♛ Amoy's | Blog ♛

Giving Meaning to My Life 

[poshtash]

A Love Lost...

Almost a year ago, I thought I met the love of my life. 

He was more different than anyone I have ever dated in my life. He was less serious, seemed so full of life; overall great vibes. 

We did everything together, he pushed me to try new things. I jumped off a cliff holding his hands (in both the literal and figurative sense). It was that type of love. The one where you’re willing to try anything because the trust you have for that person is matchless. 

We were a lot alike, yet so different. 

I should have known, it was too good to be true.

[poshtash]

Motherhood… One of the greatest love a mother will ever know, is the love of her child. As a newish mother of a one year old King, I can truly say, I never known a love like this. One so pure, authentic, unconditional. To think, I carried life for 9+ months and this tiny human is my own. I relate this back to God and his unchanging love for us…how special is it that God allowed a mother to know first hand the experience of creating life and the opportunity to nurture a soul. Motherhood is love.

[poshtash]

One persons opinion of you does not make it fact

Me 

[poshtash]

Turn it Off!!

I remember watching my new it show, Vampire Diaries and thinking, how cool it would be if we could just turn off our emotions. 

As a vampire, you can literally just turn the switch off. 

I seem to be a bottomless pit of emotions since being involved with my sons father. I feel like every argument that is had, sends me into a spiral of emotions. Come to think of it, ever since my relationship with my ex F, it seems like I always end up with me shedding a lot of tears when things aren’t good. When did I become this individual, or better yet the question is, have I always been like this? I want to turn it off.  

Even after my battle with postpartum depression, I thought I will never cry as much as I did then, like man was I a BIG time baller- not the good kind. 

Today it dawned on me, trying to keep your mental health in check is an everyday battle. Consider, you're everyday journey as a walk on a continued hilly trail, there will be flat surfaces where walking is pretty smooth but when those hills come and you feel the pain, just remember it won’t always feel like this.

So unfortunately, we can’t turn it off but we can remember that the struggle you may experience now, it will be different once you hit a flat plain and although you will remember how hard it was climbing that hill, your journey will continue. 

In addition, I’m not sure there is a way to prep for the upcoming hills, because they are sometimes random and uncontrollable. Just remember never to quit, because life is beautiful & for all the bad moments, there are good ones waiting right around the corner. 

[poshtash]

May 6th, 2019

There is no fairytale romance that exist in today’s world. It’s sad to say. But I have given up on love. I refuse to wait around for a man to sweep me off my feet. I am tired of kissing FROGS and no Prince emerge. Again, it is a sad sad world we live in. 

[poshtash]

Mirror Mirror

Feeling broken...

They say that feeling broken is like a shattered mirror unable to fit the pieces together. However, when you begin to recognize the brokeness is where healing begins and the pieces come back together on their own. Well I believe in a different image, let’s say that you put the pieces as close together as possible... there is where you find the new You! The You that has scars and jagged edges. The You that is Obscure. The You that doesn’t fit so well together but still makes a whole.

[poshtash]

There is Still Fight in You!

When the going gets tough the tough gets going. Its a cliche but very fitting for times where there feels to be no hope. Hope for today because joy comes in the morning.

[poshtash]

Faith: The Substance of Things Hoped for the Evidence of Things Not Seen

I learned you can’t be angry with God because of your situation or you trials that he's putting you through and not believe in him at the same time. You must choose to have faith in every situation. I am not saying this is easy and He sure does give some hefty battles sometimes that even break us down to the very core of our being, but we have to remember it is done in love. He wants to be the reason for your joy. So in every situation both good and bad you must remember that he is in control and he does not make any mistakes. His will is perfect for your life and you will if patient reap the blessings. 

[poshtash]

Knowledge is power. Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress, in every society, in every family.

Kofi Annan

In order to have change, each individual must educate themselves and make changes within themselves first. It begins inwards and pushing out the boundaries, not standing on the outside and expecting things to get better.

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Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

Abraham Lincoln

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What 2016 Has Taught Me

2016 has been a year of many lessons.

First, and most important lesson of all is to NEVER EVER love someone more than you love myself. I realized a little too late that I had over the last two years and four months, became more and more infatuated with a man who I put first, in turn it caused me to put myself last and my family after that, however it was not intentional. It cannot be erased from history nor can there be any do overs so for the future changes are a necessity.

Second, allow people to leave your life when God shows its time to let them go.  Some people are in your life only for a season and when that season changes so do you. Holding onto the past season might be detrimental to your future. 

Lastly, live your life to the fullest because you never know when the moment will come that you will no longer walk the earth. One of my childhood best-friend,  life was taken too soon along with my sisters best friend on October 30th, 2016. Tabitha “Tabby” Cruz, 20, was full of life and was going to have a bright future with plans of becoming a veterinarian, she was an amazing friend and even though we did not get to see each other as often, whenever we did it was like nothing changed. We could talk forever and it would feel like we caught up with whatever we missed in our lives. Omani Free, 18, although, I knew her only for a short moment in time she will forever be the innocent friend of my sister who made me laugh whenever I was around her. Her soul was as pure as they came. Both were taken so abruptly and their loss impacted so many lives. They will forever be missed. 

[poshtash]

Red Inside, Human Outside

What if I told you we all bleed the same color blood.

If I told you to close your eyes and imagine you were touching my face, would you know the color of my skin?

Take it a step further, what if you only had one guess and if you guessed wrong you received a jolt of electricity running through your entire body.

Would you take the chance of guessing incorrectly?

Remember, we  are all created in His image. So speak love, not hate. Cherish each life as if it were your own. Walk around with your eye closed, not in the literal sense but figuratively blind- in order not to judge another man or woman by the color of their skin.

[poshtash]

I guess it's going to have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry, And let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side I guess it's going to break me down, Like fallin when you try to fly, Sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye

Carrie Underwood 

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Epiphany

Have you ever had an epiphany and realize that you’re just walking through life dealing with the way people treat you because its the norm. Well it is time to wake up, smell the roses, and hand them the same shit they have been giving you. Why should you be unhappy or emotional about anything. Life is too short; I know its a cliche but there is no better way to explain it. Lets begin treating others the way they treat you because if your anything like me, you will treat them the way you want to be treated and get hurt EVERY time. Its like you hold them to a higher standard than what they even deserve. Which is completely sad but part of life---I guess. 

For the new year, lets worry about our own happiness, lets laugh a little harder, enjoy your favorite things and most importantly leave the people, things, or behaviors that make you unhappy in 2016. Live for you and no one else. ✄

[poshtash]

Philomath

There are some words you learn that resonates with you for a lifetime. I remember being in tenth grade Mrs. Mordecai-Moore’s class when I first learned this word.  It means lover of learning. Such a simple yet profound word. 

I am a philomath. 

[poshtash]

Bleeding Love ❦...

I lay awake at night and think of you. Each precious moment we shared, each tear cried, each obstacle we over came, each laughing moments that left us breathless. An abundance of love poured into another human being. Subsequently, I don't think I will ever love as deep. And the sad truth is, I never want to try. With each moment I loved you, I gave you a piece of my heart and now that I am without you, I am left with a void. I think I can conclude that, LOVE INDEED SUCKS! It sucks the life out of you, the independence, the want to ever be alone. My heart bleeds for you till its nothing more than a mere shriveled organ whose beat shall forever be disrupted. 

[poshtash]

It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.

Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility