Dandelion Curse

The Smell of Parchment & Petrichor I write sometimes 20! they/them be kind

[phoenixgreen]

fanart of my favorite boys for a fanfic called “reconcile” (please read it it’s literally a masterpiece also thank u @helga-grinduil for enlightening me by recommending it)

[shisasan]

April 20th, 1935 Virginia Woolf, “A Writer’s Diary” (1918 - 1941)

[loveridden1999]

[ageae]

[pomegranatedecay]

I love a barefoot walk in the rain. Lately if I catch that its pouring, I'll empty my pockets, place two towels by the door, and just stroll through the turmoil. It's a chaotic kind of serenity where no one is around. Even the least chipmunks in the yard and the blue jays in the neighbors trees hide and take cover. Those blue jays either really love or really hate carseat headrest. When I play it outside while writing my pages, they hop out of the tree and peck at the ground more than usual.

I think cancer reminded me to know what you love, damned the consequences. So I skip through the storm, dancing to nothing, and think about how I look on the ring door bell cameras only a little bit.

[mistresscitrusslice]

Are we gonna ignore the fact that Arcane basically just confirmed the existence of soulmates in their world with Jayce and Viktor’s whole “in every universe” thing? Who else do you headcanon as soulmates?

[mistresscitrusslice]

Feels like Runeterra follows the soulmate theory that soulmates are only guaranteed to be tied together, but exactly how is not guaranteed. They can love each other, ruin each other’s lives, or all of the above.

[pukicho]

I like loosening important looking screws and bolts from various vehicles and buildings whenever I go outside.

[nixscriptum]

[lizardsfromspace]

In other news, this is the worst year for US rabies deaths in years. One factor is anti-vaxxers refusing the rabies vaccine, not just for themselves, but for their pets.

Because they're afraid it will give their dogs autism

[silfron]

Every time this comes around I like to chime in with my FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE of getting rabies shots because he media has made them sounds terrifying and super painful and stuff and I'm worried people will avoid getting treated because of that.

TL;DR, it's NOT THAT BAD. Please for the love of *fuck* if you even think you maybe might have encountered a rabid animal, go get the fucking prophylactic.

Because that's the first thing - there's is not a rabies vaccine for humans. There's a pre-exposure prophylactic and a post-exposure prophylactic, and you'd be getting the post-exposure prophylactic. That means the SOONER YOU DO THAT the BETTER IT WILL WORK. This is NOT like the flu where if you get the shot after you've been exposed to the flu it's not gonna help. Totally different thing.

Second, the media likes to show that these shots have to be given in the stomach which I think used to be a thing but is NOT A THING ANYMORE. Your first shot will be straight into the bite wound, wherever that happens to be (mine was my ankle right on a bone which was pretty painful but honestly not that much worse than the bite? So like, it hurt sure but it hurt *already* so I don't know how much of that was the shot. If they can't give you all the shot there, you get the rest somewhere else – my bony ankle could only absorb so much so the rest went in my thigh (not painful at all). I assume it's thigh meat or arm meat depending on where the bite is.

After that you have to get boosters over the next few weeks. I think there were 3 or 4 of those and other than the weird part of "having to be administered in an ER" they were basically the same as flu shots. Upper arm, just felt like a regular shot. Nothing bad. If anything it wasn't as bad as a flu shot, because my arm didn't even hurt the rest of the day like when I get flu shots.

Additionally, my insurance did not fight with me on this AT ALL. I assume that's pretty standard, some things you DO NOT fuck around with on waiting periods and pre-auths and whateverthefuck and rabies is one. Also that "has to be administered in a ER" thing did *not* mean I had to pay an ER visit fee every time. I had an appointment, and that appointment just happened to be in the ER.

So please please please please please for the love of whatever you hold dear, get the damn shots. If you get them and didn't need them, awesome! If you don't get them and do need them, you are going to die, and it's going to suck the whole time. Two people have survived rabies in the history of people and they got so unreasonably lucky. Do not count on being rabies georg. You. WILL. DIE.

Get the fucking shots.

[pomegranatedecay]

I felt like nothing but soft weeds underfoot.

I closed my door. I sat on the edge of my bed and lined up the pills, one by one, like planting rows of a garden, neat and calm. Letting each one sink into me like stone, like a small weight pulling me under, promising.

The afternoon was a blur of dizziness and sleep. Replacing pills after upheavals.

The panic, the lights, the hum of the ambulance, the face of my mother lost in the spinning, all of it slipped away as I drifted, deeper, into that quiet place. The trees wrapped around me, dark arms reaching, and I could feel the pull of the earth, soft and heavy, like it had been waiting for me.

I have rotted on the inside. My body is covered in moss and flies.  I am as dead as an uprooted tree. I am covered in hurt that I deserve. I am a lonely comet that falls and burns and hurts. I am all black and dark and dead. I failed all of them.

Nothing is going to fix this.

Nothing is going to fix what I did to them.

