For the rejected and the monsters. Obligatory MCYT SCP story for Sleepy Bois Inc + Tubbo. A special interest that's consumed my brain utterly for over 4 years now. CookieNomNomCrunch on AO3. They/them đ
This is an au that has consumed me. This blog will just be a terrible mess of whatever Iâm stuck on for the week, likely with little explanation and heavy spoilers. Anyway, the general vibe + anomalous properties are below cut:
Philza: The Zilant. Is the immortal concept of fire and fury, which pretends to be a dragon, which pretends to be a human. Maintains his personhood by attaching himself to mortals he calls his âCollectedâ. Currently: Tommy, Wilbur, The Blade, and Tubbo. Additionally, Philza is very intent on keeping any promise he makes and was kept in the Foundation exclusively because theyâd captured his Collected and made a deal. Gives great dad advice, except when the advice is âlet me murder them for you <3â
Tommy: The Instigator. Has a blood red liquid on his hands that grows when heâs scared. When people touch it, they become aggressive to anyone but Tommy. At low TI-Red levels this leads to things like bickering, but it escalates to physical violence and brutality. When TI-Red levels consume him and he thinks heâs going to die, he summons The Blade. Lived as a normal human and met Wil, Phil, and The Blade after a summoning at 15; visited the homeless guys occasionally till the Foundation captured at 16. Abandonment issues, highly touch starved, used as a Thaumiel. Collected Tubbo.
The Blade: The Blood God. Is a massive boar behemoth with voices in his head. When attacked (or if thereâs an orphan), becomes The Blood God, who will bend the universe to ensure he wins. The Blade only comes back when the challenge has been completed. Grew up as a monster in the woods, but pulled himself up out of the voices, figured out what was him and what was The Blood God, and established his own personhood. Somehow has a college degree, met Phil and Wil during a gap year. Loves gardening and murdering people for Tommy. Also managed to come out of the Foundation the least traumatized, iconic.Â
Wilbur: Soot. [tags are noms Wilbur or scp Wilbur if you want to block] His legs magically rearrange so he is the tallest humanoid in the room. Oh also the void in the side of his face that eldritch abominations claw their way out of. Was basically a feral starving child till ~14 when Philza forcefully adopted him. A chronic insomniac with a heart of gold and a tongue of silver, held together despite the inherent contradictions between being a supreme survivalist and a drama hoe. Memory issues because he represses basically everything.Â
Tubbo: The Pollinator. Is a honeycomb skin suit for approximately 400,000 bees. Uses they/them we/us pronouns, because they are a Hive mind/system containing at least three humans: a Little, a Foundation employee, and a lawyer/farmer. Tubbo grew up mostly normal, albeit in secret. The most recently captured by the Foundation, and a staunch pacifist. This causes them to be at odds with Philza, who did a few murderous rampages too many, and The Blade, for the reason above and also because he destroyed their legs. But they stick around because theyâre attached to Tommy.Â
Basic vibes are found family, hurt/comfort, questions of morality, and trauma at the hands of the Foundation and each other. Things get messy, but itâs all bound together with love at the end of the day.
All Nom commissions are prompt gifts for donations to charitable causes, such as the environment, social justice rights, or victims of wars. I will not cover topics of romance, sex, or write about George, Dream, or Wilbur.
Writing: Base 5$ gets a minimum of 300 words. 10$ 1,000 word minimum, 20$ 3,000. I also have no self-control, and there is no additional payment if the prompt is amazing and I break the world limit.
Drawing: Base 5$ gets a drawing in full color. 'Animatics' start at 40$ for a verse, and the price increases for color.
Project Guide
The tag 'crumbs to tide you over' is how I organize ficlets, wip sippets, and fic announcements. Personal tag is something to nom on. Wilbur tags are noms Wilbur or scp Wilbur if you want to block tags, and my PR response to that is here.
Ao3 fics:
Fault. The titular SBI SCP AU. SBI trapped in the Foundation. Lots of angst, large exploration of trauma, dehumanization, moral philosophies, and messed up found family. Tags are fault au, fault memes pog, sbi scp au, fault analysis, etc. This is a whole series and has many associated works. Long Fic.
>Also Where, then, do your loyalties lie? for AU where human Phil works for the Foundation and tries to free kid SCP Tommy. Complete.
Mandatory Family Reunion. Techno kidnapped by criminal dark SBI and handles it very poorly AU. Heavy dark em duo. Explores different types of abuse, motivations, delusions, and how love causes harm. Tag is Mandatory Family Reunion, sometimes mfr. Long Fic.
The Lambs Wolves Wear (Ficlet is here; starts at the Reveal and currently goes further than the ao3) Fully dark SBI where Philza's children were replaced by monsters. Demon "Tommy", changeling "Wilbur", and ghost army "Technoblade" are violent and traumatized, their tensely conflicting infiltration motives jeopardizing the lives of everyone in a twenty mile radius. As they experience love for the first time, will the wolves in sheeps clothing be tamed? Tw for abuse and horror. Long Fic.
Way more below, those are just my main projects ^-^
Where Hearts Roost. Fairy tale AU, Tommy and Wilbur break into witch Philza's cottage and get adopted. Sweet, hurt/comfort, themes of learning to trust. Complete.
The Altars We Sacrifice Our Futures On. Wherein Tommy is sacrificed to The Blood God, except he isn't an orphan so Techno awkwardly adopts him and is awful at parenting. Very funny and fluffy with some dark humor mixed in. Complete.
To Return the Favor of Raising Me. Zombie apocalypse where kid Techno struggles to lead Tommy, Niki, Tubbo, and Ranboo in killing survivors to feed their brains to zombie Philza. Techno develops insane beef with Kristin, who tries to rescue the kids to her survivor compound. Heavy angst, MCD (duh Phil is a zombie), lots of traumatized children. Complete, Fandom Trumps Hate prompt.
