Dallas: Auriel's like that because he lost his lover. Isa, his daughter. You know why I'm like this. So who'd you lose.
David, not looking up from his phone: myself
Dallas: Hollywood treat you that good, huh.
That did earn a cold glance.
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Dallas: Auriel's like that because he lost his lover. Isa, his daughter. You know why I'm like this. So who'd you lose.
David, not looking up from his phone: myself
Dallas: Hollywood treat you that good, huh.
That did earn a cold glance.
Duke: yo my dick got an oral roa
Me, head in hands: Why are you so funny.
Crazy how much louder some motherfuckers are when they don't speak.
Cleanin' out notes from the last few months.
Apparently when I say Tevya constantly fronts in the background like a cockroach, I make no exaggeration.
-
Dallas: So. Why the interest in road signs?
Cuddy: I ENJOY AN IMAGE THAT COMMANDS! IT SPEAKS AND YOU MUST LISTEN BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE!!!
Dallas: Okay. Try not to say that in front of other people. Comes off as autistic.
Dallas, two days later, to himself: I think I enjoy gore for the same reasons I do philosophy. I adore the complexities of human beings.
Tevya: Dude what the fuck
--
Isa, drunkenly looking for an emote on Discord: Where is The Kiss.
Tevya: Wh- Under the Goyas, man. What is this, the fucking Met? Did you just assume someone added Gustav Klimt's The Kiss to a gamer-based chat client??
Roman: Actually hold on why haven't we added that
--
Dallas: Is buyin' drugs from someone on trial for rape a bad thing.
Brain: Isn't everyone Schrödinger's rapist until the jury sings?
Dallas: Okay, reel it back a notch. Glass's half fuller than that.
--
Tevya, beseechingly: Why would you say that shit.
Dallas: Dead dove.
Tevya: I DONT HAVE A PHYSICAL CHOICE
--
Dallas: You're showin' your hand.
Tevya: Gimme some space to turn around and I'll show you my whole ass too
Dallas: Hurr hurr I'm so GRACIOUS and KIND for letting Darling draw his stupid BULLSHIT.
He's seriously sitting here thinking this. Like he genuinely thinks he's doing such a good job being accommodating because he knows he's supposed to be. I have to BATTLE WITH HIM EVERY TIME I WANT TO DRAW SOMETHING HE THINKS IS CRINGE. HE WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME ADD TEXT TO THE LAST ONE HE JUST EXPORTED IT HIMSELF BECAUSE HE WANTED IT GONE. STOP PATTING YOURSELF ON THE BACK DUDE.
I let him draw a Minecraft YouTuber's fursona with his dick out once and then get to wake up to incest visual novel fan art on my phone, drawn by my hands. I have spent years curatin' my environment based on taste and principle, and am expected to remain content while a pint-sized sack of hormones busts in and redecorates my home with, what's next, Lego Ninjago body pillows? A poster of Sasuke with his hole spread? I think I am actually bein' very benevolent under the circumstances.
Dallas: Hurr hurr I'm so GRACIOUS and KIND for letting Darling draw his stupid BULLSHIT.
He's seriously sitting here thinking this. Like he genuinely thinks he's doing such a good job being accommodating because he knows he's supposed to be. I have to BATTLE WITH HIM EVERY TIME I WANT TO DRAW SOMETHING HE THINKS IS CRINGE. HE WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME ADD TEXT TO THE LAST ONE HE JUST EXPORTED IT HIMSELF BECAUSE HE WANTED IT GONE. STOP PATTING YOURSELF ON THE BACK DUDE.
Wings: why would i act like a bird just because i got this skin
Me: I know you keep bowls of shiny candy wrappers in your home.
Wings: im a capitalist
--
Me: Does your cottage get wi-fi.
Wings: wtf kinda question is that. you open a new door in your mind palace and you ask what the hinges are made of
Wings: of course i dont get wifi in the goddamn anus of gods most distant boonies dog
Wings: i have at&t
--
Me: Grouses.
Wings: dickheads
Me: Gulls.
Wings: monumental shitstains
Me: Ravens.
Wings: origin of the word asshole
Me: Do you... Like any other birds.
Wings: tf is a "bird"
Wings: chickadees can chill. i fw chickies
Me: Don't call them that.
Me: What about chickens.
Wings: chuds
Dallas: You're not actually going to jerk off to that, are you?
Me: Dude. What the fuck else would you draw porn for.
Dallas, actually making me feel a little bad for him: Compulsion?
Rating ways my brain "tries to get my attention" for a "conversation" by how attention-gettin' they actually are.
