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@ponetium
Is this anything
+ Teddy
My illustrations the most based poem about tigers by Nael, age 6
Every time I read it I feel space inside my chest expand in very *emotion* way.
CW/TW: The sexual assault depicted in episode 33 of Revolutionary Girl Utena
I (Gio here) was recently gifted several episodes of storyboards by the lovely cscratch, and among them was episode 33. For those of you with an interest in animation at all, these are a really fascinating glimpse into the working process of creating something like Utena. You can view the whole episodeās worth of storyboards here, in the Empty Movement gallery.
From the storyboards Iāve seen, major deviations from the storyboard to the final product are not really that common. So I did a double-take when I saw that one of the most critical, not to mention elaborately animated, sequences in the series has very sparse storyboarding, and a completely different ending. I begged a translation of the working notes for the sequence off ShinyWoopers on the Empty Movement Discord, wondering if there was a notation suggesting the sequence could change. There is not: see above. The sparse storyboarding of her face is interesting to note because this is one of the few episodes Shinya Hasegawa did the art direction forāa recap episode. I imagine they didnāt need much detail there because the whole thing was done in house with their best animators working on it.
But the ending being different? That, to me anyway, is very interesting. The storyboard shows Utenaās face cutting to the ferris wheel in the amusement park from inside the dark hotel room as she asks āWhat is eternity?ā, and then a fade to black. (This is a shot seen earlier in the episode as well.)
This is very different from the ending we get, where her face is cut to the road speeding past, screamingĀ āSTOPā, and then Akio and Utenaās clasped hands.Ā
The take-home for me is that this moment was argued over until the last minute, and the point of contention was what metaphor they wanted to stress. The shot of the amusement park in the background of the dark room is seen earlier, but is very, very on the nose: The glimpse of a symbol of childhood that Akio both took her to, and took her away from, seen from a dark room filled with shadows at a far distance. The loss of innocence is pointed at in this shot, and the illusion of UtenaāsĀ ācomplicityā is implied earlier by that itās her that turns out the lights in the room, aware of what is about to happen but unable to dim the lights beyond.Ā
Instead we are given a whole different set of symbols. The road screaming STOP is also seen earlier, right after Akio, dressed as Ends of the World, has accelerated the car to some ludicrous speed, spun the wheel, and smashed the brakes. Accelerating, then veering off to the side in some unnatural direction, and smashing the brakes with an unnecessary amount of force. And then, STOP STOP STOP. Would I go so far as to say this is an allusion to the rape thatās about to happen? Yes, yes I would.Ā
This is, I suspect, why they chose to use that same road, screaming STOP, instead. The episode is already jam packed with allusions to her loss of innocence, childhood being far away, departed from. This is instead the show letting us know just how unnatural a course of events has transpired here.Ā
What of the hands, then? The road seems to be replacing the amusement park, but their hands clasped are a totally new shot added. I want to say this is to make it abundantly clear what has happened is sexual in nature, and thatās definitely part of it. Even with it, back in THE DAY, people didnāt actually assume they were having sex. Some peak denial there by the early fandom. But I think the juxtaposition of the road and their hands is intended to depict Utenaās conflicted state of mind. The road, what could stand for an awareness Utena has that something has gone terribly wrong here, contrasted with a shot that would be in any other context, almost romantic. Romantic enough that itās the idea of what has happened that Utena is clinging desperately to now.
The worst thing, in my opinion, about this entire event, is that Utena does not know sheās been raped. And she never really does. She is given just enough illusion of choice that she believes she chose this road, even if STOP is painted all over it. She needs to believe that, and needs to believe their hands clasped is something real, because otherwiseā¦what just happened? Utena copes with this experience on the basis of believing she had some part in how it went. She needed that to frame it in a way she could handle, and Akio did absolutely nothing to stop her believing it.Ā
This is a very ugly, but very real depiction of CSA and how it can be viewed through a completely warped lens by the victim, both out of necessity and out of ignorance. What force is there is made into her appearing complicit, and her victimization is dealt with by believing, for herself, that she chose it.Ā
If you got this far, thanks for reading. This is, to me, an interesting look at both the creative process, and how carefully and delicately they handled this moment, knowing how important it was to the story, to the character, and to the context of everything going forward. They thought long and hard about it, for good reason, and I think they absolutely couldnāt have done it better.
