Postpartum Support

"Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks." - Philippians 4:6 (GW)

[postpartumlife]

Parenting and Articles

Parenting. Nothing, and I mean nothing prepares you for the journey. I thought I knew it all before I became a mom. After all I had worked with children 0-18 years old in varying capacities. I worked with at-risk children, I worked in a preschool, and I worked as a nanny, all before having children of my own.

So many things spewed from my mouth before having children. Like–“my kid won’t be allowed to use technology for years,” “I can’t believe his parents let him watch Big Bang Theory,” “I will not allow my kids to use my phone at the grocery store or the dinner table.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. I was such a fool to think these things.

Parenting is 24/7. Not like being a nanny or working 8 hours a day and you say good-bye until tomorrow. We are talking sun up to sun down. Sleep becomes a glorious gift, and a moment of silence is golden.

I just read this article about how kids should be asleep by a certain time every night. Yes, whoever you are that did this study, I 100% agree. However, I also realized there is article after article telling us how to raise our kids as if there’s the same guide for every child. But as child number 3 is about to enter the world in a couple of months, I’ve realized every child is different. Whatever works for one child probably won’t work for the next. If it does, you lucked out!!

We are not cookie cutter people. We are so complex, even as babies. You can read every article in the world and beat yourself up for not meeting expectations, or you can choose to accept that God gave this child (or children) specifically to you! Congrats if your kids go to sleep by a certain time every night. Wonderful if they sleep in their own bed or don’t wake up in the night (seriously, that must be wonderful). But in the world of social media don’t compare yourself or your children to others. Your story is going to be different.

The point is there are endless articles on parenting and how to do things the right way. But at the end of the day, do what is best for you and your family. I’m not against parenting articles whatsoever, but it’s dangerous to let them dictate how you’re doing in parenting world.

There are days where my kids watch entirely too much tv and we don’t do a single educational activity. Because I’m so tired. And a few confessions: my kids usually end up with my phone at the grocery store so I can actually shop for groceries; we’ve given them games on our phones at restaurants just so we can have a conversation as adults; and they’ve probably seen the Big Bang Theory 😂.

[postpartumlife]

Parenting and Articles

Parenting. Nothing, and I mean nothing prepares you for the journey. I thought I knew it all before I became a mom. After all I had worked with children 0-18 years old in varying capacities. I worked with at-risk children, I worked in a preschool, and I worked as a nanny, all before having children of my own.

So many things spewed from my mouth before having children. Like–“my kid won’t be allowed to use technology for years,” “I can’t believe his parents let him watch Big Bang Theory,” “I will not allow my kids to use my phone at the grocery store or the dinner table.” HAHAHAHAHAHA. I was such a fool to think these things.

Parenting is 24/7. Not like being a nanny or working 8 hours a day and you say good-bye until tomorrow. We are talking sun up to sun down. Sleep becomes a glorious gift, and a moment of silence is golden.

I just read this article about how kids should be asleep by a certain time every night. Yes, whoever you are that did this study, I 100% agree. However, I also realized there is article after article telling us how to raise our kids as if there’s the same guide for every child. But as child number 3 is about to enter the world in a couple of months, I’ve realized every child is different. Whatever works for one child probably won’t work for the next. If it does, you lucked out!!

We are not cookie cutter people. We are so complex, even as babies. You can read every article in the world and beat yourself up for not meeting expectations, or you can choose to accept that God gave this child (or children) specifically to you! Congrats if your kids go to sleep by a certain time every night. Wonderful if they sleep in their own bed or don’t wake up in the night (seriously, that must be wonderful). But in the world of social media don’t compare yourself or your children to others. Your story is going to be different.

The point is there are endless articles on parenting and how to do things the right way. But at the end of the day, do what is best for you and your family. I’m not against parenting articles whatsoever, but it’s dangerous to let them dictate how you’re doing in parenting world.

There are days where my kids watch entirely too much tv and we don’t do a single educational activity. Because I’m so tired. And a few confessions: my kids usually end up with my phone at the grocery store so I can actually shop for groceries; we’ve given them games on our phones at restaurants just so we can have a conversation as adults; and they’ve probably seen the Big Bang Theory 😂.

