Poly PANDAmonium @polypandemonium - Tumblr Blog

Polyamory doesn’t permit the ability to “cheat” on a partner at any time, as cheating implies deceit or dishonesty. If anyone involved isn’t fully informed of and consenting to the existence of the other participants, then it’s not truly a polyamorous relationship.

Consensual, ethical, and responsible - polyamory. (via polylove-girls-blog)

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Multiple people to do things with. Odds are that I’m not going to share all of my interests with a single person. With having multiple partners, however, the odds go up that I’ll share more of my interests with someone close to me and be able to further explore them. Also, I get exposed to more new interests with each of my sweeties, increasing my palette.

Extended support network. When someone in my intimate circle is having a bad day, or experiences a crisis - they have several people to lean on. And, conversely, no one person is taxed out on giving support, because that support is spread out.

Increased self-awareness. Intimate relationships act like mirrors we hold up to ourselves. And the reflection we see back in each relationship is slightly different, offering a new opportunity to discover something about ourselves. Having multiple intimate relationships gives us multiple perspectives to compare and contrast.

Learning new things about a loved one. The flip side to the above is that when your loved one is experiencing multiple partners, they are learning new things about themselves. In that process, you get a very unique opportunity to see your loved one through someone else’s eyes and perhaps realize new things about them.

Sexual Variety. Yes, I do admit it.. the opportunity to explore a variety of sexual interests is a really cool part of polyamory, even if that isn’t my drive for having multiple relationships.

Increased Individuality. In a coupled relationship, it’s really easy to slip into a couplecentric identity - of always doing things together, having the same friends, and having a unit identification. When you’re involved in multiple relationships, you base more of your identity on who you are, not by your relationship(s). It’s really hard for someone to identify me as part of ‘FritzandCherie’ when they know that I have other sweeties important in my life.

Personal Development. There’s nothing like having multiple partners to call you on your bullshit. In polyamory there’s a lot less room for personal insecurities and co-dependent communication patterns. When you have multiple people who you’re close with, who also communicate with each other in some form, you just simply can’t hide from your negative aspects and have to deal with them.

Pretty interesting list, and I have to say I agree!

rinrambleshere-blog

(Rhia here)

Right up there in the Top 10 ‘things people want to know about Poly’ is the jealousy issue. I’ve had friends tell me that they don’t know how I do it, and I’ve struggled to put it into words. It’s not that I don’t get jealous, but I think it’s a factor of being in a...

Question: What is the best kind of Poly?

There is no right way or best way to be poly. If anything be open to change. What you think you want and what you descover you really enjoy may be two different things. Keep an open mind. The best kind of Poly is the kind that works for you and your Poly family.

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here is the related article

A few beginner Poly tips.

Welcome to the lifestyle. First let me say that being poly is not easy. It takes commitment and a lot of communication. Since your first starting out I would like to share some friendly advice. 1. Start hanging out with other poly people. Go to local munches and poly friendly events. 2. Don't look for that instant relationship allow it to happen naturally. Start off with step one and just make some like minded friends. Chances are as your social circle grows you will meet a suitable match and it Will be based on friendship. 3. Avoid posting or answering wanted ads looking for a romantic relationship. Sometimes this works but more often then not your settings yourself up for disappointed. The simple fact is you're setting a goal you can't guarantee to reach. 4.Start posting ad and answering ads looking for poly friends. Goes back to 1,2 and 3. Expanding your social circle without any expectations other than a mutual interest in polyamory and friendship. 5. Communicate your feelings often to your friends and partners. Your poly family is a great resource for support. The more you communicate the better. 6. Don't rush. All good things come to those who wait. Enjoy making new friends and eventually you will have a solid happy poly family in no time. :)

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Feeling alone in a crowd

I came across a quote today apparently from Robert Williams " I use to think ending up alone was worst thing possible. Turns out being surrounded by people who make you feel alone is." I'm not sure when he ever made this statement but it hit me hard. I have emotional and mental trauma from my early youth. As a result my mind started shutting down and allowing my emotions to run wild. As a kid my temper was uncontrollable. I hit, bit, punched, scratched and screamed at everything that made me feel uncomfortable. This made going to school difficult. When I became frustrated my mind turned off and my fists started flying. It came to the point I no longer could attend normal school. So, I went to a school for children with mental and emotional issues. There I stayed until high school. Today I still have issues. I am socially awkward. I struggle to hold an intelligent conversations. I fight to keep my temper and emotions in place. Thankfully I have a loving wife and good friends who make these challenges a lot easier. I am always grateful to have them in my life. This being said I still struggle with depression and feeling alone. The worst times are ironically when I am in a large group. I feel isolated because I struggle to keep up with conversations. My mind gets lost. I say and do things that even I think are weird and inappropriate. Frustration sets in and my mind wants to shut down and it does. Over the years I have learned to control this in a constructive way. I call it my security mode. I allow my mind to shut down but remain focused on the activities around me. Usually you will see me in a corner with my hands crossed observing the room. My mind is constantly scanning the room for potential problems and dangers. A tasks it doesn't mind doing apparently and eases my frustrations. It has become a useful skill in my line of work. Eventually my mind resets itself and I venture back out into the crowd. This is not something I admit to people openly and revealing the true cause for my security mode is definitely not something I do normally. I just want to reach out to those like myself who struggle to socially interact with other people and feel isolated and alone even amongst good friends. You are not alone in these feelings. I know it is hard and sometimes it feels like no one loves or wants you. Like everyone laughs and talks about you behind your back. During these times I ask that you express your feelings to someone. Don't keep it bottled up. Seek help. Professionally if possible.

