brain dumps

mostly just me whining about my headaches, with occasional deeply random hot takes about uninteresting things

[pnw-ghost]

Maturing is admitting to myself my mommy issues are way worse than my daddy issues and my daddy issues are pretty bad so... yikes

[pnw-ghost]

My uterus is NOT a girl's girl. Why did you grow a fibroid friend??? Unhelpful.

[pnw-ghost]

Finally FINALLY got the report for my ultrasound back and I have a little baby posterior uterine fibroid (21mm) it seems so silly to call it a baby/small because it has been causing me pain and large clots while on my period, among other things and I literally have back pain right now as I type this BUT it is classed as small SO.

This is clearly what my upcoming gynecology appointment will be about so, at least I am not going into that fully blind. Just almost completely blind lol.

[pnw-ghost]

I'm either on day 4 or 7 of my current headache/eye pain depending on how I want to count it and here's what I've tried so far:

Sleeping

Eating (this almost never works but is worth a try)

Sugar, caffeine, salt

Ibuprofen

Lots of water

Laying down

Not laying down

Ice packs

My rizatriptan (which I actually think may have triggered this headache episode lol sobs)

What I haven't tried because it freaks me out: my other rescue med Cambia which has an insane warning pamphlet and makes me so mad because I am uncomfortable with the idea of taking it, there's a chance I will have a bad reaction to it and I have NO ONE to reach out to with my concerns about it because "my" neurologist is barely even MY neurologist, has seen me for 15 mins ONCE and spent most of that time talking about medication. It makes me so mad and empty and makes me feel worthless and disposable. I hate engaging with Healthcare and I hate that people DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT FFS

Anyways I'll be waiting out this headache/eye pain at home unless I start throwing up or I take the Cambia and have some insane reaction (might try it tonight/tomorrow just to say I've done it once and behave like a good little idiot the way the system demands).

[pnw-ghost]

Something I find beyond frustrating about myself is I often display atypical or less symptoms of things, like for example my ferritin is 9 and I have some other funky bloodwork (high wbc, platelets sort of thing) but my only symptoms of that seem to be extreme fatigue (that I can push through somewhat often and easy to bruise).

On the other hand I also have unusual and extreme reactions to medications. So like a low dose of a beta blocker made me so dizzy I stopped taking it 1.5 weeks in because I legitimately thought I was on the verge of passing out and/or falling over and also caused my resting heart rate to drop and caused extreme heart rate fluctuations when getting up (65 to 110 bpm or worse).

I'd love to just catch a break lol.

[pnw-ghost]

I swear taking my rizatriptan migraine rescue med a couple days ago has made my headaches worse 😫

(it doesn't even actually help the way it should, I'm not entirely sure I have migraines but that is a whole different problem)

Currently about a full day into my current headache/eye pain this time around and it feels like someone is stabbing through my eye into my brain 😭 fml

[pnw-ghost]

Sometimes it really hits me how much I've had to change and stop doing in my life and how much it sucks.

It's really hard to commit to hikes when I mostly likely will get a splitting headache with crazy eye pain an hour in.

It's really hard to do anything when I might get head/eye pain that hurts so bad I feel like I can't breathe.

Sometimes it's hard to even commit to reading a book.

I wish whatever this is was being taken more seriously. I still am in limbo with when my second neurology appointment will be. The beta blocker I tried gave me wild awful side effects immediately so I stopped it and the rescue medication n1 I've tried doesn't do anything to actually help my head/eye pain and also gives me lesser side effects. I'm actively scared about trying medication n2 lol.

Really going to try and push next appointment for more/different testing because honestly I don't think it's migraines. I'm fine with being wrong about that but literally everything I have been able to look at doesn't seem to line up with migraines, I know I'm not a doctor but I am the one experiencing it.

[pnw-ghost]

It took me 4 months after a neurology referral to get an appointment for DAILY headaches (that had been happening for 8+ months)

But it took one pelvic ultrasound to get a gynecology appointment in 4 weeks.

I have a lot going on and I wish my headaches were being taken as seriously as whatever the heck showed up on the ultrasound lol

😅

[pnw-ghost]

Currently ping ponging between ~I'm so happy I don't have to wait ages for my gynecology appointment! I got offered one in about a month!!~ and ~oh no, why did I get offered an appointment so quickly?~ because I was told I was probably looking at a 3/4 month wait when I had the referral made and my appointment is 7 weeks from my initial phone call where they scheduled an ultrasound for me and said I was probably looking at an appointment in 6-12 weeks. So yeah, clearly there was something wrong with my ultrasound 😅

Is it nice that they found something wrong (because clearly to me I have something going on at some level) or is it terrifying? I have 4 weeks to meditate on this topic lol cryingscreamingthrowingup sort of.

Still thinking about how my parents never bothered taking me to a gynecologist as a teenager even though I have had concerning period symptoms since I starred having them. And my mum has endometriosis (like pretty bad). But I guess that's what happens when you are born to waldorf parents 🤢 (I wasn't vaccinated either, did that myself as an adult with a massive fear of needles lol)

[pnw-ghost]

Occasionally talking to my mother fills me with rage (there are like a million reasons why btw both understandable and not)

[pnw-ghost]

Okay so I got an ultrasound last Sunday and was told I'd hear from my doctor in 3-5 days about the results and I haven't, naturally.

So the options are:

1. This may have just been wrong/standard information from the technician (this ultrasound is happening before my first appointment is even scheduled idk why) so yeah

2. Nothing at all wrong/very low on the priority list (which is technically fine but sucks when something absolutely feels wrong in my body)

3. Somehow they did not get the ultrasound data and I have no idea how to check that or fix that if that's the case lol

Anyways... on to the weekend where I'm sure this situation won't occupy my mind at all /s

[pnw-ghost]

"Proud" to reveal my ferritin level is ✨️9✨️

Please don't clap lol

[pnw-ghost]

Can't wait to explain to a lot of people going forward that...

Yes this is my first pelvic ultrasound, gynecologist visit, etc, at 28...

Yes I have had heavy and bad periods since I started having my at like 12/13...

Yes my parents just totally neglected that aspect of me as kid...

Yes while I was passing out monthly BECAUSE OF MY PERIOD...

Yes my mum literally has endometriosis...

Yes it's fucking embarrassing.

[pnw-ghost]

I don't think my body likes beta blockers guys

[pnw-ghost]

Wish me luck, I'm having my first ever pelvic ultrasound at 28 on Sunday (long overdue BUT I am not focusing on that, don't have time to unpack the weirdness of my childhood and young adulthood before Sunday hey)

Trying not to over think anything but I am thinking a lot about the drink water an hour before and don't pee (my nightmare ESPECIALLY when it's called attention to lolol)

Also, also!! I will probably get my period tomorrow (checked and that's fine apparently) so... it's gonna be uncomfortable lol. Just trying to get it over with tho.

Ugh.

[titsay]

let it flow

[pnw-ghost]

Something that is really bothering me and causing me a ton of anxiety health wise is that I have exactly no support between appointments (I literally don't have another neurology appointment scheduled yet lol)

Like I guess I'm glad it's not super serious? But like I am crashing out slightly about the high platelets, we'll just see how it goes vibe...

What if it's something more serious?! And I just have to sit with it for another 3/4 months???? Idk man. Canadian Healthcare has it's positives and negatives and I'm really feeling the negatives. I wish I had a family doctor (or GP/whatever). Not that that would really solve my problems because they have long wait times too.

Health stuff is especially exhausting when you are already exhausted because you're going through it symptom wise 😭