Shred Your Wings to Make You Ours. Wing fic! Predator bird Philza shreds prey!Technoâs wings and shoves him in a hole to eat later. Only problem? Philza is a sleep deprived new dad, and accidentally brings Techno back to the nest. Now the only way Techno can survive is to pretend to be a predator, too. A literal Dead Bird Do Not Eat fic- as the whole premise is cannibalism birds.
Always at His Side, Never in His Sight. OSMP + Philzaâs FlowerFall. Queer royalty AU with lots of bedrock bros angst. Tommy is struggling with insecurities, aromanticism, and growing gender dysphoria, and elects to cope with invisibility potions even as side effects grow worse. Adopted crown prince Techno dodges assassins, wrangles structural inaccessibility, and accepts his role as a martyr for Tommy. Angst/comfort with fun Origin social world building. Complete. Fandom Trumps Hate prompt.
Of Feathers and Fawning. (or ficlet here) Where Tommy is an avian and during exile his abuser takes advantage of his instincts to manipulate him. Angst heavy, deals with suffering and recovering from abuse. Complete.
Rise up and make this city glow. Young mage Niki gets conscripted invited to learn magic! Her mentor, Technoblade, had far more reservations. Hard not to, after being broken down through endless crushed rebellions. Is Niki the spark that can finally fan the flames of revolution? Complete. Fandom Trumps Hate prompt.
Lord, what fools these mortals be! Fantasy AU, Winter Court Fae Queen Kristin and King Philza try to kidnap SBI. Wacky hijinks with dark portions. Some themes of bodily autonomy, subtle manipulations, absurdity of the fae. One chapter left.
Lighting Lanterns to Bring You Home. Mythology AU where Techno is a Harvest/Revolt god that is killed every Winter Persephone style, Wilbur a Festival/Dissent god. Heavy tragedy. Themes of self change, coping with grief. Abandoned with outline.
One shots:
Where do Babies Come From? Modern AU where Philza picks up homeless kids. My first fic everyone say awww.
Worth far more than your weight in gold. Monster Hunter Techno goes after Philza, who is a raven-dragon-kenku, for taking Tommy. Phil can only talk through redacting others sentences. Monster/culture worldbuilding. Hurt/comfort, distrustful bonding. Themes of learning to value yourself, discrimination, communication.
116 East Normal Street. Human Techno bonding with his neighborhood, who are all not-so-secretly from very different genres such as 'magical girl' or 'noir detective' or 'invading alien'. Most light-hearted thing I've ever written tbh. Themes about suburban isolation but it's buried in there.
A ghost is a tragedy reliving itself. Fault AU where they are abstracted into short horror stories.
Pigmalian.exe. Technoblade is a war robot and Philza is the scientist who made him. As Philza nurtures Techno to sentience, the robot struggles with the meaning of agency and friendship. Angst and Bonding.
Vlogger and the Vampire. Parasocial? Paranormal? Why not both? Vampire emerald duo when Philza nabs a new angry fledgeling. Fandom Trumps Hate prompt.
Ficlets:
Reverse âThe Lambs Wolves Wearâ. Lambs!AU where Philza is the one replaced by a monster (angel) and his children have to navigate it.
Sandduo makes âThe Lambs Wolves Wearâ even more tragic. âWilburâ shows up after Philza already killed âTechnoâ and âTommyâ. Pure angst ensues. Complete.
Waxing and Waning. Goddess of Death Kristin tricks Philza into becoming an icarus figure, only, sun god Tommy has never been embraced before. Complete.
Civilian. Philza finds a team of child superheroes and begins to get worried about their safety. Time to take it into his own hands! Complete.
Reverse Mafia Kidnapping? Tommy kidnaps Crime Boss!Philza. Chaos ensues. Complete.
Paragon of Justice (or whatever). Superhero Techno takes the fall for Ranboo to get tossed in jail the same week villain Wilbur gets caught, too. When breaking out of jail, villain sbi decide to take a plus one! Complete.
A Study in Brood Parasites. Dark!Kristin is a brood parasite bird that plants her chick, Techno, into Philzaâs family. Only, she becomes enraptured watching Philza care for his family. Surely he wonât mind if another brood parasite infiltrates his familyâŠ. Complete.
Under-The-Bed. Tommy has a brand new monster under his bed. And maybe, if heâs nice enough, Techno will protect him from the monsters over-the-bed. Complete.
Murky Depths. Tiny Merman Techno gets rescued from polluted waters by a giant Kristin and put into a fish tank to recover. He is very Andy about this. Complete.
Do you need help drowning, darling? Vampire Hunter!Techno gets only partially turned, and is in deep denial about it as his health gets worse and worse. Luckily (?) for him, vampire Philza just decided to infiltrate the hunter compound.
Your Heart in My Hands. Fledgeling Tommy isnât integrating with the coven well :( he keeps trying to escape. But now that Philza has found the reason he was running, all he has to do is lock Tommy in a room with Tubbo until heâs turnedâŠor consumed. Almost complete.
The Blood God and His Fledgeling. Hyper Depressed ancient vampire!Techno finds the reincarnation of Theseus, the man who refused to turn thousands of years ago. While he wonât turn Tommy without consentâŠ.heâs not above forcing the issue. Honestly kinda abandoned.
Beast and Boy. Techno is a giant monster thatâs been terrorizing the town for years, but when gravely wounded limps off to die. Tommy, however, just got a new puppy!!! And is very determined his parents wonât find out about the puppy under the house. Complete.
Bunnybladeâs 5-step Plan to World Dominance. Lab bunny Techno escapes, only to fall in the TOTALLY NEFARIOUS clutches of Philza. BUT WORRY NOT! The feeble might of a random civilian is not enough to Bunnybladeâs terrible schemes! âŠbut might postpone them for a carrot break. And some petting. Comedy.
Shoot to Kill (I know you will). Cyber punk. Death lottery reaper!Phil tries to chase down Techno, but is thwarted by the principles of anarchy. Complete.
Hibernation. au where techno doesnât really hibernate for weeks at a time; he just thinks he does because his âfriendsâ drug him for long periods of time to help him learn how to 'lower his guard'. Complete.
