we're not kids anymore.
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Kiana Khansmith
#extradirty
h
Andulka
Mike Driver
roma★
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taylor price
Show & Tell
shark vs the universe
Monterey Bay Aquarium
PR's Tumblrdome
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Origami Around
sheepfilms
Misplaced Lens Cap
Product Placement
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@princeofdiian
Y’all ever just get that feeling something bad is gonna happen and your chest is tight, you can’t breathe without tasting your own vomit, and it feels like your about to have an anxiety attack?
yeah no me either. Except all the time lately... Please check on your friends... PLEASE...
Feeling like a girl boss agaaaaain
Could be my boss any time, so long as the bedroom is the office.
@wolftigerbatowlseahorsedolphin
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!
Look at the synonyms and nouns in that title.
FUCKING CHEESECAKE FACTORY
#Speakingtruth
The Pokemon story we all Deserve, Chapter 2.
Lance stared in wonder at the bug Pokémon, who in turn stared back at him.
“I-I’m sorry about before Caterpie, I didn’t mean to run into you. Are you okay?” he asked after a minute, and wiped his tears away. The bug nodded its head, making a happy sound. “That’s good. Are we going to be friends now?” he asked, feeling a little silly. He didn’t expect it, but the Pokémon scooted closer to him, resting its head on his leg.
“Well it looks like the two of you are going to get along just fine,” The professor interjected, “I’m sorry I didn’t have a Pokémon for you Lance. If I had remembered you were coming today, I would have cut the grass and relocated the Pokémon, for the time being, of course.” His voice was layered with amusement and wisdom, but also pride in the young man he had watched grow up.
“But Professor, if you did that, Caterpie and I never woulda met… I’m glad you forgot, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The boy hugged his new Pokémon, who make another happy trilling sound.
“Ah, yes, I see…” the young man answered, thoughtfully, “Oh yes, I almost forgot: you get these, they’re regular Pokéballs, so you may not have as much success as you did with Caterpie, but they should help you get more Pokémon.” Oak held his hand out, with the collapsed Pokéballs in his palm. They were small, even to Lance’s hand, and he held all five with ease.
The boy stood up and with Caterpie at his side, he stuffed the Pokéballs in his pocket. What other Pokémon could he possibly need? “Let’s go pal, we have a journey ahead of us!” He called to the new friend at his side. “Let’s go show Mom!” He spun on his heel and almost made it to the door, then froze, turned and ran back. “Thank you, Professor Oak, for everything.” He hugged the man’s waist, and fought back tears of joy.
“Oh, that’s quite alright, son.” The man answered as he pat the boy’s black hair. “Oh! There’s one last thing I forgot: you can give your Pokémon a name whenever you catch them, would you like to give her a more personal name?”
“Oh yeah, that would be awesome…wait you said ‘Her’?” the boy looked at his new Pokémon, and the professor laughed, rubbing the back of his neck and nodding.
“That’s right, your new Caterpie is a female, and she’s a strong one too.”
“Is that so? Well, I guess I have a lot more to learn about Pokémon, and can I have some time to think about her name?” the boy looked a bit confused. “I had plenty of male names picked out, but she was just so strong, I didn’t think about her possibly being a female, and I want to give her a good name…”
“Yes, that’s quite alright,” he answered, wondering what was going to become of this boy. He obviously had potential, capturing a double-digit level Caterpie without any other Pokémon, or any experience for that matter.
“Thanks, Professor Oak, Have a great day! I’ll see you later!” The boy darted out the door, holding his Caterpie in his arms. “We have to go show mom, maybe she will have a good name for you.” A happy trill made his spirit soar as he ducked and dodged through the grass happily, uncaring for the first time about the grass, for who could beat him and his Caterpie?
He slid to a stop in front of the door frame. “Are you ready to say hi to my mom?” he asked his Pokémon as he stepped forward, his fingers pausing as they wrapped around the doorknob. Caterpie trilled and nodded, shooting a small string from her mouth, He laughed and patted her head, “Don’t do that inside, or Mom won’t let you stay inside.” He gave the knob a turn and pushed the door open. “Mom, I’m back!” he shouted at the silent house.
“Mom?” he wandered through the kitchen, noticing the bag on the table, and stepped through the doorway to the Living room.
“SURPRISE!” shouted half a dozen people. Lance jumped, and Caterpie shot a giant, seemingly never-ending String Shot. The room was covered in the white string, and six statues stood frozen in strange and horrific poses, some with hands in the air, some with their arms halfway up looking as though they were going for a hug.
“Oh no!” Lance shouted, rushing forward to his mother’s statue; he struggled to grip the web-like substance. “Mom!” He suddenly remembered a different Pokémon, and immediately rushed to his neighbor’s statue, gripping his hands around a ball. Squeezing as tightly as he could, he pried the ball from its casing, the hard, sinuous webbing struggling to hold the ball. It came clear with a sound not unlike a rubber band snapping. “Scyther, I choose you!” he shouted, concerned. The large green mantis Pokémon appeared, and the boy shouted again, “Scyther, use Cut, but only on the string shot!”
