saikou

expose your cracks and love will fill them.

[pomupom]

‘m saikou ! they/them n’ 23 yrs old. multi writer (mainly twst).

♡ mlist + mlist2 ﾉ current characters ﾉ the rules.

CURRENT EVENT: none ♡ CURRENT WIPS: yan! jack howl fic & possibly some yan! franklin bordeau.

this blog is 18+ ! i interact, support, and write dark content !!!

<- and while i do write & indulge in dark content + topics, i do NOT condone any of these behaviors in real life!

[pomupom]

you leave me cold.

twisted wonderland ౨ৎ ruggie bucchi. 1.7k words.

warnings ﾉ angst, ruggie is probably ooc, i wrote the end before the beginning so apologies if it doesn’t flow well.

— ruggie wants to be the person that you’re looking for, but what does he have to offer?

you’ve been able to pick up on the fact something is different.

ruggie can tell that you’re trying to not make it obvious you know something is up, that you’re trying to be subtle with the small changes– unluckily for you, ruggie has a tendency to notice whenever the slightest of things about you shifts. his memory of every little thing that you do gives away when anything is amiss.

but he also knows he’s to blame for it. it’s strange, being the one to pick up on your stress and consternation while also being the cause for it– you pick up on ruggie just as well as he does you, and the sudden shift in him has got every bit of you on edge.

it’s bad of him, but ruggie tries to not think too much into you like he usually would. he tries to pretend it’s gonna be just as easy for you. tries to justify it through his own feelings– he can’t provide for you long-term, ruggie can’t give you the sort of life that befits you. you know this, you know him. and he’s not much, he doesn’t fit into the ideal.

the two of you have never labelled the thing between you formally, simply going to wherever it leads you. and at times like this, he’s somewhat glad that he’d never properly asked. never given you a reason to cry about a breakup when ruggie never labelled himself your boyfriend– it’ll make it easier to end things, he thinks, no complications in the way, just stopping some fling.

he likes you, sure. but ‘like’ isn’t enough to keep doing this– to keep this torture up. it was stupid of him to let it happen in the first place, to put the two of you through something that’d never last off impulse. he’d thought it was a good deal, the sort of bargin you can’t find often (or never, for someone like him), but ruggie isn’t the guy you settle for if you want some happy, easy future. he’s not the guy you want forever.

it’s selfish, to say the least. inconsiderate to keep you chained to him, especially when you could be out in the world finding that “prince charming” of yours. finding the kind of guy who can grant you all you need, afford all your desires and wishes, who can take care of you like you truly deserve.

the guy who can love you.

ruggie knows he can’t do that. that he can’t do any of those things. this temporary happiness that you two have built together is one on shaky foundation, the kind that comes crumbling down when the wind blows to hard, when the rain comes down harder than the sun rays. long-term isn’t an option for the two of you, and he can’t keep running and forgetting the cold once he’s stepped into the sun.

that’s why he’s here, at the little place you call ‘home’. the place you’ve never second-guessed inviting him into. but even ruggie knows that this time, he can’t go in– he can’t taint your space anymore than he has, to further filthy its walls with another memory that includes him. he has to take you somewhere else, where there are no memories you two share. where this piece of time can be forgotten to you, along with him.

there’s a certain anxiety radiating off of you as you let him lead, and ruggie thinks you know what’s in store. or maybe he’s just letting himself believe you do, to soften the blow of what he has to say– something unlabeled must be easier than a relationship to move past, but he knows you. he knows that you’re not gonna be able to pick yourself up as easily as he can. he knows that last time he was the one who helped, but he can’t this time.

he stops abruptly, feeling your weigh collide with his back before he turns around. but he doesn’t face you, and ruggie isn’t sure if it’s shame or fear that’s keeping him from doing so as he bites out the words,

“what we’re doing here is done.”

he’s not sure exactly how to word it, not sure if that was too harsh or vague. there’s no breakup, but there’s still a connection being severed. and his overthinking start again while he replays what he said– a terrible habit that’s exemplified since you came into his life.

his thoughts don’t get to last very long until he hears your voice let out a quiet “what?”, emotion already visible in the singular word.

ruggie can feel his eyes gloss up though he tries to hold his tears in, letting his nose run just so he doesn’t have to sniff– though his downturned ears give away the turmoil that’s within his heart. his throat is burning from all the held back emotion, hoarse as the insecure words squeak out of him; “i’m just the weird detour you take before you find the person you wanna be with.”

