Can I offer you a crab during this trying time?

*throws headcrab* Icon by doctorskeleton. Header by Fablepatron. 30-40 years old. They/Them. There's a mix of video games and crab posts here. Let me know if I need to tag anything. Sometimes I make stuff - check out my tags.

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Hi I'm stumpy and I sometimes write/make/edit/organize things. I use the power of being insane on the internet to have fun and make people laugh and sometimes cry.

I write things and archive them in a few places(here/here/and here)

I make edits and comms

I stream sometimes

People can throw a few bucks at me or check out things I'm wistfully looking at here. (this is mostly my work wishlist bc my supplies disappear or get used)

People can send asks/requests if they want, feel free to like/reblog spam as I have many tags. My desktop tumblr site looks cool please look at it I made it forever ago.

I organize/host a potluck community event every year in November where you can bring anything and we all cheer and clap for each other. Check out the tags #potluck2023, #potluck2024, and #potluck2025 to see some examples. In 2025 we raised over $500 for charity by streaming a niche halo game mode. You can do anything if you're insane enough.

If you found me from various places you might know me as the Spartan Ops obsessed person, the robot liker, or that weird blog that is friends with more popular blogs. I just hang out and commit to the bit.

[callmepelos]

Commission for @poisonheadcrabsalesman (part 3)

(part 1) (Part2)

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

nice tags and getting a good grade in bad jokes are what sustain me

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

For that one-word prompt: rain?

The jungle was creepy. He'd been to some weird places since they crashed on the Ring, but Bisenti wasn't sure why the hair was standing up on his arms. Bitching with Mendoza and the Sarge on the pelican did little to distract the primal fear and sense of wrongness about this place.

But orders were orders and the captain wanted to check it out. They need to control Halo before the Covenant.

The rain was heavy and the air hot and humid. It made his breath stick in his throat and his uniform cling to his skin. Clammy and cold, hot and flushed with adrenaline. This mission sucked shit.

At least he wasn't Jenkins at the rear, marching through the churned up mud the rest of them caused.

There was a structure in the distance. Their goal and hopefully a chance for shelter and respite. Alien architecture loomed, at odds with the organic landscape threatening to swallow it. It felt like a haunted house or maybe a mausoleum. Spooky stone and shit meant to be condemned and forgotten.

He had a bad feeling about this.

[kitkenk]

hey i felt you right click me just now. are you seriously viewing my properties? pervert

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

(some of) My Miller images (Mimages) from the solo legendary spops playthrough

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

I need to learn blender so I can pose dolls

[kat-w-writes]

Update!

Iron & Gold - Ch 22: Basilisk

Roland looked down at the threads in his hands, held so tight that their data sliced into him. The engines were completely inert, now—had been for days. So why did he still have a death-grip on them?

Read the new chapter here!

or read from the beginning!

[kat-w-writes]

#Grief! Catharsis and lack thereof! Small 3D printed cats! Miller being awkward! Side characters being expanded upon!

For the interested, Cali Cats are real and you can print your own: https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:1545913

[kat-w-writes]

Update!

Iron & Gold - Ch 22: Basilisk

Roland looked down at the threads in his hands, held so tight that their data sliced into him. The engines were completely inert, now—had been for days. So why did he still have a death-grip on them?

Read the new chapter here!

or read from the beginning!

[katwylder]

Small Talk - (Roland & Spartan Miller)

“Spartan Miller, what is on your shirt?”

The man’s expression brightened as he tugged on the hem of his well-worn t-shirt, and looked up at Roland’s avatar. “Oh, it’s the logo for one of my favorite bands: Pile of Shrews.”

“Yes, I can see that,” the AI replied. “I’m talking about the weird little… creature… thing-y in the design. What is that?”

Miller stared at him. “It’s a shrew.”

Roland studied the image again.

“No. No, that’s not what shrews look like.”

“Yes, it is. I have seen shrews before with my own eyes.”

“Oh, suuuure you have,” Roland scoffed. “You seen any unicorns around, lately?”

The Spartan’s brows drew together. “Roland, you do know that shrews are real animals. Right?”

The AI’s avatar looked askance as a tendril of himself dipped into the ship’s biology data.

“Look,” Roland snapped, “the only time I’ve ever heard anyone talk about shrews is that old movie. There were dogs running around in lousy costumes, pretending to eat people, blowing up trees, and digging through concrete block. Of course I thought they were made up!”

“How— how did you not know that shrews are real?” Miller sputtered. “You have the entire Waypoint at your disposal! You could probably read it all in seconds!”

“But I don’t. That’s a lot of junk to sift through, and unlike you, I can’t forget anything. Ever. Why would I bother to look up an animal that was so obviously fictional?”

“I dunno. For fun?”

“Do you read encyclopedias for fun?”

Miller turned a little red. “Don’t change the subject.”

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Lasky Bday on Saturday

Dying Badly

Slammed down Big Style on the Regular

just fucking finish Smoke Break, stumpy

Voting ended onAug 13

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Slammed down big style on the regular!!!! wilco o7

and a whopping 8 people want smoke break finished! you guys will get a preview on Saturday too. there's 2.4k words of chapter 3 already

[bloodgulchblog]

Halo fan who doesn't read asking Halo fan who does read what unmissable, totally shootable content that could've been a game was stolen from them by the new Halo novel.

[bloodgulchblog]

after i finish smoke if you got 'em i gotta midnight sun this shit and rewrite it from the master chief's perspective.

obviously.

[bloodgulchblog]

i am throwing rocks back in time at myself for this joke, i reacted to seeing this again like i was being attacked by a hyena

[freegiftjones]

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

[bloodgulchblog]

The more I wax philosophical about Halo the worse you know my job is

[divorce-enjoyer]

(grinning joyfully) oh thats gore. thats gore of my comfort character

[divorce-enjoyer]

(grinning joyfully) oh thats gore. thats gore of my comfort character