(sooooo this, uhhh, became far longer than anticipated, but i really wanted to analyze & explore their relationship. it ended up being 5k+ words long. So, uhhh... please enjoy ????)
Something i really enjoy about Spy x Family is how naturally Damian and Anya's relationship evolves over the series. it shows Anya going from indifferent to him at best- only trying to befriend him because of the mission - to genuinely caring for and worrying about him.
And while Anya is a little too young to understand romance yet, the series sets up the idea that Damian is, actually, exactly her type.
Anya likes Action Heroes. She likes Bondman and all the cool adventures he goes on. She likes people like her parents, who will go to any length to protect innocent people for world peace- to create a world where no child has to cry.
These are the things that Anya admires and likes the most.
And as the series goes on, Damian slowly starts embodying these concepts, all on his own.
Early on, Anya had the worst first impression of Damian she could've possibly experienced. To the point where she almost gave up on the friendship scheme entirely before she even really started it
And even after she apologized for hitting him, he still yelled at her and ran away bc he didn't know how to deal with his newfound romantic feelings- but from the outside, it just looked like he rejected her.
And it wasn't until the dodgeball game when things started to change from her perspective
Anya could read Damian's mind, and knew that he wanted to win the game to get his dad's approval.
And when she realized that he planned to use any means necessary to do that, even sacrifice the other kids, she judged him as being a jerk. She didn't like him at all.
But, despite Damian's own wishes, when Anya fell and was in a defenseless state, his body moved on its own to protect her.
Even Damian is confused by his actions here.
But, if I had to guess, I think there's a non zero chance that Damian might have done this for any of his classmates, regardless of who they were, had they been in Anya's position (that is - completely helpless and defenseless against an incoming attack). that ball was going fast, and it's clear that it would have hurt had it not been stopped.
Damian's body instinctively moved to protect someone helpless, because deep down, he wants to protect others. That's one of the reasons he wants to become a politician. The reaction was just stronger with her, in particular, because of his crush.
This is the moment when Anya first rethinks her opinion of him. She looks at him with admiration, and thinks that he might actually be nice, until he starts insulting her again.
It's only after he does something negative to her that she returns to her previous opinion, and once again sets the friendship scheme to the side because she doesn't like him.
Damian is still too immature for Anya to wanna befriend him.
This ends up becoming a recurring pattern between them. Damian surprises Anya, she rethinks her opinion of him, he insults her, and she dislikes him again, etc.
What's really interesting are the moments where this pattern is broken.
Let's put a pin in that.
The next significant moment between them is during the bus highjacking.
Now, Damian isn't the first to try and help calm things down when the other kids start freaking out- that was Bill Watkins. Damian wanted to, but couldn't quite muster up the nerve, but he admires Bill's actions there all the same.
But when he sees Anya in (what he assumes to be) very real danger, it spurs him on.
He gets up and tells the highjackers to put the bomb on him instead.
Damian has no way of knowing that the bomb is a fake. He just sees one of his classmates in danger, sees how scared she is (she's isn't, but he doesn't know that), and acts.
Anya is, once again, looking at him with admiration.
When they put a fake bomb on Damian, he's terrified, but tries to keep it together.
Anya recognizes this, and reaches out her hand to him.
This is the first time they held hands, and truly made a connection. while there have been superficial attempts from Anya to befriend Damian before this, none of them really worked. Because they were only for the mission.
This is genuine.
She can read his mind, and knows how badly this has shaken him, despite how hard he's trying to keep it together, and goes to comfort him. Not for the mission, but because he needed it, and she wanted to give it.
After the situation is resolved, Damian and Anya are left to wait for their parents.
Anya isn't the one to start the conversation. It's Damian. And he does it by acknowledging her heroic actions, and sincerely apologizing for his behavior towards her up until now.
It's only afterwards that Anya compliments and praises him.
(Anya always responds in kind to how Damian treats her. If he's nice, she'll be nice back. If he's mean, she'll be mean back. Let's put a pin in that as well.)
She calls him a Hero.
This is the first time she's ever given Damian this kind of positive attention, and it's all sincere.
Anya admires Heroes more than anything - it's why she thinks her parents are so cool, and why she likes Bondman. She doesn't really throw that word around casually.
But Damian legitimately earns that praise from her with his own actions. He had no thoughts about trying to look cool in front of the others or showing up Bill. Instead, he was trying to shoulder the kind of responsibility he might have in the future.
Which includes protecting Anya.
And in this moment, she sees Damian for who he really is, and finds that she likes what she sees.