Akio, Predation, Trust, Victimization, and the Black Rose Saga
This came up in the Discord, and I wanted to take the opportunity to expand on it and develop the idea. I was trying to articulate how, especially on repeat viewings, Akioās scenes in the BRS manage to create a mounting unease despite appearing less openly predatory than similar moments in the Akio Arc and beyond. I pulled random screen caps from these scenes into one place, and looking at them this way, itās a lot plainer why.Ā
**** I guess I should note, that this is spoiler heavy and discusses in detail Akioāsā¦well..predation of Utena. So if that, and the disgusting shit it pertains to, is a trigger for you, stay away. I mean for this to be a serious exploration of something that is absolutely horrifying, and my primary argument is that it was deliberately set up by the creators of the series to be that way. I feel like I shouldnāt have to say this, but Iām in no way endorsing Akioās behavior, trying to shift blame, or do anything to distract from the damage it does and how sickening it is that it happens. Kind of the opposite. Not only is it sick, the show made a concerted effort to make it even worse. This became a huge wall of text. Sorry. If I thought the uncomfortable wasnāt worth exploring, I doubt Iād still be running an Utena website after 15 years.
When we first meet Akio, there are four people in the room, itās brightly lit, and Akio impresses on Utena that heās 1. *just* the deputy Chairman, 2. an airhead that likes the stars, and 3. oblivious to the dueling game. Heās sitting back, Utenaās sitting back, and the whole thing appears offensively innocent, though seconds before he was making out with the woman heās more or less ignoring right now.
In episode 15, theyāre alone, but the room is brightly lit. Utena sits back. Akio leans forward. This is not a suspicious pose in itself, and is generally accepted as one a person would use to seem relaxed. However by this point, we already suspect absolutely everything Akio does, because we know what heās like outside of this innocent little scene. Alsoā¦
A shot splitting off Akioās space in the room focuses instead on the picture (that faces away) of him with his sister, as though to establish sheās there. The conversation focuses on Anthy, as well.Ā
But what we see on Akioās side isnāt Anthy. Not just a vase full of roses, but wrapped roses also, as if theyāve been delivered to him. This is the first time Akio and Utena are alone, and something else is on his mind. We see wrapped roses like this again, after all, in episode 33. His seduction starts here.
In episode 17, we donāt see the picture againāAnthy is gone. The room is now dark. Utena leans forward, becoming more comfortable in his presence. Akio is looking up, though Utena is not, and while he does so, heās talking about Utena herself, comparing her to Ganymede, and warning that her innocence can be hurtful to others. This is the first time he talks about Utena in an abstract, *who* she is rather than that she just is, and what he says is both flattering and clearly not appropriate in the capacity of a Chairman. The pretense of his status separating them has been pulled down, and for those of us listening from the outside, his addressing of her innocence at all is foreboding. Itās made worse by an assumption Iām having that Utena is unfamiliar with Ganymede, who is a beautiful youth abducted by Zeus for his pleasure. A story thatās taken as an endorsement of the predation of young boys by adult men. Utena not being a boy is fucking irrelevant.Ā
Though visually thereās no progression in episode 18, in this scene, Utena tells him about the Prince she dreams of, suggesting sheās now comfortable enough to look past his age, gender, role of authority, or any other of the number of reasons you wouldnāt say such a thing to him. She then doubles down and asks him if it means sheās not an adult. Akio tells her that stars lose their brilliance as they age, and this is not a veiled answer: āYouāre a child, and I like that about you.ā Utena registers on some level a wrongness about this comment, and she immediately diverts the conversation and brings up Kanae and him. His answer leaves her unsettled, and without a conclusion that would help establish her role when sheās with him, nevermind make it safe one.
Episode 19ā²s scene is all about the mounting tension between Akio and Anthy on Utenaās account, and her total obliviousness to it. At this point, that the siblings are locking horns over the issue establishes his progress as much as any scene we could have been shown with him and Utena. His body language has become very casual, especially with the arm slung over the back of the couch. This isnāt an unusual thing to do for a guy, but consider that we repeatedly see him pose this way when weāre shown his sexual relationship with Anthyāmore than once, by this point. It accompanies theĀ āCome here, Anthy.ā line in this arc, as well as being how heās posed in episode 32, when Nanami finds them.Ā The dialogue in this scene is also rich:
Akio: Ā But, Tenjou-san⦠The inside of a personās heart is like something veiled in silk. Ahh⦠It seems like you could see through, but in fact you canāt. The prince people hold inside their heartā¦is surely something that others wouldnāt understand. But, I envy young people who are in love. Akio: Ā I hope you, too, will find your own prince soon, Anthy. Anthy: Ā Yes, Onii-sama.
Weāre supposed to think heās talking to Utena, but Akio and Anthy have their eyes cut off from the frame in succession, because the real conversation is literally going over Utenaās head. What Utena takes home as a deep thought about the complexities of the human heart, that he is sharing with her because he thinks sheās ready for such insights, Anthy is hearing as a reminder that Utena doesnāt know sweet fuck all about her, him, or whatās important to either of them. It is, after all, perfectly fine for him to sexually abuse this child, but not for her to give a shit or care about Utena in any serious way.
