#preggo problems

Pregnancy is weird. And people have no tact. @stephchach

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At this point, I’ve just resigned myself to being pregnant forever. 

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TFW your pregnancy app emails you to ask if you’re still pregnant. 

Yes. Forever. 

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Really could have done without the obnoxious Macy’s salesman who a) opened with “hey, we’re on the same diet plan!” b) assumed I was having twins, and c) quickly launched into the story of his 11+ lb. kid who required an ER c-section. 

Go fuck yourself. 

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I’m going to go ahead and call BS on the whole sex/semen as a natural labor kickstarter concept. It’s clearly penis propaganda perpetuated by the male industrial complex. 

Spoiler: IT’S NOT WORKING

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A non-comprehensive list of things I don’t want to envision passing through my vagina 🙈

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Current laundry regimen: Removing misc food stains from the belly region of my shirts. 

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Only one person asked me today if I’m having twins, so that’s a win.

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Me: Ok self. Just try to enjoy the last few days of this pregnancy 

Universe: *hold my beer* 

Man, shouting from his front porch: GOTTA BE TWINS!! MUST BE DUE TOMORROW! THAT’S THE *BIGGEST BELLY* I’VE EVER SEEN!!!

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Never been so excited about mucus before

😬🙅‍♀️😬🤷‍♀️

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Mother. Fucking. Cankles.

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Oh good. Cause it feels like someone is aggressively punching me in the vag.

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Me: My placenta cooler is packed and ready! 

Husband: You mean, my lunchbox? 

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SAME

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Indefinite status

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Hahahahahhahhahhahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahhahhahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahhahhahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahhahhahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahaha NO

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Mood

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really living my best life