rem

i like to write poetry and watch horror movies. feminist. physically disabled. bi. bpd. proud fatherless female.

[imverygaysblog]

Hello! terfs, radical feminists, or anyone who happens to stumble across this post.

Im a amab trans woman, ask me anything. I’m not posting this in bad faith I simply want to understand y’all better. Similarly I hope you’ll use this opportunity to gain a better understanding of the trans community.

Though I don’t hold the terf/radfem movement in the highest of regards I will respect anyone engaging in this post. I hope you try to respect me as well.

[poeticfeminism]

hi! i don't identify with the term 'terf', but i am very into radical feminism, and i saw in your comments you said you dont believe there is much difference between the misogyny transwomen face vs what cis women face. I'd just like to add my two cents as to why your belief here might be misguided:

I do believe that 'passing' trans women will experience some forms of 'surface level' misogyny, i.e catcalling, stereotypes etc. However, these are interpersonal forms of misogyny, whereas systemic misogyny can show itself in many ways which wouldn't affect transwomen, such as:

Medical Misogyny I put this one first as this is the one that I, personally, have been most affected by. Almost all medicine is based off of sex, not percieved gender, such as medicine doseages, sex specific issues (endometritis, pcos, cancers specific to different sexes), medical bias (in my experience, when it comes to chronic pain, males who express they are in pain will be taken more seriously than females expressing the same, due to males being seen as the stronger sex), experimental studies often have male bias and so so many more sex specific experiences.

Abortion bans/female autonomy Abortion bans across the US at the moment affect only certain groups of people: Females, FtM trans people, and intersex people who have the ability to reproduce. Those are the only groups that this affects. This is an attempt to take away womens rights to have control over their own bodies, and this prejudice is based on sex - related to this is the pressure on females to take birth control (which has several negative side effects i could make a whole post about) to prevent pregnancy, whereas males are not encouraged to get vasectomies, and do not face the same kind of pressures when it comes to sex that females do.

Non-Western Issues As someone who is in fact from the West, i'm not going to say too much on this as I obviously cannot understand the full extent of these issues, but in several countries FGM is not criminalised (and even in some US states), women are forced to wear hair/face coverings against their will, honor killings are still normalised, women are not allowed to initiate a divorce, and the list could go on. All of these are enforced based on sex, not percieved gender. Although this may not affect where either of us live, feminism still needs to fight for these women.

I don't want to make this post too long, but I hope you are open minded enough to listen to me (and other radfems who have replied). Again, I'd just like to clarify - I don't think transgender people should be harassed in any way, and I would feel sympathy for any trans women or trans men who have faced street harassment or male violence of any kind, and I personally will use whatever pronouns someone asks me to, but I just think the erasure of sex-based oppression by the trans movement is something which needs to be addressed.

[falandosozin]

yoyoyo im sorry to jump on op's post, i am not op and i do not speak for op. however! can i try to answer this?

so, first and foremost: you're right, there is a lot of systematic misogyny that's focused on biological sex, sex assigned at birth, regardless of gender and presentation. i have never met any trans person or ally that disagrees with this and if i came across anyone that even so much as implied that these things aren't worth talking about, then i guarantee you - me and countless other trans people would jump on them because that's just wrong. denying one group's oppression to highlight another will never be acceptable.

the problem arises, i believe, when it's implied that this type of misogyny is somehow worse than the other, when they're both misogyny. this is nothing if not that "oppression olympics" bullshit that's so present in tumblr and twitter. of course legalizing abortion is important. does that mean that making sure women are safe to walk home at night without the risk of getting attacked and/or raped is somehow less important? of course not.

note: im not saying you meant this or even implied this. im just stating that in my personal opinion, this is the sort of situation that this thinking will lead into. if you think one type of misogyny is worse than another it can be inferred that one type deserves more attention than another and it only goes downhill from there.

so, cis and trans women both face misogyny. maybe in different ways, but they do. the problem only arises when you assume one way "needs to be fixed faster" than the other. and cis and trans women also face misogyny in a lot of ways that are alike, similar, and in some cases, exactly the same. and in some cases trans women also face misogyny in ways that very few cis women have faced.

in other words... highlighting that trans women also face misogyny shouldn't and doesn't mean that afab specific misogyny somehow deserves less attention. in a lot of ways, trans and cis women face the same problems, while the problems they face that are different deserve equal "attention". am i making sense?

did that help at all?

[poeticfeminism]

Hi! Very late reply (recent post explains why sorry) but i appreciate the well thought out and genuine response! It's always nice to see some respect from both sides.

Honestly, I am not in the best position to answer this at the moment but I did just want to say that how you approached this response was really well thought out and kind and its definitely the kind of response that makes people sit down and question their beliefs rather than just being provocative.

I'm always going to respect everyone and would never imply that anyone should be treated worse for any part of their identity, and as someone who has been abused in the past i think some of the abuse that people on here call for is horrible, so i really do hope nobody got that impression from my post, my main objective was really to share my experience with sex based oppression.

