When it's 'acceptable' to be androgynous or hyperfeminine, and when it's not
When I first started presenting more masc, I cut my hair insanely short and dressed as boyish has possible. Like we’re talking straight up jock here. It was gender euphoric and helped me pass more when I was pre-T and in the early stages where HRT hadn’t done it’s magic yet. It was nice, but it wasn’t me.
I’ve always been the type to wear jewlery, whether it be subliminal layered necklaces, bracelets, earrings, rings, I even have an eyebrow piercing. I started wearing it again. I’ve always liked having longer hair than short hair, so I grew it out since I’ve had it buzzed into a fade and no longer have an undercut. It’s a mullet shag kind of look that just suits me better. My style has been less jocky and more ‘androgynous boy nextdoor’ and I shave all the time, take care of my skin, keep up on grooming, etc. All of these things are just habits of an old routine and a personal style.
None of these things help me pass. I’m popular on multiple social media platforms. I get comments like ‘you don’t pass’ ‘you look like a lesbian’ (leave lesbians alone omg) ‘i can tell you’re trans’ which I could care less for because I know it’s just a few trolls with nothing better to do. People in real life approach me as a woman only sometimes, but it comes in subtle ways like when men offer for me to get on the public transport bus first. (to which I say thank you in my voice that’s dropped like 100 octaves)
What I don’t get is why it’s invalidating for me to be feminine as a trans masc person. I see people fall head over heels for the ‘boy that looks pretty like a girl’ trope on tiktok all the time. The memes, jokes, or comments about ‘boys with long hair >’ and ‘guys who aren’t afraid to be feminine’ ‘androgynous guys>’ that people praise online and in real life. They should emphasize they’re talking about cis guys.
When I do any of these things I’m clocked or am told by my audience ‘you’re not really trans’ and ‘you don’t pass’ and other transphobic things and also the ‘you don’t pass’ comment from cis people. I just don’t get it because an attractive cis guy can do it and he gets praise, but me as a transmale, I am just met with transphobia. I can’t dare to be hyperfeminine or even a little bit fem because I’m just faced with transphobia. Like …the gender box of hypermasculinity cisgender people have made on the transmasc community is paralyzing. You either gotta be hyperfeminine or hypermasculine according to the gender you’re transitioning into or you’re not acceptable. I hate it here.