Veni. Vidi. Vici. @ppocketmonsterr - Tumblr Blog

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nidravasa

And like the sea, I’m constantly changing from calm to hell.

Dallas Green (via iwasadaisyfresh)

househunting-canada

$539,900

5 bedrooms

Mahone Bay, NS

Mi’kmaq territory

The signs as friends

Aries: will scream at you 23/8, tells you jokes and shows you funny pictures, definitely the person to havve a movie marathon with

Taurus: embarrasses you in public, doesnt answer texts, shares their food, always here for you

Gemini: send you weird texts at 1am, feeds you with unnecessary science facts, takes funny pictures of you, never listens

Cancer: tells you funny stories, gives huge teddy bears as a gift, listens to your favourite music with you

Leo: literally makes fun of you and bullies you 24/7, shares their clothes with you, texts you first, late everywhere

Virgo: might take hotos of you while you're not looking, most likely will buy you a dog at some point, that friend you can be with for hours without even talking

Libra: recommends you music, gives you lame nicknames, tells you pick-up lines and flirts with you, always makes you happy honestly

Scorpio: fights your enemies, points out every stupid thing you do and then reminds you for another 25 years

Sagittarius: will tell you if you have something on your teeth, always up for an unexpected adventure, will share everything with you

Capricorn: will help you with literally anything, asks you about you interests, will always remind you how beautiful ou are

Aquarius: most likely won' hang out with you, doesn't answer texts, asks you about your day, 1am adventures

Pisces: bth loving mom and the person you want to kill, sends you funny pictures, organizes amazing trips, borrows you things and doesn't want them back

littlemasokitten-deactivated202

Sir is away for the week and wanted to be sure I wouldn’t forget him.

sanverstrash-deactivated2017020

girls of hera:

enyo, eileithyia, hebe, eris

sabonhomeblog

yaelmerve

🌿

blackaltarapparel

Black Altar Apparel: Walt Altar.

Walt Altar crew neck sweatshirts available in two colour ways from our web store!

WE SHIP WORLDWIDE🌑

B.A.A

www.blackaltarapparel.com

ppocketmonsterr

❤️

1:30 am. *explicit thinking*

I've noticed a lot about myself lately. Between the decisions I've been making and the ones I have yet to make, I often question the person I am nowadays. It's crazy to look back and think to myself that the person I used to be is no longer the person I see today. People have came and went like the winds during season's changes, and only few remained. The most frustrating thought I've had lately is referring to my sexuality, and no I am not speaking of such as far as what gender I prefer. I am speaking along the lines of preferences during the act of such. I've come to the conclusion tonight that the I have been through so much emotional turmoil and pain, some of which I have yet to let pass, and I think that is the reason why I enjoy pain during sex. It's noticeable with my partners too where I am finding myself either implying it beforehand or internally waiting for it to occur during. Is that normal? I don't know what normal is anymore. I am a girl who wasn't allowed to have friends as a kid, maintained an imaginary one for years whom I talked to about everything, got engaged at 14 to a 19 year old, and has a thing for older men and now more than ever, being dismantled in bed. I find myself wanting this more and more every time I get to thinking about it. Am I searching for some type of escape while I am being *ed? I used to cut myself and I thought that it would give me the "opening" I wanted so all my pain and sadness would come out. Once I learned that it wasn't working, I guess I attached myself to something less bloody ( most of the time) and feels amazing either way. Plus, there is less guilt when I look at myself in the mirror. I love bruises mainly. The act of aggression while being penetrated is great too, but I love waking up the next day and the entire moment reflecting on my body. Even as a kid, I loved finding little scratches on my hands and knees and got secretly excited when I'd see bruising. I don't feel okay about the things that I like. I could sit here right now and type what I currently desire: for the person am *ing to press me up against his bedroom wall, wrap his hand around my neck, and look at me while he goes in deep but slow, all the while, watching my face change and feeling me release, eventually. I feel insane. I don't even know what's causing me to write this on a public blog site. But I needed to let this all out somewhere.... I feel like the guy am currently fornicating with wants to see and feel my pleasure before his, and cares about what I want. It appears as though he likes some of the things that I like, since he's handcuffed me once already and put in work to leave me marked and in pain the next day. But right now, I feel that it isn't enough. It's not like I want him to punch me in the face or suffocate me with pillows. I don't really know what I am missing honestly. I don't really want to tell someone that I like being choked and to pull my hair and bite me. I was brought up sooo conservatively and secluded from the outside world. I didn't know anything about anything. These feelings and thoughts honestly scare me. I don't understand where they all came from. And why I desire this so adamantly. I am afraid. I don't understand myself and the things I want. I am an introverted girl who is usually very shy about everything but right now, I don't know who I am anymore. ❤️

