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What a summer...less camps, trips and sports. More swims, hikes, front step coffees and deck dinners. More outdoor movies. More appreciation. I hope that we, as a family and country, will look back on these months with gratitude that we got through it and really, truly, took care of each other.

Pandemic

What if you thought of it as the Jews consider the Sabbath- the most sacred of times? Cease from travel. Cease from buying and selling. Give up, just for now, on trying to make the world different than it is. Sing. Pray. Touch only those to whom you commit your life. Center down.

And when your body has become still, reach out with your heart.Know that we are connected in ways that are terrifying and beautiful. (You could hardly deny it now.) Know that our lives are in one another's hands, (Surely, that has come clear.) Do not reach out your hands. Reach out your heart. Reach out your words. Reach out all the tendrils of compassion that move, invisibly, where we cannot touch.

Promise this world your love-for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, so long as we all shall live. Lynn Ungar 3/11/20

With the looming scary coronavirus news and our school potentially closing, I felt the mama bear in me need to reach out. Not because I have anything to offer that will make everyone feel better, but because in times like this our human inclination (or mine, at least) is to gather the people around me whom I love most and share childcare, meals and help. I guess we’re not supposed to do this now, so here’s a virtual hug and offer.

A few ideas for you:

-Tell your kiddos to wash their hands while singing ‘Happy Birthday’ or the ABCs...it will distract them long enough to ensure a thorough handwashing session. You can also show them this comic to help them understand what’s happening and why it’s so important to wash those little paws!

-Every day when the boys get home I have them drop their ‘dirty’ clothes next to the washing machine and head right upstairs to take a shower. I think I just feel better knowing that the day’s germs have been ditched upon arriving home.

-Stock up...don’t be that jerk that buys out all the toilet paper, but make sure you have enough markers, batteries, paper (I make my kids draw on our recycling!) and science activities. And snacks...lots and lots of snacks.

-If you’ve decided not to go out to eat for a bit, then buy a gift card to a favorite restaurant that you would’ve gone to instead of being hunkered down at home...that way you’re supporting the places you love, even if you aren’t eating there right now.

-Get outside....stay away from large groups, but as much as you can go on walks, bike rides, skiing (don’t go in the lodge!) and do anything you can outside with your kids. We all need that fresh air.

-Share this with friends and neighbors in need, a free internet package for 60 days for low-income families from Comcast.

If schools are closed (or even if they aren’t but you need more things to do at home):

-Khan Academy, I’m looking at the Coding classes for Gray. -12 famous museums where you can take virtual tours -Science hacks and experiments, thanks to our local Science Museum -Jigsaw puzzles online

And when all else fails, make cookies. Lots and lots of cookies. *each of those above links is to a favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe I love!

Buy buy buy.

When I was pregnant with Gray, I couldn’t find a list anywhere that was just the super simple version of what we’d need for a new baby.

Every website, store and article had the longest lists of ‘must haves’ that as a new mom, you have no idea if you actually need. Wipe warmer? Maybe cold wipes in the middle of the night would be the thing that would send your newborn into a colic’y fit and end your already short night of sleep, and as silly as it sounded you really did need them. (FYI, you don’t.)

Here’s my list of what new parents actually need for a baby: Carseat Stroller Diapers + wipes Snotsucker Swaddle Baby blankets Onesies, socks and soft & easy pants to change (hello diaper explosions) Hat (sunhat + warm hat) Warm coat Seat/bassinet/bouncer (my favorite) Crib / co-sleeper / pack ‘n play

None of that needs to be fancy or light up or play music, it just needs to be safe and comfortable.

As our boys have gotten older, I’ve noticed a whole new kind of selling. We’re out of diapers and the targeted baby ads, but I feel like I’ve got ‘influencers’ coming at me from every which way with every kind of toy, waterbottle and kind of gear imaginable. There’s now entire Instagram feeds, Google Ads and shopping sites telling you the newest and best things you HAVE to get for your kid. On a daily basis.