Anya is only reminded of the friendship scheme after. Operation Strix had nothing to do with their interaction until then, and it's only then that Damian closes himself off, and quietly admits that he barely has a relationship with his parents anyway.
Becoming friends with him just to gain his family's connections would be useless.
Anya takes note of this. In fact, she's been quietly keeping tabs on Damian and his relationship with his family since the dodgeball game. Part of it is for Operation Strix (the arts and crafts project, the handkerchief, etc), but there are moments in between when she just stares at him thoughtfully.
She knows he struggles to earn his father's attention, and a lot of what he does is to try and earn his praise. That's something she can relate to.
But when she hears that he doesn't even really have a relationship with his own parents, it seems to strike a cord in her. She gives him a pat on the back, and starts paying more attention to his family.
She seems... Concerned.
And it only gets worse when she finally meets Melinda.
Melinda's thoughts worry her. Anya isn't old enough to explain why exactly, but something is clearly off.
Melinda loves her son, and yet she hates him.
That's not how families should work. Right?
The interaction concerns her enough that she asks Loid about it, unprompted, trying to understand what happened. Melinda came to get Damian, so that means she loves him, right? But why were her thoughts all strange like that? It makes no sense.
The friendship scheme is the furthest thing from Anya's mind. She's just worried about Damian.
When they return to school, Damian and Anya's relationship seems to reset to how it was before.
They bicker, they fight, they act like children. Damian shouts insults, and Anya responds. Etc.
And just as before, Anya decides she doesn't like him anymore because he's being a jerk. If he treats her badly, then she doesn't want to deal with him.
But things aren't the same as they were before.
When Damian realizes he went too far and made Anya cry, he collects himself, apologizes for what he said, and offers to get her something to make up for it.
You can tell that this leaves a positive impression on Anya. There's even shoujo sparkles around her as she stares at him.
Before the highjacking, Damian never would have had the maturity to do this in front of his peers. He would have been far too embarrassed about his feelings for her, and would have overreacted, insulted her, and left.
But after everything they've been through together - a legitimate life and death situation - Damian has grown up a little.
And Anya takes note of this, because it's a significant departure from his previous behavior. She immediately recognizes that something is different now.
The narration even supports this, because even after they go back to bickering, it says that they were doing so as good friends.
Now, this mature behavior doesn't quite last (the chapter with the tea cakes comes to mind)- but it's a start.
The next big change in their relationship happens at the school dance.
When the dance is first announced, Anya immediately goes to ask Damian to dance with her. He rejects her out of embarrassment. And when her legs are wobbly from practicing with her dad, Damian makes fun of her.
Both were shallow attempts at befriending Damian for the friendship scheme, and when he's mean to her, she quickly decides it's not worth the effort and gives up. Again. The pattern continues.
But things are different at the dance proper.
Plenty of girls want to dance with Damian.
Anya has her own share of suitors, too. And she read Loid's mind- she knows he has no expectations for her here. Sure, it'd be nice if she and Damian danced together, but he's not going to force it. He's already decided that both of them have the right to dance with whoever they want. They deserve to have a choice in this.
There's no pressure here. She's free to make her own decision. It's okay to dance with someone else.
And yet... She still chooses to dance with Damian.
Now, I'm sure a large part of this is because of the friendship scheme. She's determined to help Loid in his mission and make him proud. There's no denying that.
However, even without that as her main motivation, i think she would've preferred to dance with Damian regardless. Why?
Well, out of all of her classmates sans Becky, he's the one she's closest to.
Everyone else is an acquaintance at best, or a stranger at worst.
But Anya knows Damian. He's familiar. They've had history since day 1, and are friends in all but name. He might be mean sometimes, but he's protected her, and been with her the whole time.
Most importantly of all, however, is that Anya understands him. And that's best shown when she answers the last question without using her powers.
Because she knows more than anyone how hard Damian works to earn his father's love. She's been watching him work towards that goal from the very beginning.
The dodgeball match, the arts and crafts project, the macaron, the handkerchief, the bus highjacking, etc - everything he's done was, at least partially, motivated by his desire to live up to his father's expectations, and to earn his love and approval. It bleeds into Damian's every action.
Anya knows how deeply he fears being rejected by his dad. It's something she can relate to.
So, of course she chose to dance with Damian. Why would she dance with someone she doesn't know, when he's right there?
And on Damian's side - when Anya answers the last question correctly, he has the same reaction she did earlier when he apologized- right down to the same wide eyed expression and shoujo sparkles.
Both are scenes that show a moment of connection between them. Damian realizes that Anya isn't just trying to cozy up to him to get close to his father. Their time spent together hasn't been meaningless and superficial. She's actually paid attention to him- not to his family name.