"HEY, SHITLIPS." - This one just sounds like Darlin' or Buzz, and is therefore easy to ignore. Brain still uses variations for some reason. 1/5
"yo dangerman" - I see what you're tryin' to do here. 4/5 for that alone. Did not respond, though. I know what an angler's bauble looks like.
"Fledgling." - Hated that one. 2/5
"HEY BOZO." - After everything else didn't work, I keep gettin' this one, because bein' called a "bozo" incenses me so badly I keep accidentally replyin'. Somethin' somethin' John Mulaney. 5/5
Knowin' full well I'm about to obliterate all goodwill towards a new jam by openin' my iPad: Your sacrifice will be venerated. It will, of course, be in vain.
Actually amused by how much trouble I'm havin' rallyin' internal support for Ada because no one... Really cares that much about her. It's stressful, sure, but I can tell we're ultimately alright because even Tevya is fine, lol.
Slipping
cum bak 2 da blok afta a sabbatical n my bruzza b readin bout fancy eggs bruh zat shih actually hurt my feelins bruh like y u ain js open tt 4 once pls is like i ain taught u nussin im beggin
Me: Hey who would be decent at talking Mom down from the ledge
Brain: Not sure. Can threaten to introject a dude who'd tell her to die, though.
Me, nervously: ... Does that even align with our actual feelings?
Brain: Not really my problem
Me:
Me: Okay that was just so blatantly untrue I'm not really sure what to say.
Brain, dipping another biscotti and flipping the newspaper: Then don't
Disorganized Auriel Notes
Dallas: Booted from Shanxi in 1877, huh. So you weren't a cowboy for very long.
Auriel: They did not last very long to begin with.
Dallas: I suppose.
Dallas: What did ranchers think of you.
Auriel: Ranchers considered me a vagrant. Vaqueros considered me a mirage.
Dallas: Did you ever fuck with the people who thought you were a hallucination.
Auriel: Of course.
-
Dallas: How did you obtain a new palomino every two or three decades if the gene was only bred for in the 1930's.
[Editor's note: a palomino was found in a 2,000 year old Chinese tomb. Dallas is the ignorant party here.]
Auriel: They are born of jade eggs bestowed by my father.
Dallas: Ah. Of course.
Dallas: Do you carry them with you, or are they, say, buried somewhere in New Mexico for when the next one knocks the bucket.
He did not respond, but the answer is yes, he has half a dozen hidden somewhere in the southern United States, and has to perform a pilgrimage every 20-30 years as his horses age out, lol. His last was named Temperance of the Cloud, but his first in the Americas was Sweet Perseverance, and she's the one he misses most.
-
No dialogue, just Auriel remembering one of his lovers telling him they couldn't be together because he needed someone who could die with him. Auriel offers to renounce his immortality by piercing his heart with the celestial arrow gifted from his father when Qinghui grows old in order for them to die as one, something Auriel had steadily been considering as the pain of losing loved ones consumed him.
And Qinghui bursts into flames, reduced to ash in a single scream for help. Sol Invictus descends as holy fire and reminds Auriel that to die for a human is ignoble. This is his last warning.
Auriel takes this well, and as soon as Invictus disappears, proceeds to lose his mind entirely and blaze Qinghui's district of Shanxi into a drought that will eventually claim the lives of millions. Four years in, Invictus realizes what his son is doing and renounces him as both a god and a son, dialing back the heat so the region can recover in a few years. Auriel is cast across the globe to what's now Nevada, and the remainder of his celestial powers are now used to keep him alive. Even the tip of his heavenly arrow will no longer kill him- only his father's will can.
All things considerin', this happened much more recently than I expected; he basically went crazy and became a vaquero in the same five years, and that was in the 1870's. Took up motorcycling in the 1990's to extend his stock of jade... horse eggs.., since his father only gave him a finite number. He mostly traverses Death Valley as of the last hundred or so years, a pale specter that looms at high noon without a drop of sweat on his person. A livin' ghost tryin' to remember why it matters to be alive, kept movin' by flame and wrath.
Dallas: I suppose I just wasn't expectin' garage rock.
Auriel: What did you expect of me? Franciscan hymns and Beijing opera?
Dallas: More or less. Don't think that's unreasonable of me.
Auriel: I have been alive long enough to traverse the spine of Rome as it toppled to its knees. You truly believe I would only settle for the first music I ever consumed?
Dallas: I mean, most adults stop listenin' to new tunes after their thirties.
Auriel:
Me: We need to be able to put in the effort and discomfort to make it work. They're simply aspects of life everyone else must deal with as well. Don't dwell on it.
Darling, trying incredibly hard not to cry: I'm 14