I am the universe, and I am dying.

(c.e.m.)

[plaztic]

[sosuperawesome]

Fruit Cthulhu Pendants

OCTOrine on Etsy

See our #Etsy or #Octopus tags

[perrfectly]

[poetically-paathetic]

I'll be the first to tell you, That sleep fixes everything But that was before I realized That sleep doesn't cure the demons in our minds Or the ghosts that hide in the walls, And crawl into your ears, Plaguing your sleep And sleep doesn't fix restless nights Or the stresses of school Or the pressures from society Sleep won't mend a broken heart Or a trapped soul So maybe sleep can't cure the broken youth But neither can the drugs or alcohol, That swim in our guts Sleep can't fix everything, But it can make you forget for awhile, Giving you the room you needed to breathe" -(c.e.m.) 'the broken youth'

[poetically-paathetic]

They ask me about you What good you do for me Why it's worth it. Why I would hurt myself like that They wouldn't understand though Not unless they had spent every night gasping for a breath Screaming for release. Not unless they had spend every night alone fighting for a reason to live A reason not to take that blade and rip it across your skin. To bleed your feelings out. To feel something Because no one ever told us how bad feeling dead inside is And no one ever told us about the gut wrenching loneliness and how it steals your innocence and rips your will to live right out from under your finger tips. And no one every told us about how addicting tearing apart you skin is No one ever told us that weren't alone. That there were other ways to feel alive. No one ever warned us of the demons and monsters that crawl inside our minds, screaming our deepest fears at us. Waiting until we're alone to destroy us bit by bit. And no one ever told us that no one would ever understand -(c.e.m.) 'what do I tell them when they ask about my scars?'

[poetically-paathetic]

They warned me you were bad I never listened I was young, naive and in love They warned me about you God, I should have listened You manipulate, you corrupt, you ruin You're like an unknown allergy You strike unpredictably You paralyze, you kill You're the boy they write stories about You're the boy who doesn't take no for an answer You're the boy who doesn't stop when asked You're the boy who pinned me down, told me I wanted it You're the boy who stole my innocence The boy who killed my mind, ingrained self-hate You're the boy that made me want to die. -(c.e.m.) "boys like you"

[poetically-paathetic]

Dear best friend, Stop pulling your skin back to see what you're made of Look for the answers in the way the breeze ruffles your hair and how the sun feels against your skin You are the voice I search for in a crowded room The boy who's music gives me faith in humanity and leaves me speechless all at once Search for the answers in constellations that scorch the night sky Brightening the path to your future You're lost and confused  But you're only 17 You won't be lost forever Look for the answers in your friends and know that you'll never be alone Every human is a walking contradiction Some hide it better than others Embrace the side of you that's lost The side that's confused And search for the answers in summer nights That you stayed up too late, laughing with friends Search for the answer in places that sunshine illuminates every dark part in your heart and find yourself "DMK3"// c.e.m.

[poetically-paathetic]

“Why do teach girls to make themselves easier to love? We tell them, Suck in your stomach Don’t have an opinion about anything that matters Don’t wear too much make up, You’ll look fake But don’t wear too little makeup, Or they’ll call you ugly Don’t be too proud, You’ll come off as cocky or a prude And boys don’t like girls who have pride and dignity and they don’t like girls who say no to their sexual tendencies But they also don’t like girls who give it up either They’ll call you a whore They’ll call you a bitch And God forbid you wear what you want to Because “with an outfit like that you’re asking to be raped” And “dressing like that will never get you laid” But what we should be teaching girls is that they need to learn to love themselves Before they ever love anyone else We need to teach them to be proud in their own skin And to voice their opinions loud and clear Because they’re just as important as anyone else We need to teach girls that we are strong, empowered women And that we were put on this earth to make boys fall in love And crush their weak little hearts, if they dare give us anything less than their very best.“

‘How do I become easier to love’ - C.E.M.

[poetically-paathetic]

"My kindergarten teacher taught me always to share my toys And to be nice to all the kids Even if they smell a little funny But she didn't tell me how to fix a heart after breaking it She didn't tell me how to pick up the pieces after shattering someone's world She didn't tell me about the broken look they'll get in their eyes and the heart break resonating in their voice She never told me it would rip me apart from the insides out, She never told me it would make me want to die She never told me that 'I'm sorry's didn't fix things completely, Even if they're said a thousand times over, And that sometimes even the strongest super glue can't hold together all the shattered pieces of his heart again She never told me that some actions you can't take back No matter how hard you try No matter how hard you pray I could promise a million promises But I'll only promise one: I'll mend your broken pieces if you give me the chance, I'll fix every crack in your ribs, And illuminate the scariest places of your mind I'll hold your hand through the night And be your 4 am phone call when night terrors plague your sleep I'll be everything I couldn't be I'll be the girl who broke your heart And managed to put it back together again" -(c.e.m.) 'Four-leaf Clover'

[poetically-paathetic]

"I can’t shake this feeling, that I’ll never get anything right. I’m not caring enough, or gentle enough. I’ll light fires only to abruptly put them out. I’ll kiss your bruises only to rip your heart out when you trusted me the most.