#lost #confused #changes #quarantine

blackbirdcall

18:39

He’s mad at me. Like, I actually cannot believe this. We aren’t dating or anything serious, but for whatever reason he’s mad at me. I invited him over last night while I was hanging out with new guy, and he needed to talk to me because apparently people have let him down. But I wasn’t there, at least not mentally. After hitting a bowl and drinking Jack straight, four hours in and I was pretty intoxicated. He’s mad at me, because he thought he was the only guy. The only guy.....

He is the only guy right now, honestly. My morals are to never lie about anything you have done, and if you do make sure you have good reason, and post it a reminder to be honest about it later. Am always honest. I cannot tell a lie, and even when I try I end up spilling it all in minutes anyway. I told him who I was with because I like him. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. Guess this is my consequence for being so truthful, I’ll take it. I don’t regret it. Thoughts?

#friends with benefits #honesty #relationships

23:05

I can never wrap my head around the decisions that I make. Whether they made sense to me at the time, whether it was a potential risk. That never seems to stop me.

I set myself up to take risks so that I can be comfortable when I am obligated to actually take them. I have never been fond of change, never been able to embrace life as it’s thrown at me. I need to know things. I need to understand, all the time. Why? Because if don’t, then I feel like I’m facing the wall. That’s when I start making those decisions, that risk-taking kind that I may or may not regret afterward. Can anyone relate to this?

Am meeting a boy tonight. I’ve never met him before in my life, but am meeting him tonight. This isn’t new to me, the whole “meeting someone from an online dating site” thing. Is it sad that am so used to it? So open, so comfortable? I go for older men, I wonder if this is a normal thing, or just a part of my childhood trauma? Thoughts?

I used to be afraid to meet anyone. Even if I’d met them through friends or family, I was never really okay with the painful introduction of getting to know a person. I guess I don’t like humans, guess I don’t really even like myself.

#decisions #risks #meeting people #online dating

4:08 AM

“ Highway of Endless Dreams” playing gently in the background of my mind. If you've heard this song before, you can imagine how it matches my mood at the moment. After misspelling my computer’s password eight times before getting it right, after the fifth cigarette of a 24 hour period, and the first of the day. Trying to remember my password to a forgotten blog that I've barely utilized. Everything is such a blur all the time. It’s like I’m on this super strength drug, one that shuts out the important things, and maintains all the painful little things. Like letting your parents down, or losing the love of your partner. Or losing the love you once had for yourself, because you've invested all your time into someone else. I've spell checked already at least a dozen times, and I’m unsure of what really was wrong. Just like in my life, I never know what’s wrong or why anything feels right. Is there a book that explains what should be considered right and wrong? Or am I actually allowed to feel these ways for myself? Do I make up all my own rules, or does someone depict them all for me? Truth is, we are the writers of the novel of our lives. Our choices made, our the ones we wanted to make at the time. Right? If we haven’t learned from the first mistake, then we wanted it to happen, right? But then again, if we haven’t learned, then we may never learn.

I've always been told that something was clinically wrong with me. But I was always under the impression that there was something wrong with everyone. Even when the drugs came into the picture, I assumed that this happened to all thirteen year old kids transitioning into teen hood. Being forced as a child to respect her elders and say no to drugs, you would think I came out okay, right? Wrong......I was the child that stood up to her mentally unstable mother and ran away from home countless times just to escape the negative energy that carried throughout our tiny 2 bedroom apartment like a toxic gas leak. Deadly, I would say. But I somehow survived.

Am 4 feet, 11 inches. Average body. Decent face, I guess. I bounced around on medication for 18 months before they found one that worked well enough for me to have some personality whilst being emotionally controlled. I have exactly three best friends, exactly. I've gotten feedback on myself throughout the years and what comes up the most is that I’m mentally twisted and socially awkward. This post is probably pretty scattered and weird, but that’s just how my mind operates. What feedback have you received from people? What are your views on medications and diagnosis?

#weird #feedback #respond #clinically insane #mental disorder