READ TAGS + RULES BEFORE INTERACTING. this is a private / selective roleplay blog for ๐๐๐๐๐จ๐๐๐ '๐๐๐พ' ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐พ๐๐๐. [ . . . ] inspiration for this muse is taken from a vast majority of existing medias as well as headcanon and the source. any work that is not mine, i will credit appropriately.
๐. understand that i have a life which sometimes leaves me away from tumblr for weeks. so very often i am on hiatus without mention, and i will not apologize for it. if this isn't something you can handle, then do not follow me. i mean it. i will go 8 months not answering your thread and pick it up like no time passed. if that isn't something you can handle, then do not follow me. i will not entertain guilt-tripping behavior.
๐๐. i don't always do follow for follow. if you're mutuals with one of my close friends then there is a much higher possibility.
๐๐๐. i do not practice exclusivity with people i hardly know. i am much more open to mains. however, i do not collect muses. if i am writing with a certain character already, i will not seek out other writers of this character.
๐๐. i love writing pre-established dynamics, often if someone sends in a ask before we have written, i will make my muse speak as if they know each other and we can fill the details in later. i will always ask if something is okay if i feel like it might be over stepping. i am okay with first meetings as well. i love writing shippy things, however i do not ship easily if we are not friends. i would like to actually have a friendship with the person i am shipping my muse with, that being said, i am perfectly okay with unrequited dynamics. on a side note, i do not do pre-established family dynamics unless we have plotted intensely.
๐. everything that i create here is mine unless i state otherwise. i understand being inspired by other writers, but i would appreciate it if you did not steal or copy anything from me.
๐๐. do not interact with me if you use AI in anyway to roleplay. i will block you.
๐๐๐. listen, if you follow me first and i follow back and you make absolutely no effort in trying to communicate with me and i find out you soft block me. i will hard block at this point to avoid accidentally following you again, because at this point you have shown me you have no interest and no desire to write with me, and i will give you the same energy back. so please do not attempt to follow me again or connect with me again on any of your other blogs either. like i mention before, i do not always do follow for follow, so if i follow you i have an interest in writing with you, however if you have read my rules you will know that work keeps me away from tumblr most of the time, so if you do not follow me with the intention of reaching out to me, then do not follow me at all. they'll be no hard feelings, but if you soft block after i follow you, then i will close further communications with you. i have no space for impatience, lack of communication or just bad energy.
โ you know, i used to be his attack dog once. โ dex allowed himself to wander down through his memoriesโhis childhood, his job in the fbi that introduced him to wilson fisk to his fall into an unfathomable darkness. kingpin had created bullseye. he had found where dex was most vulnerable, what dex wanted most and twisted it until his rot matched fisks. dex couldnโt remember what it was like to have clean hands. the only difference now was he felt free from obligations of his inner turmoils. dex no longer lived like a parasite, attaching himself to anyone he could find,
โ you and i arenโt alike thoughโฆ you got a choice, right? you donโt need him to feel special, cause youโre already there. โ dex grinned and leaned his head against the wall of his cell, โ does is wife still wanna play puppeteer with my strings?โ dex cocked his head at buck, โ tryna figure why the happy coupleโs still yanking my chain. โ dex stood up from bed and went to the bars, โ hope you donโt have some nasty secret or a past you donโt want to go back toโcause thereโs nothing like being lifted so goddamn high that you feel like youโre flying, only to be launched all the way back down on the pavement. โ dex chuckled and left the smile on his face, โ been their literally and figuratively. โ / @c4shman
he sits with his head to his folded hands; religion was like this. it brought men to their knees and made them recognize the worst in themselves, but matt always knew that inside him was a mix of sin and violence, which is why matt had never been fond of himself, but his confession to karen about dex had brought him lower. groveling in the name of religion. was it possible to repent when he was not truly sorry? he knew in his heart he would still choose him, he would still forgive him, anger subsides in the end, doesnโt it? it is holy to forgive. it is just and righteous. that is how matt worshiped. that is how matt lost.
