Prelude To Divorce

Travels through the grand ol' US of A with a couple newlyweds, a curious beagle and a six-toed cat.

[preludetodivorce]

1. Father John Misty - “When You’re Smiling and Astride Me”

What else can we say about Father John Misty (FJM) AKA Josh Tillman that hasn’t already been said by numerous “cool” blogs? I can’t even begin to reflect upon how much this album and especially this song has followed us through the year.

But I’ll try.

To begin, whittling down a top ten list is always difficult. There is always so much good music through the year and picking only a small portion stresses me out. “It’s just a Top Ten List!” you exclaim in disbelief. Yeah, I hear ya but of a lot of these songs are directly tied to memories that reflect how the year went and I always want to factor that in to my rating. Plus, if I pick something stupid, many of you will judge me. I can hear you whispering behind my back as we speak!

But, to be serious, it’s like choosing between your favorite asian food when picking one Father John Misty song. It feels like every single city his music had an impact.

The anticipation of the album was a big part of Denver. Hearing the teasers and the slowly leaking songs had us salivating for more. It’s still crystal clear when the new stuff was finally released and FJM did his media tour on satellite radio. Jessica and I sat in our vehicle, heaters blasting us like a Beyonce concert, giggling at the inanity of the interview and brilliance of the actual music. It’s going to be tough topping Josh Tillman asking someone, anyone(!), to play drums for one part and his only advice was to “push them over.”

Even after the mountain state, Father John Misty’s music was still making a huge impact. I was loathe to skip Record Store Day even though I had no one to go with this year. Despite this minor setback, I still found a local shop in Seattle and texted my two Record Store Day partners in crime, Dustin and Alex, the whole time to give them updates on my painstaking, incremental progress in line. All to pick up a heart-shaped, Father John Misty single. It was worth it.

I’m barely scratching the surface here. Honestly. We saw the dude live in concert. Man, what a dick. I love it. Half his performance at Sasquatch was bemoaning the sponsors. We still remember him demanding, “Who are my corporate overlords!?!” in front of thousands of people. Only to realize it was Twix and he actually kinda likes that candy.

His dance moves from that concert helped create one of Jessica’s favorite moments of our entire trip. When Alex and Brett visited, I took it upon myself to replicate said dance moves for them. Little did I realize that these were not easy and would cause my soccer calf muscles to swell from exertion. My wife and I spent twenty minutes trying remove my rolled-up jeans, choking from laughter, before giving up and cutting them off with scissors. You read that right; we had to cut my pants off me because I danced too hard.

Even when I visited KG and Nato in the strange city of Toronto, I made them listen to Father John Misty and his irreverent lyrics. Granted they were stuck in a vehicle with me and couldn’t escape… Let’s just say he still has a bit of work to catch on there. Despite that failure, I had quickly forgotten my last bad experience pulling a couple Father John Misty dips but you can see the result in their wedding video.

Every road trip, every new house, THE Father John Misty made an appearance. And, like I said earlier, most of the songs were on rotation but “When You’re Smiling and Astride Me” was always on deck first. As soon as the first “Oh, Oh, Oh”s kick in, we are completely hooked. Maybe this song hits close to home because it strips away so many of the defense barriers used by the artist and this comes from a guy whose last album talked about taking too many drugs and trusting a monkey as his doctor.

What really grabs us from this song is one line and it gets me every time. It perfectly describes our trip which involved a lot of great memories but also some regrets. Not just us wishing we had met more people, experienced another attraction, visited different cities, or even traveled back to Michigan for important occasions but also applies to the growing pains of the first year of a newlywed couple. Despite dating longer than most our age have been married, we had a lot to learn and still tried to force changes too much upon each other. When it all feels too heavy from traveling or being married, we constantly sank back into the lyrics of self-professed asshole so elegantly singing to his also new spouse, “I'll never try to change you / As if I could, and if I were to, what's the part that I'd miss most?”