he can see the way you shift on your feet, eyes trained to only look downward as though it’d be the end of him to glance up towards your face– he knows what your expression will be. he knows the look that fills your eyes when he talks this way about himself, even if you try to keep you face steady, to try and stay calm. ruggie knows you hate his self-deprication, and if he were a better man maybe it’d make him believe any of this could last.

but hope is fickle. it is dangerous. for someone like him, it can kill– he’s seen it before. his own eyes witnessing what’s happened to those like him who’ve dared to hope for anything good. for anything more than what they’re able to have.

and you– you’re more than simply good. more than his mind could draft up to hope, more than his brain could form to dream. his desires (because it isn’t hope) have always been more simplistic, something to make his and his loved ones lives easier. but with you, it’s a jumbled mess of emotion, another tiring thing he’s trudging through.

ruggie can’t say he loves you, he can’t admit something that weighs as heavy on the heart as that. speaking it makes it real, thinking it makes it possible– he can’t put himself through more. ruggie can’t put you through his life. your love isn’t enough to warrant that selfishness, even if that’s something he’s always been.

“i’m tired of you being the only person who doesn’t see how incredible you are!” you let out, exasperated. the tone forcing him to inhale a whine that’s attempting to pry his lips.

your feet take a step closer, the two steps louder than the usual weight you put down. your hands twitch at your sides, but you know better than to cup his face in them, to let your perfumed wrists calm him down. you’re upset– most certainly beyond that, actually– and he supposes his selfish ways have still affected you, this entire thing between the two of you being proof. but that’s the cost of hope. the cost of love;

the price is losing.

he hears you take a deep inhale, probably staving off a breakdown just as he is– or maybe you’ve let go already, he can’t bring himself to look and see your heart breaking right in front of him. because of him.

he knows you’re still angry. he knows you’re hurting like ruggie promised he’d never let you be. maybe if the sound of his own heart wasn’t so loud in his ears, he’d of heard yours shatter– ruggie picked up the pieces, helped put them back in all their right places, just to be the reason they’re scattered around again. selfish, he is, but he’d never really thought himself cruel; not like leona could be, not as those leech twins were. but this is a pretty weighty equivalent.

you understand he’s not going to say more– you probably believe he’s got nothing left to say. but there are so many words swirling around in his mind, waiting to be strung together and blurted out. anything to make this better, his mind tells him, anything to not hurt one of the two people who’s loved him truly despite all he is. and he wishes he could listen, he wishes that he could be different; be better and good enough to be able to. but this ‘small’ cruelty is better than living it life-long, is it not?

your voice is small as it cracks out, as if the broken shards that’ve broken off your heart are coming up through your throat, cutting it as they are choked out. “i hope.. that one day, you’ll finally be able to see that you are good enough to be everything that you want to be.” your sniffles start off quiet, trying to hide. but you give up. unlike him, you’re not afraid to bare your whole self to him, to show all of the parts of you that might be found less desirable, to be vulnerable in all your hideous beauty– or, at least, you weren’t afraid. things will change. they already have.

he swallows hard, forcing the motion as his throat cries out to scream, to let everything out already. ruggie doesn’t know why this feels so hard, he already decided this, didn’t he? he already accepted that there could be no future for you and him. that the few months you spent together were it.

so he doesn’t know why it hurts so bad to see your feet turn away from him, to watch them force movement that carries you away from where he resides. it should’ve been easy, this exchange should’ve been nothing for him– he thought he already let you go.

but now, ruggie isn’t sure he’ll ever rid of you. he knows you’ll be able to, especially with the friends you have to act as your support system. but ruggie.. he doesn’t have anything like that. he didn’t have anyone in his corner here but you, nobody supported him to the fullest and put all their energy into him like you did.

and maybe, he realizes, the future for the two of you wouldn’t have been so bad. it wouldn’t have been selfish. ruggie would’ve put you first, somebody would’ve come before him.

[pomupom]

Hello ⊂⁠(⁠・⁠▽⁠・⁠⊂⁠)

I've just wanted to check up on you, and tell you that if you're struggling (doesn't matter if it's something small or big!) don't be afraid to message me! I love your jjba works, they're amazing ✧⁠*⁠。

hello !! sorry i am so late to answering this, but i appreciate that!

i’m in the process of rewatching jojo, so expect some new works at some point! ദ്ദി˶˃ ᵕ ˂ )

[pomupom]

yaa, can't wait to see what you can write again! no pressure ofc,, also i just read your bio again lolol, "expose your cracks and love will fill them." it feels like an innuendo :DD

- ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

sorry i am a bit late to answering this !! expect more yandere ofc .. and lots of depressing fics.

my bio is a little quote that i like ( and relate to! ).