his mask at his side. โ karen left. โ he stated, his voice was shaky, a sorry attempt to be flat and unfeeling to mask how his heart was tearing into pieces. โ sheโฆ doesnโt understand why i let you live. โ mouth pulled into a line to stop the quivering of his lip. eyes filling with sorrow. โ she โ sheโll be back. dex, are you okayโฆ? โ the familiarity in his tone made him feel sick โ like he were betraying the memory of foggy and taking the shot himself.
wrong. ย wrong. ย wrong. ย everything felt like a flashing red light telling him he had nothing left to do in this world. ย there was no north star to lead him free of his crimes. ย he would always carry the bodies on his back like atlas with the world. ย except instead of a savior, ย heโs a killer. ย it was the only thing he really knew how to do right. ย dex wished he felt bad about the way karen left. ย he wished he felt bad about a lot of things. ย the person he wanted to please, ย to see him, ย was still here. ย he had taken mattโs heart and ground it into minced meetโstill, ย matt was here. ย one good deed. ย one good deed. ย dex was not religious, ย so he knelt to the devil.
โ i donโt understand eitherโฆ โย dexโs voice was harsh and gravellyโhe needed water, ย but he didnโt ask for his thirst to be quenched. ย he knew he ought to be staring down a barrel of a gun. ย paying for his sins. ย why would the devil spare his life after everything heโd done? dex recalled the memories he had in the presence of matt. ย filling up his empty space so that he could remember how to live. ย he had wanted to big better for someone like matt, ย but he had got his leg caught in the trap long before he had time to break free.
โ you should have let me die, ย matt. ย โย dex swallowed hard to wet his dry throat. ย he felt a familiar ache in his chest. ย he remembered what it felt like to fail, ย to let down someone you wanted to please so badly. ย all those stars had fallen from the sky. ย he was left with the only one that ever truly mattered, ย โ why donโt you hate me? โย he will eventually hate you.
he listened as dexโs heart hammered against his chest. the feeling was dangerousโฆ for both of them it teetered on love, and love with murdocks? with matt? it wasn't something that could lasted. he ruined every heart he touched, like a disease. he took and took and took. he clenched his hand into a fist and smiled even harder, it was fake now, trying to ignore his own heart as it softened for him. push it down to keep him safe, to keep them both safe. โ oh.. hahโฆ โ he started. โ iโm sorry dex, i thought you had table manners. โ he joked as he gathered the papers into his hands, feeling around blindly. โ that better? โ he let out a soft chuckle. he couldnโt help the way his heart warmed at dexโs voice and his consideration for matt - and he couldnโt admit why, he was happy for the company. โ now, come onโฆ iโm starving. โ he found himself trying to imagine how dex looked, his hand was itching to feel the sculpt of his face, but he wasn't sure how he might feel. foggy had thought it was weird, and he wasn't entirely wrong.
as the food was set to the table and divvied out between them matt began shoving bites of food into his mouth โ so, did you get off early today? โ he paused. โ wait, what time is it? โ he chuckled. โ i lost track. โ he admitted, truthfully, he was seated next to dex, he wanted to feel his warmth on his own skin. โ you seem to be in a good mood, so iโm guessingโฆ good day? โ he spoke after swallowing. โ orโฆ maybe just happy to see me? โ another smile.
๐๐๐ฑ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ก, ย ๐ข๐ญ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ญ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ ๐ญ๐จ๐จ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐จ๐๐๐ข๐๐.ย ๐ฐ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ๐จ ๐๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฅ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฌ.ย but matt didnโt seem to mind the sound.ย maybe it helped him know he wasnโt alone.ย โ table manners are in fact that only thing they donโt teach you in the fbiโthat and braille.ย โ he smiled and set the bags of food down in the space that matt made for it.ย he was careful not to let it touch any of the papers.ย he started to unpack the food and glanced around the barren office.ย he settled into the seat matt made for him and started to eat as soon as he saw that matt had started to eat.ย subconsciously he had chosen the same thing to start with.