[preludetodivorce]

Breaking it down

With our nearly year-long trip winding down to a close, we thought it would be interesting to take a look at some of our stats:

Days on the road: 344 days. (just over 49 weeks)

Miles traveled: 9090 miles

Number of states visited: 25

Number of car repairs: 4 (I will not include cost, it hurts too much to think about)

Number of car accidents: 2 (neither of which were our fault)

Traffic tickets: 0

Parking tickets: 4

Number of flights flown: 9

Dog parks visited: 8

Cat parks visited: 0 (apparently no one cares about cats, as cat parks do not exist)

Number of Airbnb rentals we lived in: 8

Number of hotel stays: 9

Nights spent in a teepee: 2 (highly recommended for those who like the outdoors)

New CDs purchased: 8 (that’s actual, physical CDs) - Fallout Boy, Dance Gavin Dance, Ryan Adams, Vance Joy, Father John Misty, Sama Dams, Deafheaven, Taylor Swift

Weddings attended: 2

Weddings missed: 6 - This was definitely one of the biggest downsides to traveling for a year. While we were able to attend one third of the weddings we were invited to, only one of us could travel at a time. Some of our very good friends and family members tied the knot and we were so sad to not be able to celebrate with them.

Family deaths: 2 (I did not necessarily want to include this statistic, but it had a big impact on our trip and I am including a link to an amazing article written by my cousin that best describes what we went through:(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/danielle-killgore/post_10280_b_8254638.html)

Number of new favorite foods: 7 (dim sum, pho, south african food, Mr. Ma’s Dumplings, ramen, kombucha - this was not technically a new thing that we tried on this trip, but Dr. Brew Kombucha on draft at Townshend’s is unlike any other kombucha experience)

Jobs held by Ryan: 2 (please see previous blog posts to understand the amazing drama this caused)

Number of trips back to Michigan: 5

Number of friends who visited us on the road: 9

Number of friends we visited across this great country: 17

Number of BFFs we made: unknown. They include, but are not limited to: our Sasquatch family, Damnit Dave, the Honduran lady we did shots with on gay pride day, the Economist guy at the Hopalong concert, Jolea and Bdub, Bobby and his dog, Isaac and his friend whose name we cannot remember (but trust me, he is definitely counted as a BFF), the random guy at the bar who invited Ryan to play on his softball team, and the numerous men who stopped my husband in the street to tell him how much they appreciate his facial hair.

Points of Interest visited:  Grand Canyon, Space Needle, Crater Lake, Redwood National Forest, Red Rocks, Mt. Bierstadt, Hoover Dam, Kurt Cobain bench, the Stanley Hotel, the high school where Ten Things I Hate About You was filmed, the Gorge, Chihuly exhibit, Pike Place Market, Ride the Ducks boat tour, Multnomah Falls, Columbia River Gorge, Redbull Flugtag, Sedona McDonalds with the green arches, Las Vegas...

Number of bars we went to: I suppose if I had to guess, it would be near 1,000 but it’s too daunting to try and count. Just assume we drank a lot this year.

Number of concerts attended: 4 (Jonny Craig, Sasquatch festival, Hop Along, Deafheaven)

Number of shows attended: 5 (Aziz Ansari, Jawz: The Musical in 3D, 39 Steps, Jasper in Deadland, Potted Potter)

Pairs of sunglasses Ryan has lost: 2 (probably the most surprising statistic if you know his tendency to misplace things)

Number of books read because I had no job: 31

Number of trips to the Coor’s Factory/Brewery tour: 3 (it’s free and you get free beer at the end)

Number of zoos visited: 4

Sporting events we cheered at: 4 (Denver Rapids, Seattle Sounders, Arizona Diamondbacks, Detroit Tigers)

Gay Pride parades attended: 1, and it was amazing.

Memories made: countless. Cheesy, I know, but we have seen things and experienced things, tasted things and smelled things, been surrounded by people and left to our own devices, and all these things have come together to create so many memories that will shape us and our lives forever.

Statistically, we had a pretty good year. We’re happy we did it, and we’re happy to be back home.