To Damian.
And for once, Damian feels understood.
Which, i think, is why he does what he does here.
When they start dancing, it's awkward and uncomfortable. They're not in sync with each other at all. Damian is too afraid and embarrassed to get closer, and Anya looks sick and can't follow at all. It's practically a metaphor for how their relationship began.
But they take a moment, and recenter themselves.
Damian closes the distance and holds her properly, and they're finally able to dance. It's still a little awkward, but now both sides are working together to move in rhythm.
And it's in that moment of connection when he tells her that her family sounds nice.
His expression is so painfully soft and earnest here, that Anya knows without a doubt that he's telling the truth, even after he tries to walk back his words.
Because she's seen his family.
His mom has strange, contradictory thoughts. His brother is empty and confusing, and doesn't have any thoughts at all. He's terrified to face his father with anything less than perfection, and admits to having almost no relationship with his parents.
Damian's family is weird.
Once she's fully aware of it, it becomes one of the few things throughout the story that genuinely bothers her - especially Melinda's thoughts about him. She'll reflect on these moments in her spare time, completely unrelated to Operation Strix.
There are very few subjects that take up that much space in her thoughts, and even fewer that she treats with so much weight.
So when Damian lets his guard down and admits that her family sounds nice - her fake family, half-hazardly thrown together in a week for a mission that could end at any moment - knowing what his is like...
Damian is just a child. Just like her. He didn't ask to be born into such a weird family. He's just a kid thrown into a situation he can't control, and he's trying his best.
And as mentioned before, Anya responds to Damian's treatment of her like she's a mirror. If he's nice to her, she's nice back. If he's mean to her, she's mean back.
Damian was honest with her. And so Anya answers his honesty with her own.
But before we go into that, I want to back up a little.
From the very beginning of the series, we've seen how much Anya fears letting anyone know about her powers.
It's the source of her greatest anxiety. Something she's convinced will tear her new family apart, and cause her parents to fully reject her. Every little threat of exposure sends her into a mild panic, and she does everything she can to keep it hidden. Because she desperately doesn't want to be rejected and abandoned again.
At the research facility, having her powers meant that she had to constantly study for world peace. She wasn't allowed to have fun.
After she escaped - and who knows how long ago that was - she was shuttled around to various orphanages. Being adopted out and returned 4 times. By the time we're introduced to her, the owner of the run down orphanage she's currently in calls her creepy and just wants to get rid of her.
It's very possible the reason she was returned was because her powers scared the people who adopted her. And even when she tried to hide them, people still picked up on how weird she was and rejected her.
Who knows how many times she's been rejected and feared for her abilities before now? It's something that clearly traumatizes her.
But in this moment with Damian, she has none of that fear.
I think it's important to note - she's telling him this as he's dipping her. A move where one dance partner has to completely trust that the other won't let them fall.
Damian could have dropped her, but she had no doubt that he would keep her safe. She never even considered the idea that he wouldn't.
And she's right.
Because they shared a moment of understanding. Because Damian was vulnerable with her. And because, looking back, he's never given her a reason to not trust him.
He protected her during the dodgeball match, even after she punched him. When others questioned him about it, he immediately put a stop to the rumors about her Stella being unearned- despite being upset that she earned one before him. He gave up the macaron he tried so hard to get because he couldn't handle her tears. He made good on his promise to get her cakes, in return for her help, even though bringing food to the school is forbidden and he could've gotten in trouble for it.
He tried to take a bomb for her out of his own free will.
Damian didn't have to do any of those things - some of them were downright insulting, detrimental, or dangerous to him, personally. He didn't benefit at all from most of these situations. And no one was forcing him.
But he inserted himself and helped anyway.
Because no matter how much they bicker and fight, when it's important, he's always been there for her. He's never abandoned her when it actually counts, even when he has every right to.
And even afterwards, when he doesn't believe her and she starts picking a fight with him again - they never pull away. They keep dancing, perfectly in sync with each other, despite their bickering.
This interaction had nothing to do with Operation Strix or the friendship scheme. Those thoughts were the furthest thing from her mind. And, in fact, Anya doesn't gain anything from telling him about her greatest secret.
This was all because Damian was vulnerable with Anya, and she responded in kind.
There's a reason the chapter ends with +100 friendship.
Skipping ahead to the festival -
Anya meets with Damian, and remembers - through Loid's thoughts - that she needs to work on the friendship scheme.
As usual, they bicker and fight over who gets to stay or leave- but as soon as Anya starts crying (about messing up the friendship scheme), Damian relents.