Enough already.

I feel the same way now that I did when they were babies - you don’t actually need that much stuff, it just needs to be the right stuff. Plus kids grow SO fast that if you spend a lot of money on toys and gear, chances are they will grow out of them (physically or out of interest) in no time.

There are some tried and true things that have lasted the sands of time in this household, so I’m going to highlight them one at a time for anyone out there looking to know one mom’s perspective. No Amazon affiliates, no money made, no sponsored posts, nada. Just this mama.

Here’s my first one : sunscreen.

I used to carry around a million little tubes, bottles and sprays based on the person and activity, but now I’m down to just one. Supergoop meets my expectations for health (none of the scary stuff), feel (absorbs like a dream) and ease (both the pump bottle and tube make it so easy to get out). It’s expensive but lasts a long time, and sunscreen is something I take really seriously and will gladly spend more money on the good stuff whenever possible.

We keep the big pump bottle by the front door and all use it on our way out, and the tube goes in cars/bags. Good for your whole body and our whole family.

And that’s it!

(This picture has nothing to do with sunscreen, it just makes me laugh every time seeing Parker’s little face.)

Parker is turning six in a little over a month, and as I always do as his birthday looms near, I find myself quite sentimental and wondering where the time has gone.

We skied with the boys this weekend, which as always was equal parts wonderful and brutal (packing up the car, getting on tight boots, dealing with the whining until the moment we head up in the chairlift and then we can’t pry them off the mountain), and as the boys slept in the backseat on the way home I opened Notabli to add a video from one of our runs. It was a gorgeous, sunny meandering trail and as I skied behind the boys I pulled out my phone and took a video - one of those random moments in time that isn’t particularly perfect or crazy, but I wanted to remember it for exactly that.

As I went to post it on Notabli, I noticed this. Parker is five years old, and 7,632 moments about his little life have been saved and shared on Notabli.

7,632 photos, videos, quotes and stories.

That’s a lot of moments we’ve wanted to remember across five short but action packed little years. Not just first steps, words and foods, but the random moments in time that pull your heart and make you weepy with love and appreciation. Or the honest picture of a tantrum or hilariously punchy little comment, which brings this whole parenthood thing full circle.

As I sat there looking at the above screen, I was struck by the enormity of this collection. That’s 7,632 moments of Parker that we wanted to save. Yes, I’m married to a Notabli cofounder and this start-up was partially created as he and his friend pondered where on earth those kid moments go these days.

We were never going to post on Facebook - I distrust that place more than ever and am in the process of deleting my account forever. It wasn’t going to be Instagram, as you can’t write the quotes or stories that you treasure, and truthfully most people on my Instagram aren’t going to care a lot about my kids. And we sure weren’t going to print actual pictures all the time to send to family and friends to keep them updated about our babies. And so, Notabli was born.

Who knows where it will go from here, but from a totally unbiased place I want to put my thanks for Notabli out there. It has been a private, sacred place where we could put everything, and without it I feel like so much of our kids’ lives would be stuck in the annals of my phone, and friends and family wouldn’t know my kids the way they do now. Of course nothing is as good as time spent together, but Notabli has provided a bridge of love and connection.

So for now, thank you. To Notabli, to my husband and his cofounder, and to the legions of users, investors and friends who have made it happen.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride, married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it's over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited the world.

Mary Oliver

365 Days of Gratitude.

It takes only a nanosecond to be reminded of how lucky I am. I have a healthy family, a happy marriage, a home, amazing work and so much love in my life.

Looking at the world around me, so many are not afforded those luxuries. More so now than ever.

I was struck by a Mary Oliver quote I read recently...

“it is a serious thing // just to be alive / on this fresh morning / in this broken world.”

Looking around there is so much broken - food insecurity, education, borders, medical care, politics, mental illnesses, gun violence...the list, unfortunately, goes on.