[preludetodivorce]

2. Protomartyr - "Pontiac 87"

I’ll let you in on a little secret: we actually missed Michigan, and not just friends and family. The number two song, “Pontiac 87″, really drove this point with Protomartyr calling Detroit home. It ended up being a connection to our original state that perfectly described its highs and lows.

The horribly hidden snarl of the lead singer’s voice evokes the dirty snow that just coats everything during the winter. The simmering drums almost drag the song to a halt like one of our infamous 20 miles of highway construction. Just when you feel like it cannot be more depressing, a great guitar saves the song and reminds you winter and construction are but a few parts of Michigan.

There is going to be the de-thawing of spring that will inevitably lead to the summer. The spoils of summer are so rich in Michigan that it’s embarrassing how we don’t always take advantage of them. It’s tough to realize this until you spend four months in a region that seems to be in a perpetual drought. Or just a plain, old desert. Most of you don’t need me to list our state’s assets but just know we’ve missed seeing sunsets/sunrises on the Great Lakes, driving infinite stretches of shoreline in the UP, and, most of all, pointing where we live on our hand.

Wishing this was a Great Lake

While this song is decidedly great, it probably only slots this high on our list because it came at a point where we were both getting homesick. It also reminded us that at some point our traveling adventure will end but we still have an amazing state and the re-emerging city of Detroit (hopefully) to explore and help shape in the future.

[preludetodivorce]

3. Sleater-Kinney - “No Cities To Love”

Jessica and I’ve lived in Midland for 5+ years and have listened to SiriusXMU for just as long. The entire time we listened to the Josiah, one of our favorite DJs on the station, who always played a Sleater-Kinney song out of spite because they broke up and he wasn’t happy about it. Every day. For five years.

Well, surprise, surprise, Sleater-Kinney got back together around the time we started traveling. Which, don’t get me wrong, is awesome. Friggin’ awesome. Then we found out they’re releasing an album a couple months into our Denver stop. Even better.

But, you know what, these groups that get back together after a long hiatus never turn out as well as expected. Group members have started families, they are no longer the restless youth when their best work was put forth, they’ve exhausted ideas. They have nothing new to say. Nothing.

Not the case for Sleater-Kinney. They still knew how to write and play some great punk rock. “No Cities To Love” was an exceptional highlight off the new album with a unique music video. I won’t spoil some of the cameos.

Jessica was actually lucky enough to see Carrie Brownstein as she was filming for Portlandia with Fred Armisen right on our street in Portland. This was a week or two after we literally had a fight because I wouldn’t let Jessica chase Fred Armisen down after I spotted him on the street. We may have had one too many PBRs.

Our trip became a thousand times better (rough estimate) when we found out Sasquatch slotted in Sleater-Kinney as a surprise headliner. How great was it going to be to see this band reunited with thousands of other fans. Amazing, right?

Well, not so much.

On one of the biggest stages at Sasquatch, we gathered with all of a hundred fans to watch these ladies play like their life depended on it. For a hundred people. We felt bad for the band and it was obvious they were perturbed with comments like, “You are such a polite crowd.”

Afterwards we realized our annoyance was not so much that no one showed up for Sleater-Kinney, but more it was sinking in that we were getting past our prime age for these festivals. We also were starting families and no longer as restless but like older bands, we still felt like there was no reason to not continue with things that made us happy in the past. We needed to bring something new to the table though, otherwise the law of diminishing returns would take it’s unescapable grasp.

How were we going to make our transition to our 30s? That’s the million dollar question. I’m guessing traveling around the United States with one of us jobless is not in the cards but we are okay with that. Scared but ready to tackle the next phase.

Hopefully it’s a little more successful than a few hundred fans showing up for one of the biggest female punk bands of the early 2000s.

[preludetodivorce]

4. Deafheaven - “Baby Blue”

Shh, shh, my innocent, little lamb, I’ll hold your hand through this song. Just press play and let’s take it one step at a time.

0:00-3:20 – We are going to ease into this whole black metal with some gentle music that may lull you into a false sense of security. Enjoy the winding guitars and the deliberate building drums but don’t make the mistake that this song isn’t going to challenge your sensitive ears. This is the calm before the storm.

