âChildren Casted Asideâ
In shedding codependency with the help of my therapist and facing the world vulnerably and emotionally independent, Iâve processed about various romantic relationships, platonic friendships, and my turbulent relationship with my mother. Iâve long known my mother made me a codependent. When she first left, my ex Eric tried to play hero to me, but I was also very much a rescuer to his emotional life.
Afterwards, amid all the toxic conflict, Derek was codependent on me till it became evident I wasnât going to submit to a one way street or much of his maltreatment towards me. Other friends latched onto me similarly (ie. Amber, Andrew, Richard, etc). Always, they emotionally took from me but I could only bear the burden of being an unreciprocated giver for so long.
Earlier this year, I was discussing with my therapist specifically Eric, and all that I gave him, even if he did verbally express his gratitude. When we first met, I called him âmy heroâ, then when then the affair began and it got complicated, he was crying and said heâs no hero. But I was still willing to lift his spirits, and he knew I was a Mariah Carey fanatic. I dedicated her signature ballad, âHeroâ and I told him to try being heroic to himself.
My therapist looked at me and gave me a homework assignment. He asked me to write a poem about all I gave to Eric and how I can heroically give that to myself. He said, âYouâve helped so many people (mostly because of my mother conditioned me to do as such) and now itâs time to put yourself first and help yourself.
I was thinking about all this as I was talking to a friend who works at the bookstore across the street, and our chat as well what my therapist emphasizes repeatedly inspired tonightâs poem.
âChildren Casted Asideâ
I tried to save those who wore me thin
I learned many bittersweet tunes
Iâve learned my love canât win
Hands yanked away from me
I wasnât prepared to stand alone
They could never stay with me
My cocoon is still mourned
Serenity follows retrieving your life
will mean new love youâll grow inside
There was never doubt in your mind
Life turned upside down clears the skies
Looking through a half full glass
Nowâs as good as time as any
To evolve from my shortcomings
Maybe I should do less reaching
Serenity follows retrieving your life
will mean new love youâll grow inside
There was never doubt in your mind
Life turned upside down clears the skies
I ache for children casted aside
Iâve tried to take part in
But I am also one of His children
More than Iâve received,
The world is His to illuminate
I only hope my soul wasnât forsaken
Serenity follows retrieving your life
A new take on life will mean new love
There was never doubt in your mind
Life turned upside down clears the skies
And they feel so sublime.