In fact, he's become quicker and quicker at realizing when he's messed up, and taking steps to fix it.
And, i think it's important to note how much Anya is thinking about Operation Strix during all this.
It's on her mind the entire time she's been at the festival so far - about how she needs to befriend Damian, about how Yor might beat her with the mommy friendship scheme, how Loid might abandon her if Plan C succeeds, etc.
That changes as she and Yor run into Melinda.
Anya is still focusing on the friendship scheme, up until these moments, when she reads Melinda's thoughts about Damian.
Melinda thinking how she wants her son to go away, how she'd love to go to the festival with him, how happy she is that Anya is trying to befriend him, how she's failed him as a mother, how much she wants to face him, how terrified she is of her husband and going against his wishes...
These thoughts knock Operation Strix completely out of Anya's mind.
She stares at Melinda, feeling nothing but concern. Realizing that Damian's mom is being bullied by his dad. That his family doesn't get along.
That his family is much more broken than she realized.
And so, when Damian lashes out here, insulting her specifically - she doesn't antagonize him back.
She broke their usual pattern.
The last few times this has happened, Damian was the one to break it, because Anya refuses to back down and only reflects his behavior. She rarely changes things unless he acts first.
But this time, it's Anya.
Because Anya read Damian's mind here. She realizes that he doesn't actually mean what he says, and that he's feeling jealous that his mom isn't with him. How he wants to spend time with her. How he doesn't feel loved by his own family.
Anya takes it upon herself to correct this. She even takes off her mask, so she could speak to him face to face and clearly state how his mom loves him.
It's something she feels he needs to know. And she's right.
Because the more time Anya spends around Damian, the more she realizes how messed up his family is - and the more concerned she gets about him. It's starting to override her snap reactions to his insults.
It's to the point where she's no longer reflecting his behavior towards her. She cares about him enough to not care about that anymore.
The next few moments between them focus on Damian's personal qualities, and how they mesh well with Anya's.
Damian is jealous of the new boys hanging around Anya. This is hardly the first time he's been jealous, but this time the boys are in her class, without him, and Becky is only making things worse. It bothers him so much that he keeps having nightmares.
So he has a cute little arc about dealing with jealousy and how to accept it peacefully, instead of fighting against it.
And, I think it's important to note that Damian's way of dealing with it was through the lens of an RPG hero. Because, like Anya, Damian also loves action, adventure, and heroes.
This is a trait Damian has had the entire time, completely separate from Anya's sphere of influence.
Damian stood up to the bus highjackers, because he was inspired by the people he admired as heroes. One of the reasons he loves his father so much is because he (heroically, from Damian's point of view) ended a war.
When Damian is alone with Emile and Erwin, they often devolve into playing games where Damian is the hero. On the playground, on a hike, in the forest in search of ancient artifacts...
And on that note, history is his favorite subject because of the romance of adventure it gives him. Ancient treasures, lost civilizations, etc- it all appeals to him for the same reasons why Anya likes Bondman.
And so, in trying to deal with his jealousy, Damian heroically defeats the buzz monster through the power of diplomacy and his Paradise Fist. Which he then wears to school the next morning.
Anya, meanwhile, has become bored with Tertius and Freddy's fawning. Sure, she enjoys their praise and attention initially (because she thinks it'll lead to world peace), but she loses interest in them quickly.
And, well... they're both nice, but that's all there is to it. They're not playing with her, or doing anything that she can bounce herself off of. They're trying to show off to win her attention, and it's just not working.
Anya has a short attention span, and is very quick to declare something boring if she doesn't like it. Neither Tertius or Freddy can hold her attention, despite their attempts, because none of what they're bringing to the table appeals to her at all.
In fact, it's a little reminiscent of when Anya first met Damian. He was trying to boast about his family to get respect, and Anya only felt annoyed by it.
What does get her attention is Damian's Paradise Fist.
She finds it super cool and even says how she wants it. It even becomes a bonding moment for them- being one of the first times Anya has gone up to Damian unprompted, happily, without thinking about the friendship scheme or expecting something from him (tea snacks).
She just finds his Paradise Fist cool, and Damian gets to enjoy some genuine, positive attention from her. Attention that he earned by being his honest self.
Because, when you get down to it, Damian and Anya both like the same things.
Both like action, and adventure, and heroes, and fighting for world peace. Both admire their fathers for their (apparent) heroic actions. And both are inspired by their fathers to take similar action and protect others.
Damian and Anya have never had a moment to really sit and talk about it in canon, but their love of this stuff and desire to act on it is something that they only share with each other.
