Guys My Age - Hey Violet
— 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘹 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱. 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 '𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱.
Everything in Blair Waldorf's mind to her was a never-ending movie of her life. Each event is a scene captured for the eventual display of the triumphs and tribulations she went through to get her happy ending. She did everything right, and she ensured that with the perfectionism she displayed in every task, scheme, or event she dealt with. Every detail had to be parfaite.
And even in her lowest moments, in her mind, they were just that. If the scene of her and Chuck at the station had played out on the big screen, it would have been a tear-jerking scene played out in black and white with the wind in her hair as she rushed away, leaving him there on the walkway to return to her home in New York. The crowd would have applauded her for her strength while crying with her through her pain, and the screen would fade to black. There would be a brief end scene at the end of the credits that would have spared her tumultuous recovery the screen time, showing her with her Prince Charming. Her happily ever after.
But the cruelty of life was, as bad as she wished for it to be, it was not a movie. She wasn't going to be spared the days of pain and the Chuck-sized hole left to mend in her heart. She wouldn't live down the humiliation of letting a real-life Grimaldi go to talk Chuck Bass into staying a part of her life without letting herself love him. Or him her. And Gossip Girl ensured that before she could even get back to pack her bags for the return trip.
𝘚𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘥: 𝘉 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘊𝘩𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘉𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘺. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘉𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?
𝘉𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘶 𝘉𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘶, 𝘎𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘱 𝘎𝘪𝘳𝘭
"Ugh!" The sound came seconds before the sound of her phone ping-ponging off the marble floor with the echoing clicks of Serena's heels fast approaching to catch up with the distraught brunette.
"Hey, B, come on, it's not that bad."
"Not that bad?!" She wheeled around with the crimson feather dress brushing the floor in a noisy twist so that her tear-filled gaze could find her best friend's face with disbelief coloring every part of her visage. "S, did you miss that last text you got? It's bad enough I blew off a Prince for this, but now anyone who reads Gossip Girl knows I humiliated and ended things with Chuck!"
"B, you already ended things with Chuck, remember?" She sighed, gathering her own dress up in hand while dropping her clutch on the nearby table so she could offer Blair comfort.
"Then why's it hurt so much? I feel it with my whole body. It hurts me to breathe or even think about all the women who will crawl out of the woodwork, thinking they have even the smallest hope of being something to him... Or worse." The small rant was quickly cut short by the sob that hitched in the back of her throat in her attempt to continue. And as she sunk into Serena's shoulder, she was glad Gossip Girl couldn't see this particular moment.
For all the scheming and quips aside, she didn't want anyone to see her the way Chuck made her feel. Vulnerable. She couldn't appear weak. Just like she couldn't let anyone of importance see her Grace Jones side. Class and Reliability, an unwavering leader, is how she wanted to present herself. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘒𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘺. 𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘒𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘦. She'd often reminded herself.
But she couldn't use that anymore, could she? Not after today, or while she sat here feeling her own heartbreak, she'd been avoiding all summer, fresh and new down to her core. Grace Kelly didn't become Princess of Monaco by blowing off Prince Rainier for some high school love. She gave up millions and an acting career, and here Blair was presented with her own royal, and she couldn't even let Chuck Bass run off to God knows where with some dimwitted, doe-eyed, village girl.
He'd used her to keep his precious Empire, and yet her heart was crippled by his existence. Closed off to the potential of another love.
The rest of the night and most of the next day was a blur of traveling, Lady Godiva, and Audrey and the sickening anticipation of a blast that would undoubtedly come of Chuck with some burlesque dancer on his lap, a glass in hand, or some headline from a French newspaper with Blair leaving Prince Grimaldi in the middle of a diner while hot on Serena's heels to catch a cab.
But the silence was deafening. Gossip Girl had gone dark, Serena had rushed off after Nate and that walking disappointment heart on her sleeve, Dorota was taking the day with Vanya for Anastasia's checkup, and assured her she'd be back to cheer her up.
But screw that, she could lay around feeling sorry for herself, and let the pain and emptiness swallow her whole, or she could prove the benefits of retail therapy. Unlike most, she knew precisely where to shop to buy happiness. Or at least she would put up a good front. Try as she might, she wouldn't be any better than Chuck with her vices. But today, she would make sure to fill that hole he left with a wardrobe overhaul.