[postpartumlife]

You Can Never Tell

There was a post I saw once featuring the faces of postpartum depression. And there was one thing in common: all of the moms looked happy. That's the thing...we can hide it so well. I probably posted a thousand selfies a day with Elijah. I felt great about my appearance and he was pretty cute himself. I had never been so thin before and I looked at my best. But behind those selfies was a completely different story. Hopelessness. I hated waking up and being so afraid. I couldn't change diapers without Kris in the room. I couldn't bathe him alone. I was in full blown panic when I was alone with my baby. And it was draining. I went a full year after I received counseling and medication before I could go back down into the basement apartment we were living in without having a panic attack. And if I did go downstairs, someone had to be on the phone with me. I remember Kris having to be at work, so I just called my mom to stay on the phone with me while I was alone with Elijah and needing to go downstairs for something. I had these racing thoughts of death. I pictured myself gone. I would be found without life. I can't even say the word because it is so upsetting that my thoughts were so out of control. But they weren't my thoughts. They were the postpartum voice. They were the enemy. And they had no representation of Casey whatsoever. I'd scream at the devil and that postpartum voice out loud sometimes. Get behind me satan. You have no place here. And it helped. There's power in speaking truth to the lies out loud. I would yell in my car. In the kitchen. Anywhere. And I didn't care if I looked crazy because it worked. It gave me that little boost to keep going minute by minute. But you'd never know it. You would never know the gruesome thoughts that came into my mind second by second. The constant battle in my mind. When I was talking to you about my beautiful baby, I was simultaneously battling frightening intrusive thoughts. I was not happy. I was scared for my life. Literally. I am the face of postpartum depression. And you would never know. Since winning the war, and oh I won that war by the grace of God...I'm determined to spread awareness. Grandparents, husbands, friends....ask the mom AND dad if they're ok. Because dads can have it too. Dig deep, because you can't tell. Moms and dads...you can and you will win. Don't hide your fight. Don't hide your fear. When we fight together, we are stronger.

[postpartumlife]

What's Left Unsaid

If you haven’t guessed by now, my passion is to encourage moms. Especially moms of littles…since that’s all I know right now. And I strongly believe there’s a need for us new parents to talk about what’s left unsaid. 

 I was super excited to become a mom. My husband was thrilled to become a dad. We wanted a family. And it was life changing to finally have our little family of three. But life changing almost seems like an understatement. It’s overwhelmingly joyful, exciting, and presents you with a new kind of love you never thought possible. But it can also be overwhelmingly painful, hard, confusing and sometimes lonely. It brings a lot of laughter, and a lot of smiles. It also brings a lot of disagreements, tears and hurt feelings.

No one wants to take away your joy during pregnancy.  And don’t get me wrong, having a baby is incredible.  But I do wish we were a little more prepared for what was going to happen.  Maybe if I didn’t have Postpartum Anxiety/OCD things would’ve been a little different that first year…but maybe not.  

Here’s the thing you guys…your marriage changes…like a lot after baby.  And it isn’t a negative thing.  It’s evolving…and it’s not always easy.  The concept of marriage is hard as it is…selfless love for another human being who has just as much sin in their life as yours.  It’s putting them before yourself.  That sounds so sweet and it’s really easy to say, but when we get down the nitty gritty of it all, it’s really stinkin hard.  Our human way is to be self-centered.  I don’t care who you are, nobody on Earth can avoid that struggle.  Add a baby to the mix and you have not one, but two people that you’re fighting the battle of selfishness for on a daily basis.  It’s a daily choice to honor God and put your spouse and child first.  And I’m not just saying wives put your husbands first.  I’m also saying husbands, put your wives first.  Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Christ’s love for us.  His sacrificial, selfless, deep love for us no matter how messed up we are every single day.    

I thank God for counselors and psychologists and psychiatrists…and I really thank God for authentic Godly friends.  Because without them, who knows what would’ve happened.  That first year of life with our baby was hard.  I mean really hard.  We both went into dark places in our minds.  There were a whole lot of feelings being hurt.  A whole lot of things we wish we never said.  But in reality, a new parent is sleep deprived, going through a huge life change, financially challenged, and trying to figure out their new life balance.  

