love me, genuinely

NPD blog ♡ 20+ ♡ she/her ♡ bi transfem ♡ system host ♡ semi-active

[prettypinknarcissist]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Intro post...! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

♡ ... This is a personal sideblog centered around NPD and my experience living with it. I'll mostly be sharing NPD positivity or important posts related to NPD, along with making my own posts. I won't tolerate any negativity or hate towards pwNPD, especially anything involving "narc abuse". Abuse from a mentally ill person doesn't make it a special type of abuse and doesn't mean all mentally ill people are abusive.

♡ ... For some info about me, you can call me Pink or Angel. Neither of those are my real name but it's the names I'll use here. You can also give me nicknames or petnames, but I can't guarantee I'll like all of them. I'm part of a system, so how active I am might fluctuate considering I won't always be fronting.

♡ ... I'm not single and not interested. You can give me attention or compliments and I'll respond positively, but don't look too deep into it. I'm very happy with my relationships and I don't want to date you. Nothing personal.

♡ ... My ask box is open for conversations, questions, compliments/attention, etc. I will close it if no one can behave and won't hesitate to block people who are rude to me or anyone else. I have no patience for drama and assholes.

♡ ... This isn't a vent blog but I may reblog vent type posts, so block the vent tag if you'd rather not see that. I'm also hypersexual and will likely talk about sexual things, so block the nsft tag if you don't want to see that. I'd prefer if minors didn't interact with my nsfw posts and will block them if needed. Nsfw asks/comments are allowed from adults as long as you're not a weirdo about it. I'll block you if you make me uncomfortable.

Dni: racists, homophobes, transphobes, ableist, discourse/syscourse blogs, maps/pedos, terfs, radfems, thinspo/pro ana, ed/sh blogs, sysmeds/anti endos, anti mspec lesbians/gays, transmeds, proship/anti anti, yandere blogs, traumacore/trauma blogs, ddlg/clg.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

Trying to construct "real" self esteem after having a fake ego for so long is one of the hardest parts about having NPD and trying to heal from it, especially because a huge part of it is actually letting yourself BE insecure, which obviously isn't fun for anyone, especially not narcissists.

Due to my NPD I’ve always needed attention and praise from people CONSTANTLY, and I would hate to see other people get positive attention, and I would do things I’m not proud of like lie or exaggerate or put other people down (usually in really passive aggressive and subtle ways rather than direct insults -- don't get me wrong, I'd be thinking the direct insults, but I'd rarely say them). It was an awful knee-jerk reaction that I'd have if someone did even slightly better than me on something.

I always needed to be #1. I needed people to care about me more than they care about anyone else. I desperately needed the love and positive attention that I never got.

For the longest time, I was the only one giving myself positive attention, and even THAT came from an exaggerated/fake ego. So I became hungry for genuine love, to not be so terribly alone.

I felt as if no one cared about me, no one needed me, no one would care if I disappeared or died. The reason why I felt this way ALWAYS boiled down to “well my friend gave someone else attention / didn’t give me enough attention / ignored me / whatever, so clearly this means they don't care about me at all.”

It's very much an "all or nothing" mentality - I'm either someone's favorite person in the world, or I don't matter to them at all.

Oddly enough, you know what helps me to heal? Realizing that it’s okay if no one cares, and that it’s ok if I only have myself.

You know that one meme that’s like “Nihilism, nothing in life matters?” Basically that’s how my NPD healing journey has looked. I started off with thinking "No one cares about me except myself :(" and now am striving to become "No one cares about me except myself :D" Ideally the final step in my healing process will be accepting that people DO care about me and that I CAN receive positive attention from people in a healthy way and that people WOULD be sad if I wasn't around, but oddly enough (and I know this makes no sense to non-narcs), before I get to that stage, I have to become ok with no one caring. And obviously that thought process may not work for all narcissists, but it's working for me, I think.

Because chances are there WILL be at least one instance where no one cares, or at least no one is around to reassure me that they do care, or no one can reassure me in ways that satisfy me...even if it's just in my mind/by my high standards, it is unavoidable that there will be several times when "no one cares about me". Even if it’s a disordered thought or a delusion, the best course of action isn’t always to convince myself that people actually do care, and the best course of action DEFINITELY isn’t to manipulate people into caring. The best course of action is to say “Ok, maybe I’m right, no one cares. Now what? I have to accept that and know that i’ve always got myself.”

Obviously that can't be my only coping mechanism, because then I might become too dependent on isolation, but it does help to self-sooth by trying to genuinely love myself and try to always be there for myself, even if I'm the only one.

[yourlocalnpd]

I really wish the npd community here cared more about growth and self development rather than creating a culture of manipulation. It's not cool or quirky or cute to play into narcissist stereotypes and manipulate people just because. I know it's your first instinct, I know it's easy, I know it's what makes sense to your brain. That doesn't excuse it. I realize I'm speaking to deaf ears, that most people will shut it down like "you don't understand" or "I don't care lol." So I'd just like to say: the narcissists who work hard against their manipulative instincts, the ones who try to be a "good person," who do their best in their relationships—I see you and I am proud of you. It's not easy. You're amazing for your self awareness and even if others don't realize how much effort it takes, I do, and you deserve all the love.

