April and May were truly so so bleak.
I look back to just those 2 weeks ago and the two months as a whole and all I see is fog.
I feel like so much and so little happened and I will only really remember what I recorded in my journal and in photos
(Thankfully, I take a lot of photos of good things that happened and all the lovely moments because I dont think I have the strength to read what I wrote during this time)
But my mind was so swirly and black and I feel like I could barely keep my eyes open.
I'm so glad I'm out of it, that I survived.
And that I came out of it a couple weeks before we got a glimmer of hope: that we might return to work next Monday.
That my emergence from the Depths of Despair was not dependent on the hope of returning to work
(In fact, two days ago I was trying to come to terms with the fact that we might not go back to work until the third week of August
And I was upset but I was coming to terms and
I was OKAY).
I hope this means I learned something. That I became stronger. That I grew. That I became more balanced. Or something.
But either way I'm awake now and I feel good and I'm relieved.
Depression sucks.