There’s a lot on a new parents’ mind.  Does the baby have a clean diaper, are they hungry, are they tired, are they teething, are they happy, are they developmentally on time, am I a good parent, am I slacking as a parent, shame on me for letting them watch tv, shame on me for raising my voice, and did I just say a bad word?  You guys…Christian or not, we face the same struggles as a new parent.  I just feel like we need to be there for each other.  I think a lot of marriages and relationships would be saved.  When we share our struggles with our Godly friends (and by Godly, I mean they love Jesus, point you toward Him, and they don’t judge you…at all) we can grow stronger.  We don’t carry our burdens alone.  Galatians 6:2 anyone?  Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ.  

So here’s my point…you aren’t alone in your struggle.  Stop feeling guilty for having such a hard time with this new parent thing.  It’s hard.  But if you share with others you can trust and they can share the burden with you, you’ll be ok…and you might even want more kids ;).  I feel like we need to stop being silent about the struggles we face as parents.  Making time for your marriage becomes really hard, but it’s very possible.  You have to be intentional.  Being resentful toward your spouse…well it’s actually fairly common…but mendable.  With Christ all things are possible  (Matthew 19:26, Phillippians 4:13).  And did you know that it’s actually normal for your kid to get on your nerves sometimes!?  Yeah!  Sometimes I actually get annoyed and want to JUST USE THE BATHROOM BY MYSELF.  You don’t have to feel guilty about that.  Give yourself some grace.  Come to a realization that we’re all in this together.  Remember your spouse is trying to figure this thing out too.  Communicate.  Don’t judge one another, and give a whole lot of grace.  And I heard that one day…we will sleep again.

[postpartumlife]

A Winter Reminder

I’m always reminded this time of year about where I was two years ago.  I was somewhere way different physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I was hurting so bad.  Feeling completely out of control and afraid of myself.  As I write these words on the page in front of me, I question whether or not I’m being dramatic...but that genuinely was my reality.  

If you’re reading this as a mom going through the beginning stages, or middle stages, or the “i don’t know if it will ever go away” stages of postpartum anxiety/ocd/depression...I’m your proof of healing.  I’m your proof that there truly is an end in site...maybe you can’t see it....but I promise you it’s there.  

I won the war with PPA/OCD.  I lost a few battles, but I won the war.  Listen up moms...and dads...because any new parent can be slapped in the face with this...you will be ok.  

It was two years ago that I panicked in the kitchen while holding a knife and thinking a horrible intrusive thought of harming my child.  At points like this, I ask new readers to please start from the beginning of my blog to get a full understanding of PPA/OCD.  Never in a million years would I act on this thought, but the visual came into my mind.  Two years ago, I was washing dishes with my baby boy sitting at my feet while I stood at the sink.  A plate slipped through my hand and shattered into pieces on the floor right beside him.  By the grace of God he was not hurt, nor did a single piece of glass touch him.  But I panicked.  What if I did hurt him?  What if I’m capable of that?  What if I lose complete control over myself and I harm my own child?  That’s the voice of postpartum anxiety.  The terrifying and unwanted images and thoughts that invade your mind when all you want to do is take care of your precious child.  Those are the images and thoughts of PPA that steal your joy of motherhood.  They steal life.  

And then there were articles....so many articles flashing across my computer screen about moms harming their child, and how babies can die of SIDS...every day.  They haunted my every day life.  I couldn’t function like a “normal” human being.  I had Postpartum Anxiety/OCD.  Anxiety--Worry over things you can’t control...or fear of losing control.  OCD--obsessing over these anxious thoughts and compulsively “coping” with them.

I don’t write about this for pity.  I don’t need pity, nor do I want it.  I’m actually really thankful for that season of life.  I don’t want to repeat it, but there was a bigger purpose than just to make me miserable.  Do I think God wants His children to suffer?  Absolutely not.  But does he use our suffering for His glory and to prove to us how deep His love is for His children?  You bet.  It was through my daily battle with PPA that I sought Him harder than ever before.  I couldn’t get through my day without worship music, prayer or His Word.  I quite literally relied on His word to help me through morning to night.  Oh how I hated being awake, but oh how He showed up every single day.  