โ hmm? โ dexโs answer to mattโs question may have given away his brief disappearance into his own head, ย โ i did get off a little earlier than usual to make sure i could bring you dinnerโguilty as charged.ย โ dex smiled and continued to eat, ย watching matt as he did the same.ย โ itโs a little after eight.ย โ when matt shifted slightly while eating dex became hyper aware to how close they were now.ย it was something simple like their arms touching, ย โ yeah, ย yeahโฆ it was a good day.ย โ dex felt his smile widen, ย and instantly he felt a shot of embarrassment and was happy that matt couldnโt see the color rush to his face at the next question.ย he feigned a laugh to drown out the sound of his heart beat quickening,ย ย โ maybe thatโs it.ย i mean, ย i did get off a little earlier just to come and see you stuffed away in your sad office.ย โ another laugh, ย but this one was genuine, ย โ hope youโre a little happy to see meโi mean, ย uhโฆ have me here.ย โ
the silence was haunting. gods voice was not with him now, still, he remained a good choir boy. the devil was locked away inside of him as he continued to repent for his wrongdoings, all the blood that had been spilled and the remaining gore which stained his hands blood-red. he tried his best to put the devil to rest, though, with a clawing, roaring rage it was desperate to awaken, tearing at him with every plea he heard as he lie down to sleep. sleep never came. they were overwhelming upon his ears covered in act of suppression and he felt hopeless in this battle for his sanity, for a sense of normalcy, in that fight there was a gnawing of selfishness in abandoning those in need to appease othersโ wants. wants he tried to push onto himself. it was a never-ending war in himself. god could not help, but he prayed anyway, and there was no response, instead it was his own voice, the one that wanted to remind him every moment that he would spend his life like this: agonizingly lonely. he pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and prayed anyway. a plea for some sign that he was headed in the right direction, that this pain would prove to be better for all of them. still, there were times when he missed themโฆ karen and foggy, in those times when they were taking over his head he found himself wet in the eyes, and praying harder for some form of forgiveness.
he smelled the food from around the block, and with it, the man carrying it. it brought a smile to his face, and the man was an undeniable cure for his loneliness. he ran his fingers over his braille, working hard at a case, but more-so to distract from the dark desires that whispered to him. his fists longing for blood and bone so badly that they began to ache. let the devil out... he rubbed at them absently. he listened as dex let himself in then soon after make himself know. โ dex? โ he sounded his best to sound confused, yet happy, as he pushed himself from his seat. a distraction would do him some good before he gave in to the unholy urges heโd worked hard to swallow. โ this is a nice surpriseโฆ is thatโฆ thai? โ he points, a smile breaks over his face. โ thanks, i donโt really remember what i ate last, or when. did you want to stay? cโmon, letโs eat dinner together. โ he gestures for him to make himself comfortable and finds himself a seat once more. he needed this. selfishly, he needed him. though a warning in his head blared off. shouldn't you keep him safe instead?
๐๐๐ฑ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐๐ง๐ข๐๐ฅ,ย ย ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐ข๐ง ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐ก๐ ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ก๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ซ๐๐๐๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฌ๐๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ.ย ๐๐๐ฑ ๐๐ข๐๐งโ๐ญ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ง๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐๐๐ฅ๐,ย ย ๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ก๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐จ๐ง๐ง๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐๐ง๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฐ.ย his inability to feel empathy for others often got in the way when he was searching for lasting relationships.ย his capacity for others only went so far.ย constant people were usually safe from thisโthough not above his apathy.ย when matt proved him wrong he felt it againโhis heart hammering like a drum in his chest,ย ย a knocking on a wall.ย something that made him feel alive.ย made him feel good,ย ย like he had the capacity to be anything he wanted.ย โ really? i wonโt be interrupting all your work? โ he chuckled lightlyโhe wanted to hear it again,ย ย a confirmation that matt wanted him to stay.ย no one had ever wanted him to stay.ย there would always be a long pause and a growing tension of sorts that pushed dex away.ย something about him unnerved most normal people,ย ย something he couldnโt control.ย in passing,ย ย at work,ย ย casually,ย ย he could hide itโbut once he let his guard down,ย ย it was out and bare.ย maybe it was because matt was blind that he couldnโt see the ugliness.ย dex never wanted him to.
