ProcioneBby @procionebby - Tumblr Blog

I hate being self aware.

THE CRAZIEST PART?????

I already peeped, that in ORDER TO PROPERLY HEAL, I gotta stop playing these games with you. Every conversation that I've brought to you was a chance to get on board and over and over you gave Spirit a reason why YOU CANT ELEVATE. In your display you questioned my personal healing.. THE GAG IS THAT IF I WERE TO TRULY put forth in my healing YOU WOULD NOT MAKE IT.

#diary

procionebby

Everyday, there's a war in my mind

procionebby

I feel like I'm stuck in some type of purgatory, watching hope die. Everyday I feel like I'm grieving the life that was. Clouded with delusion because, was it ever? Or was it the sweet tint of rose..

Is it love or is it hate? Love shouldn't feel wrong. Hate shouldn't feel like home.

Why can't it be nothing at all.

#diary

Everyday, there's a war in my mind

#diary

"Maybe.. YOU'RE the problem."

How do you explain to someone why you're upset, after they've asked, seemingly with intent to resolve the concern. However, when the explanation given carries a negative connotation, the person can not grasp the issue?

That's a problem when they can't acknowledge the problem.

You hurt me, so why am I apologizing?

YOU CHOOOOOOOSEEEEE to do things that I shouldn't have to explain are fundamentally WRONG.

And when confronted, I'm the one who is wrong and apologizing.

You gaslight me in arguments, have be sexually coersive, impose on my autonomy, guise control as care, throw fits when I visit my family..etc

AND SOMEHOW IM THE ONE WHO HAS TO MAKE SPACE SO YOU DONT FEEL BAD. Well chat, after 10 years, here I am waking up to the real life that I am in fact in an abusive relationship.

im. sick.

Im hurt, embarrassed, disappointed, tired and confused.

Sometimes I wonder if being a diamond is worth all the pressure..

#diary