I first started listening to Deafheaven when the weight of traveling, overworking as deadlines piled up at my job, and petty arguments with my wife became more frequent. This seemed to be a slowly building pressure as we stayed in Austin.

3:21-4:20 – Don’t cry, do not cry. The vocals is just another color added to the palette. A dark, dreary hue but just another layer that paints a more perfect picture. But, just like some of the best art, it’s not always easy to consume. Don’t give up, it’s only going to get better.

Pounding the uneven sidewalks of Texas with running shoes that were probably no longer safe as “Baby Blue” seethed through my turbulent thoughts is not something I’m proud of but one of my clearest memories of that city. Running until my legs burned seemed easier than addressing the shared stress of traveling with Jessica for a year.

4:21-5:05 – I want to believe this guitar solo is meant to be cliche. Like I actually think they sat down and said, “Remember those great 80s guitar solos that lasted 30 seconds too long. Let’s do one of those.” And they did it, and it’s so good that you forget that it’s overindulgent and it’s impossible not to make “wah, wah” noises while playing air guitar.

The highlights never seemed to be as high anymore. We’d remember some of our best moments from the past: our first time seeing a movie at Denver’s Mayan, taking the underground tour in Seattle, standing on top of mountains after miles of hiking in Oregon, Pacific Coast Highway, Grand Canyon, Vegas…

5:06-6:00 – Welcome back those spellbinding vocals. Your legs may be starting to get weak. That’s normal. You’ve come so far, you wouldn’t give up half way through a race.

I tried too hard to recreate new memories; checking out live music every night I could. Often without my wife.

6:01-7:02 – Marvel at the seamless transition into the best Black Sabbath you’ve heard since “Snowblind”. The heavy guitars will beat you over the head but the talent to pull this off is nothing short of amazing.

Excitement for our next stop on the trip never materialized. Where did we want to go next. Neither could answer.

7:03-7:54 – Here is what we have been building for, like two cars in a head-on collision, you’re going to wince when it all comes to head. This is not a sign of weakness but you just growing stronger. It’ll be difficult but pick out the different pieces of music all now at full intensity. Imagine how much skill it takes to play the drum beat at that speed and force, to weave the soaring guitar through the darkness, all while the lead singer puts so much raw emotion behind his words that you feel sorry for his vocal cords. While challenging, what sounds like pure destruction is actually creating something you may have to admit is slightly beautiful.

Our fight started innocent enough. A small slight by one of us, resulting in a reciprocation, then it further escalated. Words were said, feelings hurt, doors slammed, pets cowered. We reached an impasse.

7:55-8:40 – After the car-crash of a climax, the jaws-of-life begin to loosen you from this song’s clutch. Take a breath, you’re almost safe, you’re almost free.

Slowly we brought down our barriers. No “sorrys” were exchanged but only sheepish looks were needed. Months of buried issues were surfaced with promises to find paths forward.

8:40-10:06 – As the guitars melt away, listen as the literal sound of raindrops replace them and wash the grime away. Roll your head around to release the tension from your neck. It may have not been wholly pleasant but you’ve made it. Remember the difficulty to move between so many different song structures, sometimes at blinding intensity, other moments of calming.

Work was still hard, traveling was still stressful, and being away from friends and family was the ultimate challenge but we were finally attempting to tackle these issues together again… while hopefully having some fun on the way.

I hope you’ll come back and take this trip with me again.

[preludetodivorce]

5. Kendrick Lamar - “Alright”

Anyone you ask will tell you I am not a big fan of rap music but Kendrick Lamar seemed to transcend music barriers this year with his album. Most of the attention has been paid to the politics emphasized in his lyrics but they gloss over the ability these songs have in worming their way into your brain. “Alright” was one of those songs that obviously had a message the artist was trying to make but could take on a life of its own based on a listener’s experiences, hopefully without co-opting.

