so many things Remus doesn't pursue because he's scared of the outcome; of losing somebody he loves because he's done something they didn't like.

Dumbledore obviously knows about the marauders being animagi now and Remus is long over his crush on Lily, but he's always going to be a bit of a coward because he doesn't believe he'll get anything right. While he works tirelessly on coming up with a plan for The Order and tries to prove himself to others constantly, the only person he can never seem to convince is himself.

(-) self-hating

He's definitely one of the most self-hating characters I've ever read and feels as though anyone being around him is in danger or will end up hating him once they learn what he is. He lacks confidence and doesn't tend to go out on a limb for himself, even though he'll do so for others in a split second. Remus seems to have accepted the speciesism (and ableism to a point since lycanthropy is a disability, I would assume) of wizarding society and has since accepted the role he thinks he deserves. He's even made himself a martyr in order to make up for what he believes is his role in society due to his affliction.

Remus' friends have helped him see the light, to a point, over the last several years. They're always there to cheer him on or keep him from beating himself up too much. They try to help him realize that his "furry little problem" is, in fact, little. Of course, being a werewolf isn't something to ignore, but the marauders and his other friends are slowly helping him see that he's a man before he's a monster. If he's even a monster at all.

#sw

How do you interpret this character’s personality? How will you portray them?

Remus is compassionate, brave, loyal, kind, funny, and incredibly intelligent. He's a great friend and a great ally, even if he comes across as withdrawn or stuck-up if you don't take the time to get to know him. Most people only see the quiet side of him because he has a hard time trusting people. He doesn't know if they're going to like him one minute and then find out what he really is and turn on him the next. He even has the nagging suspicion that a lot of his friends are only friends with him because they feel sorry for him. That thought is always in the back of his head . He's constantly concentrated on what other people think and how he could change their minds. He feels that way about nearly everyone in his life except for his parents and occasionally the marauders. Despite being withdrawn and coming across as stuck-up sometimes, he's not unkind to people he's not friends with. It's actually the exact opposite. The last thing Remus wants is for anyone to hate him. Sometimes, he even goes out of his way to excuse actions he doesn't necessarily approve of in order to keep friends. Mostly because growing up surrounded by prejudice and stigma his whole life really took a toll on his personality and the way he views other people. He feels he has to be extra in any and all situations to make up for the degenerate parts of himself. Remus has to be extra nice, extra loyal, extra intelligent... Or at least thats the way he sees it. He feels he has to work twice as hard, come up with twice as much, in order to be even a little accepted by those around him. Even among The Order at Port Montrose; the place he helped organize and create. Even though he feels like he has to be extra all of the time, sometimes Remus feels like he's a coward despite that. He couldn't stand up to his friends in school, or even now, for fear of losing them. He ran away when the rest of his friends and colleagues stayed and fought the war. He wasn't around for the Battle of Britain and the deaths of several friends. Now that he's back, Remus is always trying to make up for those things by standing up to elders in The Order more often; people he tells himself wouldn't matter if they thought less of him. He came up with the plan to move base to Port Montrose. He even helped come up with the postcards to get all of the members there. In realizing his cowardice, he's overcompensating and overworks himself now trying to come up with plans and strategies to help defeat Voldemort and his followers.

#pers2

h e a d c a n o n ; 005 [CHOCOLATE]

Remus hates chocolate, despite being known for always having some on his person. He doesn't like the taste, or the texture... or anything about it really and hates when people think otherwise; even if he doesn't say anything. The only reason he has for keeping some on him at all times is because it makes him feel a bit better after a full moon. He'll use it to make some hot chocolate or just take a few bites off a raw bar and, even if it tastes terrible, it puts a bit of color back in his cheeks so his friends don't worry so much.

#hc

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