[pomupom]

working on making ruggie miserable .. will have to spoil him with a happy darling ..

[pomupom]

while jade leech and trey clover are both a very similar kind of yandere, they are also a far different kind.

they have their differences of course, one a bit more sadistic with the other being saccharine. but the main one is that you can get jade wrapped around your little finger, but that’ll never happen to trey.

jade is, surprisingly, a bit more lenient when it comes to certain things– he may be rather cruel when there’s a peek taken of the man behind the gentleman facade, but he is, unabashedly, whipped for you. with you, there is no mask that he wears; you see the entirety of jade. the good, the bad, and the terribly ugly.

but he is obsessed with you in a way that leaves other poor souls on the receiving end of his frustration rather than you. while he wishes more than anything that the two of you could live in a blissful harmony, for your heart to hum the same tune that his does, jade is not unaware that what he is doing is wrong– as well as it being much too early in your “relationship” for your mind and feelings to have twisted yet.

jade knows you’ll act a bit bratty at times, that you need to have a little temper tantrum every so often in order to become lax as he likes, and part of him does find it to be rather endearing. you still have a bit of that fight in you, that little fiesty spirit still not entirely lost to his deranged ways– he enjoys watching you get it out, to feel the, rather weak, hits to his chest while you go from screaming to sobbing in all but a few minutes. jade gets to watch the fight drain from you, the defiance leave your eyes as you sag into his lap; the knowing that nothing is going to change never getting far from the forefront of your mind. it’s still a very entertaining process, and it always ends in begruding acceptance of his affections.

trey, on the other hand, does not tolerate any sort of “fight” from you. it can be entertaining for him as well, but his sweet little baby should not be acting in such a manner– trey has taught you to be far from a brat, you’ve had “lessons” drilled into your brain for what is acceptable and what gets punished. there are no outright rules, but there are expectations for his darling to uphold.

while jade takes a more violent approach to others whenever you’ve upset the eel, trey keeps his attention focused solely on you– nonviolent of course, as he is civilized (to an extent), but it’s expected of you to be quite docile and always well behaved.

his punishments aim more for your psyche. trey is not dissuaded by the possibility of breaking you, of crushing the fight that you’ve had in you since you arrived to their world– if anything, it encourages his acts. there is only one way he can treat you how he wants, how you deserve, and it is only if you submit completely and accept his “love”.

no matter how hard you try, none of your pretty words or faux acts have much of an affect on trey like they do jade. and it’s not as if jade can’t see through them– he very much can– but even a little sliver of what jade can achieve with you makes his heart swell. trey just isn’t much interested in that game; if he wants a fake life with you such as that, he’d simply drug you until you’ve become nothing but a loving doll.

both do have tendencies of making your life feel like hell even if it’s unintentional– which, with them, little ever is. they know exactly what they’re doing, but they try to hide behind the fact that they treat you oh so well, even if you want nothing to do with them. no matter which you’re stuck with, you’ll never be taken seriously. they both have problems with infantilization– though trey’s worse when it comes to it– and it’ll only get worse the longer this little “game” of yours is drawn out for. trey may not fully play it, but jade can only take so much; you’ll have to give in eventually, or both can become much more cruel than you already view them to be.

[pomupom]

oml, hi pomupom ! i'm not sure if you still use this account (i'm not sure if you're even gonna see this) but i was looking through my liked posts and saw your blog again ! i just got hit with the memories hahaa

i hope you're doing well ! totally fine if you don't remember me, it's been so long . . .

- ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

hi !! i very rarely come on here anymore ꒰ ᐢ ◞‸◟ᐢ꒱ but i want to start writing again (but i have to see how much characters have changed ...)

and while it has been a while, ofc i remember !! i hope you are well, too! （๑ ᷇ 𖥦 ᷆๑)♡

[pomupom]

floyd leech plays with your tongue ring. whether with his own tongue or when he sticks his fingers in your mouth.

