Pretty Small Reviews

Short reviews that max out at one paragraph.

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Life Itself (2014)

Like all the best documentaries, Life Itself doesn’t act solely as an appraisal or a condemnation. It examines the life of Roger Ebert in true detail depicting the joy and the sadness, the greatness and failures of the man. And it celebrates what will never be forgotten - his impact on people through his love of movies.

Free Passes: I read Roger’s reviews fairly religiously throughout the last half-decade of his life (often disagreeing but never dismissing his thoughts) and, when watching older movies for the first time, often go back to see what he thought of them. Most Valuable Player: Chaz Ebert is clearly a driving force in the picture being as open as you could ever ask anyone to be in the wake of loss. Score: 5/5 Thumbs Up

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Force Majeure (2014)

If you were to collect all the worries and concerns about hetero-normative expectations of masculinity of every non-alpha male on the planet and then refuse to let anyone have a meaningful discussion about it, you’d basically have Force Majeure, a very talky Swedish movie in which action and subtext says everything the characters are afraid to. Although stylishly drawn out, arguably overlong and catering to aspects of European humour that I just don’t find super funny, Force Majeure is very probing, interesting and on occasion fairly hilarious.

Free Passes: I really like Kristofer Hivju, whom you might recognise as Tormund freakin’ Giantsbane from Game of Thrones. Most Valuable Player: I thought I was going to give it to Lisa Loven Kongsli for her subtle but powerful performance as Ebba but her onscreen husband, Johannes Bah Kuhnke, gets it for the exact opposite reason. He throws everything at the wall and it’s pretty great. Score: 4/5 family members left for dead

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The Ref (1994)

“A burglar acts as a referee for a marriage on the brink of collapse” is a pretty sound idea for a movie. It’s got everything: a larger than life criminal personality, a human interest element that people can empathise with and the potential for hilarity. So it’s a shame that The Ref crams itself full of cliche and B-stories rather than prove itself especially funny beyond letting Denis Leary swear a whole bunch. Look, you’ll never find a larger proponent for cursing than I am but just having somebody say “Fuck” over and over with no sort of comedic context isn’t especially funny.

Grudges: For some very old reasons that may not be entirely (or even at all) true I don’t really like Denis Leary by default... Most Valuable Player: ...but he holds The Ref together as burglar Gus and although he isn’t given much in the way of character development or, well, anything else other than swearing a whole bunch, he brings enough energy to the role to be worth watching. Score: 2/5 threats against a bumbling partner in crime

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Furious 7 (2015)

Furious 7 has a lot of problems. It’s the most outright cheesy Fast and Furious movie to date (relying on borderline obtrusive one-liners more often than it should), in spots feels increasingly stale (why is the fact that Toretto drinks Corona treated as an in-joke?) and certain parts of its execution are just plain amateurish. But it’s also still a whole lot of big, dumb fun and in all the moments that it needs to feel earnest, especially in regards to how they handle the unfortunate passing of Paul Walker, the crew truck right on with the heart that the series is by now known for.

Most Valuable Player: Jason Statham has no qualms with jumping headfirst into a bad guy role and he owns the screen from the very first entirely ludicrous scene. Score: 3/5 cars falling out of planes because sure, why not?!

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Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

Although it never feels like it has quite as much room to breathe as its immediate predecessor, Fast & Furious 6 is still an incredibly dumb, fun movie. Coming off slightly overstuffed by trying a little too hard to prove there’s still gas in the tank, it can’t be said that it fails and even manages to raise stakes for the characters as well as finally tying the franchise together properly for continuity geeks.

Most Valuable Player: Gal Gadot shines in this movie. She doesn’t necessarily do much that she didn’t do in previous entries but her blunt demeanour really pays off after a few movies coming to appreciate her character and performance. Score: 4/5 impossible grapple gun shots

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Fast Five (2011)

Fast Five is what happens when film-makers go for broke, when they shoot past improbable and aim for impossible. It’s what happens when you don’t let ideas like silliness or absurdity act as a burden. But it also starts to pay off setups and character moments from every previous entry in the franchise. For all its unity, though, Fast Five sets itself apart by not being just another car movie but one of the coolest action movies ever made.

Free Passes: I’m a huge fan of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. Like everybody else on the planet. For more information, check out the Full Disclosure page here. Most Valuable Player: Dwayne Johnson brings the borderline cartoonish Hobbs to life in vivid detail and nuance. Score: 5/5 ridiculous, RIDICULOUS set pieces

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Fast & Furious (2009)

After the series hit a peak with Tokyo Drift, Justin Lin’s second stab at the franchise, Fast & Furious, dips back down into mediocrity. Although the broad strokes are important to the lore and echo throughout subsequent films, the dour tone leaves little fun to be had and the car-centric action is overwhelmed by CG in lieu of more effective practical methods.

Most Valuable Player: Brian Tyler’s score is suitably moody but hosts a hint of redemption for the main players, which is as close to optimism as this film gets. Score: 2/5 dead girlfriends

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The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

With a new setting, a new cast and a new focus, director Justin Lin manages to revitalise the already stalling Fast and Furious franchise, despite an ending that only just makes it to the finish line. More of a teen movie than the previous two outings, Tokyo Drift pumps up the spectacle with tenacious driving, a cast of characters that are easy to become invested in and a willingness to allow moments of serenity to permeate all the over the top nonsense.