โ there was a part of me hoping youโd want me to.ย โ he confessedโhe felt glad knowing matt couldnโt see his embarrassment on his face.ย โ you want to eat in here? โ dex looked at the scattered papersโbraille.ย he couldnโt make sense of it with sight,ย ย and he had no reason to learn it in the fbi.ย so,ย ย even if matt had secretsโpapers he didnโt want dex seeing due to legal purposes,ย ย there was no way dex would have even understood it.ย he didnโt see the need to dive into mattโs work.ย they had agreed to keep those parts of themselves well away.ย a rant here and there,ย ย but never any deep discussions.ย both of their work regard a lot of need to know informโso it only made sense for them to never speak about it.ย however,ย ย that didnโt make dex not want to ask,ย ย โ if we eat in here were definitely gonna get a mess all over your papers.ย โ
๐ข๐ญ ๐ก๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ง ๐๐๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ง ๐๐๐ฑ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ๐๐,ย ย ๐ ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ฅ๐จ๐ฌ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฐโ๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ญ.ย ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ก๐๐๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ฒ๐๐ซ ๐จ๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ฆ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐,ย ย ๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง.ย he was desperate for structure and his guard fell to the floor into pieces.ย he would have settled for any good,ย ย kind stranger.ย he was happy that it had been matt who found him.ย he wasnโt looking but he found him.ย it was a struggle to not come on too strong when they first met,ย ย but the energy that matt gave him made him feel nice.ย safe.ย dex clung to that feeling,ย ย perhaps a little too tightly.ย having that one person to escape to after work made everything feel so much more bearable.ย dex was aware he was attached,ย ย but he couldnโt understand or put words to the funny little heart palpitations he had every time he saw matt or thought of being near him.ย his smile came easier.ย it was like a drug,ย ย and addiction you didnโt want to quit.
dex knew the door would be unlocked and that matt would probably be overworking himself.ย heโd only been a few times but he was observant and picked up on peopleโs natural habits.ย so he thought heโd surprise matt by showing upโif even for just a moment to see his face.ย he twisted the knob and walked inside the office,
โ itโs just me,ย ย i let myself in! โ dex called out,ย ย in one hand he had a bag of thai food he picked up from mattโs favorite restaurant.ย he glanced around the office before looking into matts.ย the place still felt so lonely.ย he never asked about why matt worked in an office that looked like it had been abandonedโlooked like heโd been abandoned.ย he was scared that opening that door would cause matt to shut every other one.ย he liked what they had.ย he wanted to keep it for as long as he could.ย โ brought you something to eatโฆ figured youโd be here.ย โ dex said pushing his way into mattโs office.ย he could see the way his brows relaxed after he entered and wanted to believe that was for him,ย ย โ i just came to drop off some food,ย ย gotta make sure youโre eating dinner.ย โ dex chuckled and glanced around for a place to set the food,ย ย โ i could leave this on that desk in the middleโdonโt wanna get sweet chili sauce on all your papers.ย โ a beat passed before dex spoke again,ย ย โ anyway,ย ย i just wanted to drop this off for youโฆ umโฆ i could stay if you wantโbut i donโt wanna interrupt your work.ย โ dex swallowed,ย ย he tried not to be nervous about what was happening in his chest.ย he wanted to stayโhe had bought enough food for both of them,ย ย but separated it just in case matt wanted him to leave.ย anticipation only made his heart beat a little faster. @hellsdevil