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

🧝🏻‍♀️ superniceempathtrustme13 Follow

The first signs of a narcissist is their bad energy. You’ll feel engulfed the second you step into the room. Their eyes will turn black and they will start using their satanic manipulation powers on you. Then, it’s very subtle, but they will sprout huge, curled, black devil horns from their head and will tear you to shreds, all in the span of a second, and then personally drag your body to hell. The only way to stop them is to literally kill them.

Follow for more tips on how to stay safe! 🤗

#positivity #empathy #empath #self care #self love #NARCS KILL YOURSELVES #abuse survivor #recovery #love #hope #happiness

1 bazillion notes

🌼 npdiscovery

hey guys can we please stop throwing people with personality disorders under the bus?

🧝🏻‍♀️ superniceempathtrustme13 Follow

This is a prime example on why narcissists will always be evil abusers. Here one is, right now, denying that I went through abuse and saying my trauma isn’t real. It’s messed up. We need to permanently kick out narcissists from public spaces, because stuff like this is NOT okay. Here is a link on how to trigger a narcissistic collapse for your next encounter. Just be warned, some narcissists are known to shoot lazers from their eyes when they’re angry.

#stay safe! #abuse surviver #narc abuse #ppl with npd are inherently evil #i would know i’m an empath so i’m better #i mean not evil #positivity #safety #self care #a better world #self love

26 notes

[acidkeylime]

I know there's already an NPD flag, but I'll be honest...some of its color symbology and language feel both stigmatizing and yet also too lax. If you'll hear me out, I'll explain my version's changes.

I like that some of the colors on the original are picked off of the narcissus (daffodil), so I reincorporated that and added the green of the leaves for growth and recovery instead.

Something about the black strip being support for people with NPD felt...dark, sad, and generally like it added to this idea that were are a dark mark on the population. Instead, I made the white strip for this as a way to say...I want to wipe the slate clean on how others see us so we can be really supported. Additionally, the black, red, orange gradient kinda looked like raw meat. Just felt too violent. We aren't inherently violent.

Finally, I changed the verbiage of "normalization of symptoms" to "destigmatization of symptoms" as I feel the distinction is a healthier way for us to view our of symptoms.

We are struggling with bad coping mechanisms that DO need to be correct, but are misunderstood and need to be destigmatized.

Lastly, the overall more childlike palette as a whole represents trauma stemming from childhood and how suffering from this PD often feels like being thrown back that childhood pain and never learning safe coping mechanisms.

Thank you for reading!

I also previously made a comic about the comorbidity of personality disorders with autism. Though it only briefly mentions my NPD/NPD traits, I still think it's important to add here:

[theegosystem-deactivated2024012]

The Five Narc Love Languages

(This isn't the relationship comic that the anon asked for, I wrote this awhile ago dw)

Idk if this is common for all neurodivergant folk or not but I wanted to post this as a narc thing anyways!

[loverofmirage-deactivated202409]

hi! do you know any good resources for researching about npd? most stuff online show us as if we're horrible ppl

My first recommendation whenever I am asked about online resources about NPD is the youtube channel healNPD. The man who made the channel is an expert in the treatment of NPD, and talks about the disorder from a compassionate lens. His videos have done a lot for me when it comes to self-acceptance and self-compassion.

Heal NPD

Welcome! I am a licensed psychologist specializing in the treatment of narcissism and related disorders. I am also the author of Unmasking

[prettypinknarcissist]

Happy disability pride month, especially to disabled people with disorders. I hope you all have a safe and good July. 💕

[npdculture-is]

could I ask for any advice on best supporting a partner with npd? things others do that we might not realize make your lives harder? generally anything you wish people knew?

I genuinely love and adore him very much but I know our brains work differently in a way I can't pretend I can entirely understand from my perspective

Hey so uhhhh the Mod's sorry this wasn't answered sooner. Star wasn't sent a notification for the ask.

Also if the advice is inaccurate to your situation in ANY way then the Mod apologizes. Everyone experiences their disorders differently, and not everything will work for everyone. Also also, Mod knows absolutely nothing about romance.

1. We tend to relate everything to ourselves. This leads to things like thinking people were talking to you/about you when they weren't, assuming other people think the same way you do, not realizing when other people want something/are upset, not considering others when making decisions, etc. When people call us out for this, it makes us feel like we're being a bad person.

2. Our ego is maleable. What Star means by this is that it flunctuates often, and can be broken easily. Some of us may present as confident, all-knowing, competent, charismatic, etc. This outside reflection doesn't usually express how we feel about ourselves. We go through intense highs and lows, sometimes monthly, sometimes weekly, and sometimes even daily. Sometimes we feel like we are exactly as great as we proclaim to be, and this is called a narc high. Other times, we feel absolutely awful about ourselves, and this is called a narc crash.

