Do you miss your mother, my prince? I miss mine. My father is … questionable. But my mother has always been loving. They are not dead, they are simply overseas. They do not reside in kings landing. I hope I am like her and nothing like my father.
When I miss her, I read her letters or wear her ring. (Before leaving after my last ‘visit’, she had handed me her signet ring. The one that has our house sigil one it. The one she wears all the time) I do not wear it often for I fear of it getting stolen. But when I miss her a little more than usual, I wear it on my finger and feel closer to her.
I do.
As the eldest, I am the one who remembers her most. A gift and a curse at once. It seems that is a reoccurring theme in my life. I am thankful I have stories to tell Aegon, but I wish he'd started asking them much earlier.
Her face blurs in my memory, much faster than it would normally. I try not to think about how every time I down a bottle, she gets further. I feel awful that is partially my intention. I often wish she had a different child first. Maybe they would be less of a poor excuse. They would carry her memory better.
It was only a week or two before she passed that I had the dream. She danced among fields of flowers, beckoning me to join her. I don't know why, but I refused. I refused, but Aerion accepted. How odd, right? He was so sweet, then. I bet he would have. Anyhow, after I refused again, Aemon joined her. Then father. After seeing the whole of my family at the time dance in glee, I finally decided to join them. It was then when I realized she'd fallen in the grass, and nobody had cared to pick her up. The grass was so long. So thick. I could hardly see her. She could hardly see me.
I was terrified. I had no idea what it meant. I was convinced that by being near her, I'd doom her to whatever hell I was foretelling. I avoided her as much as I could. I did not see my mother again until father told me she was sick, and even then, it took me so long to finally come inside her chambers. My siblings were there, Aemon sang to her.
Nobody had noticed her breath had stopped but for me.
Ah, I'm sorry. You had a question. Aside from my cups, it makes me feel better to tell Egg about her. He has heard all the stories I have, but I think the bright one knows it is a comfort to tell it again. He even corrects me sometimes, little genius he is. Hopefully, telling me about yours helped you some, too.