15 Fics that every Wolfstar author writes sooner or later
1. Pining into oblivion. Sirius pines piteously; Remus is oblivious. Remus pines piteously; Sirius is oblivious. Each pines piteously, whilst simultaneously remaining oblivious to the other. This can last for chapters, even years.
2. Magical rom-com hi-jinks - joined together by magic, truth potions, chased by enchanted mistletoe, the mirror of Erised shows them felching etc.
3. Less of a fic, more an opportunity to lightly marinate Remus in werewolf angst.
4. Snogging in broom cupboards at Hogwarts. Why “hiding from Filch” hasn’t caught on as a euphemism for a quickie I’ll never know.
5. Moving in together after Hogwarts, most likely Sirius’ flat in Camden. I’m joking, of course - it’s ALWAYS a flat in Camden.
6. Lie Low at Lupin’s fic. H/C not optional.
7. Overwrought post-Prank dramatics. Must include at least one of the following: tears, speechifying, punching, d/s themed sex scenes, tears. Yes, I know I listed tears twice. Crying is not optional either.
8. Some kinky thing or other. Dog collars, spanking, bondage, public sex, tentacles, whatever. You will either write one fic like this or thousands. There is no in between.
9. Fic inspired by poetry, usually A E Housman, e e cummings, W H Auden. Possibly some other 2 initials and a surname poet, idk why it’s like that but it is.
10. Songfic. In years to come your songfic may make you cringe, but learn to live with it. You can take it off the internet, but you’ll never escape the memory of what you’ve done.
11. James and/or Lily is over-invested to a point that would be weird irl but because this is fic it’s cute and/or funny. They are required to full name both characters at least once. As this is less effective without a middle name, and JKR didn’t give Sirius one, fandom has collectively inflicted “Orion” on him, because apparently he hasn’t suffered enough.
12. An extensive collection of Get Together fics, often scanning multiple eras. At least one should involve a game of Spin the Bottle or similar.
13. All the AUs. Canon divergent AUs. Bring Back Black. House Swaps. Modern AU. Weirdass AUs like Regency merman pirate strippers in space. So many worlds, so many ways to get less misery, more porn and/or fluff.
14. 5 + 1 fics. Five Times Sirius Surprised Remus and One Time Remus Surprised Him. Five Times Remus and Sirius Didn’t Have Sex and One Time They Did. Five Times Sirius Made Remus a Cup of Tea and One Time Remus Sucked His Dick. Etc.
15. The Thing You Swore You’d Never Do. This one is different for each author, but we’ve all got one. Mundane AUs. Text Fic. Kink. Crossover with another fandom. Mpreg. Doesn’t matter what it is, all that matters is you were so sure you Would Never. Until you did.
Yes, of course some of these apply to other pairings/fandoms. No, you are not immune to any of them. You might say, ‘I’m a Wolfstar author and I’ve never written a fic like that!’ I say, ‘You haven’t written it yet.’