But in my heart, I have always chosen to see the light. The glass is half full. The day will get brighter. I look at our boys, so full of life and curiosity that it is hard to feel anything but wonder.

To that end, I’m giving myself a 2019 goal. To write one thank you note a day for this next year. To recognize a person or a place, each day, that makes my world a better place. And to acknowledge that. I may be one of the last people who loves writing letters, so to me this isn’t a burden but a gift to set aside this time each day and put one letter in the mail.

More than anything, I want to put positivity and light back out into the world. Because despite all the fighting, bedtime negotiations and battles these boys have every day, that is what they do for me.

Time to return the favor.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year....that song is all me. I love it all - the music, the candles, the trees, the cookies, the parties, the list-making, the trips and the love and gratitude that abounds.

I have two very favorite holiday traditions...one, which I’ve continued from my parents and our Christmas’s growing up, is to gift an ornament to each little one on Christmas Eve that represents something important from their last year. It fills my heart every year when we decorate our tree, and I get to pull out my ornaments and tell them what happened that specific year, and what the ornament represents, and to pull out their ornaments. First steps, first words, soccer love, learning to read, a new brother, you name it. It is heartfelt, beautiful and simple - three of my favorite things.

My second beloved tradition is trying to get a photo, just one, of our entire family. I treasure those photos all year long, pick a favorite for our holiday card, and feel grateful to have a few annual photos of our family. Enter the amazing Amanda / Orchard Cove Photography! To be clear, these beautiful, non-blurry photos would not happen without her. She’s an incredible photographer and a friend, and once a year kindly lets us drop by for a photo.

Sadly we lost our Georgia Bean this fall, so while she was a question in past years because she would bark/poop/demand a ball to be thrown instead of sitting at our side for the photo, this was the first year we couldn’t have her. But she was always there before, and lives on in our hearts and a few beloved Amanda photos.

This is by no means sponsored, nor does Amanda ever ask me to link to her in any posts, but I love her and so treasure these photos every year. No matter the occasion, Amanda captures the moment with grace and ease.

Thank you, Amanda, and happy everything!

He did it!!

Oops!

I recently got to spend an entire weekend in a beautiful city with six of my most beloved friends. All mamas, all working in one form or another, all happy beyond belief and completely exhausted.

We shared war stories, limping to the finish line that was our adjoining hotel rooms for the weekend. All of us had recently suffered through some form of kid sicknesses, birth, work craziness, sleepless nights, and more. We drank coffee. We drank margaritas. We laughed, we cried, we Soul Cycle’d and went out for ice cream.

While there my friend reminded me of her ongoing belief that Jackson and I will have an ‘oops’ baby, when Parker is seven. SEVEN!

I asked her to please banish this thought from her head, as we’re juuuuuust now starting to get consistent sleep and only one kid still needs his butt wiped.

Jackson and I have certainly had the conversation about if there’s a third awaiting us - basically the moment your second child is walking people start asking when you’re going to have another. I am forever reminded of how a lady’s body becomes open to conversation with all things pregnancy and birth. That was basically what made me start this blog - not only to try to piece through how to be pregnant, but because I wanted to put it out into the world that I was pregnant, NOT FAT!

Anyways, we’re so happy as a family of four and it’s amazing how this stage feels so portable. No naptimes, diapers, or making baby food...we can go anywhere, and I love the feeling of being a solid family unit.

As I write this I’m looking down at my feet, where my sweet old Georgia dog is keeping me company. She’s 13, loves the boys so much, and is really starting to slow down.

She was my first ‘baby’, a Christmas present from Jackson long before marriage or human babies were even on the brain. She is a good reminder of slowing down to appreciate the little things, and the stage we’re in now.

Once a year, if we’re lucky, our good friend Amanda offers to take a picture of our whole family. Just one - that’s all I need! This year, my parents joined in the crazy mix of attempting to all look at the camera at the same time.

And it worked! Well, except for the super honest depiction of our feisty resident four year old who did NOT feel like standing there for a picture.