It took less than a minute until everyone’s faces and chests were free, and after, Scyther started working on saving everyone completely. A thousand apologies spilled from Lance’s lips and Caterpie sulked in a corner, no matter how many times Lance begged her to come back to him.
“So, you were given a Caterpie by Oak, were you?” asked one of the adults, “That’s an odd choice, for a starter.”
“Yes, back when we were kids it was…” their voices trailed as Lance lost interest.
“Caterpie, are you alright?” he asked his forlorn Pokémon, who just shook her head, “Listen, I know it was an accident, it’s okay… everyone’s okay, and that was an awesome string shot, too.” He tried comforting her.
“Yes, it was, that was very good of you to protect my son like that.” Lance’s mother rested her hand on her son’s shoulder, “you are a very strong Pokémon, Caterpie.”
Caterpie turned and looked up into the kind face of the woman speaking to her, eyes brimming with tears, Caterpie tried to seem happy, but her heart wasn’t in it. She felt horrible for what she’d done, and she didn’t feel strong, she was scared.
“Don’t be scared, Caterpie, no one is going to hurt you,” both Lance and his mother cooed, trying to help the frightened Pokémon feel secure. Caterpie looked about herself trying to gain her composure, “Hey, Caterpie would you like some Pokéfood?” Lance asked as he turned to find something for the scared Pokémon to eat. He finally found some food his mom purchased when she considered getting a Mr. Mime to help with the chores, but Lance wanted to prove he was mature and instead started helping with the dishes, sweeping, and other chores his mother was having a hard time doing. There was a sale earlier that year on some special brand of Pokéfood, and His mother bought it on an impulse, when she thought she would need a Pokémon to help around the house.
Caterpie stared at the food for a moment, and decided to try some. It wasn’t too bad, but it lacked the natural flavor she loved so much, the fresh morning dew on a Fiddlehead would be amazing. She gratefully ate the food, while thinking of her little siblings.
“So mom, I want you to meet Freedom, She’s my new Pokémon.” Lance said suddenly, startling Caterpie with his choice. I have a name! ‘Freedom’ she let the word sink in.
“Freedom, it’s very nice to meet you,” His mother answered, and Freedom let out a happy trilling sound, and spun on her back legs and tail. She loved her new name.
The immortals are getting bold.
One of those is… Weird Al…
If anyone is nigh immortal it’s Weird Al Yankovic
Dude Weird Al!
when it’s 2017 and you’ve left your ability to give a shit in the rearview mirror as you ascend to the astral plane
This is so fucking funny
This is peak 2017
lol, I don’t care about that other shit, but Jim carrey still trolling people in his what 60′s?
*slams reblog*
Klezmer dolphins.
I don’t know that I’ve reblogged anything faster in my entire tumblr life.
The one dancing and flailing at the end
Nothing better than a dude with a flute and some dolphins singing with him, and dancing
The Pokémon story we deserve
“Junior Wake Up!”
“I’m already awake mom!” Junior Trainer shouted as he slid the covers back on his bed. I think it looks good. He stepped a few feet to the computer, made a few clicks, and the bed deconstructed, being stored in a dimensional compression. The room seemed barren, but he knew he wouldn’t see it again for a while. He skipped several stairs as he shot down to the front door.
“Are you going to eat anything, honey?” his mother questioned, concerned, as she well ought to be. He was finally going to get a Pokémon! Her little boy was about to grow up, and a tear almost fell from her eye. She smiled and turned back to the counter, slicing an apple and making an apple smiley face on the plate.
“Thanks mom, but I’m too excited to eat…” he wrung his little hands around each other, holding a small cape. “Can I take this with me, mom?” he begged quietly, holding the cape for his mother to see.
“Sure, honey, but hurry back afterward, so I can see your Pokémon,” she barely choked out without crying.
“Thanks, mom! I’ll be back!” he shouted as he bolted out the door, which slammed shut with an ominous bang.
As he ran, his lungs burned, but his heart was pounding harder from excitement than from physical exertion. Professor Oak’s lab wasn’t far, but he knew he had to reach Oak’s home, all the way in Pallet Town. He hopped over several ledges, making sure to avoid the grass, but stopped just shy of town, staring…at the grass; ten feet of four-foot-tall grass and shrubs stood in his way. Six steps. The odds of a Pokémon appearing in such a short distance, and so close to town was small, and his dreams stood on the other side of that tall grass.
“I’m gonna go for it!” he shouted to no one in particular, as he dived into the prehistoric looking ferns. He ducked under a large leaf, and hit his head on something soft, but unforgiving.