The Hero of Their Dreams. Abused!Tommy finds escapism through his dreams, where he is the beloved hero of a fantasy world. And the people in his dreams will do anything to ensure Tommy never wakes up to the horrors of their reality. 5/6.
In Case of Malunion, Carve Through Bone. Collab with Sohr and Apple. Archeologist!Philza is a modern reincarnation of an ancient trio deity who unwittingly revives Technoblade and Kristin. Through a road trip of museum heists, Techno and Kristin start gathering up the shattered pieces of Phil's deitihood. Piece by piece they replace the mortal. Complete.
I've Heard It Both Ways (from The Voices) Psyche Au where Techno claims he has visions from The Blood God which helps him solve murder cases. Uh huh. That's what he's going with. Tommy (Lassiter) is having none of it. But after Skeppy (Mr Yang) captures them both, Tommy might not like the truth he finds. Complete.
The Evertrue Pull of Home. Birds use magnetic fields to navigate. Dark Kristin decides to blast his head with magnets so Philza has no compass home. Bedrock bros try to rescue him.
Can you love me, if I pretend? Human Techno finds refuge in an origins community by pretending to be a bunnyborn. It goes. Badly.
AMESMP
Context, I'm on an origins server playing a scientist phantom named Cessation.
Failure Analysis Log 3 is a fic told through a series of scientific contents regarding Wickburn Asper working on the Ancient City portal, trying to get into the afterlife. Tragedy, yuri (?!), horror.
Ame Smp intro, Seft (Cessation's phantom kid), Pod-cast posts 1, 2, battles, i'm like super behind explaining anything man gooood luck.
just overheard someone describing their crimes as being really into the crane wives, life series and project hail mary. and really that could be any number of you
The rule could have heavy impacts towards trans people across society.
Last week, the Trump administration quietly released a sweeping new federal rule that would use funding threats to force institutions across the country to reject transgender people. The 400-page proposed regulation would codify the administration's anti-trans executive orders into binding federal policy, imposing a blanket prohibition on federal funds going toward "gender ideology"
The proposed rule, formally titled "Regulation for Federal Financial Assistance," rewrites the government-wide framework governing all federal grants across every agency. Among its most consequential provisions, it requires that before a federal grant recipient can receive money, the award must pass a "pre-issuance review" conducted by a political appointeeânot a career expert or peer reviewerâto ensure it is "consistent with applicable law, Federal agency priorities, and the national interest." The regulation explicitly instructs these appointees to screen for "denial by the recipient of the sex binary in humans or the notion that sex is a chosen or mutable characteristic." [...] An institution that acknowledges transgender people existâthrough its policies, its training, its healthcare, its bathroom access, its HR procedures, its name-change processesâcould be deemed to "deny the sex binary" or to âsupport the notion that sex is mutableâ and have its federal funding blocked.
Importantly, the gender ideology prohibition has no age limitationâhospitals could be targeted not just for providing care to minors but for providing gender-affirming care to adults, because prescribing hormone therapy to a transgender patient of any age could be deemed promoting the belief that "sex is a chosen or mutable characteristic."
This is all very bad and horrible, but I want to be clear that itâs worse and more sweeping than just eliminating trans research.
This torches everything. And I do mean everything.
A very abbreviated list of its ramifications include (but are not limited to):
ending funding for ALL DEI related initiatives
allowing the government to terminate grants at any point for any reason
preventing researchers from publishing, going to conferences, and being part of academic societies
requiring that topics must support the presidentâs agenda.
What this means, and if anything Iâm under selling it, is the death of science and research in America. It allows the government to restrict any topic they please at a whims notice, putting officials who have no background in the topic in charge of deciding funding continuity. It controls what gets researched and if/how researchers are allowed to share their discoveries. There are no books to burn if the government never allows them to be written. This is fascism plain and simple.
Please, if you only ever write one public comment, this is the one to do.
Bringing back this guide to writing an effective public comment. This gives you the basics you need to know, what you need to include, a basic outline you can follow, etc.
Public comments are not a vote, it is a chance for you to say "here is an issue with this law I think you need to address" and provide justification for legal challenges if it goes forward:
"Comments raise the bar that agencies have to meet when making a rule; âif an agency fails to adequately respond to significant, relevant comments in a final rule, members of the public may seek to challenge the rule in court on that basis and claim it could be struck down.Ëź"
But also, if possible, don't stop at writing a comment. Don't stop at calling your representatives. You should ideally be talking to people in your community about this and organizing resistance on-the-ground; there is a good chance people are already doing that even if you aren't hearing about it.
Also, please keep in mind, this is 100%, without a doubt, wholly unconsitituonal. They will try to enforce it regardless, but that does not make it legal. Do not treat this as law because it is not.
My comment in full is below. I did not read the entire Proposed Rule because I could feel my blood pressure rising into a rage after the first few paragraphs, but you are welcome to copy/paste and use this if you change it a bit to be more relevant to yourself.
(Please for the love of god put in a comment of some kind.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I am an American citizen and I REJECT this proposed rule in the strongest possible terms.
The Proposed Rule is not presented in neutral terms. It is full of fearmongering, baseless accusations, blatant misinformation, and misrepresentation of both reality and the wishes of actual citizens, including me. It claims that it would improve efficiency and keep tax dollars from being misused, but this is false. The current Administration has overseen DOGE, the largest waste of American tax dollars in history, and even more recently, spent 13 million dollars on painting the Reflecting Pool of the National Mall blue. I have little faith in their budgeting priorities. It likewise claims that the majority of Americans do not believe in a "woke" agenda. Since it is never actually stated what that means, it is impossible to counter with facts, but as we see in every national election, the number of voters who desire progressive policies is about equal to those who don't, varying by issue. Gay marriage, legalized in America in 2005 (after many other countries), has a 65% approval rating in America as of May 2026 (Gallup polls). Protection from discrimination for transgender people has an approval rating of 56%.