This whole parenting thing is a gamble on any given day. Some days bring love, snuggles, on-time departures and that heart-filling appreciation for the humans you’ve created.

Other days bring...other.

But every once in awhile you step back and think that you are witness to the makings of a human who is good.

I work in philanthropy, helping others make smart, social investments with their assets. When someone asks the boys what I do, their answer is simply ‘she gives money to people who need it’, which is basically true.

(Note, when someone recently asked Parker what Jackson does, his response was ‘he works on a computer’. Poor Jackson.)

A few months ago I was attempting to explain to Gray what nonprofits are and how I work with them, and how all people are different. Fast forward a few months, and this guy decided to sign up for the Penguin Plunge, to benefit Special Olympics Vermont.

When someone asked him why, his response warmed my heart. ‘Because I like playing sports with my friends and think everyone should get to.’

Isn’t that what life is all about, when you boil it down? Gray turns eight in a couple of months, and with it the anniversary of this blog and my fumbling beginnings as a pregnant lady and new mom. It’s amazing how much can change in the course of eight years - Gray now makes his own breakfast, shampoos his own hair without complaint and has a crush. It’s so exciting to see where this journey is taking us.

On Saturday, it will take us to Lake Champlain, which will be 19 degrees and they’ll have to cut a hole in it for Plungers.

We will forever be puzzling our way through the ever-complicated labyrinth of parenthood, but on Saturday I’m excited to watch Gray and know that we’ve done something right. Even if it’s just the understanding that cold water is nothing in an effort for everyone to get to play sports with their friends.

Broken.

I broke my toe. Not to worry, in the grand scheme of breaks this is nothing - no cast, setting or splint needed, which means I just wait.

The ‘funny’ thing is how it happened...I think any parent can relate to the strong, strong need to just have a minute to yourself once in a blue moon.

The boys were in bed, lunches made, dishes done, and I was sitting down to watch the finale of The Crown (if you watch it, then you know). Twenty minutes in, Parker was yelling from the top of the stairs and Georgia (our geriatric yellow lab) was barking from the bottom of the stairs.

I ignored both as long as I could, and then finally in a fit of mama rage jumped up off the couch to go beg them to be quiet and go the ‘f to sleep (book love), and as I went running through our living room I slammed my toe on the coffee table steel leg.

And that’s it. No crazy feat of athletic determination or inspiration, just a mom wanting to sit still for 55 minutes and watch her GD show.

In that vein, if you haven’t watched this then you should. I was for sure suffering from PAR*ENT*ING that night.

Well it’s been awhile. Life has pushed this little baby blog of mine into the backseat, with more time running, biking, hiking, swimming, skiing and dancing next to our boys, and less time sitting down to my computer.

And that’s okay.

I started this blog when I was pregnant with Gray (’Bundle’), nearly eight years ago, because as a person who thinks things through by writing, I needed a place to straighten out the crazy in my head and pregnant belly.

I found solace in writing, and in connecting with other new parents out there who were going through the same hilarious rollercoaster of pregnancy and parenthood.

With our boys now ages seven and four, life is so wonderful and very different from the early days of baby. They can dress themselves, make their eggs + toast, do their laundry (kinda), shampoo their hair, ride bikes, buckle into their car/booster seats, and so much more.

And yet with one small nuzzle, I’m brought right back to those early beautifully exhausting days with babies. It’s amazing how much changes in a relatively short amount of time, and I’m trying to soak up every minute of it.

Their legs are getting longer and faster, their minds spinning with questions and possibilities about the world around them, crushes on girls are fully in effect, and every day we see the individuals they are becoming. It’s an amazing thing, parenthood.

To witness and help shape who a person will become, and to love them so fiercely every single step of the way.

How to survive four weeks without a dishwasher OR washing machine.

1. Don’t invite anyone over for dinner. No one.

2. Reach out to a few beloved friends who are willing to let you throw a load in their washing machine (probably more than once).