[pomupom]

hi everyone .. it has been a long while since my last writing (∩´͈ ᴖ `͈∩ ྀི) however i DO plan on writing again and trying my best to bring good works, i am very very much behind on any twst stuff (it's been about 2 yrs since i last touched it??) so i need to catch up and figure out any character developments lol.

but for other fandoms i am not so worried about that matter. i have a lot of half finished wips n a few ideas floating around in my brain.

no promises for anything soon, but i do want to let u all know i am thinking of this blog and all of you. hopefully there can be some goodness (or mediocrity, as i have not written in a year now) on this blog soon.

<3

[pomupom]

Hii pomuu!! Not a request but js checking in on you :DD hope you're doing well!!

- ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

hiya! thanks for checking up on me. <3 i’m still around a little bit, but sadly have not have the motivation to return.

i’ve (somewhat) recently gotten into an LDR, so my mind has been blank of fantasies for all our favorite fictional men. >< but i’ve had some sparks and made some drafts for possible writings.

i hope you are well, too! 🫂🤍

[pomupom]

not a request but begging, bestest pleasee i beg of you more yan Trey infantilizing thoughts girl(non-gendered like bro) you made me addicted...last one was bomb i love it i swear like dayummm tasty like a mango 🤤🤤🤤

i’ll definitely be writing more of that flavor of trey! i love him and especially like him when he is super nasty and terrible! 🫶🥰

[pomupom]

ayoooo

that haley/farmer request is absolutely incredible! i was eating up every word of it - i mean the angst?? 💳💥💳💥💳💥spectacular gimme 14 of them right now

thank you so much for writing it and sharing it, here is a sunflower to show my gratitude 🌻✨

thank you so much!! i didn’t really like that writing when i posted it, and still don’t feel very confident in it, but i really appreciate this. 🙇‍♀️🩵

[pomupom]

Can I get more genderbend twst pls (I am hongry)

hey nonnie, requests are closed right now. but i plan for some in the future.

[pomupom]

NO?? WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE A BOOP BUTTON???

BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP ALL OVER, Also hi again ^^

- ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

haha, thanks for the boopies ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪ nonnie! i turned it off cause i still don’t really know what it is, but i’ll opt back in!

[pomupom]

yan! trey with a reader who cries when they’re frustrated / angry would be such an awful combo. he’s already incredibly infantalizing; he sees you as this weak baby who needs him to guide you, to take care of you because you’re not capable of that yourself (he doesn’t think you’re capable of anything, if the way he treats you is anything to go by). trey seems to think of you as a toddler who’s still learning and new to the world, and he takes on this somewhat parental role — a very, very suffocating one. and he won’t state it outright, but his word truly is law, and he’ll make you understand that by ‘dumbing’ everything down.

and he speaks to you just like you would an upset child when you’re crying, cooing at you and holding you when you’re downright sobbing– because of him and how suffocated and trapped you feel– his poor, poor baby.. he’s asking what’s wrong and how he can make it better, pressing kisses to your cheeks while he rubs your back. the only thing that’d make it better would be for him to leave you alone, but that’s just not possible; who knows what kind of reckless decisions you’d make if he were to leave you on your own, especially when you’re upset and crying. you aren’t in the right state of mind to be trusted.

which is why it’s even worse if you’re getting frustrated with him and his antics, trying to have a ‘grown-up’ conversation but everything you’re saying is just going in one ear and out the other. he’s not taking you seriously, and you can’t help the tears that sprout; it’s terrible, because the second they start to run down your cheeks he’s going into that ‘mode’ again. his voice gets all soft and gentle, fully condescending as he starts to wipe away the tears that just won’t stop falling no matter how you try. you can’t even bring yourself to attempt pushing him away because you’re embarrassed you let him win again, fisting at the bottom of your shirt– you catch your bottom lip between your teeth so you hopefully won’t let any sobs out. but he notices, and tells you it’s okay to let everything out, because he’s here to help you feel better. it’s not good to keep your emotions pent up, and he understands why you were arguing with him earlier now — it was just because you were upset and tired from keeping all your tears in. but trey’s got you now, so you can let everything out.

when you eventually fall asleep in his arms from all your crying and screaming and thrashing, he’s pressing a gentle kiss to your crown and laying you down to rest. he knows it must be hard with how much he’s worked lately; you must be feeling neglected from the decline in attention trey’s given you. he’ll make sure to close the bakery for tomorrow so he can spend all day with you, tend to all your needs and make sure you’re properly regulating your emotions– no holding them in, no matter what you may be feeling. it’s important for children to learn how to handle them, after all.