Aside from being blatantly un-Constitutional, this Proposed Rule is ethically, morally, and spiritually wrong. The Federal government has never possessed the right to mandate that valuable social services discriminate against the citizens they are ostensibly bound to help. The distrust that this rule would engender in all those organizations that either willingly comply or are forced to because they cannot risk losing funding would destroy America's internal stability and credibility. What are you thinking? Do you imagine that it will not affect you, because you don't think you know any trans people? That's not how this works.
You'll see it in the lack of community. Trans people are just like you. They are working in factories and shops. They are soldiers, teachers, firefighters and police, politicians and farmers and artists. This Proposed Rule tells them: You don't matter. When people can't trust each other anymore, why should they be proud of a country that forces them to deny their neighbors what they need unless they adhere to a certain ideology? That is what this rule would do. You have no right.
Since I am a researcher, I want to mention something else in the proposed rule: the ability to pull funding from researcher projects whenever you want, for whatever reason, if they don't fit your agenda. We aren't researching because we have a political agenda. We are looking for knowledge. If you let us find it, we can make you stronger, but I for one am not pouring years of labor into something that might get canceled at the last second. You want brain drain? This is how you get it. Hardworking researchers who can't count on the government to keep multi-year projects funded will not stay here. The EU, Canada, and other countries have many good opportunities for stable research funding. Maybe even China, who knows?
In summary, this proposed rule is not only a cruelty to people who are no threat to you, and never have been; it is an embarrassment to America.
Tommy as coco absolutely obsessed with magic and this bombastic force of wonder and mistakes charging through learning under Philza, who has taken him in. But Tommy whose recklessness and eagerness have resulted in some truly horrible mistakes.
Only, the masked brimhat thatâs taken interest in him keeps finding ways to reach Tommy. Slipping in through dreams, luring him away, pouncing when Philza is off on other business. Itâs in these moments alone, isolated from Philzaâs mentorship or his fellow apprentices Tubbo and Ranboo, when Dream starts to break down Tommy more and more. Revealing the forbidden magics that begin to tarnish Magicâs splendor in Tommyâs wide eyes. Dream intends to entice Tommy with power and imaging what he can do with forbidden magics.
But nooo the boy refuses to practice upon the body, preferring all his contraptions and cherished enchanted items to perform magic. Dream breaks his things one by one, cornering Tommy to coerce him into having no choice. But it keeps not. Working. Tommy finding odd clever ways to escape, to survive, no matter how desperate.
Dream explodes every last one of Tommyâs contraptions, burning through everything Philza ever gave him. And then, he plunges Tubbo and Ranboo into immense danger, taunting Tommy all the while. Dream shows him all the horrific ways that non forbidden magics can be used to torture Tommyâs friends, corrupting every last joy Tommy has for being a witch.
And so Tommy casts his last spell. Stripped of all other options, he draws the run upon his own body. And nearly kills everyone there.
Philza finds his apprentices far, far too late. In ann instinctive rage, he incinerates the twitching body of the brim hat, and frantically pours through the rubble. Finds the burn marks swallowing Tubboâs eye and chest, the ash skin coating Ranbooâs entire left side from where he turned to shelter Tubbo. Theyâre both barely clinging to life, and will be for months.
And he finds Tommy. His brilliant eyes drained to a dull grey alongside every spark that made Tommy Tommy. There is no life in him, anymore. There is no magic.
Tommy silently cries, waiting for his punishment for forbidden magics, bracing for his memories to be wiped. For his mentor to be erased, for his friends, for his love of-
For so many months heâd been scared that his love of magic could be erased with a spell. But it already has been, Tommy cast that spell himself. The ink is scarred into his body, branding him as a user of forbidden magics.
Philza gently picks him up and assures Tommy that he will protect him from the knights moralis, that his memory is safe.
âI donât want to remember what Iâve done,â Tommy chokes.
Philza is utterly rigid as Tommy breaks down sobbing about how much he hates magic and should have never learn its secrets. He grips Tommy tighter, and tries to soothe a boy worn ragged with grief. The wound is fresh, itâs the only reason heâs saying such awful things.
But it isnât. Dream systematically broke everything Tommy once cherished, and that conviction doesnât fade in the following weeks as Philza desperately tries to keep Tubbo and Ranboo alive and Tommy listlessly sits on his bed. They donât go out anymore, after the time Tommy tried to reveal what happened to get the knights moralis called on himself. Philza tells Tommy itâs for his own good, so he wonât make the worst mistake of his life.
âI already have.â
Philza is at a loss. He doesnât know how to fix the damage the brimhat inflicted on his apprentice. He tries to draw the boyâs wonder with small miracles resplendent with light and color, but the boy doesnât pay attention, or worse, flinches. Just being in the Atlier brings Tommy pain remembering all heâs lost and all heâs destroyed. He keeps trying to convince Philza to get rid of him.
The problem being- while of course Philza loves Tommy and was delighted to have him as an apprentice, that was never the sole reason he took Tommy underwing.
He needs Tommy to get information about the brimhats connected to him. Tommy is his best hope of unlocking secrets that have alluded Philza for far too long. He tries to entice and convince and finally to beg Tommy to stay as he grows more persistent, but nothing works.
One night, the alarm spell Philza told himself wouldnât be needed goes off. He slips out of bed and his friendly mentor persona. He loves Tommy. He loves Tommy very, very much. He knows what happened, what is going to happen, isnât good for Tommy.
Tommyâs stolen blood, carefully collected when Philza rescued him, pools against the glass of the seeker orb. Heâd meant it as a safety measure, in case another brimhat ever tried to steal his apprentice again. And Philza assures himself that one has, a dead brimhat has stolen away his apprentice, his lead, his hope, taken the color from Tommyâs eyes and the once boundless love in his heart. All Philza is doing is returning Tommy. Rescuing him.
It isnât hard to find a despondent magicless boy. Philza tries things the easy way, he really does, pleads with Tommy to come home, assures him nothing was his fault, that Tubbo and Ranboo will wake up soon, that Philza loves him no matter what.