3. Waterbottles for the boys. For school, for home, for bed. No more individual glasses for each part and place in the day.

4. Only wash the essentials. Underwear, socks, workout clothes. It’s amazing how many times you can wear a pair of jeans until they really actually need to be washed.

5. Throw the boys in a shower at night, and once they’re clean tuck them into bed wearing the sweatpants/shorts they’ll wear the next day.

6. Wash your dishes immediately. I mean immediately. If you don’t, the sink pile grows and grows and you curse every person before you who didn’t do their dishes because you’re stuck with the huge pile in order to get back to working order.

7. Designate a coffee cup for each of you and wash it every morning and put it next to the coffee for the next day. No need to go through lots of mugs.

8. Stop wearing socks unless absolutely necessary.

9. Accept every dinner invitation that comes your way (and bring your laundry).

10. Stop layering. Pick a shirt, just one, and commit to it for the day.

11. Dr. Bronners + extra time in your shower = clean t-shirts.

12. Chipotle.

13. Get serious about packing kid lunches...not in a million little containers but in a few organized ones that require minimal washing at the end of the day.

14. Keep your to-go coffee cup from earlier and use it for your next cup of coffee at home.

15. Hang towels in the sun to dry out, and make a gigantic pile of sheets + towels that will be cleaned in your washing machine some day and hope you have enough back-up towels and sheets to make it to the end.

16. Use up all the plastic utensils you’ve gotten from past to-go meals in kid lunchboxes.

17. Purge the dregs of your kids’ dresser drawers when you’re down to the last pants and shirts and they refuse to wear them. That means dropping a pile of clean and unwanted clothes at Goodwill, and sending your kids to school in once worn clothes until you can get the next batch washed elsewhere.

18. Invest in a ridiculous number of sponges and throw them out after a few rotations (with a working dishwasher I always just sanitize sponges in the dishwasher when I’m running a load).

19. Appreciate the convenience of working appliances and how much kinder you’ll be to them once yours are working again.

20. Buy a six-pack for the appliance repairman who finally shows up to fix those beloved appliances.

What is Supposed to Happen" When you were small, we watched you sleeping, waves of breath filling your chest. Sometimes we hid behind the wall of baby, soft cradle of baby needs. I loved carrying you between my own body and the world. Now you are sharpening pencils, entering the forest of lunch boxes, little desks. People I never saw before call out your name and you wave. This loss I feel, this shrinking, as your field of roses grows and grows…. Now I understand history. Now I understand my mother’s ancient eyes.

Naomi Shihab Nye

And with the setting sun, we have said goodnight to this monumental day, when our ‘baby’ turned three.

And yet, if I close my eyes, I’m back here…lost in the hospital hallways, registration a blur, and my contractions practically stopping as soon as I was tucked into the hospital bed (which is why I’m smiling in that first photo). ‘Get some rest’, my midwife said when we decided not to try to accelerate the labor, but that was the last thing I could do.

Jackson immediately and gratefully fell asleep next to me, but I somehow stayed awake the rest of the night, eyes closed, focusing on the waves undulating quietly through my body now. I remember the sun rising out my window, seeing Jackson stir and realizing that with this new day would come our new baby - it was happening.

I love the picture of me with my midwife - I have no idea what she was saying in that moment, but I remember her strength, care, and competency with every memory I look back on Parker’s birth. She was a gift, and I just wrote her to say as much.

Those first feelings…when your baby finally slides out and they put him right on your chest - feeling this real, alive, perfect little person that a moment ago was the navigator of all those bumps and twists I had been feeling for months. Seeing Jackson with our beautiful baby, witnessing Gray becoming a big brother. spending hours upon hours just staring at this beautiful human who is suddenly here.

I will forever feel so grateful to be a mom, and even more so to these boys of ours.

With each birthday that we celebrate, my tears are never because I don’t want to move forward, but because looking back it has all been so wonderful. And I don’t ever want to forget that.

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