Many events on our trip ended up centering around this song. I still remember me, Jessica, Brett and Alex deciding to delay a night out to listen to this album and especially our number five song. I’m glad we did because it sparked a political conversation the next day where no one was in agreement but no one left angry (well, my wife did slightly because we treated her opinion like stereotypical men, sorry).

This song seem to become even more important as US events came to the forefront and we encountered citizens from many walks of life in Portland. Listening to a former lawyer turned activist talk about his work with an intense passion is forever seared in my mind. In a more humorous but not less important example, I watched the sun rise with an African-American gentleman in his backyard, sharing a single beer (he was too afraid to wake his wife and kids to grab his back up ones in the house), all the while discussing his take on black lives matters and helping me find my place to comment on them.

All of it was eye opening stuff but closer attention to politics seemed to happen naturally in all the cities Jessica and I became a part of for too short a period. Despite our brief stays, the cultures and their affect on the local government was always evident. The coldness but efficiency of Seattle’s people was reflected by the clean yet expensive city. Portland’s laissez-faire attitude resulted in some of the most open people you’ll ever meet. Just don’t be surprised if you see a couple trashcans overflowing on the street. Meanwhile Austin is not the liberal bastion everyone believes it is in Texas; there is still outright disdain for any government and can be seen in sidewalks that abruptly end for no reason.

Some of our biggest growth has been seeing that there is no one solution to a problem despite what any politician will tell you. We know we are still some of the luckiest people on the planet but have hopefully moved the needle to be more well-rounded humans and thank this song for kicking off so many conversations with friends and strangers that would’ve been avoided.

You’ve been warned, very explicit lyrics

[preludetodivorce]

6. Bully - “Trying”

I may have listened to other songs while in Arizona but I could not tell you one. Not one. I’m not sure why this one latched onto my brain like a lizard to a wall but I’m not upset that it did.

I’ve already committed enough words to my Arizona night drives but Bully’s debut album and especially “Trying” soundtracked many other experiences in that deadly state. Despite the heat, I miss blasting this song while grilling outside and sipping on a Pacifico. My good friend, John The Handyman (I wish I was kidding, my wife was gone for two weeks), probably was sick of the dirty guitars emanating from my slightly cracked window every time he came over to shoot the shit. 

As much fun as I had while cooking and hanging poolside at our place, some of the best memories were seeing college soccer teammates who moved here. Being audience to Phil’s dry humor is always a treat and golfing/pool sessions with Urick predictably spiraled out of control. The drum breakdown near the end of this song pounds like my headaches after floating in Urick and Natalie's pool for hours on end while consuming his special alcoholic drink. I'll let you in on the secret: whiskey, lots of it.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t have high expectations for Arizona. I mean, it’s a desert, lots of things want to kill and no words can do the heat justice. Despite these reservations, I’d love to get back there and spend more time exploring their underrated breweries, hiking their deadly trails, and obviously beating the heat with a cold beer while listening to Bully.

[preludetodivorce]

7. FIDLAR - “West Coast”

“West Coast” became our anthem as we traveled down, yep, you guessed it, the west coast. At the suggestion of multiple friends, we decided to take a week and travel down the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH). It was one of the best decisions we made the entire year.

Our insignificance was driven home many times from standing on the edge of Crater Lake, looking up the trunk of a Redwood tree, and feeling queasy driving feet from 100 foot cliffs on the PCH. We’ll also remember the friends we were able to visit along the way. Watching Marissa and Shahram order enough sushi to feed a small village will always make us laugh. Seeing a long, lost college friend, Brent, was amazing, as well as meeting all his Cali friends (including my 20-something-year-old son, Brian).

Yeah, the bearded guy that is taller than me when bent down.

This song also directly references the Pacific Northwest cities we lived in with lyrics like “sleepless in Seattle” (everyone will tell you where the house in the movie is) to “Can’t buy liquor in Oregon” (you really can’t and pump your own gas) and I still put it on to remind me of those stops.