And when it isnât enough? When the masked brimhatâs influence runs too deep? Ah. It seems Philza might have to try a little harder.
Philza seizes Tommy and flies them back home, safe and sound. Tommy screaming and writhing the whole way. Locks him up. Keeps scraping through Tommyâs brain for some forbidden magic that is surely producing this alteration in temperament. Perhaps begins to fall back on erasing little bits of Tommyâs memory, snapped words too harsh, an injury from Philza desperate attempt to stop yet another escape. Increasingly wondering if he might just give Tommy his wish and wipe his memory of the whole event. But if he does, heâll loose all the clues buried in the encounter Tommy refuses to talk about. If he doesnât, he might just loose all leads forever by loosing TommyâŠ
when the character's human projection subconsciously shapeshifts to reflect how they perceive themself and/or what they want and becomes weaker and less within their control if their container is damaged or separated from them
Did you know that AO3 allows fics with homicide in them? Thereâs a whole tag for Major Character Death and even more tags so you can find exactly what kind of character death you want to read.Â
Donât they know that murder is illegal? You just know there are a bunch of homicidal maniacs out there who love to read those stories. They write them, too, in between killing people.Â
Anyone can read the stories on AO3! Kids can read them! Theyâre getting exposed to stabbing, poisoning, even guns! And theyâre writing the heroes doing the killing, too! Thatâs basically telling kids itâs okay to go out and murder their families. Itâs promoting violence and encouraging homicide and if we donât do something about it soon, youâll be murdered next!
Ok adding to this though that even though it is extremely relatable, this is a KNOWN thing with professional writing. 10k is often referred to as "having a pot boiling" or "having a stew" - it's the point where you often see an idea coming together and it's exciting! But THEN... 30k-50k is the point where that fun has to start coming together. In theatre, it's usually week 3 of a 5 week rehearsal period where you have to stop talking about the play and really get it all up on its feet and cohesive. In art, it's committing to what are going to be the final visible layers of colour and texture, in sculpture the moment where you're truly at the point of no return with carving out the shape.
It usually feels really bad. Because this is the point it becomes real craft. It's so, so difficult to really be able to identify if it's truly not going to be anything or you're just in the hardest part of the process, and really the only way to know is to... write through it. Write it badly. Or, if you really can't, put it in a drawer and come back to it after a few months of breathing space. Remember, you can fix so much in the edit, but you can't fix nothing!
(I say, fully looking at my latest draft of my book and considering throwing it in the bin. But my editor said exactly this to me, so I'm passing it along.)
this is 100% true. I've written 6 complete novels at this point and every single time around the 40k mark I feel lost in the woods. Nothing seems to be working. I feel awful; I can't sleep. I keep going even though I'm convinced I'm going to fail. And then... It's like leaving a tunnel and getting back out in the sunshine. Stuff starts coalescing. Things that weren't working have obvious fixes. I "can write" again, except I was writing the whole time. It just felt hopeless in the moment. It's not. You just gotta get out of the woods.
Maybe, when Tommyâs awake, heâs so hungry it hurts. Maybe, when Tommyâs awake, heâs so tired he can barely scrape up enough desperation to run again. Maybe, when Tommyâs awake, heâs so alone it strangles him.
But that doesnât matter when all he has to do his close his eyes to escape! To sink into sleep like a murky ocean, plunging deeper and deeper into its fathoms until the sun awake above warps from the waves, pinprick of consciousness dimming. To swim deeper and deeper until the black is crushing and his soul screams for air. Because there, in the deepest of depths, lies a small spark of light. And if he swims long enough he breech the surface on the other side of dreams.
Tommy gasps down honey-sweet air every time he emerges in the pastel embraces of Dream World, and finally feels safe again. He doesnât have to be hungry, because the trees are made of spun sugar and the rivers of marmalade. He doesnât have to run because his golden wings will carry him anywhere. He doesnât have to be alone, because his friends need him. After all, Tommy is going to save Dream World from the wicked Masked Mage trying to conquer it! That's what all the prophecies say, at least.
And why shouldnât he? Dream World is perfect, and Tommy will do anything to save it. To save his friends.
Yâhear that? He has FRIENDS here! And theyâre really nice! Nikiâs explosion magic keeps him nice and work, splotching the sky in the bright bursts of light like the moment after youâve knocked your skull. Philzaâs nature powers let Tommy pet all sorts of cute animals and not worry about getting bitten by dogs or bugs. Tubbo makes all sorts of weird little tinkery robots with his artificer abilities, and gives Tommy lots of little magic toys even though Tommy canât remember the last time he actually owned something. And Techno makes sure Tommy never, ever feels scared, teaching him how to use his powers to obliterate the enemy. Theyâre the best friends Tommy could ever ask for.
Only, Tommy has a secret. Because even if all his friends think heâs saving them, really itâs the other way around. He mightâve given up long ago if he didnât need to survive to the next night, and the next, to see them again.
Only, Tommyâs friends have a secret. Because theyâre not sure how much longer they can paint this nightmare as a dream.
When the only way to make the war stop is to create the ultimate child soldier? When your family could die at any moment and the only way to stop it is to make a sugary illusion of one with strangers? When itâs been so long you canât remember peace and the only way to have it is to so utterly shatter the only being in the entire world who knows true innocence?
Phil and Techno and Niki and Tubbo are scared of fracturing Tommyâs psyche with the real weight of war, especially with his immense power. Niki starts the lie that itâs a dream, because it was only a few years ago she was young and idealistic and sweet, and she remembers how painful it was to loose all that. Niki wants to believe in good guys again. In a dream, people arenât really dying. In a dream, any fear is momentary, meaningless. In a dream, the weight of the entire world is only a thin mist drapped across his feathered shoulders. In the fluffy fantasy of Dream World, there are no mental, moral consequences to anything Tommy does. All the violence and battles are framed as fun fights with rpg baddies. Fully exploiting childhood black and white thinking so Tommy doesnât question who heâs killing. Niki knows so intimately how terribly this can all go if Tommy ever realizes theyâre lying. Knows his betrayed feelings will be lethal. She lies all the sweeter.