So today I sit back and reflect on His love for me...for you...for all of us.  I see the different women he has connected me to through the past two years.  I see how He taught me humility by desperately needing help.  I see how God showed me how incredibly flawed I am, yet His love for me is infinite.  I see how if we are open about our struggles, and daily battles of the mind...others will feel more comfortable being vulnerable and willing to walk through life together.  

I’m reminded today of two years ago and how hard it was...but how great it is now...I’m reminded that there was light at the end of the tunnel...and it’s ok to be broken.  All of us are broken...and His desire is to pick our pieces up and put us back together.  

[postpartumlife]

Dear new mom

I'm still "new" at this whole thing too. Only 18 months in, but boy do you ever learn more about yourself every day since baby arrives within days than I ever did in years. I learned how selfish our tendencies can be, and how easy it is to judge and feel judged. I've learned that nothing in my life is the "same" as it once was pre-children...and I'm so thankful for that. Motherhood is so hard. And honestly, I don't know how so many mommas do it. My mom amazes me. She raised 3 of us and we're all functioning human beings who were taught the values of respect and manners and faith. I ponder every day how she did it, and continues to be an amazing mom and grandmother. It's truly impressive. But here's what I've learned so far new parents: 1. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made human beings...all KNIT together in our mother's womb. We each have a purpose in life and are loved by an Almighty God, Jesus Christ. 2. With that said, each child is unique and adapts to the world in their own way. No two individuals are identical in their reactions and emotions and thoughts. 3. So stop freaking yourself out like I've done over why your child doesn't sleep through the night, or eat as well as the next kid his age. 4. Because you're doing your best and that's all you can do. 5. You sleep through the night...or you did before baby...so one day they will too!! 6. You eat when you're hungry, and sleep when you're tired...so one day they will too. 7. They'll get over their bottles and pacifiers one day...and it will be before kindergarten. 8. They will go pee pee in the potty at some point...in the mean time thank GOD for diapers. Can you imagine pre diaper era? 9. Just because you might not be able to give them the next best toy or piece of clothing doesn't mean you're not the best parent. Giving them love and teaching them gratitude is far more valuable. 10. Don't listen to those parents who compare and push you to do something you're not ready to do. You were created to be this parents child, not them. Just a few thoughts as I freak out about number two entering the world. You're doing great and these moments are quickly passing, so let's cherish them.

[postpartumlife]

It's back for a visit

It's a little frightening to be so candid on a blog, but hopefully it helps someone else dealing with similar issues. Postpartum anxiety/ocd is no joke. Women can suffer for years with it...that's why the sooner you treat it the better. Well, fortunately I know what the signs and symptoms are this go around...unfortunately, they're very much present. Intrusive thoughts are the most cruel form of torture for a wife and mom. Bluntly: THEY SUCK. They suck your energy, your positivity, your mental stability right out from under your feet. But they are not bigger than my God who is capable of restoring each one of those things. Along with intrusive thoughts I have images to accompany them. Again, this does not mean I will act on them...in fact I go the extra mile NOT to act on them. But it still scares me into thinking I'm capable. So I'm writing from a new perspective right now. You've read my posts when I felt like I was out of the woods...and now you're reading my post where I'm kind of in the woods. I'm not deep in them, but I'm in them....and it's not an ideal place to be. I'm not looking for a pity party, just hope that we can get through stuff like this together...and I know it's going to get better. It's just a storm. So now I write from a different perspective and I can even more so relate to the mom going through this at the same time, or the friend dealing with ocd or anxiety. We have new insurance which means completely new doctors. So far so good, but it's tough. I don't feel confident that I can trust this new doctor with my temporary condition. What if I get it more than she does? What if the new psychiatrist really thinks I'm losing it and they suggest I go to the hospital away from my family? I absolutely have those thoughts and fears, but I have no choice but to face them. It's better to get help than to hide it. So here goes round 2. And I will win with God's help. Keeping my eyes on Jesus.