In episode 20, weāre alone, the room is dark, and weāve abandoned the couch for a different kind of intimacy: idle comfort. Utena is stretching, going about the business of whatās important to her because being in Akioās presence no longer constitutes a visit, but simply hanging out. Itās the difference between friends you sit at the table and talk with and friends you make help cook first and then sit in the living room watching cat videos with. (What?) Akio has positioned himself similarly, on his back lying down so he can comfortably watch the stars. Utena is no longer a visit to him, either.Ā
This growing comfort allows him to say things to her, about her, that she would have found uncomfortable back in episode 18. He says her lack of self-consciousness is a special trait she carries from birth, that separates her from others, who are mostly without any personal trait of value themselves. This is an invasive, flattering thing for an adult to say to a teenager. Itās also implying an expectation about how she will act, assuring that her behavior continue to suit him.Ā
Us poor viewers get even more from the scene. He says this while sheās stretching, so that when we see her do a great deal of the same in episode 33, we are called back to this scene, and her apparent lack of self-consciousness. We see then a comfortable, familiar behavior being retreated to in her nervousness, her special trait diminished under the press of his attention.
In episode 21, the last of these scenes in the Black Rose Saga, Akio is not even initially present. However, he very much is there, and this scene is something of a mirror of the first time Akio and Utena are alone. In episode 15, Anthyās presence is created partway through by her being in the photograph, and here Akioās presence is only established well into the scene. (The elevator dings right at the beginning, so heās in the room the entire time.) In episode 15, the topic of conversation was about Anthy to begin with, and in this scene, Utena is repeating things Akio has said, so that in both cases, the sibling is present from the get go. Utena now has established, separate relationships with the two.
Utena focuses on what heās taught her about the stars here, which feels almost like revisionism at this point, as if to make sure we know he actually bothers to. What weāve been shown up to this point isnāt their astronomy and mythology lessons, but rather the progressive establishing of intimacy between Akio and Utena. A deliberate and focused effort to build her trust, by appearing to physically keep a proper distance, while verbally doing anything but. Framed as discussions about the various goings on Utena experiences in the school, Akio tells her hopeful things, cynical things, and most often, things about herself. He flatters her, but also reinforces her childishness. He makes invasive observations about who she is, and then implies an expectation that she not be self-conscious around him. And now we see he lets her use his prized projector when heās not around, which is not a thing most adults would let a child do.Ā
The unease these scenes create is deliberate. The show goes to great pains to introduce Akio as a sexual creature; we first see him in the context of the story making out with Kanae, and by the end of that episode, we know heās sleeping with Anthy as well. Several episodes in the arc, in fact, end on this note. Weāre reminded over and over that Akio is not only sexually active, but is so by way of an extremely taboo relationship that doesnāt appear to bother him in the least. Taken apart from that (if one could ever really do so) these scenes arenāt nearly as suggestive as they feel; Akio never leers at Utena, and in fact doesnāt even touch or go near her until much later, in episode 25. He says flattering things but they dance a fine line between flattery with a sexual end, and just encouraging things an adult (unwisely, perhaps) might say to a child to drive their self-esteem.Ā
Utena is elsewhere in the show often oblivious to the subtext of events going on around her, so itās not surprising she never seems suspicious of Akio. What we take to be extremely concerning, she has no reason to. What we see as the unambiguous predation of a child by an adult, she has no reason to think of in that way. She has no previous history to make her suspect (the way Touga would) and he does nothing that would be obvious to her to shift her reading of his actions away from Anthyās friendly brother to sexual predator.
As naturally suspicious viewers that have watched an arc of Touga draped weirdly on beds, we probably would have been concerned anyway. Maybe weād bring very real, very rational points of view to it, and be worried on her behalf because heās an adult man in a position of power over a young girl. Instead, the show makes a concerted effort to make us suspicious from the moment Akio appears, sacrificing what could have been a slow, dramatic reveal (his relationship with Anthy) for what we get instead: unambiguous awareness that what heās doing is predatory. That his end goal, from the moment Utena is in a room alone with him, is sexual in nature. Their first meeting, and the culmination of that effort, are marked by the wrapped roses that have been delivered to him. The show makes sure we know, every moment, what is happening here.Ā
By the shift in tone he takes in his own arc, Utena has been made comfortable and familiar enough with him that her impulse isnāt to run. Her violent reactions to Tougaās invasions of her space in the first arc are nowhere to be seen. Akioās slipped just far enough past her boundaries to mute the alarms that should be going off. He can sit close enough to her for body contact, and her embarrassment at the intimacy appears totally apart from any fear of it. She can retreat into discussing Kanae when he declares a trip to the hospital is a date, but in the aftermath of their kiss (that Akio watches, lest we forget), her reaction is guilt and interest. Sheās been groomed past directing that concern at the proper target, and instead blames herself. A sad but common side effect of this kind of predation.Ā Ā
But you know what? I expect nothing less from SKU. This is a series that builds up all of this creeping tension and disgust, and cashes it in on an episode framing the act entirely from Akioās point of view. It isnāt enough to spend several hours watching with horror his stalking of this prey, weāre forced also to watch what it does to her, her discomfort and awkward rambling, and how he sees it: as beautiful. The sequence in question in episode 33 is long, meticulously animated, and makes Utena look more feminine than she looks at any point prior. Thereās a massive disconnect between how sexual sheās drawn, and how she behaves. And we know why.
