Deeper Problem
The realization that I have never been actually single has just crossed my mind. I've been “single” but never actually single. It’s not like I feel like I need a guy, it’s just I always have one. I guess that’s what I get for being a make-out addict and an attention whore. It’s not like I didn't care about them, they just don’t matter to me anymore. That’s my past.
Or is it? I feel this shadow following me sometimes. Not very frequently, but it’s just there. I like flirting, obviously, but I never… I could pull the personality thing. “Oh that’s just my personality.” That is seriously such a lame excuse. I don’t care how valid it may be, it’s lame.
Ok, so what if I haven’t been single very often? Is that my fault or is it a deeper problem? Or maybe it’s the society? But why is it that I- a girl raised in a Christian home who was always top of her bible class and knew all the answers- have never been single? What does it say about me? It’s not like I’m always with a guy, it’s that when I am single, it’s not for very long. My last official boyfriend and I broke up in April 2012, but we weren't officially over until like September or November 2012. I had a crush for a few days over the summer and we just flirted. He was from Kansas so we had to long distance call to talk, which didn't happen a lot. I did have that one thing… Even in Middle School, I almost always had a boyfriend. Why? Sure, I found it flattering that guys liked me but did I feel that I needed them? Did I just like to show off? And now, I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.Â