While the memories are great, I don’t want to forget the best part: the band’s name which became our “YOLO” or “FOMO” phrase of the trip. In case you are wondering, FIDLAR stands for “F#*& It Dog Life’s A Risk” and whenever Jessica I were torn on going on an adventure, we’d just look at each other and say, “F$%& it, dog, life’s a risk.” This is probably how we randomly ended up in Vegas one weekend.

[preludetodivorce]

Collard greens, backed beans, fried cheese and HOT chicken. Great catching up with @nikkidavisss and thanks for not letting me get it too spicy. #Nashville #tennessee #hotchicken #pepperfire (at Pepperfire)

[preludetodivorce]

8. Jamie XX - “I Know There’s Gonna Be (Good Times)”

Jessica: Who’s the rapper in this song?

Ryan: I dunno, 2 Chainz probably

Jessica: You can’t answer 2 Chainz for every rapper you don’t know!

Ryan: It worked that one time.

Jessica: …

Man, this song came out of nowhere. When I heard Jamie XX was coming out with a solo album, I was expecting something similar to his main band The XX and the songs that were slowly leaking confirmed that suspicion. This track almost escaped under the radar by landing near the end of the album, usually around the point artists start putting their filler tracks. This late offering wasn’t going to let anyone escape its grasp, especially after hearing the infectious opening.

This was especially evident since the station our car is always tuned to seemed to play this song at least once every ride. We never changed the channel. Not once.

For me, “I Know There’s Gonna Be (Good Times)” was my workout song and evokes memories of the different running routes I took through the cities we lived in. Every time I hear those steel drums I can taste puke in my mouth while running around Green Lake in Seattle (Lay off me! I was eating a lot of pho!) and still remember psyching myself up to sprint the never-ending hill near our house in Portland.

Have fun dancing to this song, I know we did.

[preludetodivorce]

Okay. I'll do Nashville. #Nashville #tennessee #roadtrip (at Honky Tonk Central)

[preludetodivorce]

9. Alabama Shakes - "Don't Wanna Fight"

I triple dog dare you to not try to howl like Brittany Howard when she unapologetically steps on this song’s throat. I know I tried and failed many times to replicate; waking up Jessica early in the morning before hell’s basement (AKA our place in Oregon) really heated up. You could also read this song title as a metaphor for my wife yelling at me because of said awakening.

Despite some honest misunderstandings, we couldn’t escape this song while living in the glorious, strange city of Portland. Whether it was drinking coffee in the morning while people watching or hearing the first few notes of that funky guitar after the CD slipped into place in the jukebox at our favorite bar, we always bounced along and left wanting more when it was all too soon over.

[preludetodivorce]

10. Courtney Barnett - “Depreston”

The End is Nigh.

No, not the apocalypse… well, as far as I know, but the end of our trip. I’m currently making my way back to Michigan by the way of Nashville and replaying all the music that made the adventure so great. The memories seem so much more vibrant when there is a soundtrack to match them. 

I’ve decided this year, instead of my once-every-two-years top ten list, I’m going to countdown the last ten days of the trip with the songs that still make us smile every time we hear them… and not just because they are some of catchiest tunes. The order is somewhat random but our favorites will appear towards the end.

I hate traveling!

I’ll start with easily Jessica’s favorite new artist, Courtney Barnett, because the trip started on the road and her music makes driving long distances almost enjoyable. Every time I hear “Depreston”, I swear I can feel the dusty, water-starved air rushing over my face as we drove through the western-esque landscape of Utah, Wyoming, and especially Montana. When the sorrowful twang of the guitar kicks in, the picture drawn of the random, lonely house we’d encounter nestled in the rocks in those states is perfect.

[preludetodivorce]

Still can't beat the old man but not too shabby for fourth time out this year. #humblebrag #superhumblebrag #bradenton #florida #golf #bogeygolf #somepars (at River Run Golf Links)

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Livin' that Florida life. #dexter #palmetto #tropicisles #florida #beaglesofinstagram (at Tropic Isles Marina)

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If only I had remembered my Swaziland passport! #brewery #craftbeer #tampa #florida #workanddrink #swaziland (at Cigar City Brewing)