2.5. This makes us very sensitive to criticism. Even if we don't truly believe it, we'd like to believe we are correct and good at everything. When we receive any sort of criticism, constructive or not, it damages our ego and is seen as a personal attack. This may cause us to verbally lash out or get defensive. When we do this, we are not mad at you. Most of the time, we just feel like we have to defend ourselves, even if we know you'd never intentionally hurt us.

Mod would give more information but Star is currently somewhat busy with life stuff. Regardless, Star hopes this helps you understand pwNPD more!

[prettypinknarcissist]

Something I want others to understand is that pwNPD are allowed to relapse into bad habits/behaviors and be moody and angry and upset and have emotions other than self centeredness and superiority. Narcissists having "bad" behaviors and moods is not them being abusive or evil. We are people with feelings and emotions. We have a disorder. It isn't fun to deal with. Sometimes it's hard. Let us have bad moments and please just try to support us in times of need.

And to pwNPD who experience those bad moments or behaviors or habits, especially frequently, you aren't doing anything wrong. You deserve support and help through those times. I hope you'll be alright.

[prettypinknarcissist]

@microcosmiclymbic I can't reply directly since this is a sideblog, sorry. But personally, I usually need someone to gently help me out of my relapse. Not scolding, because that will typically make me feel worse and attacked, but obviously not encouragement either. Positive attention and compliments usually help me feel better, and I have weighted and heated blankets that I use to calm me down, so one of my partners usually brings them to me. Most of the time I just need help relaxing to get me out of the bad moment. Typically I know when I'm relapsing or falling into bad behaviors again, so it's not like I'm unaware, but it's still not something I can control. I need others to help with that control without judging me for it.

For general advice, narcissists relapsing is usually intertwined with a narcissistic crash or low supply, so positive attention is usually helpful. A relapse can also be from symptoms of another mental illness/disorder like depression or BPD, etc. So it depends on the person and what they need. For anyone who knows someone with NPD and they start to relapse or crash, I recommend just asking them what they need and what would make them feel better. A lot of narcissists literally can't ask for help because we're afraid of being pitied or being seen as weak for it.

Hopefully that all helps. I don't mind sharing personal experiences especially if it helps other narcissists or people trying to learn about the narcissistic experience.

[prettypinknarcissist]

ur blog is very pink! i like it :)

It is very pink isn't it. I'm glad you like it. ^_^

[prettypinknarcissist]

I love you hypersexual narcissists, narcissistic sex workers, narcissists who only have sexual partners, narcissists who only have one night stands, narcissists who express themselves sexually, kinky narcissists, narcissists whose sexual nature is intertwined in their personality, narcissists who prefer sex over romance, narcissists who don't like emotional closeness, alloaro narcissists, and any other narcissists who enjoy sex in general. Your sexual behavior is extremely valid and I love you and hope you're doing well.

[prettypinknarcissist]

I want to see more love for pwNPD who have god complexes. I think it's very sexy of them.

Source: I sometimes slip into a god complex.

[prettypinknarcissist]

You know, people are all for supporting pwNPD up until a narcissist actually does something bad or manipulative and it's really telling just how some people really feel about us and even other disorders/mental illnesses. Some pwNPD are manipulative by nature, they can't control it. Some do bad things, they can't control that either. It's always "you aren't bad or manipulative" well some are and still deserve love and support and the help they need. Maybe don't base who you support on if they align with what you think is a "good person" because "bad" people with disorders still deserve support and you need to get over that. Support us all or none of us.

[prettypinknarcissist]

I am in love with ur blog theme. eating it like candy.

Aw thank you, that's very sweet. I hope it tastes nice. 💕

[prettypinknarcissist]

Something I want others to understand is that pwNPD are allowed to relapse into bad habits/behaviors and be moody and angry and upset and have emotions other than self centeredness and superiority. Narcissists having "bad" behaviors and moods is not them being abusive or evil. We are people with feelings and emotions. We have a disorder. It isn't fun to deal with. Sometimes it's hard. Let us have bad moments and please just try to support us in times of need.

And to pwNPD who experience those bad moments or behaviors or habits, especially frequently, you aren't doing anything wrong. You deserve support and help through those times. I hope you'll be alright.

[yourlocalnpd]

fuck it. I'm a good person BECAUSE I'm a narcissist. I'm fiercely loyal to my best friends because I value them as much as I do myself, I'd protect them to the ends of the earth because they are some of the best people in the world. I'll tell people to fuck off when they insult my little sister because I'm a narcissist and that's *my* blood you're picking a bone with. I do kind things because I know they're kind and it will make me feel better about everything. Maybe my reasoning isnt what youd like it to be. But goddamn I am going to be good because I have NPD