Poorly Described DWJ Books

Exactly what it sounds like. Submit your own bad descriptions.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Witch Week

We are the children of the witches you failed to burn (we are depressed gay twelve-year-olds)

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

The Merlin Conspiracy

A family can be a writer and his adopted son; a writer/magician, his absent-minded daughter, her sensible son, and hundreds of salamanders; the god of death and his granddaughter who has a mental computer with files on all sorts of magical plants; the most powerful magician in existence, his kid, an elephant, a goat, and assorted chickens; two horrible twins, their mother and grandmother, and a bunch of sentient dishes; or two kids who only hang out because one of them cast a spell on the other. Or a pair of loving parents and their daughter, I guess.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

cart and cwidder

family of traveling musicians have the worst mom and a kid moves mountains for a horse then has a crisis about it

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Year of the Griffin

Explicit instructions on how to be a great and terrible student.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

The Dark Lord of Derkholm

The tourism industry is ultimately a colonial enterprise, which forces the colonized subject to behave as stereotype for entertainment and participate in the system that’s exploiting them in order to survive, since the industry attempts to subsume all other industries into its service. It causes the tourist to be incapable of seeing the colonized subject as a person, since they’ve been reduced by the structure of the encounter into having no more autonomy than any exotic animal or relic they are met with on the tour.  This system cannot be changed slowly from within, but must be destroyed entirely.

Meanwhile, a group of teen griffons play a little shooter game on calculators, geese are given the opportunity to commit terrible crimes, and pigs fly.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Dogsbody

it’s about the love between a girl and her dog, but it’s also about the complex dynamics between three children, two cats, and a dog in an abusive household, but it’s also about the politics of stars, but it’s also about a welsh god of the dead, but it’s also about the troubles

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Witch Week

There’s a scene where a 12 year old intentionally burns himself in order to make himself remember the painful fate he’ll be sentenced to if he ever reveals something about himself that he can’t help being and doesn’t understand. there’s also a scene where shoes rain inside and a kid eats a soccer shoe disguised as a cake.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Archer’s Goon

Public infrastructure is important and should not be left in the hands of seven hyperpowerful siblings of unknown origins

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

The Time of the Ghost

I’ve read this book like five times and I still forget who the protagonist is every time.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

The Game

Everyone you’ve ever known is a mythological character. You are both a girl and a comet. Your uncle is an older, male version of Violet Beauregard. Everything is strange, and nothing is strange.

[the-poetic-mathematician]

my favorite thing about reading a new Diana Wynne Jones book (ok, one of them, I have many favorite things when it comes to DWJ) is figuring out how to describe it for @poorlydescribeddwjbooks

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

:D <3

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Deep Secret

Teenaged Neil Gaiman falls asleep on a plate of beans.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Charmed Life

Like His Dark Materials and Harry Potter, if Will and Lyra swapped places, Lyra’s Oxford was Hogwarts, and Lyra’s double was Hermione’s evil twin.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

The Lives of Christopher Chant

A bad charity advert for the abuse of girls in third-world countries, if it were set in a fantasy novel.

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Chronicles of Chrestomanci

Like Harry Potter, if Voldemort’s name and powers were given to Dumbledore

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

Dogsbody

Whose Zoi is it anyway? Why does everyone want it? What the hell does it do?

[poorlydescribeddwjbooks]

The Time of the Ghost

Some children accidentally make a doll into an evil god, there’s an older guy who is way to suspicious, and the ghost isn’t really a ghost, just a girl from the future who is in a coma and will die if her sister doesn’t give up her career