Philza is fully the old mentor trope but because he started leaning into it the world is volatile and reacting; more and more lethal accidents and events keep happening to Philza and heâs only evading through sheer skill. A Phil who has survived the war by shoving everything down deeper, deeper, never acknowledging the losses piling up other than to blame his enemies for the things heâs done in the name of survival. Heâs already lying to himself anyway, whatâs one more?
Techno. Heâs a terrible liar. But he can laugh it off with a dark sense of humor, Tommy quickly catching on about all the âorphansâ theyâre making of the gumdrop soldiers and that a âwar crimeâ is a term for prank. Has to be, because of the light, emboldening way Techno laughs. Anyway, Techno is already a little detached from reality, what with the voices and all. For him the fun is genuine in a way that sometimes makes the others on edge. He becomes this cool role model Tommy chased after, teaching him how to laugh in the face of danger and plummel their enemies into the dirt. He pushes Tommy further and further in his powers, making it a fun competition, or an easy rivalry, instead of a desperate bid for power.
Tubbo, on the other hand, wasnât planned at all. Some random kid Tommy rescued in an epic battle, got attached to and decided was his best friend. Probably bound to happen eventually, kids flock towards peers of their age. Of course Tommyâs new best friend will follow him everywhere, even if that includes a little kidnapping. Tubbo didnât realize at first, caught up in feeling safe for the first time, allowed to play around. Phil, Techno, and Niki tell him Tubbo can have that all day everyday as long as he plays along. That Tubbo has the power to save his friends, family, home, if he doesnât ask questions and frolics with his mandatory new best friend. A Tubbo who knows that itâs a lie and leans it into anyway cause heâs also a small scared who would like to believe that itâs a fun adventure and there isnât any real danger. Who would like to forget all of the death heâs seen. Who doesnât mind pretending to like Tommy if it means that he gets to pretend itâs all fake. But who canât suppress how scared he is as he hides behind Tommy in battle, this breath of truth and terror that could break the illusion of safety.
Maybe it gets harder and harder everyday to keep the sugary veil over Tommy's eyes. But isn't it worth it, so he doesn't get scared? Isn't it worth it, so the world is saved?
Tommy starts showing Symptoms. Which makes everyone really nervous cause at first theyâre worried theyâre still traumatizing him despite how hard theyâre trying.
At first, they could brush it off. Like the fact that Tommy never really reacted to pain right. They figured hey, heâs the chosen one or whatever maybe he doesnât feel it. And ok maybe sometimes he gets really aggressive with the enemies, inordinately so, like the anger isnât with the enemy at all and instead something thatâs been bottled up for a long, long time and finally exploding. But like, that helps them in battle so does it really matter?
He goes unflinching into battle. They make sure of it. Everyone refuses for Tommy to ever think a battle is life and death no matter how dire it gets. Forcing themselves to smile and crack jokes even when the internal bleeding is building up and they can feel bone shards while trying to walk.
But sometimes other things get to him, reduce Tommy to a frightened, shaking kid. Heâs proper dangerous then, will lash out at anyone trying to get close. Itâs like a switch gets flipped, Tommy suddenly acting like a cornered injured animal that is fighting to the death. And with someone as powerful as Tommy, itâs really scary. Giant fissures opening in the ground and thunder crackling overhead. Whips of magic slashing through to the bone. The whole world howls with his fear.
Itâs trauma. They all know it is. Theyâve seen more than their share of PTSD in the decades that disaster has been scouring the land. They hold that guilt inside them because they know what theyâre doing to this kid is kind of awful. But they also donât know whatâs gone wrong. Because theyâre doing their best. Tommy isnât the least bit frightened by the forces of darkness or pastel carnage.
But a door slamming to loud does. Sometimes the way Technoâs footsteps sound does. Sometimes a small room does. Sometimes a deep trench does. Sometimes a high tower does.
Niki hadnât been sure she needed to share food with Tommy cause it was sorta a dream, and they have such limited supplies. But Tommy begged her one too many times and then suddenly was devouring everything just cramming in as much food as possible until he got sick from it. And Niki is well familiar with how starving people act. But it doesnât make any sense, in the stories sheâs heard of the modern world where they have ice chests full of produce and no wars to ravage the cropland.
And Tubbo hears Tommy saying he wishes he could stay here forever, and just being utterly confused because he canât square the thought away with the horrors of the world he lives in. Noticing how Tommy is spending longer and longer with them, starting to show up in the middle of the night when it should be daytime in his own world. Tommy offhandedly mentioning that he found medicine that helps him stay in the dream longer.
Philza who no matter how much healing magic he uses, canât seem to make some of Tommyâs bruises fade. At first it made him really worried, and doubt his abilities as a healer. Particularly with the fear that being unable to erase the damage from battles would mean Tommyâs parents and friends begin to realize, potentially figure out whatâs going on or think Tommy is going mad babbling about a non existent world. What if Tommy realizes this isnât a dream? What if he realizes the atrocities theyâve made him commit? What if they shatter the only hope their world has? Shatter a once innocent child?
But then Tommy notices his worry, and tells him itâs okay. That the bruises are supposed to be there. And now Philza has a lot of new concerns.
Techno, who is the only one who is strong enough to get near Tommy when heâs having a meltdown. Who holds a shaking child as the very world seems to rage around them, and to wipe his tears. He hears the things Tommy mutters when no one else can hear them. And techno resolves even harder to teach him how to snark at an enemy and dodge a blow and survive survive survive no matter what until your enemy is a bloody pulp at your feet because every word he hears about that man just makes his blood boil.
Tommy. Who loves his friends, loves being told heâs special and good and kind and strong and worth something. Tommy who wants to stay forever. Tommy who never speaks of home. Because he doesnât have one. Not after he ran away from his abuser.