Again, thank you for the lovely response and I hope you're having a great day!

[poeticfeminism]

guess who just returned after finally getting the guts to leave a very very toxic relationship with a man!

i was always very scared to post on here that i was in a relationship with a man as i have seen the discourse about whether you can be a 'true' femisist and be with a man, and it eventually lead to me leaving the space all together. eventually last week i got up the courage to leave, and i wanna come back here and spread positivity to any women who are like me, and i want them to know that things will get better always.

[imverygaysblog]

Hello! terfs, radical feminists, or anyone who happens to stumble across this post.

Im a amab trans woman, ask me anything. I’m not posting this in bad faith I simply want to understand y’all better. Similarly I hope you’ll use this opportunity to gain a better understanding of the trans community.

Though I don’t hold the terf/radfem movement in the highest of regards I will respect anyone engaging in this post. I hope you try to respect me as well.

[poeticfeminism]

hi! i don't identify with the term 'terf', but i am very into radical feminism, and i saw in your comments you said you dont believe there is much difference between the misogyny transwomen face vs what cis women face. I'd just like to add my two cents as to why your belief here might be misguided:

I do believe that 'passing' trans women will experience some forms of 'surface level' misogyny, i.e catcalling, stereotypes etc. However, these are interpersonal forms of misogyny, whereas systemic misogyny can show itself in many ways which wouldn't affect transwomen, such as:

Medical Misogyny I put this one first as this is the one that I, personally, have been most affected by. Almost all medicine is based off of sex, not percieved gender, such as medicine doseages, sex specific issues (endometritis, pcos, cancers specific to different sexes), medical bias (in my experience, when it comes to chronic pain, males who express they are in pain will be taken more seriously than females expressing the same, due to males being seen as the stronger sex), experimental studies often have male bias and so so many more sex specific experiences.

Abortion bans/female autonomy Abortion bans across the US at the moment affect only certain groups of people: Females, FtM trans people, and intersex people who have the ability to reproduce. Those are the only groups that this affects. This is an attempt to take away womens rights to have control over their own bodies, and this prejudice is based on sex - related to this is the pressure on females to take birth control (which has several negative side effects i could make a whole post about) to prevent pregnancy, whereas males are not encouraged to get vasectomies, and do not face the same kind of pressures when it comes to sex that females do.

Non-Western Issues As someone who is in fact from the West, i'm not going to say too much on this as I obviously cannot understand the full extent of these issues, but in several countries FGM is not criminalised (and even in some US states), women are forced to wear hair/face coverings against their will, honor killings are still normalised, women are not allowed to initiate a divorce, and the list could go on. All of these are enforced based on sex, not percieved gender. Although this may not affect where either of us live, feminism still needs to fight for these women.

I don't want to make this post too long, but I hope you are open minded enough to listen to me (and other radfems who have replied). Again, I'd just like to clarify - I don't think transgender people should be harassed in any way, and I would feel sympathy for any trans women or trans men who have faced street harassment or male violence of any kind, and I personally will use whatever pronouns someone asks me to, but I just think the erasure of sex-based oppression by the trans movement is something which needs to be addressed.

[poeticfeminism]

Girl you are 16, why are you giving advice about what psychiatrist to see when you've probably only seen like two?

I don't believe you asked this in good faith, but i do want to point out this is such a good example of people never listening to what women have to say unless it's the 'right' woman saying it. My age does not mean I can't make good points, and it doesn't mean I can't share my experiences.

For the record, although i don't owe you anything about my medical history in order to make my point valid, I will say I have been in therapy since i was 10, and have most definitely went through more than just two psychiatrists.

[poeticfeminism]

I saw that "only choose a female psychiatrist" post and I just want you to know that I literally used to feel the same and only got women mental health practitioners and this was how I messed myself up.

I was absolutely fucked over by female psychiatrists who acted like they knew better then me because they thought their gender gave them that understanding. They over prescribed me shit that fucked my brain up permanently. My male psychiatrist was the first one to listen to me, because he doesn't have that hubris. He's looking for what he's missed as a man.

As it turns out, it was about choosing the gender that hadn't abused me, and choosing an individual doctor who would listen.

I just think it's really harmful to tell people that only women will listen to them when it's really obvious you're treating an individual experience like a universal one.

I'm actually really grateful for this perspective, and I just want to start by saying i'm so glad you got the help you needed! I definitely agree I could have worded my post better - it was written quite quickly and I didn't analyze my use of language as well as I should have. However I stand by a lot of the points I made in that post on how a lot of men view female issues. Generalizing language is never great to use and so I do apologise for that.

My individual experience does not apply to everyone, and clearly didn't apply to you, however i'll be completely honest in saying i wasn't expecting the attention that post got (i had 1 follower before I posted that). A lot of the women rbing and liking seemed to agree with me, so i'm not going to take the post down or anything, however i will say you should never take the word of a stranger as universal advice, especially when it's on medical topics.