Free Passes: I’m super into Japan, so the Tokyo setting appeals to me a whole bunch. For more information, check out the Full Disclosure page here. Most Valuable Player: Sung Kang basically runs away with the movie as the enigmatic Han portraying a sense of longing unbeknownst to the series so far. Score: 4/5 sick drifts

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2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

The Diesel-less follow up to The Fast and the Furious gets by on a lot of style but lacks any of the heart that made the original so important to the franchise and so memorable. Although the car chases and action are considerably more entertaining than the original, 2 Fast 2 Furious is ultimately all decals with no horsepower.

Free Passes: I really like dumb movie titles and they don’t get any dumber than this. For more information, check out the Full Disclosure page here. Most Valuable Player: Whoever was in charge of making those cars look so cool. Score: 2/5 ejector seats

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The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Laying the groundwork for what would eventually become one giant silly mythos unto itself, The Fast and the Furious doesn’t stand on great terms as its own movie but is fairly perfect as a first installment to a franchise that would only get bigger with each addition. Very much a product of the early 2000′s it’s plenty dated but there is more than enough well executed car porn and the establishing theme of family that would go on to be a hallmark of the series is well founded.

Grudges: Nitrous Oxide is referred to as NOS and it is ridiculous. And I don’t really care for drag races. For more information, check out the Full Disclosure page here. Most Valuable Player: Vin Diesel plays Dominic Toretto as a layered individual with care, fear and regrets, rather than just the muscled up criminal he first appears to be. Score: 3/5 Nitrous canisters on full blast!

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Begin Again (2013)

An open aired New York music fairytale, Begin Again is well meaning and, frankly, adorable. Although opening in slightly twee fashion, it pulls no punches leading to some of the most heartwarming moments in recent movie memory, all of which are tied together by an original soundtrack that’s sure to lodge itself in your head for days.

Free Passes: I really like Mark Ruffalo (because, really, who doesn’t?) and could likely be classed as a Keira Knightley defender (although she’s done some great work the past few years...this included). For more information, check out the Full Disclosure page here. Most Valuable Player: CeeLo Green has a minor role as a hip-hop superstar who essentially acts as a plot device but Green plays the part with such affability that he’s impossible not to like. Score: 4/5 ambient sound swollen killer tracks

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Death At A Funeral (2007)

I wish I could say that Death At A Funeral’s problem is that it is too mean spirited and although that’s certainly the case (jokes at the expense of ‘the gays’ don’t play too well in 2015) the real problems lie in execution, with an awfully ill advised and overbearing soundtrack and too many jokes that simply aren’t especially funny than not.

Free Passes: I’m a pretty big fan of both Alan Tudyk (Firefly) and Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones). Grudges: As a Brit/Englishman, I fucking cannot stand it when English films are cast solely based on who sounds poshest with no justification. Downton Abbey can pull that sort of thing off but a lowbrow black comedy doesn’t get any sort of pass from me. For more information, check out the Full Disclosure page here. Most Valuable Player: I hate to give this to the guys that I’m giving a Free Pass to but Dinklage and Tudyk prove that Americans have a better grasp on comedy by virtue of having absolutely no shame at all. Score: 2/5 corpses from coffins.

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Red Hill (2010)

Red Hill is the sort of movie where the dialogue is incidental; like the truly evocative Westerns of old almost everything you need is in the action and that action is handled beautifully. Half First Blood, half Training Day, what Red Hill lacks in originality it makes up with tone, aura and fury.

Free Passes: I really like Ryan Kwanten. I have a deep affinity for Australian movies. Australian Westerns in particular have been a personal favourite of mine over the past decade. For more information, check out the Full Disclosure page here. Most Valuable Player: Tom E. Lewis puts in an incredibly nuanced physical performance; no pause, all vengeance. Score: 5/5 spooked horses

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Joe (2013)

A disparaging and fairly uncomfortable tale of adolescence, a broken family and alcoholism, Joe delves less into its story than it does its characters and its rural Texan setting to gritty and powerful effect, if not perhaps too clean a conclusion.

Most Valuable Player: Nicholas Cage, bouncing back from a couple of years of bad roles to stake his claim for the title of our Greatest Living Actor once more. Score: 4/5 bottles of whiskey, before the guns come out

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The Next Three Days (2010)

Although Russell Crowe is wonderfully subdued in his portrayal of a husband dealing with his wife’s incarceration, his performance feels as if it has been brought in from a better, less entirely silly movie than The Next Three Days. I have no problem with a good chase movie but no part of the second half of this movie takes place in any sort of plausible world.

Most Valuable Player: Russell Crowe trying his damndest to play a normal guy despite everything in the script. Score: 2/5 failed jailbreaks

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Project A (1983)

Not only starring but also written and directed by Jackie Chan, Project A plays into all the tendencies he’s become known for both in front of and behind the camera over the years. Much of the humour and exposition falls flat on Western ears but the fighting is all classic Chan madness and the set piece in the clock tower had become the stuff of movie stunt legend with good cause.

Most Valuable Player: In what feels like an overstuffed movie, Sammo Hung stands out as bringing a real presence and not resorting to the overly intense level of slapstick that Chan occasionally relies on too heavily. Score: 4/5 takes of that clock tower sequence

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Swimming With Sharks (1994)

In what might as well be the original Horrible Bosses, Swimming With Sharks investigates the fractured relationship between Hollywood executive and assistant, with a sharp black comic bent. Ultimately, the character motivations don’t all line up but the commentary on Hollywood resonates nonetheless.

Most Valuable Player: Kevin Spacey warming up for a career of playing total assholes but using glimpses of genuine humanity to reinforce the pathology of his character. Score: 3/5 denied bathroom breaks