Becky, Erwin, and Emile don't understand. Becky finds Anya's love of cartoons and adventure stories childish, and Erwin and Emile thought history was boring until Damian tried to convince them otherwise.
In fact, the person closest to sharing Anya's interests is Connie... Except, not really. Because Anya wants to catch a ghost for fun, while Connie wants to exorcise evil spirits because of her obsession with the paranormal.
Which leads me into...
When Damian hears that Anya and her new classmates are going ghost hunting, he immediately points out that going into the abandoned school building could get them all in trouble - basically, they could earn a Tonitrus Bolt.
But when it becomes clear that Anya is going to go anyway, and with Tertius specifically, Damian decides to join in. His jealousy is too strong for him to just leave the situation as is, and he can't stand the idea of Anya being alone with Tertius.
But... I think it's important to point out that Damian casually took an action that could have gotten him a Tonitrus Bolt (as he points out the next day) - a concept that scared him so badly before that he was shaking in fear.
I think this moment shows growth on Damian's end. He's still concerned about getting in trouble, but the threat of getting a Bolt won't keep him from acting when he feels it's necessary.
However, in my opinion, I don't think Damian went just out of pure jealousy. I think he was also concerned for Anya and wanted to look after her.
Because, if you watch him from the moment he hears about their plans, to when they leave, he's the only one showing real concern for the other kids.
He warns them about getting into trouble.
When Anya runs into the house, Damian is the one to suggest that they follow her inside, using the rain as an excuse.
When Anya runs further into the house, following Connie, he runs after her.
When they're already in the house and the others want to go home, Damian is the one who asks if they're gonna chicken out and leave now that they've gone this far.
In other words - he's the one keeping the group together, and not letting others split off on their own.
When Tertius, a boy Damian has been insanely jealous of since the day they first met, starts feeling so scared he's about to faint, Damian is the one who reaches out to steady him, looking nothing but concerned for the other boy.
And when Anya collapses while everyone runs away, Damian wastes no time and immediately goes back for her, straight into danger, even as Connie warns him not to. He shows no hesitation - he just runs, picks her up when it's clear she can't stand on her own, and carries her the 3 flights down and out of the building.
He's also the one keeping a steady head the entire time.
He tries to calm everyone down ("There's no such thing as ghosts!" "Let's just find the stupid ghost and head home already."), and ends up leading the group so they don't just wander around aimlessly. He calmly makes a route for them, and also criticizes the others for making everyone more scared.
Anya might be his priority here (he knows she will leap into danger, because he's seen her do it), but Damian is the one taking care of the whole entire group and making sure everyone is safe.
Honestly, Damian is shaping up to be a natural born hero. He'll put himself into danger to make sure others are safe, despite his own fear and terror.
Which is exactly the kind of person Anya likes most.
And, another fun thing to note - since returning to school, Damian and Anya have been much more relaxed around each other. There haven't been any big fights, and any moment of conflict is resolved in a panel, and neither takes it too personally.
They're able to just kinda... exist around each other much more easily now.
Plus, with everything else I've written here about how much they have in common, how well they understand each other, and how they enjoy the same things that others don't, well...
I think I've made it clear that, while they're still too young for a proper romance yet, these two are basically perfect for each other.
It's honestly fantastic how Endo has managed to carefully write them so nuanced in this way. the series isn't even close to done yet, and there's still so much to explore.
In addition to all of this, because I couldn't find a place to put it-
Anya has some connection to Classical Language. Endo once said that it's the equivalent of Latin in this world, and Loid mentioned that there's no country that speaks that way today.
Damian loves history. Specifically, ancient civilizations. And he casually mentions one that used to exist in the southern part of the continent.
I'm sure at some point, these two plot threads will intersect. It's set up perfectly to do so, and it's been there since early in the manga.
Anya is very likely connected to this lost civilization. Maybe she was chosen for experimentation because her mother was a descendants of the people who used to live there? Did her mother teach her Classical Language, or did the scientists? Is it something else?
Damian's love of history may end up helping Anya in some way, assuming she really is connected. History isn't her best subject by a long shot, and she was too young to remember why she has experience with Classical Language. She has no reason to look into ancient civilization or history.
But history is Damian's favorite subject. And if he knows that Anya has a connection to that ancient civilization, and she was likely experimented on because of it, I can only imagine how far he'd go to try and help her with his knowledge.
Damian might just have the answers to questions Anya doesn't even realize she has yet. And if he doesn't, he might be able to push others into the right direction.
There's just so much to speculate on with these two and i can't wait to see what Endo does next with them lol
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