This isnāt an easy topic to discuss. Revolutionary Girl Utena isnāt an easy show to watch. And this isnāt an easy thing to ignore, and shouldnāt be. The show cares not for what experiences weāve had going on. Whether we recognize Utenaās position immediately, or have to extrapolate from the information given. Whether we know or not how she feels, weāre forced to watch it with all the cards already on the table. Weāre forced to watch Akio, knowing itās his goal, before watching from his perspective the culmination of his efforts.Ā
The experience is an assault of its own. The meticulous cultivating of Utenaās willingness and our dread occur simultaneously, so that when weāre finally put in that hotel room, only her face in frame, weāre as trapped in the moment as she is. Even if we look away, weāve already seen everything leading up to it, a turning of talent and skill to horrifying ends. Our heroineās trust is gained and abused. Her youth and her innocence is preyed on. And by the vantage point weāre given, and the force with which weāre made accomplices, weāre preyed on as well. The small comfort experiencing it alongside her would have given our peace of mind is denied to us. Weāre forced in horror into Akioās point of view instead, knowing acutely how much it pleases him. Because of course we are. Havenāt we been watching all along, knowing what he was doing? Peeking through squinted eyes at each step closer, expecting, dreading, but anticipating the same thing he has?
Itās not hard to imagine that Akio, aware of his audience, would be pleased to an excess with whatās done to us. And I wonderā¦perhaps that is the point of the care and cruelty with which his seduction is portrayed by be-Papas. Itās not just righteous anger on Utenaās behalf that we feel, but righteous anger on our own as well. He is an absolute abuser, and every character he meets is a target of that. Perhaps it only makes sense that us, viewers from a great distance divided by reality, manage still to be his victims also.Ā
Giovanna wrote a thing, because a subject came up, and the subject is a terrible thing.
oh sure blame the guy whose fault it is
I think bro might like leather
Sex is cringe. "Hey do you wanna come over and play boners together?" What naked bullshit. They have played us for fools.
So cringe.
(Alt text/image description available and embedded)
Honestly, I miss the blogs from that time period. Blogs are not as common nowadays, and it seems like nobody really likes them apart of millennials like me. I miss the blog culture so much.
Especially since now I can wash dishes and read at the same time, with the embedded text to speech reader on edge.
Happy fall, y'all š§”šš°šš§”
We weren't prepared for the World Wide Web to be a world of bots communicating with each other.
*expresses a reason iām upset* oh god im being manipulative arenāt I
āThis is why I am afraid to share and ask for things. I am extremely scared of manipulating othersā or āMoodā
I just remembered that when I was very young (highschool), my then boyfriend said I am being manipulative.
I asked him to elaborate.
He told me that it was me looking disappointed when I would invite him over and he will say no was manipulative.
I don't remember if I stopped inviting him over, or started to adding that it's ok if he doesn't want to, or just did my best not to look disappointed, but it hunted me for years. I was so afraid of being manipulative towards him after that. I never wanted to be.
Was I manipulative?
I don't know. Maybe.
I did learn some manipulative behaviours in my lifetime. I did my best to stop doing them.
But with that...I sort of felt like I can't look disappointed with things.
Is it manipulative to have facial expressions?
While my heart breaks for US-Americans for having Trump as president, I am happy he made Bibi stop the war in Gaza. Because Bibi decided that the war is what nerds to be done to make his country his own private cult. But Bibi is still afraid of Trump.
Trump is a horrible human being and he brought a lot of suffering to his country, but for ending the war (at least for now), I am thankful.
I hope things will start to get better in the middle east.
I really hope Bibi and his pet fascists will fall down soon. They will try to continue to promote making the country into their private cult, and every thing they did or said was for that. Till a bigger cult leader came in and made Bibi pause.
.
.
(link to clean shelter, humanitarian aid)
*expresses a reason iām upset* oh god im being manipulative arenāt I
āThis is why I am afraid to share and ask for things. I am extremely scared of manipulating othersā or āMoodā
Algeria.Ā Women from Ouargla, 1945.
That doggo!