[postpartumlife]

16 months postpartum...and expecting

It feels appropriate to write a post around Christmas time. Kris and I have found ourselves saying how much better this Christmas season has been than it was last year. It's almost as if a lot of last winter became a blurred memory...and I'm completely ok with that. Last year at this time, I was still desperate for help with my postpartum anxiety/ocd but I didn't realize how deep in the dark I was already living. Every day was a challenge, kind of miserable, and depressing...and I guess I blamed being a new mom and sleep deprivation just as any new mom might do. It was our new "normal" and we just hoped one day things would maybe get a little better. Maybe if we just moved somewhere away from here, and had a fresh start that would fix everything. But that's not true and we quickly figured that out. It doesn't matter where you are or where you work...the grass is always greener on the other side. The real issues lie within yourself...and they aren't always your fault. Our main problem lay in the pit of anxiety. Before I go all over the place (even though I already have), I'll get to my point. Life is going to get better. I'm so grateful for these last 4 months. It's been refreshing in a lot of ways. Kris and I can finally look at each other and say "remember when..." And "that was a tough season." We have a lot of life to enjoy now thanks to our Heavenly Father who provided everything we needed to make it through our storm. Sure, we have moments when the postpartum voice tries to hand us bad thoughts or anxious moments...but we can get through them rather quickly these days. We are expecting baby #2 and I can say my anxiety with this pregnancy has been very slim. It's amazing...in fact, so slim that sometimes it slips my mind that I'm carrying a baby (sorry baby 2...we love you just the same). But last year around this time I was seriously questioning whether I would ever be able to have another child because I was so scared. But it's ok...I'm ok...yes, we will face challenging times, but I also know how to ask for help much sooner rather than later. I'm not ashamed to be open about this struggle, because frankly that's the only way I can beat it. To the mommies out there asking "will it ever stop?" Your answer is yes. Yes it will stop. I can't tell you how long or how short your battle will be. It will be a battle...a tough one at that. You've probably faced days of wanting to give up rather than be exhausted from all of those intrusive thoughts and images you wish were never possible. I get it. But listen...don't give up. I'm proof that it will end. It gets so much better. Don't be afraid to get help...that's a HUGE part of the healing process. Don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. I am your happily living proof that this too shall pass...and a few years from now you'll look back and say "wow, I made it through that storm." And guess what? This is only going to make you stronger. Don't let the anxiety win. You're the winner of this war.

[postpartumlife]

BTW, #HTTR

[postpartumlife]

#notasetup #promise #dogbrother #bffs

[postpartumlife]

Pumpkin pie #lovehim #Growinguptoofast #happyfallyall

[postpartumlife]