Thank you for the criticism, and I will make sure not to make this mistake in future. Again, I'm really glad you found the help you needed.

[poeticfeminism]

CONGRATS ON GOING TO UNI AT 16!!!

All these asks are so old because i took a lil hiatus but i thought i'd answer anyways. Thank you! It definitely hasn't been easy so far but i'm still so grateful for the opportunity!!

[poeticfeminism]

I personally use pads bc im scared of tss from tampons + disks/cups aren't that easily available and there's a lot of "it'll break ur hymen!!" stigma where i live (🙄🙄🙄)

Im planning on getting a disk when I move out though, bc apparently if u get the cup in the wrong size and it gets stuck up there the suction could lead to a prolapse?? idk if that's accurate but i kinda figured its not worth the hassle

Yeah, I’ve read of some horror stories with the cups, but I believe (hope) most of those come from them being inserted the wrong way, which is why i really wish there was more information on cups and disks.

I’m so sorry about the hymen purity culture where you live and I really hope you can be free of it one day <3

[poeticfeminism]

men acting like male loneliness is so much worse than female loneliness should really be subject to bpd loneliness. i promise you they wouldn’t want to talk again.

[radical-f]

Read this in “stats & curiosities from HBR”

[poeticfeminism]

I hate pads. I'm actually surprised how many women like it, just don't understand it . Cups, tampons or period underwear is easier imo

I was quite surprised at the poll results being 75% pads tbh but whatever works for these women is good. I personally like cups due to them being reusable, but I probably should have added options for reusable vs non-reusable pads as I forgot those are becoming more common.

[poeticfeminism]

Radblr, what period products do you use?

Pads

Tampons

Cups

Disks

Period Pants

Nothing/Free Bleeding

Other

Voting ended onAug 11, 2023

Just curious to see if the answers on here are different from the average.

[poeticfeminism]

not feminism related but wow it’s scary to be going to uni at 16 i am terrified for september

[poeticfeminism]

although i am excited to join the feminist society at my uni, and i’m hoping to be able to create female only spaces within that

[poeticfeminism]

not feminism related but wow it’s scary to be going to uni at 16 i am terrified for september

[poeticfeminism]

bpd episodes enhance my female rage x100

[antiporn-activist]

But men can totally distinguish between pornography and reality, amirite?

[poeticfeminism]

When more than half of the female population have labia which their ‘lips can’t even close around them’, and men claim to be disgusted by normal female anatomy to the point where they are suggesting genital mutilation, how can people argue that porn is not a problem?

[goblinous]

And even if having longer inner than outer labia wasn't the more common variation, even if it was unusual or uncommon to have longer inner labia, he thinks having an unusual but not pathological anatomical variation is cause for surgery. Instead of accepting what he believes is an unusual physical trait, he decided she should have parts of her genitals sliced off, never mind her body does not belong to him, never mind the risks of any surgery, and the heightened risks of surgery on the vulva because doctors don't bother to study female anatomy properly and cut without consideration for nerves.

[poeticfeminism]

reblogging bc this is an important addition!

women with ‘unusual’ features anywhere (face, vulva, breasts, literally anywhere) should not be forced or pressured into surgery in order to fit a standard of what a woman should be. female bodies are precious.

[antiporn-activist]

But men can totally distinguish between pornography and reality, amirite?

[poeticfeminism]

When more than half of the female population have labia which their ‘lips can’t even close around them’, and men claim to be disgusted by normal female anatomy to the point where they are suggesting genital mutilation, how can people argue that porn is not a problem?

[poeticfeminism]

As someone with BPD who has a female psychiatrist: always ask for a female psychiatrist.

Male psychiatrists are happy to overdiagnose BPD in female patients, stick them on some medication, and tell them there is nothing more that can be done.

Female psychiatrists mostly look into more likely options (BPD is not as common as people think) and will be more willing to provide longer term, more extensive treatment options. Mine even informed me that the majority of BPD symptoms will be lessened when not in a relationship, something a male would never have done, as they have the belief that a woman’s goal in life should be relationship.

Men will not care about how this disorder affects you. All they care about is making you more palatable to other men: take medication so they don’t have to deal with your emotions, don’t externalise any fear of abandonment because that will make you seem jealous and crazy. They do not want to make you better, they want to make you marketable.

Tw for mentions of eating disorders below the cut.

The same applies for every mental health condition, but also something I have specifically noticed is how male mental health professionals react to eating disorders. They will often either dismiss it as diet culture, or blame the women as if it is their fault. Not only this, but they will focus on how starving will make you ‘unattractive’ and that ‘men prefer women with curves’, ultimately dismissing it as a mental illness and instead presenting it like a fashion trend.

Men do not care about women’s mental health. They care about how it affects their agreeableness, their relationships and also how sexually appealing they are. As we all know many of them fetishise mentally ill girls - this is due to them believing that women struggling with their mental health have less control and therefore they would have more control in the relationship dynamic.

So do yourself a favour, and get a female psychiatrist.