[pomupom]

I am literally loving all of this Trey clover stuff

i’m glad!! he’s a very special n’ handsome man who deserves lots of love for his birthday week (n' all the time)!

[pomupom]

trey’s almost constantly wondering when he should pop the question.

he’d bought the ring a few months ago, taking a short stroll throughout the town after he’d gone to buy more ingredients for the store and there was a jeweler with a pretty ring that caught his eye the second he glanced at the window display.

it was terribly impulsive– something that’s still very unlike him– but his heart lodged up into his throat when he thought about how it’d suit your finger. it doesn’t have a large, loud diamond on it nor a thick band that’d suit such; but it’s a gem on the smaller side, diamond in a shade of light green with a silver band for it. and he remembers how you’d told him a little while ago how you hated those giant diamonds newlyweds flaunt while shoving their hand in your face, how, if he were to propose, you’d want one in green and not just plain white so that it’d match his hair and make you always think of him.

and while this is a few shades lighter than trey’s hair, he still finds himself asking the jeweler if he can have that ring with the band size that perfectly fits you finger. it’s stupid because he knows that you can check your bank account and see the purchase for it, but he’s praying to every seven above that you decide to not check what the large purchase is from a jeweler.

it’s too impulsive, and he finds himself almost dragging his feet when he goes back to pick it up; you hadn’t said anything yet, so he hopes that you did indeed not check your shared account because he has no idea what he’d say to you if you were to bring it up — trey doesn’t know the words he wants to say when he finally drops to one knee, how he wants to ask you to be his spouse because this whole purchase was just impulsive, for the simple reason he thought the ring would look good on your finger (and because he really, really wants to marry you but doesn’t know how to go about it; for his ‘mature’ reputation he sure is going about this in childish manor.)

he feels so awkward staring at in hidden underneath some old, shoved-in junk inside his night table– like he’s ashamed of it, when he is anything but. it’s the proof trey truly does want to marry you, but everytime he even entertains the idea of pulling it out and taking you somewhere incredibly nice, fancy and expensive, his stomach flips with nerves that almost make him sick; he’s certain you wouldn’t even want a big proposal like that, you’d probably prefer him to do something simple here within the bakery. and trey knows how much easier that would be, but he still can’t bring himself to do it– not even with the knowledge that it’d only be the two of you.

and it certainly doesn’t help when he’s had to go grab more baking supplies and that same employee is opening up the store and asking him if you’d said yes– it’s embarrassing the way he stutters over his words, flustered at the fact this person not only remembers when he’d got it months ago, but is assuming he popped the question. which he should have already, he knows, but the sorrowful expression on their faces makes him groan as he walks on, knowing they think you rejected him and they hit a sore spot. it’s worse that his parents and younger siblings have started asking, too; you’ve already been around for so long, what could he possibly be scared of?

the answer he’d give if he was telling the truth is that he has no idea either. trey’s almost positive you’ll say yes (almost, because nothing is truly certain when it comes to these things. you could hate the idea of marriage!), and maybe you’re even dying with how long he’s had you to waiting for him to slip a ring on your finger. he knows he definitely wants nothing more than to marry you, to take the time to plan out a wedding ceremony and maybe a honeymoon if your bank account can handle it– trey’s committed to you, and you’ve practically been his spouse in his mind before he even bought the damn ring. so why can’t he just propose already?

maybe it’s some repressed memory of rejection that’s influencing his decision, or some innate fear when everything seems right to propose only to be told ‘no’– trey really isn’t sure what it is exactly, but he finds himself toying with the ring while you bathe only to carefully set it back in its box and bury it once again. he knows you love him, but he still lies awake a little longer with your head settled against his racing heart thinking of how quickly this peace could be destroyed if he’s reading everything wrong. and he doesn’t want to be the idiot to ask if you’d ever marry him; because if you said yes, it’d be too obvious a proposal was coming, and if you said no, he isn’t sure what he’d do with both himself and this ring.

but trey doesn’t know you also stay awake a little longer, laying on his chest as you listen to the rapid increase of his heartbeat, hearing his mutters about proposing and what to do; his search history for best places and how to tell if someone wants to marry you. and he definitely doesn’t know that you are, in fact, aware of the purchase from a few months ago. you want to marry him, but you’ll wait until he sorts things out– while, of course, throwing out a few hints here and there. you can’t wait forever!