Recovery

Prabhana. Prabhana. Prabhana.

[prabhana-blog]

Time.

Nodta nodta ond thingalu mele agoytu. Yelli hoytu isht samaya? Avn bittu, nanna jeevna adhura idey.

[prabhana-blog]

Corpse.

I am a drying corpse. Won't you kiss me and revive my heart?

[niceties-and-endearments-blog]

Desolate.

Cold nights are the desolate nights, where I grieve over your heartwarming smile, your safe touch and your tenderness. I am grieving, more than ever. For the love we have lost, the future we have drowned and the life I so longingly wanted. I am a carcass of sorts, subject to daily routines, picking out the life of me. You are my flame, my warmth, my light, and my life without you is bleak, cold and empty. I love you so much.

[williamchapmanwritings]

I had no idea what I was living without, until I finally lived with you.

William Chapman (via williamchapmanwritings)

[status-excessu]

[prabhana-blog]

Nothing could have prepared me for this. A gap, a void. An empty space. It wasn't always empty. That's the problem, it's been scraped out. It's easy to mull over some time out of spite. But then it hits. And it hits hard. I'm not sure where I want to be; in his arms or on the other side of the planet.

[prabhana-blog]

Toxic.

Toxic, he called me. I don't believe it. I am not. But I am to him. If he is everything, what am I? Toxic.

[prabhana-blog]

Nature.

When poetry and midnight cooking fails to soothe your heart, give yourself the space to enjoy nature. Give your body peace, no more tears.

[prabhana-blog]

Conflict.

Have you ever fought with your thoughts so hard it's given you a head ache? Have you ever wanted to pick up the phone and call the man who you love but convinced yourself you shouldn't? I have never been so conflicted in my heart. My heart does not agree with my mind. My mind tells me that avoiding him is the best way to avoid pain and my heart says that suffering now will torment me forever. It's a battle of times, of now and later. I cannot choose and I cannot leave it be.

[prabhana-blog]

Not a scratch.

How many times have I told myself to stop. How many times did I tell myself that a relationship where your partner doesn’t respect you isn’t a relationship at all. I guess asking for a fundamental need of life is too much for some people. How can we be so selfish? I asked you to stop intruding, stop reminding me of your forcing nature, stop exerting your presence onto everything in my life. I need that space. I need to go out freely without thinking I’ll be punished for it later. I need to be able to meet anyone without the thought that you’ll distance yourself from me for it. I want to be trusted, I want to be encouraged to live my life. I have been traumatised by your need to control me. 

Look at my foolishness, going back to the man who only wants me in the way thats right for him. It reminds me those lego blocks, build it as you want it. But I guess you can’t do that to humans. Can’t say I only want the parts I like. 

Apparently I’m not even worthy of friendship to him. He’s created a inferiority complex in me and he thinks it’s okay to say ‘go repair it’ to me, as though it can be mended with a band aid. Its not a scratch, its a very deep, deep wound. 

[prabhana-blog]

Your Cricket.

We have come so far Not knowing how far We have come this far

I wouldn't want to let you go I really don't know how you are I am caught up in my web Really asking for you help Don't turn your back on me... I really need you princess...

We have come so far Not knowing how far We have come this far

I will hunt all your demons I will water all the flowers I will bring you the fruits you like I will gather all the diamonds I will stand day and night buzzing like a cricket I will look up to you pincess

We have come so far Not knowing how far We have come this far

--PBN

[prabhana-blog]

Miss.

I miss you so much tonight. There's a chill in the air and it reminds me of your cold feet snuggling in with mine every morning while you were here. I usually don't feel the gap but tonight my heart is aching for you. I yearn to hear your voice and laughter. I miss your love, your warmth and tenderness. I feel incomplete and alone. You were my love and now you are a stranger.

[prabhana-blog]

Wow, how much things have changed in two years. This time last year, I was engaged and planning my wedding. The year before, my love had asked me to be his and we were blissful. God I love him but I don't want to remember these things. It makes me ache. It makes me remember.

[modernambition]

[prabhana-blog]

Held.

All I want is to be in your arms, held and safe. Why is it that my mind returns to the confines of your love every time? Why is it you? Why has it always been you? I feel like I'm fading away. Just you.

[prabhana-blog]

Thank God.

You know what he said to me? 'thank god, we didn't get married'. Tell me if there's anything that could hurt me than that. Stab me, I could probably handle it.

[prabhana-blog]

Always in love, never sorry.