I wanted nothing but silence, black woods, decay, cold winds; to lie twisted and turned as a serpent, to be in unison with a dying earth.

Like a dandelion, the tips of my leaves white, I wilt away that September.

And the Earth looked at me and said wasn’t that fun?

And I replied, I’m sorry if I hurt anyone.

[pomegranatedecay]

My grandmother is sick.

But she started going to therapy, working through trauma, taking more medication than before. I'm glad she's ("doing better"?).

The first thing I did when i got down here was weight myself. I didnt know how to feel seeing the numbers, but still told my grandma I wasn't hungry despite not eating and it being 2pm.

I already lost weight. More than healthy, probably.

My mom keeps commenting on it. It was one of the first things she did when i got to the trailer; she insisted on being in the room while i changed to talk to me and "catch up" and i was too tried to say no. I wasn't hungry then either. For different reasons, I think.

She says I shouldn’t be vegetarian. That it's too much for my still healing body after years of destroying it.

But then she also says that I wasted my money on buying belts at school because Im going to gain weight.

Im going to gain weight. Im entering my 20s soon and Im going to gain weight.

I tell her i cant because not one of us can afford to buy me a whole new wardrobe. She only shakes her head. Im still not hungry, but shes getting displeased and the spiders are mking their way up my back, through my heart, and into my throat. I eat a salad; i couldnt eat what they were making for dinner anyway.

She says nothing about it.

She keeps checking through my bags. Telling me what to expect. as if i havent packed before. as if i havent traveled before. As if i havent been to an airport before. the little cresant moons are taking form in my palms, but i console her worries anyway. i was born to be a shield afterall.

i promised myself i wouldn't cry anymore. that was before the antidepressants. i want to cry like i used to. now, it only comes in bursts; a tear or two before cutting off. i want to scream and sob and choke.

i get this subborn weight on my chest instead.

all i did friday morning was smoke in bed and dread going home.

I slept through the afternoon. Satyed up until 7am. Saturday, rinse and repeat.

my grandma is sick. my grandfather is grouchy. old people have more drama than college students.

i stole the golf cart for a few hours to get out. i met birds. and a turtle in the middle of the road. i named him jameson and we road together on the way back to the pond where i saw others like him. the waters pretty, reflecting like in a hypnotizing way

i didnt want to let him go.

the fuel is running low and i need to go back.

my grandma notices things about me. she always has but as ive gotten older shes been more vocal about them.

she says the light is lacking from my eyes. she says that shes sorry it was taken from me. she says she would do anything to see it there again.

she says i dont need to be quiet here, but im used to tip toeing around everything and being careful of everything i do and say, least it end in yelling.

she tells me i wasnt always this scared to live. i dont say anything back. i eat the pizza she bought me.

i throw up afterwards, even when i actually wanted to keep it down this time. i dont know what wrong with me.

sometimes i wish i could meet my creator face to face...

I have a couple of things i want to tell him.

but sometimes your only choice is to just get over it.

i made and list of dos and donts on the plane ride over.

Do: the ocean, used bookstores, small sips, naps, sunsets, let it go, hard hat and pick axe, blankets.

Don't: endless scroll, quick fix, divided attention, scratchy wool, identity theft, portrait mode, masochism, blood oranges, imposter syndrome.

small small weak weak covered in bruises too fragile too young too quiet too shy too everything

I keep sitting here thinking.

i feel like a little soul carrying around a corpse.

i am tired of being human. and sad. and angry. angry at feeling so much love. some days, i am angry just to be alive.

everyone keeps asking about school. and friends. i have nothing new to say really. they say i was smart. they still think that. i dont. i know i am stupid.

i feel like im burning like a dying star.

i have been telling myself for the past few months at least i'm not 14. at least i'll never be 14 laying in bed w headphones in listening to this depressing as music at 3am w tears streaming down my face ever again, peeling back glow in the dark stars off my bedroom wall. being 14 sucked. like, im going through the horrors and have no idea who i am as a person and also im fucking 14!

no, im 19 writing in my notes app in complete silence with a dry face and heavy lungs with no idea who i am as a person.

i wish i was a jellyfish; no pain, no thinking. just feeling weightless. i would just hope even as a jellyfish, i wouldn't feel lonely in a swarm.

[pomegranatedecay]

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

What is there in the shape of an island that can't give forth a place of delight,

Till the sound of the wind and waves are whispering love and serenity and peace?

What has land ever said to the sky?

What has sand ever said to sea?

Island and sea are lovers,

and the hours in love are the hours spent without a thought of sleep.

Let the sea murmur her sadness and be gone.

Let the ocean lift her voice.

[kosmogrl]

[anxeious]

on my way to keep loving despite it all

[ryebreadgf]

[nixscriptum]

𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 is a poetry series inspired by Pride and Prejudice — unraveling in pride, restraint, and the quiet ache of longing. It captures love in its most stubborn, soft-spoken form: bruised, blooming, and burning to be known.

a story in petals, still blooming — ongoing series → read here

[gummygunk]

forgive yourself