I’m so sorry, for all the times I’ve hurt you, or never quite been enough. I’m sorry for every harsh word, or accusatory glance. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve abandoned you, when all you really needed was a friend.

If I could get one thing out of life, that goes my way, It would be for you to know that I truly do love you. No matter how many times I mess up, no matter how many times I hurt you, I swear that I have loved you more than I have ever loved anyone else.”

-(c.e.m.) ‘I don’t deserve all of your second chances’

[poetically-paathetic]

"You are not your mother You are not her past mistakes or her present failures, You are not her harsh words or accusatory stares. You are not her past boyfriends whose hearts she ripped out and crushed into the ground And for gods sake, you are not the pills she has taken or the drugs that she’s ingested, You are not every bottle of liquor that she’s finished by herself after every boy who broke her heart You are not the scars on her wrists from too many battles within and you are not the cause of those scars either. And your father may look at you with weary eyes when you break the heart of the nice boy down the street, but baby, you are not your mother. You are a girl with the wind in her hair And the sun in her face A girl whose feet aren’t planted firmly on the ground because she’s left her head in the clouds. But she is not her mother and it’s time for her to make her own mistakes.”

-(c.e.m.) ‘you are not your mother’

[poetically-paathetic]

“If you listen closely you can hear my demons screaming.”

-(c.e.m.) ten word poem

[poetically-paathetic]

"I never thought I could feel as alone as I did when my life was falling apart But I'm better now, or so they tell me Yet this soul crushing, heart wrenching loneliness squeezes my body until I can't think I can't breathe. It's in the way all my friends talk about their significant others and I can't even touch your face It's in the way they get phones calls telling them they love them and revel in their greatest achievements, And I can't even hear your voice. I never thought I could feel so alone until I met you." -(c.e.m.) 'six hours, two states, two hearts'

[poetically-paathetic]

"I’m a walking contradiction. When I write, I tell my readers to put down the blades, I tell them to quit starving themselves I tell them that things will be okay That all this pain will go away

But in reality, I can barely believe the things I say Fuck I’m so broken I hurt so much I’ve been screaming through my poems Hoping someone, anyone, would notice

I’d forgotten the satisfaction I feel after ripping my skin open I’d forgotten the frenzy The need But last night it was like it had almost never even been a year

As the water ran clear I came to the realization I wouldn’t be able say that I couldn’t have stopped myself Because that would have been a lie I could have and should have stopped myself I purely just didn’t care enough to put the blade down And fight the urge And I guess that’s when I learned self-destruction was never meant to be tragedy.”

-(c.e.m.) ‘this isn’t Romeo and Juliet, there’s nothing beautiful about this’

[poetically-paathetic]

"God, I’m so alone. Everyone who I thought was my friend has left, they’ve gotten a lover, or new friends.

And God it hurts so much to know how replaceable I am because no one makes plans with me, or even thinks to include me in them

And fuck, I don’t know why I’m never good enough because I try so fucking hard I try to make them stay, I plaster on a smile And only falter when they look away

And please, Can’t somebody tell me why they’ve gone away? What am I doing wrong? How can I make them stay? But maybe I’m not good enough And that’s something I can’t live with everyday.”

-(c.e.m.) ‘this is the second time in a week you’ve bailed on our plans to hang with your boyfriend without telling me’

[poetically-paathetic]

"The sad truth in life is that everyone will hurt you in some way. I guess you’ve just got to find the people whose love is greater than the pain that they’ve caused. Find the people who clean up the tears they’ve caused you, and apologize with more than just a skillfully worded ‘I’m sorry’. ‘Cause lately, ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t mean a thing. It’s just something you say to warrant the pain that you’ve caused. ‘I’m sorry’ should mean that it won’t ever happen again It should mean I love you enough to swallow my pride, and admit that I’m wrong. So jesus christ, stop apologizing when all you’ve ever done is hurt me with the same actions.”

-(c.e.m.) ‘you don’t even mean it anymore’

[poetically-paathetic]

"It hurts, everything fucking hurts I feel so dead, like leaves falling from the trees in the fall, the life slowly slips from me. And I guess the hardest part is that I thought I was getting better, I thought I was over it. But getting up in the morning, it hurts to breathe And see all my friends laugh without me,
I’m not here, not really, I’m just taking up space You’re always so angry with me And god does it hurt. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone to love me as much as I want you to And god I love you, I love you with every fucked up shred of my heart”

-(c.e.m.) ‘maybe I’m not getting better’