Lifestyle 101: Definitions to Know Before You Begin
If you find yourself curious about the lifestyle, yet are completely confused by the terminology and acronyms that are found in most of the lifestyle guides and personal ads, we understand completely! In this new digital age, every thing seems to have it’s own shortened acronym or slang term. Never fear, Heednly is here to help you break it down to the essential definitions you will need to know before you break out into the world of swinging.
Keep in mind there are slang terms which are used in smaller communities across the world and therefore this is list is not whole and complete. If you come across one that isn’t on this list, just let us know and we’ll update it!
AC/DC: A slang term for a person who is bisexual. Get it? AC/DC is current that goes both ways. Clever, isn’t it?
BDSM: Not necessarily a lifestyle term but one that will often be encountered at parties, conventions and even conversation among the swinger set. BDSM a 4 letter acronym which generally refers to six different aspects of the kink lifestyle – the acts of bondage, discipline, dominant, submissive, sadism and masochism.
Bi-flexible/Hetero-flexible: Describes a person who engages in bisexual play but only in the right circumstances and with the right person. They don’t categorize themselves bisexual because they don’t desire same sex play on a regular or ongoing basis.
Closed Swinging:Â Closed swinging is the term do describe couples who insist on being in separate rooms while having intercourse with another man/woman.
Discreet or Discretion: Asking those who write or call to exercise caution so that children or others who may be present or do things such as open mail or answer phone will not be offended and/or made aware of the swinging activity. This is often paramount to ones comfort within the lifestyle community.
Exhibitionism: Someone who is considered an “exhibitionist” is someone that has a need or predisposition to flashing their naked sexual body parts to others. It’s a bit of a show, often brief and often with the intention of shocking people. Exhibitionism isn’t to be confused with nudists, who are just comfortable being naked. Nudists at a nudist beach, or other designated nudist zone,have a social but non-sexual intention.
Fetish:  Where sexual gratification is gained through an object/practice which is not a part of the usual sexual practices, such as latex, balloons, heels/shoes, urination, women’s underwear, leather, riding crops, cross dressing and such.  Fetishes are often strong desires where the individual is solidly focused on it for their sexual exploration and satisfaction.  Having a fetish does not automatically mean someone is “sick”, “broken” or “has a problem” however in some cases professional assistance may be advised just as someone who has a sex or alcohol addiction.
Gang Bang:  Where there is generally one person in the middle and the object of focus i.e. one woman and six men who all take it in turns to have sex with her although more than one might be playing with her body at one time, she may also be giving oral while engaging in a double penetration.  It can also be a man engaging in a gang bang with a group of other men.  The aim of the game is for all to “bang” her/him.  Often a fantasy for some people.
Group Sex: Sexual play between three or more people.Â
Hard Swinging:Â The more extreme end of being a swinger such as engaging in a swingers party (i.e. group play, gang bangs), having separate swinging dates (i.e. not with each other) or having sex with other people in separate rooms.
Newcomers: A person or couple who are new to the lifestyle of swinging; First-timers
Off Premise: This is typically used to describe a party or event where people meet but must go “off premise” in order to engage in any sexual activity.
On Premise:Â At this fun party or location, sexual activity is most definitely allowed.
Open Swinging:Â Open swinging describes those couples who enjoy being in the same room while engaging in sexual activity with other people either with their partner or with someone else.Â
Polyamory: The philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.  Poly meaning “multiple loves” where swinging is defined as just being about sex and not having a love connection.
Safe: Safe is a word to describe if a man or woman has had a vasectomy or a tubal ligation. It does not mean the individual is healthy, it just means they cannot get pregnant, or impregnate someone else.  Also referred to when having sex with condom’s (or other safe sex paraphernalia)  is desired or in question i.e. “do you play safe?”
Single: A swinger without a partner, not referring to marital status specifically although it does include people who do not have partners along with attached people who are not swinging with their life partner
Soft Swinging: Soft swinging is often where new couples start the lifestyle; it’s the less extreme end. It simply means that partners can be swapped for foreplay, but the actual intercourse is off limits. Partners switch back to their original mates if they would like to have intercourse.  Sometimes it’s just having sex, including foreplay, with your own partners but in the same room as the other couple.
Swingle: Another name for a single person who plays in the swinging lifestyle with couples and other singles/swingles
Trans:Also called “Transgender”, “Transsexual” or “Tranny” or “Trannie”. Some of these terms can be taken as derogatory (particularly “Trannie”) so best to stick with “transgender” as the current politically correct term in general. These terms refer to a person who is, or has, transitioned from one gender to the other; going from female to male or vice versa. Keep in mind that just because someone is considered Trans, does not mean that they have, or ever will, complete the process by having surgery to remove or add the gender specific body parts such as the removal of the breasts or penis, or the addition of breasts and a vagina. Please be sensitive to the pronouns they prefer as this is a complicated and very challenging process to go through.
Unicorn:“A mythical creature that doesn’t exist” A term used for single women who enjoy the swinging lifestyle, considered a “unicorn” as they are the smallest demographic and also the one in highest demand.  They do exist and there are more and more joining the lifestyle so if we all treat them well then we’ll entice even more to come play with us.
Vanilla: A term used to describe a person who is not a swinger or into the swinging lifestyle. Often used to differentiate between a swingers swinging friends and their “normal” friends aka “vanilla’s”. Also used to describe events to communicate the expected behavior such as going to a swinging friends birthday party and being told it’s a “vanilla” event i.e. “We ask that there be no swinging behavior, please. We have vanilla friends attending”.
Voyeurism: A voyeur is basically someone that just likes to watch. Voyeurism is where someone gets sexual gratification in observing people either having sex, being/getting naked or in their underwear. Sometimes they don’t interact with the people involved, as they get sexually aroused just by observing and often prefer that over any actual physical contact.
Lifestyle 101: Definitions to Know Before You Begin was originally published on Heednly