The light bulb moment

How do I know when I've reached the point of needing outside help? When is enough, enough? You have to be the judge of that...which also means you have to be open and honest with yourself. You can't hand yourself over to denial, and you have to close the door on shame. When did I know I needed help? Well, I finally admitted to it this past January. However, years before a dear family friend and amazing physician recommended I start counseling and anxiety medication...but I was too good. I wasn't "that person." To put it bluntly, my ego got in the way. I just wasn't ready to say I was "that bad." So I finally admitted to needing all of the intervention I could possibly gather in January 2014. Ready for a God story? Here we go. When Kris and I graduated from college in 2010 we both felt called to NC. We have no connections there and weren't sure what this meant for us...but NC was put on our hearts to prepare us for a trip we would take 3 years later. When Kris and I were engaged, he started pursuing ministry jobs in NC, but nothing ever came from it, so we put it up on a shelf. But 3 years, a marriage, and a baby boy later, we finally had our NC revelation. Kris applied to Elevation Church in Charlotte and we had a call to visit and interview. Might I add, it was the most brutal interview process we (yes, we) have ever been through. We knew going into this that this was why God laid NC on our hearts...to work for Elevation. But we asked for peace, and we never received it...we received something far greater. At the end of the interview process, you have to meet with a counselor. Yep, it's that intense.... We both needed therapy after that weekend haha. Joking--kind of--not really. But this was why we were there. A light bulb moment--God is way more concerned with our hearts than He is with our jobs. Fast-forward to our meeting with the counselor. This lady was a sweet, kind, transparent woman of God. Boy, did I need to meet someone like that at the end of the long weekend. We talked, cried (mostly out of pure exhaustion) and talked some more. And then she asked this question--"do either of you struggle with anxiety?" Yes, me! Pick me! Right here! I can only explain it as a Godly encounter because I finally, after multiple, anxiety-filled years felt like I was going to get help. Like I finally released this awful burden and I was about to let Jesus carry it for me...just as He desires. She suggested I see a Christian counselor when I get home and if we take the job (which we didn't) that she would help take care of me. So a looooong story made very short--I got home and I reached out to a counselor...and it was the best decision I have EVER made. If you've read my previous posts, you know this was only the beginning and I had to go through what felt like hell on Earth before I could get to the place I'm in today. But every single moment has brought me closer to Jesus and healing. I can manage my anxiety far better today than I could 6 months ago. I can say with confidence that I'm so much better today. So yes--we were no doubt called to NC...but it was only so God could reach me at the most appropriate time in my life and address the life sucking disease of anxiety. He took us there right before I would be diagnosed with PPA/OCD. His timing amazes me. And He prepared me for that moment three years prior to arriving there. So do you need help? If your anxiety is interfering with your every day life, and stealing your joy--the answer is yes. Please get help. Let me clarify that everyone has anxiety, because after all we are human. But the severity of it is what can lead you to needing help. Do yourself a favor. Evaluate yourself, be honest, and get help. For yourself and your loved ones. It's worth it.

[postpartumlife]

Love my boys #bffs #dogbrother

[postpartumlife]

Google: your best friend and your worst enemy

I'm sure you've heard it before...especially those of you that battle anxiety on a daily basis...STOP GOOGLING YOUR SYMPTOMS. But if you have OCD and Anxiety mixed together that's almost an invitation to google every thought you've ever had... "Just this one time and then I'll stop" says the brain. It's actually very similar to an addiction. It's the brain playing a trick on you that if you just google your symptoms you'll feel better. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I typically find myself calling and texting every family member convincing them that something is probably seriously wrong with me, because Google said so. Just google postpartum anxiety, and you'll find stories about psychosis...if you're anything like me, you start believing that you'll end up with psychosis because you simply read about it, making your brain trigger that disease...take a breath. Side story: my counselor once asked me if I heard voices in my head, which I didn't...but she accidentally triggered me into a huge anxiety attack for the remainder of the week that I would certainly start hearing voices in my head...or was I already hearing them and didn't know it? Does this resonate with any of you anxiety sufferers out there? What I'm trying to get across to my fellow anxious friends out there, is that google is no physician. It can be strongly deceptive and convince us that we've certainly lost our minds...or health. So if you're in an anxious state, and about to google a symptom, don't do it. If you're so concerned, call your doctor and let it go. Worrying about it won't change your circumstances. To the person reading this saying that's so much easier said than done, you're totally right. But if you train your brain to counter the anxious thoughts, you can eventually get to the point of not worrying and obsessing over your symptoms so much. See my previous posts for tips on easing the anxiety and unwanted thoughts. By the way--if you don't believe me that it's possible to retrain your brain and quiet those thoughts, we're a lot alike. I didn't believe it was possible for years and years until I hit rock bottom, started counseling, took medication and leaned hard into Jesus for every minute of my life. It's possible. Are there positive sides to the World Wide Web? You bet. If it weren't for social media, I wouldn't have the support group for ppa/ocd. I wouldn't be able to distracts myself with funny videos and articles that I needed at just the right times so I could just take a break from worrying. I wouldn't have found the articles I found about my fellow mommas out there who WON the battle of anxiety. Just be careful. I still slip up, so this is actually a great "note to self." You're one click away from a dreaded anxiety attack or freedom of fear. Think before you search. Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (‭Matthew‬ ‭19‬:‭26‬ NIV)

[postpartumlife]

#chillen #dogbrother #bffs

[postpartumlife]

Goodnight kisses #dogbrother #kisses #bestfriends

[postpartumlife]

This just happened #dogbrother #bestfriends