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How I deal with Jealousy

Well this was an actual question that for some reason I can’t figure out how to post on my page I decide to make a entry instead.

Though I think I will do it a bit differently from my reply. Mostly because I realized there are different ways I deal with it.

First what is jealousy?

Jealousy is the combination of envy and the fear of losing something of value.

Best way of dealing with jealousy is to identifying the root causes and communicate that with your partner. Take responsibility for your emotions. You can’t change them just how you react to them.

For example when my wife broke up with one guy she was very upset and was depressed for a few weeks.

I became envious that her emotions and thoughts were focused on him. I was affraid that I had l lost her affections. That she no longer loved me. I was just her back up guy.

After we talked for a few hours (get use to that btw) those feelings were alleviated and our relationship became stronger then ever.

But what if those feelings can’t be alleviated?

I am envious of the relationship my Evil Mistress and her boyfriend have. I am afraid she will never have the same affection for me that I do for her.

We talked about it and she is committed to him and trying to make that relationship work.

This is were I have to acknowledged my feelings and accept hers. What is really important to me. Well I love her so what is most important to me is that she is happy and that she is in my life.

I will always be jealous but I choose to focus on the happiness she brings to my life and rejoice that she still wants to share her life with me. She still has affection for me just not the same affection I have for her.

Things you won't see in a Closed Monogamous relationship

One of the biggest surprises about being poly is how much stronger our relationship is. At first I wasn't quite sure why but the more I thought about it the more it made sense to me. We had removed all obstacles that would normally cause jealousy, mistrust and all the negative feelings that normally destroy a relationship. They have been replaced with open honesty, greater trust and new ways of showing our affection for each other. For those of you interested in polyamory I wanted to share some of my experiences with you. For those who are already poly please feel free to share yours. #1 Confessions of a new crush. The moment you share in the excitement of a new crush with your partner. Hours of talking about him/her and hopefully how well we all get along as a group. #2 Helping your partner get ready for a first date. I love this one. Helping pick out clothes, scents and trying to keep them from freaking out. Watching them as they glow with that new relationship energy. #3 The after glow. The happy glow of your partner after a date or just spending time with their lover. Snuggling in bed as they tell you about their time together. Note: This is so amazing to me. To feel so much love from my wife towards me while talking about someone else. She shares her soul and heart to me in a way she never did when we were monogamous. Also the comfort I feel from knowing she is with me not because she has to, but because she wants to. She is not bound to me by social or legal obligations. She is bound to me by our love for each other. That is worth more to me than any ceremony or piece of paper. It is that bond that makes her truely my wife. #4 Comforting your partner when relationships go bad. Not every relationship lasts. Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes their lover is having issues with something. Sometimes a date goes badly and they watch a movie with elephants and babies being killed. What ever the reason you are there to comfort and support them. #5 Becoming friends with your partners lover. Or better yet becoming the lovers as well. When you are able to spend time together as a poly family it's amazing. You forget that in some relationship this would be the making of a Jerry Springer show. #6 Giving dating advice to your partner. #7 :) Grooming your Partner in preparation for a play date. Shaving has never been so sexy. #8 Asking a person out for your partner. Or quietly suggest to a person to contact your partner just because. #9 Teasing your partner about a new crush. Ok maybe this not so much a sign of affection but it is amusing. #10 Snuggling on the couch with your poly family. Forgive the grammar lol. At work at this just came up in my head.

snowwhties

faeries-everywhere

when is it going to be the other way round

maggins

does this count?

falcor-the-luckdragon

Oh, I think that one counts.

polyamorousmisanthrope

Oh yes, it counts…

An aching heart.

Feeling a bit depressed today. Ever since my Evil Mistress reunited with her Ex I knew our relationship would never be the same. I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have.

She is monogamous and feels she can only be with one person at a time. When they broke up, I made advances that I shouldn’t have.

Friday’s nights I would go over to her place. We would stay up late watching horror movies. I started snuggling with her on the couch. Then I kissed her. She didn’t object. We started making out and she seemed to welcome the change. This continued for a few weeks. I could tell though she was a bit confused. She had that feeling of “What am I doing!” and “I really like this!”

Now they are back together and we are still friends but things are different. I had a taste of how things could be. How I want it to be.

It is Friday and I’m laying here in bed. No reply to my calls or texts. No idea what she is thinking or feeling. All I know is I’m here and not there.

I’m not mad or upset at her. I knew she wasn’t poly. I knew she is in love with him. I don’t want to come between them. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I did.

Now my heart is aching for something it can not have.

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Because when someone doesn’t want to date me because I’m poly it’s ‘understandable’ but when I don’t want to date someone because they are monogamous it’s ‘ridiculous.’

Because all relationship advice tells you that if you have feelings for someone else while you’re in a relationship you’re...