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@poettwannabe
You are sunshine on my skin. You are the cup of hot chocolate on the coldest winter night. You are the smell of fresh coffee in the morning, you are the first sweet bite of raspberry in a bitter lemon cake, you are all the good things hidden well enough for me to find.
poettwannabe
awaited victory
25.aug.2020
It’s August again the time has passed since we last said good night to each other, it has been a year and I still see you everywhere I look, in the places we shared, the music that we used to tell our feelings and Everything we’ve ever talked about is now stained with you, a year since I’ve been drowning in my thoughts, it was never about you and only you, a part of it is because what letting you be a part of my life meant, finally letting someone in after building walls and walls to no end but I guess you were that end, you’re not gone but also not here and I’m tired of trying to solve your fear, tired of begging you to believe that I’m worth the fight, that what we have is real.
Poettwannabe
7th of Aug. 2020
Did You ever really love me? Or was I just a feeling of safety? Was I there to brush the pain she left away? Was I just something to keep you sober, just someone to play the part? Tell me did I ever give you butterflies or did you have to convince yourself with that? Did You feel the way I did whenever we looked each other in the eye? Or were you just romanticizing me instead of actually knowing me..
Poettwannabe
Plan B 11.June.2020
I keep going in circles trying to find the reason behind all my thoughts, all the complicated inspiration that keeps resulting in poems of hate that melt into ones of love, just as I think of you and how gentle you sometimes make me feel, you’re the root of all the nonsense in me.
Poettwannabe
11.June.2020
Quiet mornings just me, coffee, the lemon cake and the thought of you keeps sneaking it self into every corner of my mind, how much better life would be if I had you to share it with, if you were sitting beside me, diving deep in your books, trying to make sense of the words while I try to put my love into other, wouldn’t life be so much better if I had your eyes to comfort me while all thats around me kept falling to the ground, you wouldn’t have to say a word, it wouldn’t take much of your time but it will take all of mine.
Poettwannabe
25.Aug
Knoll
The only thing keeping me sane at this point is the thought of having a cup of coffee with her one morning when all of this ends, that I'll be able to stare at her eyes for hours and hours, that she most likely would smile at me & my world would definitely crumble in the prettiest of ways, the thought that I would have my heart so effortlessly stolen just as soon as I hear her laughing again.
Poettwannabe
“This morning, with her, having coffee”
Johnny Cash.
I asked the stars to consume me, for I have noticed everything, all the little details and all the quietly spoken words and for that I'm tired, filled with mountains of tears, I've turned into a chamber of screams, I understand too much and somehow that has left me with a handful of unanswered questions.
Poettwannabe
I thought I found victory that the day went without feeling ache in my heart, but the day is gone and the night has come and Oh does my heart feel like it has been eaten of how much ache I'm constantly trying to run away from, how come you're always somewhere in my mind, how come I always end up missing you, I swear I never wanted to let go of anything this bad, but some naive piece of me has its claws 10 inches deep into your skin, it refuses to give up and I'm built of scars at this point, I gave this everything I have and I ended up hurt, yet I still keep falling, no matter how familiar it feels, it's taking everything out of me to let go of you & I never seem to succeed.
Poettwannabe
I never thought I would end up loving you like this.
These flowers in my chest, they keep growing day and night, they keep blooming, they’re full of love, passion, desire or lust call it whatever you’d like, I water them with the thought of you, even when I least want to, they’re watered by these stupid tears, since they refuse to make their way down to my cheeks but instead they fill me up inside, to the point where I keep drowning once or twice a week, and then when I’m not trying to gather my breath, I keep trying to scream but it hurts too much for me to even speak, these thorns keep poking and scratching on anything that could actually mean something to me, anything that feels like happiness, light or god forbids, something that slightly feels like peace, so let me ask this once again, is there a way out of you, Dear?
Poettwannabe
Will you be there waiting for me under the lemon tree? Or will I be counting down the minutes until they turn into hours waiting for you? Don’t let it be the second, please. I’ve spent half of my days trying to pull myself out of the darkness that you never fail to keep me in, but will you meet me under the lemon tree? Where we first spent a few minutes in each other’s company, that day I stared in your eyes just long enough to write a few hundred poems entirely inspired by them, yet I never read them to you, so will you meet me under the lemon tree? So I could rid myself of the guilt of hiding them from you, my dear.
Poettwannabe
If I write a hundred poems a day will I be able to breathe? Will this dreadful weight on this heart of mine let go of me? Would I forget you around the eighty-sixth poem I write or is it going to take more of me to fall out of loving you? Are you really becoming a big piece of me? Tell me, do I have to hit my head against the walls for my thoughts to be free of you? Should I grab my heart and take it out of my chest? But even then, what should I do with this soul that is no longer mine but completely yours?
Poettwannabe
Is there a way out of you?
I desire to love you in ways you haven't been loved before, I want to kiss your voice as I touch your soul, to learn to read your eyes and study your lips, I want to be familiar to you, to feel like a home.
Poettwannabe
I look at you and all I do is try not to vomit all these feelings and thoughts that belong to you, I'm full of you, but I'm not allowed to love you, you're so close to me, but all I do is dream about touching you, I'm yours with everything I have but I can't have you, you're everything I ever knew, the one thing I ever held onto & now I have to let go of you.
Poettwannabe
I’ve loved you for far too long.
I hate that I spend all my nights trying to get you out of my head, just to have you be my first thought in the morning, I hate all the ways you make me feel, how my heart aches for you to be here, how my poems are filled with shadows of your name because I never want it to be clear, I'm tired of how everything in me is full of you, when you never chose to be near, you always run away with every chance you get, yet you never fail to say "I love you, Dear".
Poettwannabe
Is your love real?
I'm in love with her, everything she is & everything she isn't, I'm in love with what she calls madness as long as it's coming from her, in love with the softness of her fingers as they brush against my sharp edges, in love with her smile that opens up worlds for me, crazy for everything she has to give, her bravery and her solid stands, in love with her mind, her endless charming out of this world thoughts, she see's the world in colors that don't even exist in ours, she's everything I know I never even dreamt of.
Poettwannabe
1:52 AM.
Rain down on me, make these flowers in my chest grow again, let my world be colored for just a moment, please. I've lived without you far too long that I can no longer breathe, but now you're here and all I ask of you is to rain down on me, let me drown in you, for only in your waters I can breathe.
Poettwannabe
YOU ARE SO TALENTED!! You speak out my heart
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I’m really happy to hear that❤️❤️❤️