Here he has friends. Here he feels safe. Here he has the power to stop people from hurting him. Here he has purpose. Here he has food. Here he has a reason to live.
As they carve through the evil armies, Techno, Philza, Niki, and Tubbo begin to feel hope. Sure maybe they're a little nervous about the long term train it's putting on Tommy but...they're about to be free. Their home is about to be safe.
Until, they reach the Big Bad Evil Guy. And the kid absolutely freezes. And that's fine, scary, but expected, Tommy is looking at evil incarnate, the most horrific monster the land has ever seen. But as they call out encouragement to the Chosen One, it falls on deaf ears. The most powerful hero in the land takes a chaking step back.
"Dad?" Tommy asks in a very, very small voice.
And they just watch the way the color and personality drains from Tommy. All the excitement and joy he was only safe enough to let out in his dream where he couldnât be punished for it. And itâs just gone. Tommyâs gone. Because heâs finally woken up from the dream.
The epiphany crashes through Techno in a flash, and in a split second he throws himself at the monster, snarling as he realizes the Chosen One isn't meant to defeat evil at all, but to inspire all rise up on his behalf. And as a tendril of pure darkness slams him against the far wall and he gasps with the pain of a rib cracking. Techno realizes this was an astoundingly stupid conclusion to come to.
Tommy only gets a few steps running after Techno before the Dark Lord's voice rings out, and Tommy obediently stills.
Philza's wings flare out to shelter Tommy. He swears to Tommy that he doesn't have to listen to his father, that this is the moment to stand up for himself. When the Demon King calls Tommy to stop hiding or else, he peels away from the downy comfort of his wings.
Niki fires off endless bursts, struggling to block the incoming goons. She shouts to Tommy that this is what he's been training for, that they believe in him. That he's the only one that can do this, and they're all going to support him. She's caught by surprise when Tommy's magic crashes into her head at the BBEG's behest.
As Tubbo watches the adults hurl into battle, get bloodied and bruised, he begs Tommy to save everyone. Tubbo realizing just how much he's come to rely on the assurance of safety with Tommy's abilities. Catching the barest glint of the tears in Tommy's eyes as he hides his face in the Dark Lord's side.
They were using Tommy the whole time as escapism. It helped them too, to believe in only soft violence and minimal danger. They pretended so hard for Tommy cause they needed a respite, too. And only now do they realize how badly he needed to escape, too
Itâs too late though. Tommyâs quietly standing at the demon lordâs side, head ducked and bracing for the hit, mumbling endless apologies that he didnât know it was Him he was fighting against, he never wouldâve helped the heroes, please donât hurt me
Technoblade is absolutely tearing through villain forces to try and get to Tommy, they all are, fighting the hardest of their entire life. But they only got so far because of Tommy. They donât stand a snowballs chance in hell they canât even get close enough to talk to him. The roar of the BBEGâs laughter drowns out their words. The lands last Hope, and the boy was doused long before they ever met him.
Itâs here the heroes start to get incredibly agonizingly aware how little Tommy told them about the world he was from.
Some things Tommy shared, like the metallic beasts everyone road in the bellies of that nearly ran over Niki immediately. The unending sea of castles all reaching into the clouds. It's a sorta neat place, maybe they'll bring Tubbo next time when he isn't needed guarding their sleeping bodies. But the heroes would be a lot more interested in gawking if their entire world wasn't on the line. If their friend wasn't in the clutches of the Demon Lord. At least the endless crows harken to Philza's druid powers still. Only, they can't seem to find Tommy.
When they share the wanted poster Techno drew, people just laugh and act like it's a joke. Someone even declared their "OC" to be "Deviant art cringe". You'd think a heavenly angel with bright rainbow wings, golden hair, and Chosen One powers would be easy to find in the endless humans, but apparently not???
They start to piece together a few things though like recognizing a park Tommy talked about once. Just a passing comment to Tubbo, but the lightning split tree makes it distinctive enough theyâre sure theyâre on the right trail. Or a pond Tommy referenced when they went swimming in an underwater dungeon. Little things.
And then they find him. Or, maybe him. (Please not him. This canât be their kid.)
He lives under a bridge, amongst the trash. A nest so small only him and the crows could crawl into the den. So well hidden they never wouldâve found him, and that mustâve been how he survived so long. No one could get him, if they couldnât find him.
Techno lifts up the giant sheet metal heaped with garbage that served as a roof, as a shield. Nestled inside is a sleeping, scrawny creature. But itâs Tommy, by the ribs Niki counted. Itâs Tommy, by the bruises Philza mapped. Itâs Tommy by the mound of stolen sleeping pill bottles surrounding him. Itâs Tommy by the little drawings of the heroes littering the litter.
Philza slams healing spell after healing spell until the waters run clear for the first time in centuries and the stench of pollution evaporates. The land purges itself into something pure and vibrant with life.
But Tommy doesnât wake up.
(Dark claws tangle in Tommyâs hair. He stays perfectly still, knowing itâll yank on his scalp the moment he messes up. He always messes up. âOne of my spies heard that you want to stay here forever.â
âOf course. I never should have left you, but I didnât know how to get home.â)
((He misses his friends so much. But who needs friends when you have family?))
(((Why had he believed such stupid childish lies? Pretending to be powerful, special, kind, worth anything)))
((((His friends saw the truth. Now they want nothing to do with him. His dad is the only one who has to care about him. He should be more grateful))))
Looking for Tommy took a few days so Niki and Phil set up a nice base in an abandoned storefront that theyâve hyped up with magic on the inside. So they pick up Tommy and try to bring him over to the base. However, there are a bunch of scraggly and strange looking people carrying a half dead homeless child, so they definitely catch attention and the police are called.
Very hostile encounter, since freaks + bruised unconscious child + when asked if going to hospital thereâs a blank stare + fantasy soldiers that are twitchy as hell + over protective + wait stop you cANT TAKE OUR BOY + Techno pulling out a giant cleaver of a swordâŠ.
