A brief guide to anal for the submissive girl
I am not the last authority on anal sex, and there are great guides out there. But my first blog request was to talk about this subject, particularly for a submissive girl trying to navigate it with a dom who may lack experience, attention to detail, or simple consideration. And trust me girls, age is no guarantee of any of those traits. So here goes!
So you are thinking of letting your dom have your ass but you are worried because anal seems like a game of Jumanji, thrilling but with a new danger at every turn. This blog will guide you through each step and give you better information you can use to decide if this is the right choice for you.
Deciding if this is the right partner: Does the idea of anal make you feel vulnerable? It should! Skip to the end of this blog and read about potential problems if you aren’t already feeling cautious. Given the vulnerable position you will be putting yourself in, ask some key questions: Is this dom trustworthy, who pays attention to signs of distress? Who has more speeds than only “jackhammer”? Who will show physical and emotional sensitivity if things don’t go as planned? If you have any concerns about any of these issues, consider them warning flags. My own attraction to D/s is the trust (and trustworthiness) involved, so these flags apply to the relationship as a whole as far as I am concerned. But you be you, just don’t downplay the vulnerability of anal sex and choose wisely who you give your ass to.
Finding acceptance in your body and mind: One of the greatest challenges as an anal beginner is the battle with your own body and mind. They are naturally protective of all that sensitive tissue that is your ass, and the obvious defense mechanism is to tighten. Ironically, that instinct only increases the chance that anal will be painful and potentially harmful. So how do you relax? The first step is thinking through the act itself and giving yourself permission to do it. We often carry ideas of what is right and wrong. The only thing that is inherently wrong about anal are the effects on you if you do it incorrectly! If you truly do want to try, make sure you spend some time reassuring yourself that it’s ok. In addition to reassuring your mind, you will need to retrain your body from its natural tendency to tighten up. Start with ass play that doesn’t involve penetration. When you are already feeling sexy, explore the sensation of touching the outer part of your asshole. Then explore penetration in small and slow ways, like a finger or a small butt plug used with a gentle touch. As you advance in your anal training you can try more of that finger, or more than one. Larger butt plugs are also a great way to get used to the act of anal penetration.
Keeping it clean: Let’s be real. Shit happens. Most of us will want to avoid any sort of mess, and there are some great ways to do that. First, eat a high fiber diet for a full day or two leading up to anal. Then the day of, give yourself a good cleaning. I could not possibly describe that process better than BlindJaw does in his illustrated guide to anal cleaning, found here: https://twitter.com/BlindJaw. His fast version is likely to be sufficient for beginners.
Lubricating yourself: Then there is lube. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of a good lube job. Your ass does not lubricate itself, and all of the tissue involved is fragile. What lube to use? Your own juices can be sexy, but they lack the staying power of artificial lubes. The same is true of spit. Most artificial lubes are water-based. These may get you started but the water content will decline through evaporation and absorption, leaving a sticky and non-functional residue. Silicone-based lubes last much longer and maintain a high degree of slipperiness and so are recommended. However, their extreme longevity makes for more of a mess to clean up after (use lots of soap and warm water).
One other option is coconut oil (my favorite lube of all time), which is long-lasting and slippery, although not quite to the extent of silicone-based lubes (which actually makes cleanup easier). It has the added benefit of being anti-septic, although this is not necessarily a universal good. Your body has natural bacterial communities, which might get disrupted by coconut oil. However, I personally know of several people who have used coconut oil to cure persistent yeast infections and maintain health. Want to try it? I recommend you do, but start slow and monitor yourself. You may love it or hate it. Coconut oil does have two important downsides to consider: allergies and latex-degradation. Although rare, it is possible to have an allergy to coconuts. This is not the same as an allergy to tree nuts, such as peanuts, so don’t let that discourage you (but perhaps start with extra caution if you have any known food allergies). Also, coconut oil can degrade latex, which may increase the chance of breaking a latex condom and wearing out certain rubber-based toys (although in my experience toys fare fine with exposure to coconut oil, although I consistently buy quality-made toys and clean them right after use). If these things are a concern, don’t hesitate to use another lube, use a non-latex condom, or use a condom of any variety on your potentially-vulnerable toys.
Before leaving the crucial subject of lube, also consider a “lubricant launcher,” which is a tool that gets lube farther up inside you than a finger would. Considering how sensitive those inner tissues are, this is a really useful step and only costs about $10. Note, however, that to use coconut oil and the launcher, you are going to have to make sure it is melted.
Getting it in: You’ve decided this is the right partner, you’ve worked on body and mind acceptance, you’ve cleaned, and you’ve lubed…now how are you going to get that big thing in there? Don’t worry, even the daintiest of girls has a highly elastic butthole and so it is possible. But how to avoid damage and make it as pleasurable as possible? First, take it slow. Start the session with ass play that doesn’t involve penetration, throw in a clitoral orgasm or several as you work larger things inside your ass, and communicate the whole time to make sure it’s feeling ok. If you can’t relax, you need to stop and restart more slowly. Continuing on while clenching will only further the pain and do more damage. A great way to start the full anal penetration is to ride your dom. Being on top gives you control of the speed and depth and can make a huge difference in your ability to relax and enjoy it. Does being in control just not feel right? Try asking in your most persuasive voice if you can pretty please sit your tight ass down on that cock. And on the subject of taking charge, for goodness sake, persuade your dom to use a condom. The fragility of anal tissue increases the likelihood of transmission of most STIs, and switching condoms when switching holes can dramatically reduce the chance of a yeast infection.
Preventing and tackling problems: On the subject of yeast infections, a cardinal rule of sex is to clean everything that’s been in your ass thoroughly before switching to another orifice. Don’t believe porn: the actors face risks but also spend days in preparation, more than you are likely to devote, and some of the footage is tricks of camera angle anyway. For real life sex, there should be no ass-to-anything without cleanup, and switching condoms is part of that process. Anal sex without a condom is also an infection risk for your male partner. Bacteria can travel up our urethra and turn into a lingering infection in our epididymis, a tightly coiled tube that sits on top of our testicles and stores and concentrates sperm.
Other potential problems come from the sheer impact of anal sex. On the milder side, anal can lead to fissures, or small tears in your inner tissues. When you have a fissure it will bleed a small amount and may be sore for several days, more so after you go to the bathroom. In the event of a fissure, give it plenty of time to heal, at least a couple of weeks although it can actually take a couple of months in some cases. If the bleeding is more than minor (for example, bleeding that doesn’t stop or is accompanied by lots of lower abdominal pain), it’s time to get to an ER.
In case you still don’t feel the need to be extra careful with anal, consider long-term conditions that can develop: hemorrhoids, incontinence, even prolapse. For more information on these conditions, check out this well written blog: http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/anal-protrusion-after-anal-sex and then see your doctor.
Now that you know what you are getting yourself into, is anal right for you? If so, follow the information in this blog to make it a great experience.
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