The Caterpie squeaked, and tumbled off his branch. As the Pokémon rolled away, it sounded like an angry toy, and the junior trainer froze, his heart pounding. Caterpie stopped rolling, and turned to face its attacker. It hissed and shot from its mouth.
“String shot!” shouted the boy as he dove out of the way. I can’t get caught by that, I have to get my Pokémon trainer ID! the boy worried, but smashed his knee on something hard and round. Is that…? A Pokéball! He furiously worked his fingers around the ball, trying to dig it out of the ground. He heard a rustling and turned in time to see the Caterpie rushing toward him. He’s trying to Tackle me! He dove to the side, his index finger hooking under the edge of the half open ball and prying it from the hard earth.
The ball flew away spinning purple and white, up into the air as the Pokémon slid past the tumbling boy. He hit his knee as Caterpie turned to attack once again. The ball tumbled over itself, spraying dirt into the air. It hit a branch on a nearby tree, closing the ball, and a faint glow of white spread across the seam of the ball.
The boy rubbed his knee as he stood to face the aggravated bug. He watched as the ball fell to the ground, landing in front of the Caterpie, who seemed disgusted at the idea of the ball, then the boy stared in awe as the old ball lit up and popped open, converting the angry bug into angry data within the ball. It rocked and bounced slightly, then rocked again, and stood still. As the boy reached down and held the ball, filling with pride, it dematerialized and disappeared, keeping the Caterpie with it.
“WHAT!?” shouted the child, angry at the loss of the first Pokémon he ever battled. He sulked through the rest of the grassy area fighting the tears. Could we have been friends? He wondered, I would have liked that… he silently cursed the cruelty of it all. He caught a Pokémon, and he couldn’t even keep it? Where did it go? Why couldn’t he keep it? So he didn’t have a Pokédex yet, but he earned that Pokémon, and he had the scratch to prove it.
As he approached the home of Professor Oak, he saw a crowd leaving. One boy was heading away grinning happily. His hair was blue, and he had a picture of a Growlithe on his jacket.
“Excuse me, what Pokémon did you get?” he asked the boy.
“Oh hi, I’m James, and I got a Growlithe; I’m going to name him Growlie.” The boy answered.
“James, let’s move. You don’t need to concern yourself with this filthy peasant.” Someone called from a limousine.
“It was nice meeting you! I hope we can be friend and train together, come visit our mansion sometime!” The boy ran off toward the long car. With tears drying on his face, the junior trainer watch the boy enter the car, and saw what seemed like the butler or chauffeur shaking his head, and seeming to mouth the words, “Don’t even think about it.”
After the car left, he trudged up to the steps of the lab, which were now void of any other people except for the professor, who was turning to the door.
“Professor!” the boy shouted through tears. “Professor, I’m sorry I’m late. Do I still get a Pokémon?” he felt the sting of pain as he realized he had grown attached to the Caterpie he caught.
“Who might you be?” asked the young professor turning toward the boy, “What’s wrong, why are you crying?” he asked, kneeling to see the boy’s face. “Oh, I know you, I’m sorry I didn’t know you were coming today as well, I’m sorry, but I don’t have any Pokémon for you.”
“Where’s Caterpie!?” The boy shouted suddenly through his tears, startling the professor, “why did he disappear?”
“What are you talking about?” Samuel Oak had seen many things but he hadn’t seen a Caterpie in months. As the boy started to explain, Professor Oak heard a ring on his PC. “Why don’t you come inside with me?” he asked, helping the boy to his feet.
As they entered the large lab, a Pokéball appeared through the machine, and Oak briskly trotted over to the Pokémachine, snatching the Pokéball and placing it in the boy’s hand. “I believe you will find your Caterpie in here, and here is your registration card, scan it to each Pokéball you get, so we know whose Pokémon they are.”
“What?” sniffled the boy, thinking it was a cruel joke.
“You see, when a trainer hasn’t registered yet, the Pokémon caught goes to the nearest professor, so your Caterpie, who it looks like you caught with an Ultra ball, was immediately transferred to me, and now that you have a trainer ID, your Pokémon will be transferred here again after you’ve caught six.” Oak smiled, “why don’t you let your Pokémon out?” he suggested.
The skeptical boy held the Pokéball in his hand, and almost whispered “Caterpie, I choose you,” not expecting anything to happen, but the ball in his hand glowed and opened, and the Caterpie inside materialized staring angrily at him, then looked at Oak.
“Hello, Caterpie. It’s nice to meet you,” The young man greeted the Pokémon, “This is your new trainer. His name is Lance Dracus. Please listen to him, and protect him.”
Taco Stuffed Shells made with jumbo pasta shells, salsa, cheese and taco meat are the perfect EASY weeknight meal that you can prepare ahead of time too!
https://dinnerthendessert.com/taco-stuffed-shells/
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