They get in a fight almost immediately. Niki just blasting fire balls and Techno carving up people while Phil directs crows into vicious mobs.
Police force cares less about the kid and more on opening gunfire on whatever the hell those guys are. And unfortunately for the heroes you canât actually Matrix bullet time irl. So while Philza is spamming heal spells, the police kidnap Tommy. Phil throws crows and rats to tail them, but is expecting like, horse speed, not car chase scene. So Tommy is DOUBLE kidnapped in both worlds and everyone is freaking out while Phil flies the other two out.
You know what. Streamer Ranboo who went viral off of the magic fight scene, and manages to track down the heroes to get more information.
Finds Phil in the middle of battle medic mode doing major magic surgery to get the bullets out (he lead metal whatever bullets are causing Phil quite a problem). Phil is very no nonsense about it, and so he just starts ordering Ranboo around into surgery while the kid is sort of panicking and going along with it. To Phil at least heâs like, well that dude is at least 15 so heâs done major blood loss jobs a couple times by now.
Ranboo. Can't stream any of that but theyâre just shutting up and following orders cause Phil scary!
Once Niki and Techno are back on their feet, Ranboo is kinda like disassociating a lil bit ngl. Like sure this might as well happen. I just did surgery on what was very much not a pig furry. This might just be my life now. Ranboo starts streaming (heroes canât tell what that small brick is and have bigger concerns) and figures. They probably wanna go viral if theyâve gone through the effort of this makeup?
They all have thousand yard wolf stares and hunted expressions as they talk about Glitter Spell casualties and the 18 year war of Gumdrop Gulf or whatever the hell.
So. Potentially insane. However, theyâre all really genuinely worried about Tommyâs safety and realizing just how bad his life was here. Cause like, yeah they did make Tommy a child soldier like very real very awful thing they did. But realizing 100% of his eagerness to do anything asked of him was because heâd lose access to food and shelter and healing and love. Devastating.
None of them have ever known a child who wasnât a soldier.
But based on the way Ranboo is reacting.....none of this is right. They messed up long before failing to prevent Tommy's capture.
Anyway, basically starts trading information about the fantasy world for information about how the modern world works. So the heroes arm themselves with the knowledge of the magical Gun and Car and Google and prepare to storm a police station.
The heroes sleeping bodies are carefully nestled in the heart of their base, thrashing their sleep as their dreams turn nightmarish.
Tubbo watches over them with blood shot eyes. Heâs been fighting for days now, and canât afford to rest. One single boy against the full brunt of the forces of darkness as they descend upon the slumbering heroes.
But they trusted Tubbo for a reason. The young artificer employs hundreds of traps and magic items to create a dungeon unto himself. Struggling, a war of attrition, the enemies breeching further and further and dismantling his defenses, maybe. But heâs holding off an entire army single handedly!
Until. Well. Not like anyoneâs ever stood a chance against the chosen one. Tommy eviscerates every last desperate defense Tubbo raises.
The whole world buckles under Tommyâs raw power. As Tubbo is finally brought to his knees, the tyrant looming over, Tommy refuses to look his best friend in the eyes. Heâs holding hands with the evil tyrant. Or is being held by him. Itâs hard to tell.
Only question is, did Tubbo buy enough time?
Anyway, the police get Tommy actual medical care I guess, ugh, maybe they sometimes resemble people. So at least that gives him an IV drip and some help for the bruising and disease diseases and various homeless gunk that heâs accrued physically healthwise. But he still just absolutely not waking up, and itâs really baffling the doctors because his brain activity is going crazy at the moment. And once they scrub enough grime off his face, Tommy gets recognized as a missing child. So that means, contacting the family he ran away from.
The crows followed Tommy the entire way, the only question was how quickly they could get there. And by the groupâs standards, it was a devastating defeat. However, they hadnât calculated one single factor: Ranboo just got his learnerâs permit.
They race to their kid, finding him just in time. Only. They donât know about the danger, do they?
Because in dreamworld, the villain shoves Tommy forward and orders him to kill the sleeping heroes.
Tommy doesnât disobey. He doesnât know how to. But these are his friends. His safety. But âitâs time to wake upâ and âthey were never realâ and âyou canât pretend your problems awayâ. Itâs just a dream. Itâs only a dream. Itâs only ever been-
So why is he crying about breaking toys? Why is his hand shaking as he raises it. Tommy knew he was never going to escape, so why did he keep trying and trying and trying?
The world around him is rippling. The ground shaking as he does, jagged, gnashing, walls bleeding thick tar magic as he cries. His world is breaking, because itâs always been his world. His refuge. Yet even as the walls start caving and chunks of broken traps rain from the ceiling, not a single piece of shrapnel touches his friends.
âNo,â Tommy disobeys as Technoâs fist connects with his fatherâs jaw.
Tommy slams his hands over his ears. âIâm not going to do what you say anymore!â Crow talons scrape the man like thousands of knives as Philza screams in fury. âI hate you! I hate what you do to me! I hate the way you make me hate me!â Nikiâs fire bursts around the house, setting it ablaze. Tommyâs childhood goes up in smoke. âIâm never coming home.â Technoâs sword plunges deep, deeper into the abuserâs chest. Thereâs an ugly scream. Then silence.
Niki carries Tommy out of the smoldering house. Heâs crying, as he wakes up. But his friends are still there, just like theyâve always been.
Tubbo is in shock. Anyone would be, after watching a boy scream the dark king to death. Techno scoops up Tubbo by the scruff of the neck, since heâs utterly bamboozled about where he is. Then again, Tommyâs last blast of power that knocked Tubbo unconscious had been moving faster than eyes could track.
Their home of dreamland is free now. Safe. But Tommyâs isnât. Never has been. The heroes nestle around Tommy carefully. The chosen one theyâve sheltered behind this whole time was far more fragile than they couldâve dreamed. Tommyâs cries turn into sobs as he realizes they know the truth he tried so hard to hide. But of course they donât see him as anything less, now.