solitaire

[polieu]

I definitely just need a safe space to express fully

[polieu]

this does feel different though. Not so intense although I still fully desire. idk. I'm just nervous and now have a ton of insecurities bc of what I went through

[polieu]

obviously my feelings for people are life altering and can destroy me.

[polieu]

back to talk about crushes >:)

[polieu]

imma confess one day

[champgn]

[catwalkcats]

[polieu]

How can i convince myself that it will never be worth it

[polieu]

not love but

HIM. HE will never be worth any of this. yet it won't go away, I'm not convinced i should give up. why why why why

[polieu]

How can i convince myself that it will never be worth it

[polieu]

I want to know how to get out of this

[polieu]

I miss how i felt this summer... it slowly crept in on me. A desire for intimacy again... at such a high cost...

[polieu]

My therapist mentioned c-ptsd and it is all starting to make a little more sense

[polieu]

it's truly so painful what I'm feeling about this. he hasn't spoken to me in almost a month. i wish I could just leave (as in, mentally. I know if he messaged me, I would engage. I can't get rid of the socials either), but I'm not in control of myself. I know that i am literally, but there is something primal in me. unmovable

[polieu]

immediately after the previous one, i began seeing one that I'd been dying to get to know. he completely used me, tbh. and we all know how that goes for an abandoned traumatized woman like me. I'm still insanely attracted to him

[polieu]

it's like I'm torturing myself the way that i deal with men???

[polieu]

reading thru my old posts... what a jump scare

[warmsuggestion]

Learn more from your mistakes. Pay more attention. Remember what you said. Continue to improve. Slow down if you can. Change some things.