I will miss you when the sun rises every morning, and I will miss you when the sun refuses to shine at all. I will miss you when the moon talks about you every evening, and I will miss you when the moon forgets all of the stars we counted while we were sharing good stories and chainsmoking cigarettes at 2 am and how none of them seemed to refuse to shine for you. I will miss you when I’m happy enough to go outside to sing with the birds and dance with the trees, and I will miss you when I’m sad enough to realize that a day spent smiling without you is a day we could’ve spent being beautiful together.
I will miss you for all of those moments you told me that being a writer isn’t everything to live for, and I will miss you for all those moments you weren’t here to make some sense with the words that have been driving me crazy because you’re always the first person who I’d like to read them. I will miss you for no reason other than being with you in bed on a rainy afternoon feels like the most important thing to do without any explanation needed. I will miss you for not seeing me as less of a person for the depression, and I will miss you for seeing me as more for being capable of fighting and loving my demons at the same time and how what I always needed was to feel seen by you when I’m battling an illness so invisible.
I will miss you if there’s such a thing as a perfect day when everything feels soft like a cloud with a silver lining, when there’s no space in the sky of my heart for things such as fear, doom, and doubt, when there’s this everlasting light, and I know that I’m not the broken story that I used to think about myself and I have a chance for hope and recovery, the wings that gifts every being in the chains of despair and sickness to fly towards love, love, love. I will miss you if you’ll always fall in love with the parts of me I do not love, and you’ll be the greatest blessing of my fucked up life. I will miss you if you’re coming back home even if you do not tell me when, even if you do not tell me what made you go, even if you do not tell me how long you are willing to stay because every night I leave the lights on hoping that I don’t get to miss you because darling you are on your way.
