kere

just a little lover / angry and hollow / trying to fill back in with the warm and gentle colors of my heart / 34, trans, sapphic, married, disabled, schizoaffective, venezuelan

[tomhoppusdelonge]

the trauma associated with feeling disgusted whenever anybody wants me sexually even though apart of me is happy about is is really just. a fucking huge problem for me. what the fuck is that about

[poolofdevilspit]

found this litle guy on my wie's vacation at a flea market

its them, little ferdinand 🐂🌺

[poolofdevilspit]

these posts are too long so i gotta get shorter ones cuz the muzzle chains look weird

but this is definitely some kind of look

[poolofdevilspit]

my outfit for biking across town to take care of the sweetest little doggy baby grandma

thats the bandage for my e shot

[poolofdevilspit]

i went camping

[poolofdevilspit]

i went camping

[badwolfdogbutch]

You know compliments and flattery would work so well on me from the right person but after spending your childhood being the ugly kid who then is the 'hot' butch you can't tell who's being shallow or real and that's a different kind of devastating because you long to hear words you never heard but the overt sexualization of your person leaves you feeling like your heart won't ever be seen. Oh to be wanted for my heart and mind is truly worth more than desire for my body. Sure it is a nice bonus to be physically desired but how I wish I could hear so much more than shallow words. My heart is truly the most beautiful thing about me but so few are willing to get to know it. I definitely have a deep seated wound when it comes to love so I know that I need someone who's willing to work through it with me. The book I was reading today... One of the characters said "she deserves someone who will weather the storm with her" and I fucking cried. But anyways yea I'd love to be loved intentionally not just for what I can do, how I look or what I can give. I just want the softness of being wanted and loved as I am. Maybe I'm a foolish yearner but whatever at least I know what I want.

[poolofdevilspit]

Posting these just to see if they'll get flagged 🙃

[poolofdevilspit]

found a cool pillow at a garage sale

[unteriors]

Sherry Street, San Antonio, Texas.

[birdbyt3]

a message to my fellow wonderful disabled/chronically ill butches and femmes: there is a place for us, we’ve always been here. you don’t have to follow the ‘big strong provider butch’ or ‘perfect put together femme’ archetype to belong, and you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody 🫶

[poolofdevilspit]

the traumatized lover can post some selfies as a treat

trying to act engaged and hopeful and like getting engagement on selfies will help me feel better doesnt feel very good or real but im trying to instill myself with some "fake it till you make it" energy

just.. trying to do my best. giving in to grief and despair makes me act like someone im not. it means to just lie down and wait. i need to resist how reasonable of an option that seems like to me. i need to.. stay me. giving up erases all that.

so here i still am. trying.

[mantits24-07-24]

one of my favorite lines from utena

[lamignonette]

[poolofdevilspit]

cw: discussing the longterm aftermath of a suicide attempt

if you drink a bunch of lye, years later (or maybe sooner) your teeth will literally start to break into pieces and it sucks at the beginning but unfortunately it keeps getting worse as it just keeps happening

ive lucked out on getting short wait times on these last two chips, hopefully getting this one fixed next tuesday 🦷🩹✨

anyways dont drink lye, it will just fuck you up really severely

[videogameoutofcontext]

[morganmackerel]

Let's nightcrawl with mama!

(another request, love these things)